28 weeks

How far along:  28 weeks  (3.29.17)

Total weight gain/loss: +20? lbs 

Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts still. my smallest skinny jeans that normally fit me perfectly are starting to dig into my love handles.  I've worn them with a hair tie around the button hole a couple times. I wore my favorite maternity skinnies but they're still so big and slide all over. 

Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  never feeling like my sleep is restful at all.  typically waking up feeling tired still. The norm is to wake up once during the night to drink my milk and go to the bathroom. I think this is normally around 3 or 4am. 

Best moment this week:  there's not a whole lot of really happy things for me to think of, but Friday night, I was able to stand up completely straight for the first time in days and I could t stop showing Chris and telling him how amazing it was. 

Movement:  still so many kicks and punches! i can't figure out if this kid is just really active or if i've just forgotten how much babies move.  it's so strong.  also, brady and abigail like feeling the bumps and Elizabeth has taken a real liking to cuddling my belly.  

Food cravings:  it's going okay... Mostly same as before but I'm becoming more picky. I made cauliflower soup the other day but then literally was so grossed out that I told chris dinner was in the crock pot and he would need to feed himself and the kids while I stayed in my room. i still eat a lot of sweets during the morning hours of each day.  my cravings for eggs come and go.  i still like eggs on toast and i've been loving egg salad sandwiches this pregnancy and within the past two weeks, I've loved runny eggs (cooked inside the bread).

Symptoms: some mild depression (crying and anger and apathy, almost totally under control with zoloft), increased fatigue, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super super weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach...  my skin is mostly all cleared up and i haven't been getting headaches or nausea lately.  i've been getting so much more tired though... mentally and physically.  also, unrelated to pregnancy, but i've been having pretty bad back pain again that is harder to deal with because of my big belly.  walking is painful, and walking while trying to hold elizabeth is something i can only do very minimally and not without pain... also, i can't walk fully upright while holding her so i look ridiculous in public.  also, it is very painful and difficult for me to put her in her crib because of  trying to hold her while lean over.  not pregnant, i can just support myself with my stomach on the crib rail, but being pregnant that's harder now and i try to do that above my belly.  i still half drop her in her crib every time though.  she's used to it now and it's no big deal.  sometimes the disc pain lasts weeks and sometimes just a few days... i'm hoping this time it goes away sooner rather than later.  also, my contractions are getting more frequent and pronounced.  i'm honestly dreading how bad they'll be ten weeks from now because i remember how bad they were at the end of elizabeth's pregnancy.  and this pregnancy, i started having contractions at 12ish weeks.  heaven help me, they don't feel nice.  

Gender:  i'm still in occasional denial and have to remind myself that this is a boy.  about half the time, i keep thinking ahead to summer and that i'll have a baby girl or i hear a girl name that i like and i'm all, "i should add that to my list!" before i remember that i'm having a boy. i think we're decided on the middle name (shortest conversation ever... maybe ten seconds start to finish?) but haven't decided on a first name.  chris and i each have one name that we like.  we all like each other's choice so that's good.  but we don't want to use both because the middle name will for sure be a family name.  for some reason, in my head, i've already assumed that we'll just do the name i like but i think that's because chris normally just lets me do whatever i want.  i do want to be considerate of him though because i've named the last two kids.  we'll see!

What I miss:  same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy.  i'm just so tired all day.  

Milestones:  i frequently don't know how pregnant i am.  i can't believe i'm only three months out though.  yikes.  i'm not ready for four kids at home this summer.  especially because elizabeth is still so much a baby.  i can't handle two babies yet.  
Theme: the week of being tired 24/7
What's different this time around:  maybe it feels most like brady's pregnancy right now... just because the zoloft alleviates the depression that i felt with each of the girls.  

Extra: eh.

Catching up on spring break

The first day of spring break was actually st. Patrick's day because that Friday was a teacher work day. We went to the library for story time. The kids were sooo excited to check out everyone wearing green. It was pretty cute. 

We went to volleyball with Abigail and then stopped by the hackings. Their house closed and they came into town to pack up the very last of their things and hand over keys and such. So we stopped to say goodbye. I'm so happy for Shaylee but so so sad that she's gone. 

