Wednesday, December 21, 2016

14 weeks

How far along:  14 weeks  (12.21.14)

Total weight gain/loss: 6 lbs?
Maternity clothes:  i still fit into all of my regular clothes just fine and have a long time probably until i'll outgrow them, but the beer belly look i'm sporting is anything but flattering.
Sleep:  pretty normal. 
Best moment this week:  being in atlanta!  hanging out with my family! 
Movement:  just around the river bend, I'm sure. Ha. 
Food cravings:  I've been doing well! I can eat pretty much normally. And there's a lot of stuff that tastes really good! The Brie from last night was really hitting the spot for me. 
Symptoms: nausea and
Gender:  my gut still says girl but I'm holding out hope for a boy too. However unrealistic that is.  We haven't even discussed boy names.
What I miss:  not a ton. I'm feeling alright about life. I wish I felt more affection towards my children, but I'm pretty sure I could write that every week til this kid is born. 
Milestones:  first full week not throwing up, except for a little one night that is barely worth noting. I think I'm over the real first trimester misery! 
Theme: the week of gaining weight. 

obviously, i didn't really do a thorough job for this week.  i didn't even answer all the questions...and maybe one question i stopped mid sentence.  whoops.  

and then i didn't even do an update for week 15. eh.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

13 weeks

How far along:  13 weeks  (12.14.16)

Total weight gain/loss: 1- 2 lbs? i try to remember to weigh myself most mornings but lately, the number hasn't been at all consistent. 
Maternity clothes:  yes.  right now i'm just at that awkward phase where i definitely have a belly but it just looks like I've been to too many holiday parties and drink a carton of egg nog a day. All of my clothes have a long way to go before I grow out of them, but very little is flattering right now. It's winter and I don't leave my house unless absolutely necessary, so I mostly wear leggings/yoga pants/sweats and hoodies. Going out requires a lot more effort to find something that doesn't look horrendous although I'm about ready to give up on that. In the mean time, sweaters, cardigans, and scarves (because they make my top half stick out farther than my belly) have been my go to camouflage.  
Sleep:  it's hit or miss. Brady has been sneaking into our bed and also kissing me and rubbing my arm and back in the morning which is all very sweet but makes for really crappy sleep. And my dreams have been more crazy than usual this past week (one time we were at the cabin and parts of it kept catching on fire while we were sleeping or fires would start under the cabin and I could see the flames through the wood slats and eventually I woke Chris up to evacuate because there were also huge fires really super close like at the top of the hill and he was annoyed that I woke him up because it seemed too precautionary and not quite necessary yet) which is distracting and exhausting. Also, my electric blanket on low means I wake up too hot, but if I turn it off entirely, I wake up too cold. Oh the issues. 
Best moment this week:  enjoying food at holiday parties... Especially Moe's BBQ and pretty much everything at Shanahan's. 
Movement:  just waiting still. I think I never trust that I'm feeling it internally until I can simultaneously feel it externally. I know it'll be in the next few weeks though which is crazy exciting. 
Food cravings:  so I was really looking forward to the BBQ at Moe's Friday night and it did not disappoint. I was pretty much absolutely loving everything I put in my mouth that night. And I was worried if I'd be able to handle much at Shanahan's because I was feeling sick that night and honestly, the food was so amazing except that I wasn't completely in love with my wedge salad or either of the desserts (creme brûlée and chocolate mousse). On Monday I stopped by sprouts after Brady and Elizabeth's doctor appointments (Monday was the best I've felt in quite a while, even if my headache started by 2) and was really craving a lot of things. I mean, I bought cauliflower because I wanted it with ranch and I got potatoes for roasting and a number of other things. I also bought one of those pre made wraps (because I was hungry and knew I had to drive home, feed kids, and get Elizabeth down for a nap before I could figure out something for myself to eat and by that time, I may have a headache and nausea bad enough that I can't eat) which I never ever do because they're so overpriced and sitting out (also probably not great that it was deli meat sitting out... But add that to my medium cooked steak, blue cheese, and Camembert and I'm pretty positive my np Shirelle would have had a fit... Whoops) and I chose roar beef which is totally unlike me but completely made sense with me being pregnant. And I ate almost the entire thing in the car on the way home. Best $4 I spent that day.  In case I haven't mentioned it lately... It is such an enormous blessing to enjoy eating sometimes! It almost always happens between 11am and 1pm because that's my sweet spot of the day for eating, but with all the holiday parties and just random stuff, there are so many times that I love food and it is such a huge blessing. It makes all the difference on my morale. 
Symptoms: nausea, vomiting (I think just Sunday night and Tuesday night) backaches, physically tired and out of breath,  irritable, lazy, sad, angry at my kids, horrific acne, dandruff (I don't remember this in previous pregnancies!), and honestly, I feel like my vision is slightly blurred which I guess is a really thing but now I'm wondering if it also contributes to my headaches. 
Gender:  i keep thinking about a boy lately but I think it's just wishful thinking. When I'm thinking logically (like about what on earth to name this child), I don't ever bother looking at boy names because it would be a waste of time. I still feel confident that it's a girl but would love to be knocked off my feet. I'll be super happy either way. 
What I miss:  not feeling so crappy all the time. My default is just this hard magnetic pull to my bed. It's just this general feeling of unwell with the constant headache and nausea and sadness and fatigue, etc. 
Milestones:  i think I'm in the second trimester now so that's exciting! Things went so slow until 9 weeks but have gone pretty fast (even if not pleasantly) since then. 
Theme: the week of headaches and nausea and hallelujah for holiday party food! 
What's different this time around:  
Extra:  I'm getting super freaked out about the depression setting in more. Like I'm just waiting and watching for the crazy to take over. I frequently spend time trying to remember why I want a life with kids and why I'm having more. Sometimes I just get so sad. Also, I lose my patience with my kids and it's like a reflex that I can't control and don't know when it'll happen. It terrifies me and I spend too much of my day stressing about it. Ugh, this is going to be so rough and I'm such a wuss. I'm so scared for what's to come. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

