"It's messy"

4.28.15 around 5pm

Abigail is at Lucy's house. Since brady woke up and it's just the two of us right now, we decided to head outside with our snack. Watermelon slushie and goldfish. We each had our own watermelon slushie, but just one bag of goldfish between the two of us. Brady was so adorable and was all "I wanna share goldfish with you mommy" in his sweet voice that rises and sounds strained by the end of his long sentence. I thought maybe he would bring the bag to me so I could take a few, or maybe just pull one out of the bag to put in my hands... But he wouldn't. I literally laughed out loud as he pulled a handful from the bag and said "no mom, it's too messy!" as he held up his fist to put the goldfish directly in my mouth. So even though he had dirt coated hands, I couldn't resist letting him share with me.

 

I'm obviously not big enough to handle eating goldfish on my own without getting my hands messy. 

"It's too messy, mom!"

That's by far been the best laugh of the day 

Soul surfer

Abigail had a fun and eventful day today. We had our usual morning of hanging out and eating breakfast and then at 11, Klaudette came and picked her up to see ivy and bean at the Parker theater and then go out to lunch afterward... Meanwhile, Lucy and Presley came over at 11 and played with brady til close to 1 when brady got lunch and a nap... So then Abigail got home at 2:30 and played at Lucy and Presley's until 3 when I woke brady up and got both kids in the car for Elle's birthday party. It was really fun and there were a million kids all getting along great and playing games together. Everyone got a prize for winning a game. There was an extra paper doll set leftover and we were the last ones to leave... An hour after the party ended because Jodi and I were talking and I haven't seen her in forever... so Abigail got to take it home as an extra party favor. We all had taco soup for dinner and then spent a few minutes playing paper dolls before heading up to bed. 

The kids were playing well with the paper dolls while I cleaned up dishes for a few minutes and then Abigail told me that a wand had ripped, and a bow, and one of the doll's arms. 

When I saw the doll's arm, I literally laughed at loud at how perfect it was. It was the blonde Caucasian doll that happened to be wearing a bikini and have her long hair in a ponytail. And it was her at her arm right above the elbow. 

Soul surfer anyone?

Tell me you love it as much as I do... You do, right?!

*my mother in law is so wonderful. She got Abigail the first ivy and bean book for Christmas along with tickets to see the play at our local theater... In April. So Abigail has been pumped about it for a looooong time. My MIL called me in a mini panic two weeks ago saying that she realized she'd made a mistake booking her plane ticket for a wedding and that she wouldn't get back in to Colorado until a few hours after the play. Umm, y'know what she did? She ended up just buying a brand new ticket so that she would arrive a few hours earlier and be able to take Abigail to ivy and bean. I thought that was amazingly precious. I truly lucked out in the in law department. I'm so grateful my kids have so many sets of incredible grandparents. 

34 weeks

How far along:  34 weeks  (4.23.15)  on granny's birthday!!!

Total weight gain/loss: 26 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes... i even bought a few new things which i know i shouldn't this late in the game but i did anyway.  i got a striped shirt from ross because it was super long and a lot of my current maternity shirts are already getting short.  and i got a maternity dress from old navy because i wanted it last time, and it was on sale and with my discount it ended up being less than $10.  

Sleep:  not too bad.  my dreams haven't been too crazy, and even if i wake up during the night, i can fall back asleep pretty easily.  i'm still waking up on my back frequently though.  whoops.  

Best moment this week:  monday.  i had a pretty great monday.

Movement:  it's pretty constant.  does the kid ever sleep?!

Food cravings:  i've been liking chocolate chips again the last few days.  especially late at night or during the middle of the night.  for some reason, when i wake up in the middle of the night, i need chocolate chips.

Symptoms: nausea, backache, headache, fatigue, depression

Gender:  girl!  ; )

What I miss:  being happy and having more patience and love for my kids.  this past week has been emotionally trying for me and i pity my kids that they got me as a mother.  