We went to the Pepsi center for the Harlem globetrotters. Chris and I thought it was kind of obnoxious and a little lame, but of course the kids thought it was absolutely hilarious and amazing so we'll still call it a success. Our seats were way up high, but we were in a suite so it was heaven with Elizabeth. I always tell Chris how sporting events with her feel like sacrament meeting to me so this was nice that she could do her own thing and I didn't have to worry about her at all. 

I sent Chris to get the car for us because our kids were "so tired" and "too hot" to walk all the way there. It felt like summer. 

She is so precious. 

We went to glenwood springs after church. Drove there Sunday and did the adventure park all day on Monday. Chris liked this thing that went out over a huge cliff. The rest of us preferred the alpine coaster. It was crazy fun. 

We went in the Kings row cave and the fairy cave. Both were great. Elizabeth fell asleep in the ferry cave and finished her nap in the stroller when we got out. 

This guy. 

Tuesday, we did the hot springs in glenwood springs. We stayed for maybe seven hours or something? My favorite was the hot tub feeling one. Elizabeth fell asleep while I was sitting in there holding her. That girl was such a champ about napping/having to skip her naps. We got in the car and drove straight home with no stops which was delightful considering we stopped fifty million times on the way there on Sunday. 

Elizabeth loves paw patrol. Also, none of us know why or how she got on a pair of Abigail's paw patrol undies. 

I pretty much eat straight sugar all day these days because I'm lazy, but I did make and eat this delicious tomato cucumber quinoa salad. I'm not opposed to eating healthier, I'm just so lazy about it. 

Christopher took brady to the avs game Thursday night. 

Friday we went to the line tree library and across he street to Costa visa for lunch with honey. 

Saturday, we went to volleyball with Abigail, our neighbor's one year old birthday party, and I went to the women's broadcast with Julie. 

26 weeks

How far along:  26 weeks  (3.15.17)

Total weight gain/loss: +17.5 lbs 

Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts still. my smallest skinny jeans that normally fit me perfectly are starting to dig into my love handles.  last night i was sitting with brady in his bed while he fell asleep and i unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and it felt so great.  my other jeans that i wear are all just big on me so it's annoying having them slide down all day but that's just what i'll have to transition to i guess.  

Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  never feeling like my sleep is restful at all.  typically waking up feeling exhausted.  also, this is totally random, but maybe my happiest 20 seconds of every day happens in the middle of the night when i wake up.  i sit up in bed and then chug the glass of milk that i have on my nightstand.  it hits the spot in a way that i don't think i could ever convey.  it is so insanely amazing.  then i lay back down and go to sleep.  or go to the bathroom and then go back to sleep.  i can sleep through the night without going to the bathroom, but if i wake up or have to get out of bed for any reason, i normally just go ahead and go.  the daylight saving change has been helpful.  my kids and i can sleep in past 6:15 now! i'd gotten so used to not setting my alarm in the mornings that on thursday, we all slept in and brady didn't wake me up til 9:06 or something... y'know, when abigail is already supposed to be at school.  whoops.  

Best moment this week:  there's not really anything sticking out to me.  we've had great weather though and that's been awesome.  

Movement:  still so many kicks and punches! i can't figure out if this kid is just really active or if i've just forgotten how much babies move.  it's so strong.  also, brady loves feeling the bumps.  

Food cravings:  it's going well. i eat a lot of sweets during the morning hours of each day.  i indulge in all the sugar i want, always starting the day with a cookie or chocolate truffle or even just skittles or something.  as the day goes on, i normally just snack.  sometimes i sit down and eat a real meal if something sounds good or if i'm really hungry, but most days i'd say is just sweets and snacking.  my cravings for eggs come and go.  i still like eggs on toast and i've been loving egg salad sandwiches this pregnancy.  also, i made eggs overeasy in toast last night and it was delicious.  hallelujah that eggs are dirt cheap at costco.  like $4, give or take, for a 5 dozen pack.  