tis the season for holiday parties

we kickstarted the season on saturday the 3rd with the big party day.  the day we'd originally planned to do nothing, but somehow over the course of that week signed ourselves up for abigail's previous sunday school teachers' baby shower (that we all enjoyed attending as a family and was conveniently located at the library), abigail's gymnastics birthday party of some twins in her class (during which, i shopped at old navy), and the norris's annual christmas party which was great as always.  the food was top notch (of course we brought a plate of brownies but everyone else brought delicious and creative everything-under-the-sun), the company was great, and the gift enchange was highly entertaining.  i left happy and sleepy and stuffed.  so that was saturday.

the following tuesday was our relief society christmas thing at the jones's house.  i wasn't really feeling up for eating, but loved sarah's freshly popped popcorn with coconut oil and pink Himalayan salt. i think i ate something else too... maybe some shrimp and a cookie?  i have trouble passing up shrimp at holiday parties but i ate far less than i would have because i didn't feel too hot.  it was super fun to hang out and talk to people and carpooling with sarah was the best because she makes me so happy.

the next night, wednesday, was honey's company party at punch bowl social.  the drinks were the highlight.  i got a carrot, apple, ginger juice (because i was feeling queasy and supposedly ginger helps that... i'm not convinced) and then had some of honey's chocolate milkshake (which was amazing) and later a hot chocolate (which i do like pretty diluted, but this was maybe even a bit much for me) that wasn't amazing but still warmed me up.  the food was mexican, which i couldn't bear to attempt to stomach, but i really enjoyed the crusty bread and especially the crustini bread toast.  that was the majority of what i ate.  oh, and raw cauliflower with ranch... that's always my favorite.  toast and cauliflower.  we also told everyone that didn't already know our great news and so hopefully people realized i just wasn't feeling well and not that i had a weird or bizarre reason for only eating cauliflower and plain toast.  the environment was fun (it's got a bar feel with games like ping pong, darts, foosball, bocce ball, bean bag toss, etc.) and i mostly hung out with jennifer... as i do at every company event.  i hope she likes me too and isn't just faking it because i'm married to her boss.  when did i become so insecure about myself?!

anyways... friday, at 4:30, we went to the holiday party of one of the companies chris works with.  we go to their holiday party every year and it's great because they always have pictures with santa so we get a santa picture with our kids every year without having to deal with going to the mall or another public place.  it was at moe's bbq (which is where honey's company party was held last year and this holiday party has been held at least once before) and i was dreaming all day of the bbq.  i was averse to bbq when i was pregnant with brady and have been hit and miss with it since.  but moe's has maybe my favorite bbq and the white sauce totally makes it.  and they had a bunch of awesome sides (the corn bread and mac and cheese especially), great salad (i've been craving crunchy lettuce and salads lately), and wonderful fruit and veggies (of course i went for the cauliflower again and all the fruit that i don't have the patience to buy and cut up)... oh, and the desserts.  little dessert cups with banana pudding and kind of trifle sort of concoctions.  i ate as much as i possibly could and was still dying to eat more.  also, of course it was extra fun because of the bowling.  the kids love bowling... and after they all did a game, i did a four person game mostly all by myself.  my legs and butt and back were literally sore for days.  whoops.  also, brady didn't cry about santa (abigail never has but brady did every year until last year maybe?), but elizabeth took that torch for him.  so, that was wonderful.