Milestones:  i only have six weeks left!  yikes!  how did this even happen?!
Theme: the week of more bad days than good.  i'm somewhat comforted that i was feeling this way last pregnancy too because i can blame pregnancy for these bad feelings, but it's also kind of discouraging that i'll likely feel this way in future pregnancies as well...  there are worse things though.  all in all, my pregnancies have treated me well.
What's different this time around:  maybe i've mentioned it already, but i'm still insanely grateful not to have the insanely itchy skin that i had with abigail.  i keep thinking it's because my skin is already stretched out, but that can't be the real reason because i was living in california that time and colorado is even more dry... and it wasn't just my belly... it was my entire body... which isn't stretched out.  but seriously... so so so extremely thankful to not be dealing with that this time around.

Extra:  i'm gonna have a baby soon!

4.26.15 at 34 weeks, 3 days

4.26.15 at 34 weeks, 3 days

Just okay

Tonight as I tucked Abigail in bed, I asked her if I was a good mom or just okay. 

"Just okay"

So then I asked her if I was a good mom,  a great mom, or just okay. 

"Just okay"

And then two minutes later, I closed her door a little more than she wanted and she started whining about it, so I slammed it open and it bounced back to shut completely closed and dark in her room and she freaked out and started crying. 

That's why I'm "just okay."  I can't just keep my cool for five more seconds to finish the night off strong. 

Also, I spend so much time in bed these days that brady has started throwing fits about it and crying "mommy! Get out of bed!" indefinitely until I get out of bed.  I seriously suck. 

Maybe tomorrow I can be a better mom...? 

; ) 

I'll try. 

"I wanna cry"

That's been one of Brady's most often used phrases over the last several weeks. Out of the blue a few weeks back, he started crying at naptime and bedtime. He protested naps and frequently stayed awake or only slept for 45 minutes or played for an hour or two before yelling out for me to come get him. So then I started asking him to please not cry when I put him in his crib and his response was always the same. "I wanna cry."  So I finally gave in and told him "okay, but Abigail is sleeping in her room, so try to cry quietly, okay?"  Well, that only lasted one night. After that he just started the "I wanna cry loud?"  Ha. But strangely enough, once I granted him permission, the crying became less frequent. And today I realized that he really hasn't cried for naps for bedtime and has been napping great. The funny thing is, he still uses the phrase "I wanna cry" in other applicable situations. All week long he begs to go to church. And when Sunday rolls around he says he wants to go home. When I tell him it's time for nursery, he protests and says he wants to cry. We told him that was fine. He's such a weird kid... The nursery leaders always tell us how great he is and that he's such a funny kid, but he seriously has to cry for the first few minutes every Sunday. I finally told Shawna about it. "Yeah, he always just needs to know he has the option to cry if he wants."  Maybe she can reinforce that next week and it will cut out his nursery crying. 

In other "I wanna cry" news, Abigail and I each spent way too much time crying today. I'm emotionally unstable and semi depressed when I'm pregnant and Abigail is emotionally unstable because she is an ultra dramatic four year old. Tonight we had a little talk and made a pact with each other that tomorrow would be better and we would make better choices and cry less. "And no whining" Abigail added. Yes, hopefully we can do that. Lofty goals, but if we're just hoping for an improvement over today, that shouldn't be too hard. 

So, yesterday was an amazing day and I was completely awesome at life. Today I spent large chunks of my day crying in bed. I'm a bit bipolar but I'm going to blame it on pregnancy and eventually postpartum. If I'm still crazy in six months, I'll likely blame sleep deprivation or having a newborn. If it continues beyond that point, I'll blame myself for having three kids and being an unfit mother. 

On the plus side though, we had salmon and zucchini and apple pears for dinner tonight and I have the kids baths. And my kitchen and great room are clean thanks to my kids and my honey. And I did my visiting teaching and I sent Abigail to school with cuties and Capri suns and homemade banana muffins for snackand she said everyone loved it. And I was on time picking her up. And I got granny's birthday card in the mail. And I made my kids strawberry banana smoothies and peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches to eat outside in the backyard while they gathered me piles of flowers from our yard and the weather was perfect. So mostly it was just all the crap that happened between the hours of 2:30 and 5:30 that completely sucked. But holy cow it was rough and I may have contemplated putting my kids up for adoption/which of my loved ones I could pawn them off to so I could still see them from time to time but know that someone adequate was raising them. 