Symptoms: some mild depression (crying and anger and apathy, almost totally under control with zoloft), increased fatigue, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super super weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach...  my skin is mostly all cleared up and i haven't been getting headaches or nausea lately.  i've been getting so much more tired though... mentally and physically.  also, unrelated to pregnancy, but i've been having pretty bad back pain again that is harder to deal with because of my big belly.  walking is painful, and walking while trying to hold elizabeth is something i can only do very minimally and not without pain... also, i can't walk fully upright while holding her so i look ridiculous in public.  also, it is very painful and difficult for me to put her in her crib because of  trying to hold her while lean over.  not pregnant, i can just support myself with my stomach on the crib rail, but being pregnant that's harder now and i try to do that above my belly.  i still half drop her in her crib every time though.  she's used to it now and it's no big deal.  sometimes the disc pain lasts weeks and sometimes just a few days... i'm hoping this time it goes away sooner rather than later.  also, my contractions are getting more frequent and pronounced.  i'm honestly dreading how bad they'll be ten weeks from now because i remember how bad they were at the end of elizabeth's pregnancy.  and this pregnancy, i started having contractions at 12ish weeks.  heaven help me, they don't feel nice.  

Gender:  i'm still in occasional denial and have to remind myself that this is a boy.  about half the time, i keep thinking ahead to summer and that i'll have a baby girl or i hear a girl name that i like and i'm all, "i should add that to my list!" before i remember that i'm having a boy. i think we're decided on the middle name (shortest conversation ever... maybe ten seconds start to finish?) but haven't decided on a first name.  chris and i each have one name that we like.  we all like each other's choice so that's good.  but we don't want to use both because the middle name will for sure be a family name.  for some reason, in my head, i've already assumed that we'll just do the name i like but i think that's because chris normally just lets me do whatever i want.  i do want to be considerate of him though because i've named the last two kids.  we'll see!

What I miss:  same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy.  i'm just so tired all day.  

Milestones:  i frequently don't know how pregnant i am.  i can't believe i'm only three months out though.  yikes.  i'm not ready for four kids at home this summer.  especially because elizabeth is still so much a baby.  i can't handle two babies yet.  
Theme: the week of being tired 24/7
What's different this time around:  maybe it feels most like brady's pregnancy right now... just because the zoloft alleviates the depression that i felt with each of the girls.  

Extra:  it's so great to be on zoloft right now and not be depressed. i can't pretend i'm doing awesome (as chris said just a few days ago... something along the lines of "look at you! you're a mess!" concerning my ability to function at parenting and keeping house, etc.), but honestly, my house is generally clean most all of the time, i don't hate my children, we always have food to eat, and i get dressed every day.  i had to remind christopher how i was doing in january when i really was a mess.  i explained to him that this is just because i'm pregnant and eventually i won't be like this anymore.  it comforted me to know that he didn't remember me being like this is any of my previous pregnancies.  ; )  also, the more i think about this being a boy, the more i feel like i'd be okay just having five kids.  six was always a possibility if brady didn't have a brother yet, but if four is two and two, i think i'm fine with just one more.  that way i still have the opportunity to nurse a baby two more times but i only need to endure morning sickness one more time.  that seems manageable.  

Catchup

Abigail was the star of the week so I got to go in and have lunch with her on Friday. We kind of had a huge blowup before school that maybe had me in tears but of course she's forgiven me so fast because when I showed up at school, her teacher told me that Abigail had mentioned multiple times how excited she was for me to have lunch with her. She wanted me to do her hair like this so I hurried in the few minutes that lunch was ending. Also, it was fun staying to volunteer. I love doing sight words with the kids. 

Janel brought her kids over (we trade for volunteering at our kids' schools) and the kids discovered how fun it was to dig in the dirt. Makes me cringe but it made them so happy for so long. 

We went to the library. Elizabeth is obsessed with paw patrol. 

It was so windy after church that I thought Elizabeth might blow over. It was seriously close at times. Made me sing that pioneer children song in my head a little bit. 

Basketball and babies

These are a few of our favorite things. 