the next night, saturday, was our ward christmas party at church.  they didn't do a dinner this year (so we ate a late lunch at outback that afternoon and hung out at the castle rock library) and instead did just desserts.  i was planning on eating very little since i wasn't feeling well, but then i saw everything and it pulled me in!  i ate a lot of sweets.  also, elizabeth was super ornery (probably a mix of genuinely hungry and just ticked that i wasn't letting her eat cookies and chocolate cake) and it was kind of miserable because it was like a bad saturday night version of sacrament meeting (which, let me tell you, sacrament meeting the following morning with her was horrific and we arrived during the sacrament hymn... because i suck... and i had to take her out DURING the water prayer because she was screaming bloody murder... that was the extent of the time my bum sat on a pew... maybe i almost cried later... my emotions are not my friend) and i was just soooo ready to get home and to bed.

and then monday night was our last holiday party (thank goodness because we leave town on thursday and i need some downtime) and it did not disappoint.  honey got picked (chosen, appointed, elected?) to be on the parker hospital board to replace his dad having to leave to go on a mission and so this was our first year going to the parker hospital board holiday party... which i don't know the actual name of but i do know it included more than just the board members because the ceo and cfo and regional people and other hospital management were there... and it was great.  not as fun and carefree as say, a relief society activity where i'm friends with most everyone, but the food was phenomenal.  don't get me wrong, everyone i met and talked to was entertaining and friendly, i just felt really out of place.  i felt super young (one guy was talking to us about how he got his dipolma and letter to serve in the vietnam ward on the exact same day... it was fascinating) and frumpy (i didn't wear a dress or heels because my wardrobe choices are super limited if i don't want to show off what currently looks like a huge egg nog addiction) and just didn't know what to say.  but, as i said... the food!  it was at shanahan's, which is a super high end steak house.  the appetizers were bruchetta (the best i've ever had) and a cheese platter (i probably should have avoided it, but helped myself to some crackers and camembert anyway).  the meal included a wedge salad (not mindblowing but still good... too much bleu cheese dressing... which i also probably should have avoided... whoops) and i chose the steak... 14oz bone in, cooked medium.  it was huge and delicious.  the sides were mashed potatoes (which i'm convinced were one part potatoes, one part garlic butter) and grilled asperagus (as honey put it... "you'd think asperagus is just asperagus because what do you do with it, but honestly, the way they make it is amazing") and i ate til i was stuffed.  we asked for our steaks to go.  i really would have loved for all of it to go, but the way the sides were served, it would have been awkward to ask i think.  i've been day dreaming about those potatoes though since i woke up... holy cow.  maybe i can look up a copycat recipe online.  i told honey at least three times on the way home that my biggest regret of the night was not figuring out a way to smuggle home mashed potatoes.  so... i dream about going back but i don't know if i could enjoy the food as much if i was actually paying for it.  but, good news... they have their holiday party their every year so i can at least look forward to another steak next december.

so that concludes our 2016, holiday party marathon.  just kidding... it really wasn't that many.  i think it just seemed like it because it was all over the course of only ten days.

now, can someone come pack for me so i can just be in atlanta already?!?!

sorry for the silence

it's because i'm pregnant again.

i forget that anyone reads this blog besides me until i hear from liza and get the "i need you to post something!" texts.

i'm going to try not to completely fall off the blogging bandwagon, but honestly, i've already been slacking and pregnancy definitely doesn't help because i get depressed when i'm pregnant.  which means that i spend a lot of time in bed and that i don't have anything worthwhile to write about... and also, that i just don't care about writing anything because i typically just use this blog as a way of recording happy things that i don't want to forget.

but, i do want to let it be known that i am extremely happy to be pregnant and growing our fourth child (even if it makes me sad and angry about everything else in my life) and i will do my best not to totally suck at keeping up with occasional things on here.

and for anyone wondering...

i'm 13 weeks tomorrow.
my due date is june 21st.
i've been keeping a weekly pregnancy journal that i'll post (but probably back date) soon.
i'm accepting as many prayers as you'd like to spare time for that my sickness with be lessened, my headaches will be less severe and less frequent, and most importantly, that i will not get too sad or too angry and will somehow still manage to be a decent mother to my children.
also, i'm happy to answer any questions you have, so ask away.