So far in my life, I've found nothing better than a four year old to make me feel like a complete and utter failure. ; )  

Tonight we read the book "this plus that" and here's mine for the day... Being a mom + Abigail = refiner's fire

Crossing my fingers for a super awesome Wednesday. 

monday... when i was awesome at life

most days i think i do little more than keep my kids alive.  my laziness and incompetence at life leaves me plenty of days that i can enjoy but not that many days i can truly call a success.

but today i did a lot of things i don't usually do and it made for a pretty wonderful day.

i think i woke up between 7:30 and 8, ate some cereal, and, after checking facebook for a bit, realized i was being stupid, and so i got out my personal progress book that hasn't been touched since i got released from young women's.  i read some scriptures and journaled and crossed off choice and accountability number three and it was very satisfying.  definitely a better start to my morning than just checking facebook.  abigail came downstairs later than usual and so we went back and forth with her about how "i don't like to clean my room" wasn't a valid reason to skip putting away her pj's.  and then when her room was clean, i got her some cereal.  i'd been texting liza about food so then she called and we talked about food and she motivated me to take my kitchen by storm... kinda.  but it was very motivating (i even put stickies on certain pages of my cookbook with liza's notes about the recipes).  i got off the phone with liza around 11 and brady was calling out for me from his crib so i got him up.  and then the kids and i made banana muffins and both kids shared a bowl of oatmeal while the muffins baked.

and then they danced while i cleaned up and texted or something.  i put brady down for a nap a little before two and then went back and forth with abigail about how "i don't want to have quiet time" wasn't logical reasoning enough to change my mind.  i read two books with abigail.  one with a character named emmy and one with a walter.  it was great.

honey had been texting me about taking dinner to a family he knows from work so once the kids were set for quiet time, i went downstairs and made chicken enchiladas.  some for them, some for us.  at 3:30, i told abigail that quiet time was over and go to potty and get her shoes on.  i got dressed, and then i grabbed brady from his crib and got us all in the car to pick up my friend's kids from school.  it was my first time in an elementary school pick up carpool line... i won't lie... i was nervous about it, but all turned out well.  we got home at 4:15 and then all of the kids played together.  mostly basketball in my great room and i'm happy to say that nothing and no one got broken.  the parents came to pick up their kids at 5:30 and then abigail and brady cleaned up, honey came home to get the dinner and a frozen pie, i started a thomas show for the kids, and honey left to drop off the dinner.  i put our enchiladas in the oven and started on the squash.  i set the table for us all right down to silverware and drinks and even dished abigail and brady's plates (so their food could cool down and they wouldn't have to wait five minutes after the prayer to start eating) and honey came home at the exact perfect time.  we all sat down to eat and enjoyed a wonderful dinner together.  brady's favorite part was the blackberries, abigail's favorite was the enchiladas, and my favorite was definitely the squash.  but all four of us finished our plates and went back for seconds and thirds.  abigail ate so much i thought she was going to be sick.  cleanup was a breeze while honey took the kids up and all of us cooperated and had a peaceful time getting ready for bed.  the kids were down by 7:45 and honey took off to go for a run.

my kitchen is clean, my great room is clean (in my mind that might as well equate to my entire house being clean), i never yelled at my kids, i served two different families in need, fed my kids three hot meals, cooked muffins, enchiladas, and squash all within 6 hours, started my day with scriptures, and ended my day journaling (aka blogging).  as you can see, a lot of things that aren't typical for me.  so i definitely mark this one as a success.

there's just something about mondays for me... they just always seem to be above average.  and thank goodness for that... i'm very appreciative of it.

Weekends

Weekends are difficult for me. I do well with Monday's, but I truly struggle with Saturday's and Sunday's. This Saturday and Sunday were no exception. I'm grateful for Christopher and that he was around when I took a four hour shopping trip to old navy and Ross and Walmart. And tonight when he cleaned our whole main floor and unloaded the dishwasher and everything and I was just so sick of everyone and everything and at that "why am I having more kids again?" point. Parts of my weekend were awesome but pregnancy kind of makes me a bit bipolar so parts of my weekend really sucked too, like tonight after the kids were in bed and I cried while eating a bowl of frosted flakes. ; ) 

But as I often do when I'm feeling low, I read elder holland's talk "because she is a mother" and a new line stuck out to me that I don't recall from my millions of previous readings...