(Sometimes the babies are invisible)

Abigail's art

Some of Abigail's creations and things from the past six months or so. 

Elizabeth's vocabulary

Elizabeth has few words that she says regularly. For the past two weeks, it's been nonstop about ducks. Pointing out every duck and just saying "duck!" Over and over and over again. Then she was starting to get into saying dog and ruff ruff. Yesterday she said was sounded like basketball over and over. And then... Paw patrol. 

She's around Brady A LOT and has picked up on saying the words that are important to him. So, today, the phrase of the day was "paw patrol."  Like she was holding another child's paw patrol car at volleyball and couldn't stop saying paw patrol and when we were playing the game tonight and the books and DVD that we checked out from the library. Alllll day long "paw patrol." It is hilarious from her little mouth but seriously, her vocabulary is so limited and paw patrol jumps to the too of the list?! This is life right now. 

Volleyball!

Today was a big first for our family in that it was Abigail's first day of volleyball, marking the start of our kids in organized sports. I've tried to be really slow and selective about this, knowing that kid sports can be tricky to maintain with a large family and our family is only getting bigger. So while we have friends and neighbor's with their kids in competitive gymnastics and dance or even just multiple kids in soccer and basketball and football and everything else, I've elected for free one day things through the library or something or just a paid one week camp that can just be over and done without having one of those every Thursday at 4:30pm and Saturdays at 10:15 schedules to deal with for an entire school year. But with all the behavioral stuff that Abigail has been dishing out lately, I've felt like giving her more opportunities would be beneficial for her. So, extra play dates and special outings and... volleyball. Honestly, I don't really care about volleyball, but I didn't want to do dance (the makeup and skanky outfits and dance recitals totally turn me off) or gymnastics (because the only way to continue it competing and I'm just in this for the life skills and social development) and preferably a sport with fewer injuries and gear and doesn't require me sitting in inclement weather with small children in tow. But the thing that really got me was that I was visiting teaching my friend Mandi a while ago and she said she'd signed up to coach a 6-8 year old volleyball team and I could sign Abigail up for it through the rec center. So I marked the signup date in my calendar and made sure I was one of the first (first come, first serve on coaches) to sign up. Weeks and weeks later and it was finally her first day!  Also other motivation for me was that this could be an opportunity for our family to get out together and be excited and supportive of each other. Mission accomplished. 

We all woke up and ate the delicious French toast breakfast loving prepared by honey and we got ready to go. I woke Elizabeth up and got her dressed and in the car and we were all off. Out of the house before 9am on a drizzly Saturday morning! It felt good. The field house was basically a ward party with two Mormon coaches who's teams (different age groups) were meeting at the same time. I saw at least ten different families from church. Half of Abigail's team is our ward plus one more girl that used to be in the ward. I think she enjoyed knowing the coach and having a number of friends on her team. 

Up until a week ago, Abigail was calling it bolleyball with a B. For the last week she's been talking about how it's her favorite sport. Even her teacher said she'd talked about it at school. This morning, we realized that Abigail still had no clue what the sport is, so we had her watch a quick YouTube video on Chris's phone before breakfast. The best part about all of this is that she totally didn't care and showed zero concerns or any awareness of her inadequacy. Like she didn't understand this morning why I wouldn't let her wear boots. "Volleyball players wear shoes, not boots." This is one of my favorite things about Abigail...  Her carefree and optimistic attitude. Brady has so many concerns but Abigail just skips forward happily, confident that everything will be fine. As her teacher said to me a few weeks ago "I think she's amazing! I don't think I would have had that kind of confidence when I was seven years old!" (She's actually six, but I didn't correct the teacher... Most of the first grade class is already seven). 

Anyway, it was great. Abigail is by far the least skilled or coordinated on the team but I don't think she minds. And it was just as I anticipated. ; ) Also, she loved it. When we stopped at the library on the way home, she asked Chris, then me, and then, when I went with her, a librarian for help finding books on volleyball. So cute. At home, we all practiced and she loved showing off her skills. 

The kids watched paw patrol while Elizabeth and Chris napped and I studied a parenting book. 