thanks for the love and HI! to anyone that happens to ever check this still.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Brady at 4 years

brady will be turning 4 on sunday.  i remember i had high hopes of writing an awesome post for him when he turned two, including how we celebrated that awesome day (i took him to breakfast at IHOP while abigail was at preschool and we went to the library together) and never got around to it.  so, even though brady isn't quite 4 yet, here's a post for him... better early than never.  

brady has really turned out to be a great little kid.  his main interests include sweets, sports, and growing up.  he also loves anything to do with letters and numbers.  

he likes to watch a show while elizabeth is napping and normally chooses a learning show of sorts.  i would probably choose a magic school bus or thomas the train or rio, but brady almost always chooses a letter factory show or a show about numbers or sight words.  today he chose to watch "what's in the bible?" so i guess he's not totally predictable.  but he is getting super smart from all his shows (and we do practice with flash cards and stuff too) and knows all of his letter names and sounds and can read and sound out short words that follow the phonetic pronunciation that he's familiar with.  also, he enjoys texting on my phone.  it normally says something like "brady mom dad hi dad 0123456789" and then add about thirty emojis (aka "stickers") and repeat.  he can read those flip a word books but doesn't love them yet because they're not super easy.  it's hard for him to remember all the words in a sentence when he's sounding things out one letter at a time.  he hasn't picked up yet on the concept of word families but we're getting there.  

brady's favorite sport is probably baseball, although when you ask him his favorite sport, he almost always pulls out a random one that he doesn't even pay attention to.  i think baseball is actually his favorite sport, but hockey is the one he plays most often at home.  he likes to watch all sports and regularly (like several times a week) asks chris if they can go golfing today.  

he also really wants to grow up soon.  he's always talking about how he wants to be a dad when he grows up.  why?  because he wants to eat treats whenever he wants.  the last few days he wants to be a dad and a cowboy.  he always wants to be a dad and something else and gets stressed sometimes when i don't remind him that these things are not mutually exclusive.  he gets excited when we go to sprouts because "yeay! i want to buy grow food so i can be big like a dad!!!!"  and "yeay! i want to eat lots and lots of broccoli so i can grow big like dad!"  i worry sometimes that he's too readily wishing away his childhood.

brady would probably tell you his best friends are bodie and talan.  he plays with bodie when i volunteer at abigail's school and when my friend janel volunteers at her kids' school.  he is also friends with marshall at church and likes the two next door neighbor boys even though we haven't been able to play with them for a few months because of life being busy.

brady is still the kid of ours requiring the least amount of sleep.  he gets tired some days but i try not to let him nap unless his behavior is horrendous that day and i literally just can't take it anymore.  because when he naps, he has a harder time falling asleep at night and i like lights out to be at 7pm.  he falls asleep shortly after abigail at night and then wakes up during the night and sneaks in bed with me (seriously so annoying) or sleeps til 6am when he sneaks in bed with me (also annoying).  except that when he sneaks in in the morning, sometimes he falls asleep, and sometimes he stays awake while gently rubbing my arm and back and gently giving me kisses on my face and arm.  it's honestly the sweetest thing ever except that i hate it so much because it gives me about a 90% chance of waking up with a migraine.  but seriously... who taught this kid to do that?  he's not trying to wake me up... he's just gently rubbing my arm and giving me kisses.  

brady still looooooves elizabeth.  he's started getting annoyed when she gets into his stuff or ruins something he set up or was working on, but really, he loves her so much.  he and abigail are like a divorced couple still trying to live under the same roof.  it's very love hate.  brady is so quiet and chill and mature when he's around just me, but the second he's also around abigail and/or elizabeth, he's crazy and immature.  he's always trying to be silly and make them laugh.  they love/hate it.  i normally just hate it.  whoops.  but he has such a great heart.  we left the doctor's office today and the nurse said he should choose a sticker for himself and his sister (elizabeth), but as he opened the sticker box, he got super excited to choose a sticker for abigail and was solely focused on finding the best sticker for her.  i'm actually the one that found a sticker for brady for him to keep for himself.  

so, that's brady.  he is super driven and focused which is great when he needs to get dressed or get something done... drives me crazy when he's all "can i have a treat?" thirty times before noon.  he's mature and sweet sometimes and crazy and annoying at other times.  he's also started throwing abigail level tantrums in the last two months... wondering if this is connected with halloween (because it's since then that his candy obsession has become a problem) and wondering how it will progress.  anyway, he's such a fun kid.  he's turning out way better than what i would have guessed 4 years ago.  

and brady's stats at his doctor's appointment today...

height       3' 3.25''       28%
weight   33lbs 9.6oz    30%
bmi           15.33          39%

he's a very proportionate guy... and finally starting to wear some 4T stuff which he is THRILLED about.

happy birthday little guy!