"But no one has failed who keeps trying and keeps praying."

I'll amen to that. 

Thank goodness tomorrow is Monday! 

Friday

My motivation for blogging flew out the window. It's because I either don't take any pictures and am too lazy to write anything, or that I take too many pictures and am too lazy to sort through and edit and post them. 

But here's to documenting a pretty great day. We all had an earlier wake up than usual (me at 6:30, Abigail downstairs by 7:30, and brady awake in his crib before 9) but no where to to because nothing was pressing and it had been snowing for 24 hours and was pretty wet outside. Abigail and I read in my bed for an hour, she watched a show, I talked on the phone with Emmy, and then both kids wanted to go outside and play in the snow. Which I usually avoid like the plague because getting them ready is so much work and we never have time for that. This time, there was time. And it was so worth it. It was mid thirties but felt so much warmer and was actually really pleasant. I hung out on the front step while the kids explored in the snow. Abigail even found the tiniest "hill" ever to sled down. It was pathetic and adorable. 

Eventually, we came inside to eat lunch and have nap time and quiet time. Brady napped, Abigail ended up going to Lucy's, and I talked on the phone with my friend, Jenna, for an hour and a half before realizing it was 3:40 and I was supposed to be driving to drop my kids at my mother in law's so Chris and u could make the 5 o clock session at the temple. Man you should have seen how fast I flew to throw off my sweats and get dressed, grab brady from his crib, get our stuff together, and get Abigail from Lucy's! I made it in time. We did the 5:00 session, stayed for our ward chapel session from 7:30-8, and then honey took off to get the kids and put them to bed while I stayed with the ward for the 8:00 session. Tillie Thomas and Mary j. Johnston. ; ) I got home before 10:45 and happily, honey was even still awake! 

It was a great day. 

7:38 am and wasting no time

"Good morning, do you want to finish the rest of our ivy and bean book?"

"Umm, sure.  Did you want to eat first?"

"Nope... [flipping through the pages]... Here we are!" 

And that's what happened at 7:38. 

33 weeks

How far along:  33 weeks  (4.16.15)

Total weight gain/loss: 26 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes.  i've been having a lot of fun dressing the bump this week.  might as well since soon enough, my shirts will be too short and i'll be cursing the fact that it's socially necessary to wear clothes. 

Sleep:  it's really not bad, especially if i can go to sleep early and not wake up til sometime after 7:30...  my dreams this week have even been somewhat normal at times.  like not every single dream is about someone trying to kill me or not being able to talk or being suck in a foreign third world country when the government is getting overthrown by rebels... ; )  make no mistake, they're still really odd (as most dreams are), but last night, involved a few friends, and some treats like root beer and powdered donuts on a party bus. 

Best moment this week:  my favorite thing of this week has probably (if we're talking pregnancy related) just been getting dressed and going out.  and soaking up all the incredible weather we've been having.

Movement:  lots of movement... same as before.  she's started getting up in my right rib cage quite a bit, contractions are as they were, and holy cow, sometimes she gets bouncing around in there soooo crazy.  the newest development from the week is that she will really poke my belly somewhere, and i swear my skin has to have a knob sticking out three inches.  i am positively alarmed at the tiny little distance separating her hands from mine when i feel my belly with all her movement.  it's the coolest thing ever.

Food cravings:  it's not horrible, but it's never really fulfilling either.  most days are still cereal for breakfast, eggs for lunch, an apple pear (and copious amounts of chocolate and sugar in the form of various candy) for snack, and something simple for dinner.  my body wants me to constantly feed it... even if i'm not hungry, i reach for sugar of some sort.  i really should focus more on eating healthier foods.  in terms of my eating habits this pregnancy, i've been thinking only of myself and virtually never of my baby that i'm growing.  i suck.  

Symptoms: nausea in the evenings, fatigue in the afternoons, dull back pain, some headaches, and just those sorts of usual things.  nothing that really gets in the way though.