After, we all went outside and played. Hockey, volleyball, bikes, Elizabeth pushing her baby in the tiny pink stroller... All super great. Moments of bliss. 

We played paw patrol trouble and eventually the kids got in bed. It was a very family oriented day that gives me appreciation for today but also hope and optimism for future days. 

I'm so thankful for this happy little day. Hooray for volleyball! 

She likes big bites

My mother is always astonished by what large bites Elizabeth takes. And how fat she eats her food. And how much oatmeal she can consume in one sitting. 

I thought she would want to focus on her oatmeal, but this morning, she wouldn't let go of the baby doll (she also slept with it last night for the first time... It was just introduced about ten days ago and she has taken a quick and intense liking to it) so I let her multitask. Don't worry... It didn't get in the way of her big bites. 

Chivalry

This morning, we dropped Abigail off at school and then Brady and I shared a bowl of mango salsa. After we were done cleaning up and walking away, I started drinking a cup of milk and then held out a sippy and said "hey... Do you want a sippy?  ... Sometimes salsa makes me thirsty."  He thought about it for a second and came back to me. As he grabbed the sippy from my hand, he held my hand for an extra second or two. 

And he kissed the top of my hand. 

Little stuff like this just brightens my day and it's not anything out of the norm for this boy. I have no idea where he got it from, but he will give me extra hugs and kisses and make sure to say stuff like "thanks for getting me this shirt that has nuggets colors!" I definitely didn't teach him to kiss the top of my hand at various points during the day but I am grateful for it. 

It makes me feel like a princess. Every time. 

Kneaders, school, nuggets

I'm so love hate with busy days. I virtually never look forward to them (at least not like I look forward to a totally empty day), but by the end, they're almost always just really great days and they leave me feeling so emotionally energized even if I'm worn out. 

I try to fill my calendar with only things that are truly necessary or things that I really enjoy... Which makes it easy to have a relatively empty calendar. Yesterday though, everything ended up being on the same day, but luckily it all puzzled together just perfectly and I appreciated how the stars aligned for me. 

I started the morning with a shower and doing typical morning things and even tackling some dishes and vacuuming. Honey was around and got Abigail to school on time by 9:10 and I was glad to be on time for Elizabeth's speech therapy appointment. I normally try to sneak away and do a few things around the house while I just listen in, but Elizabeth is still so clingy from teething that she sat in my lap almost the entire time and I never got away. I tried to enjoy it and not focus on all the stuff that I needed to be doing right then. 

When Stacey left, I hurried to get the roast and carrots in the crock pot and was texting to coordinate timing with aunt Merrilee. Ultimately, I decided there wasn't enough time to add potatoes and I'm proud of my decision to leave something undone instead of making myself late for the lunch date. 

We got to kneaders at 11:30 and I loved getting to see aunt Merrilee and uncle dick and the theiss's. I got the turkey artichoke panini on focaccia and aunt Merrilee and I shared a chocolate dome and warmed up raspberry bread pudding. It was all heavenly. Brady was such a snuggler with aunt Merrilee but such a stinker when he wouldn't get in our picture at the end (auto correct just made those smuggler and drinker...ha) and I was sad that I had to leave early. I went straight to Sarah's to drop the kids off and then raced to the school to help with aight words in Abigail's class. I was supposed to be there at 12:45 but was only a few minutes late thank goodness. I love helping in Abigail's class and especially doing the sight words. It's a lot of fun. 

I picked the kid's up from Sarah's around two Andreas fun chatting a bit. We went home and, after a banana, I had Elizabeth down for nap by 3. Chris came home early because he was feeling a bit under the weather and knew he should rest before taking Brady to the nuggets game. By 4, Elizabeth was still napping, brady has fallen asleep watching his learning show, and Chris and I were both asleep in bed. Sarah had offered to have Abigail walk home with one of her kids after school and I said yes, but holy cow, I didn't anticipate how perfect that would end up being!  Honey woke me up at 5:10 and woke Brady up at 5:20. By 5:30, they were leaving for the nuggets game and Sarah was just dropping off abigail, Alice, and Norah.  The day was a well oiled machine! 