Gender:  i'm so excited for this little girl.  the good thing though is that if she came out a boy... i'd be excited for that kid too.  ; ) 

What I miss:  umm, it's getting really difficult to turn over at night.  so i am starting to miss the ease of that movement.  last night i was cuddled up with christopher but remembered that i hadn't put my phone on silent and plugged it in... so i rolled over to do that and it was so difficult to roll over that i just stayed like that.  a minute later christopher was all "are you coming back?"  ha, i wan't planning on it... because it took so much effort to roll to this side.  it just seemed excessive to roll right back.  

Milestones:  i'm big enough now that i'm constantly getting questions about my due date.  this came on suddenly, but i have a feeling that it's here to stay.
Theme: the week of "when are you due?" begins...
What's different this time around:  ehhh, i dunno, it's probably the same.  i really don't know unless i wanted to go back and reread their weekly update.

Extra:  i'm loving the bump.  seriously.  also, i feel like i write one of these updates every two days... why is time flying by so fast?!  i can't remember if i've mentioned it before, but i'm pretty settled on having our baby be a guest in our guest room.  i need to start pulling out clothing and diapers and blankets and get everything sorted through and set up as much as possible.  i didn't do that sort of stuff for abigail until i was past my due date.  with brady, i was a few weeks ahead of the game and feeling like i was totally on top of things, but it ended up being like 4 days before i had him because he came early.  HA.  so hopefully i can make things happen a little sooner this time.  i keep coming up with excuses though.  and i'm lazy.  basically, i don't want to take away from family time to get this all done, but i also am always hesitant about attempting this when the kids are around because they always want to be involved and brady is always mixing things up and then i get frustrated and give up and the project that should have taken a relatively short amount of time turns into a multiple week mess because brady has strewn things beyond repair and made the situation totally overwhelming for me.  anyways... to do list: get out baby stuff.

4.16.15 at 33 weeks

4/16/15 at 33 weeks

it's all relative

today, honey came home around one, to eat lunch and work from home the rest of the day.  he saw three camp chairs set up in the sun in our front yard and watched as we all hung out and ate tuna sandwiches and said "man, are you guys just livin' the life or what?"  it's true, we were.  but then 10 minutes later, our kids got this idea that they wanted juice (chris mixes up crystal light sometimes and shares it with the kids... so they were begging him for juice, even though he wasn't drinking it at the time) and although chris told them no and brady let it rest, abigail kept whining... so chris took off inside and headed into his office to work.  abigail was all "yeay! daddy went to get me juice!" and i'm all "no, daddy got sick of your whining and went inside to work on stuff... he's not coming back out."  ha.  

so then a little bit later, we came inside to make hummus, eat a little, and have nap time and quiet time.  as abigail sat down at the table, i put the hummus in front of her and told her i was going to cut up a bell pepper for her to eat it with.  she instantly started whining that she doesn't like red peppers and she just really wanted carrots to eat with her hummus.  so i'm all, fine, we've already got an open bag of carrots in the fridge and that saves me from needing to cut up a pepper right now.  so as i'm getting out the carrots, i explain to her that actually she DOES like red peppers and she instantly changes her mind that she wants both... carrots and peppers.  i told her one is all we're doing for lunch and here are your carrots.  and then she won't stop whining about how she wanted bell peppers no matter how many times i tell her that we're only doing one thing and she chose carrots.  i know many people would be happy to have their four year beg for hummus and carrots and then cry because they want bell peppers to, but i was not having it.  i told her she was about to lose her opportunity to eat the food she had if she didn't say thank you and start eating and she gave me a snotty "thank you" and then growled at me.  not sure where she got the growling thing from, but she's been doing that some lately and it drives me insane.  so i told her to go to her room for a few minutes, so she screamed and cried the whole way there and for at least five minutes probably.  i got her and talked to her and invited her to come downstairs with us again to eat.  

then honey came in and brady was eating his granola with milk and abigail had her hummus and carrots and i had an apple pear and everyone was wanting everyone else's food and was getting increasingly whiny about it.  they wanted honey's cheese and cookie and everyone wanted my apple pear and brady wanted the hummus and carrots even though he'd already had his fill when abigail was in her room.  i asked honey if he still thought we were living the life.  ; )

then i hurried to take brady up for nap since it was already almost 2:30.  his nap and sleep schedule has been stressing me out lately because he sleeps so long at night and takes long naps during the day (if he naps) but then i know he's getting older and probably doesn't need so much sleep anymore.  15 hours at night plus a 3 hour nap is 18 hours, which seems like a lot for a two year old.  so ideally i would put him down between 7 and 8 and he'd wake up on his own around 9am and then nap from 1-3 or something... but that's not really how that plays out and he ends up sleeping til at least 10 or 11, even when he goes to sleep at 7.  i wake him up at 9 on days that we have to take abigail to preschool... but it's so hit and miss with him when i have to wake him up before he's ready, that on days when i don't have to, it's practically impossible for me to bring myself to wake him.  several days recently, i've just let him sleep as late as he wants (hanging out in his crib til after 11 or closer to noon) and then having the kids in bed by 7pm.  it's great some days but other days it would work out better to have the morning available for us to get out and the afternoon for me to have a few hours free of my kids.  ; )  all of this is just so my future self can look back and say "man, i used to be uptight" and "glad that turned out to be nothing to stress about."  in the meantime, i'll just keep playing this by ear.  i'm so great at this experimental parenting thing.

ps- i just had such an insanely happy thought.  honey's busiest time of the year is during the time of a traditional school year... when it's cold outside and dark for most of the day.  when work and stress was picking up for him this past fall, i was stressing hardcore about how the future months would be difficult on our marriage and difficult for me as a mother, not having his support as much.  i cried myself to sleep a few nights, knowing the difficult that lied ahead.  especially when i got pregnant and knew that that would add emotional difficulty and fatigue to the situation.  i had a little talk with my honey and let me know that this was stressing me out already because i'd grown accustomed to his help and companionship and i wasn't ready to be solo again.  my honey was so sweet and wonderful and i think he really took in everything i was saying.  i don't think he would have known those things had i not been so straightforward with him about it.  i'm sure my tears helped convey that the fear was real.  well, he rocked it.  he was so awesome about being great at home, even if he'd had a rough day.  and he was so great about helping out around the house and being so sympathetic to my shortcomings as a wife and mother that were and weren't related to pregnancy.  seriously so much so, that i just realized it's really really really spring and he's going to start coming home earlier and traveling less (well, come mid may) and that basically... we made it.  i made it another winter and i never even felt like our marriage suffered (which has been a very real feeling for me in previous winters) or that our family life was really strained.  i didn't even beg him to give up his company and get a nine to five job.  ; )  so, there's my extreme gratitude, poorly portrayed in a simple paragraph.  i am so grateful.  

32 weeks

How far along:  32 weeks  (4.9.15)

Total weight gain/loss: 25 lbs... just as an fyi, this is more than i gained with either previous pregnancy.  whoops.

Maternity clothes:  yes... same as before.  there's this old navy maternity dress i found an loved, but it was stil $18 on sale and when i calculated the weeks that i have left... i just couldn't justify it.  but if i was due in october, i would have bought it in a heartbeat.  sooo cute and comfy.  i've gotten a number of comments over the last several weeks from people surprised that i'm still wearing regular jeans.  they're my regular jeans from before, but they were always roomy, and have a huge waist.  i have plenty of jeans that are too small in the waist to button. also, i have very low tolerance for the bella band this time around, as well as the maternity jeans from before that have the full panel.  they do not stay up and i can't handle them falling down all day.  i've got no patience for that. i'm already to the point that i wish my shirts were longer.  wondering how that will pan out in the weeks to come. 

Sleep:  i don't want to jinx anything, but it's been better as of late.  i get so tired reading on my phone in bed that i can just lay it on my nightstand and instantly fall asleep.  i keep waking up on my back still, but i think my hips are positioned enough in a way that i'm not flat on my back and my body is sufficiently tilted.

Best moment this week:  conference on saturday and sunday.  and mom and dad being in town on monday and tuesday.

Movement:  just the same as what it has been.  not too noticeable if i'm up and moving around, but she's constantly moving when i'm sitting or being calm.  i've been having a lot more contractions/baby lodging herself in a corner so i'm frequently experiencing that tight, uncomfortable feeling.