The girls and Elizabeth all played upstairs so well together and cleaned up without a problem. I fed them all a snack and then had Abigail read them books while I folded laundry.

 Got the three girls in bed, then Elizabeth in bed, and then stay with the girls til they fell asleep. 

I read on my phone for a while until Chris and Sarah both texted that they were on their way. I picked up a little and then hung out with Chris and Brady for ten or fifteen minutes until Sarah and Andrew showed up. 

I love how Sarah always acts like I'm doing her such a huge favor but really, I feel like I'm benefitting the most. It was amazing to have an entire afternoon/night where Abigail never yelled at me or told me I'm the meanest mom ever. It was really good for us.

So, I didn't get to sleep til probably midnight, but it was such a wonderful day. Now, I've got a full day of nothing planned and I just need to make sure I stay motivated enough to make it an amazing day too! 

Non stop Saturday

My morning started at 6:45 when I woke up to the sound of all three of my kids already awake. So so tired because I didn't get to sleep til 1am. But I went to get Elizabeth and she had maybe the worse blowout I've ever seen in my life. Up to her neck and down to her angles and completely coating the outside of her diaper. She'd been sleeping on her belly and I swear I unzipped, looked, and rezipped her pjs at least four or five times before I finally tackled it. It took almost two full hours to clean her up, bathe her several times, clean up her nasty pj's, etc. Her teething symptoms kill me. They also kill her too as evidenced by her blood curdling screams. The poor kid. 

Our stake RS thing started at 9, but I didn't get there til much later because I was still in my bathrobe at 9. Sarah and I went to two classes. Family relationships and recognizing daily miracles... Both very good. The speakers at the end were great. This one woman told about the trials in her life over the past 27 years and it was truly unbelievable how one person could endure so much. Lunch was amazing. A salad bar on steroids and I ate the most enormous heaping plate. Also, the chocolate cakes for dessert were amazing. 

I swung by home and picked up Abigail in the garage and we went straight to highlands ranch high school and got there just a few minutes before the Cinderella play started at 2. It was good. You know, not up to the beauty and the beast standards at the pace, but still fun. 

We got back by 3:45 or so and I took a few minutes for quiet time in my bed. We went to the Cottles at 4 to drop our kids off and then we went to mod pizza with Sarah and Andrew. It was so much fun to hang out with them. I was still stuffed from lunch but I was happy to bring home lots of leftovers for Sunday. 

Back at their house, we hung out for a while and finally made our exit while Abigail and Brady were both having meltdowns. Luckily it's a one minute drive home because Abigail was literally clawing at Brady's eyes. Chris was not happy about the dangerous situation and it made me sad to tell him that Abigail hurts Brady on a very regular basis. 

The kids all did teeth and went straight to bed. We were all so exhausted. It was a really great day. 

Today

This morning, Brady and I played pretend school. I packed him a lunch in a lunch box and a snack and a few books and extra sweater and two motorcycles in his Rockies backpack and he walked to the great room and put it in the corner/his cubbie and we read two books for story time and had a few cuties for snack and we did learning time at the table with a preschool letters workbook. Then we went back to the great room and read a book about bugs and learned fun facts about the bugs in the book. And then we had more learning time at the table and ate lunch. And then we had cleanup time (from Abigail's previous mess... Brady was all "but wait, we didn't have playtime!") and show and tell where Brady told us about his motorcycles. Then we all said goodbye and I took Elizabeth up for nap and Brady took his Rockies backpack to his room and unpacked it on his bed. It was pretty great. I forgot to do Brady's flip a wordreading books with him and he forgot to remind me that we were going to do hand tattoos/stickers at the end of school. Maybe next time! 

Elizabeth napped, Brady watched paw patrol and Mickey Mouse, and I took a shower. Brady fell asleep in my bed while I showered so when Elizabeth woke up, I played with her in her room putting away clothes in her closet while she pulled all the leggings and shoes she could and tried on at least ten pairs of shoes. Also, we did quite a bit of reading good night moon and pride and prejudice. And she read to her doll. I gave her a doll yesterday and it immediately became her most favorite toy. She's obsessed and it is darling. I mean, with no prompting, she kisses and cuddles it and puts it in her high chair and tries to put her bib on it and feeds it a baby bottle and her sippy cups and oh my heavens it is darling. She also insists on bringing it in the car with her when we pick up Abigail from school. Basically, we're both pretending that baby brother is already here. 

We got abigail from school, had some learning time in the kitchen for Brady doing his workbook and me helping Abigail with her star of the week poster and then Abigail telling me off the best way her six year old self knows how, and then eventually, Chris came home and we all went to a birthday party for our friend mike. Good company and so much fun. And holy cow the food hit the spot. I ate at least four plates of it. 

You know you're getting old when you and your husband have conversations like "can you believe mike is 50 years old?!" And the other responds, "I know! seriously! I can't believe it! He seems so young!" Apparently 50 is the new 20. 

It was a good day and it's almost 1am and I have a packed day tomorrow. Ugh. I'm so stupid for staying up. I'm never gonna stay awake through tomorrow. 

He's my kid

Walks into the kitchen... "Mom, can I have some butter on something?" 

I swear I've never said those words out loud but it's my thought process on most days. It must be genetic. 

Abigail was precious

When I was waiting in the pickup line today after school, I saw abigail and her friend up on these two cement stand things dancing like crazy girls. It was awesome. She got in the car and was all "Rylee and I were dancing and ms Ellis said we should win first place on stage because we're so good and I think so too!!!"  So happy and so confident. She kept talking about it throughout the night. 

Especially when she got ready tonight for the daddy daughter primary dance at church. I purposely didn't offer any suggestions or even say anything about getting dressed for it. But somehow, at the right time, she slipped away upstairs and came back down wearing a Sunday dress of her choosing. And when I told her that her two Sunday show options that matched that dress were broken, she went to her closet and brought down two more options to get my opinion on. She wore some floral sandals that she's never worn before and just kept prancing around and exclaiming that she looked like a princess and was bound to be the prettiest person there. I called her over so I could do her hair and she was all "I already brushed it upstairs. Because I want to be the prettiest. She asked/told Brady that she looks like a princess and when she gave Elizabeth a hug and told her that she would take her picture with her, she was like "this is like when I got my picture with belle, but this time I'm the princess!" She requested Anna braids and was thrilled that her hair is longe ouch that they stay in front of her shoulders. She also helped Chris pick a tie that matched her dress. Honestly, the whole thing was too adorable for words. 

We had such a good afternoon together. Sadly, I think most of it had to do with the fact that Brady was feeling really crappy (not sure why but he was so sleepy and needy and sensitive starting around noon and took a long nap and was begging all evening to snuggle with me and go to bed) so he stayed in my bed for a while after we got home and I could be more one on one with Abigail doing her things and unpacking her bag. I helped her fill out her class job application and taught we her how to draw a star which she learned amazingly fast and is THRILLED that she can do stars now. She also played dolls with Elizabeth, kept her attitude mostly in check with me, and only made Brady cry a handful of times. I felt like she shed her punk filter for the afternoon and let her true little happy, innocent self shine through. When I get those glimpses of her true self, my heart just bursts for her. 

Lately, my focus has been on trying to figure out how I can parent her better. I'm thankful for the motivation I feel about it instead of the despair that overwhelmed me two months ago. Hopefully Abigail and I can work to repair the damage I did during the morning sickness/depression months of my pregnancy. She definitely deserves it. 

I'm trying to connect with one of the moms in her class so she can start having play dates with one of her favorite girls in her class. And this Saturday, I'm taking her to a nearby high school's production of Cinderella (but it's a surprise and I plan not to tell her until tomorrow after school), and next Saturday, she'll start volleyball and she's sooo excited. I think she could care less about the sport (I'm not sure she even knows what it is) but she is so excited to be doing an organized sport with a team and her friend from church will be on her team and the friend's mom will be the coach. Hopefully she loves the experience. 

I swear I really am trying not to fail this girl. I really do love her.