Food cravings:  i like eating just fine.  it's not euphoric, but it's not horrendous either.  so that's nice.  around 3:30 or 4, i still frequently get a headache and nausea but sometimes the nausea isn't even noticeable until after 7 or later, so that's really nice because then i can just take my pills and head to bed.  

Symptoms: not sure why, but i've been experiencing some dull lower back pain which always freaks me out that i'm getting closer to the end of this pregnancy and labor and everything, but it's not terribly inconvenient itself.  other than that, just the usual and i'm feeling pretty great.

Gender:  hopefully a girl!  i only get that one 20 week ultrasound to learn the gender, so hopefully the tech didn't make a mistake!  with abigail and with brady, it was extremely clear what they were... i didn't think the picture was as obvious this time around though so of course i worry in the back of my head that we'll be taken by surprise with a boy.  

What I miss:  not worrying if my shirt is long enough.  ; )  i think that's about it though.  i love the belly. being pregnant is so cool.

Milestones:  i have less than two months to go!
Theme: the week of contractions getting really noticeable.
What's different this time around:  with abigail, from what i remember, thing are pretty on par with previous pregnancies... except for the fact that i've gained more weight this time around.

Extra:  i had my 32 week appointment today.  it was once of those quick and pointless appointments... it was nice though because i was in and out super fast.  the np again commented on how active my baby was (especially when she kept kicking at the doppler when we were getting the heart rate) and asked what i ate for breakfast.  i confessed that i had cereal again, but it was life this time instead of captain crunch.  so she was surprised that my baby was going so crazy.  she also commented on how i was still wearing regular jeans.  i always just feel like i'm hanging out with a friend during our appointments... i have trouble remembering that she's my doctor.  i like that though.  next time i'll be meeting with dr. walker... and i'll be 36 weeks!  yikes.  hopefully i'll be able to remember to ask her my questions about early labor and what to look for and basically everything else that worries me about knowing if i'm really in labor while still making it to the hospital in time.

4.12.15 at 32 weeks, 3 days

4.12.15 at 32 weeks, 3 days

the faces of brady

and... who's so glad when daddy comes home?  this guy.

Rocking my baby to sleep

Tonight, I rocked brady to sleep in his glider. And then I held him for close to an hour. It was precious and sweet and perfect and I am so grateful for that experience. My heart bursts for that boy.

princess parties, hockey, and cows

abigail is big into party planning.  so she plans these parties (which really just involves trashing the great room with who knows what and pulling out every kid sized seating in our house and gathering around the coffee table that has been filled with every single food toy we have, all perfectly arranged on plates) and then invites the two neighbor girls across the street to come to her princess party.  so then they come over, dress up, pretend to eat pretend food, and then call it good.  this time though, abigail wanted real food.  like a cake.  i bartered her down to cinnamon rolls from a can and happily, that satisfied everyone.  here're the party-goers... in all their glory...

brady got bored after the cinnamon rolls were finished and moved onto more manly things like riding his bike with abigail's minnie mouse helmet...

and getting so excited to see his daddy after work (my honey always gets calls on his way home from work if he tries to sneak out early, so often, we find his car in the garage and 30 minutes later, he'll walk around the corner, finally done with his phone call)...

and playing hockey.

also... happy day!  we have cows again!  word on the street is that they're going to finally start building town homes or something back here where the cows graze (there's a fence you can't see very well... right where that line of cows is) sometime this summer so i was worried we wouldn't get to see cows anymore.  but here they are and i love it!

springtime in colorado is wonderful!

"I wanna sing a song please, mommy"

i'd put a springtime max and ruby dvd on for the kids and then settled in my bed with my laptop to write my 31 week pregnancy post.  i was most of the way through it when brady opened the door to my bedroom.

hanging on the door handle, he said, with his sweet toddler voice "i wanna sing a song please mommy..."
me: "what?  right now?  what song do you want to sing?"
brady; "i'm a child of god"
me: "okay, come on over and snuggle up with me then."
so he ran over and i lifted him up, heaved him over my belly, and put my arm around him while he snuggled up to my belly and laid his head on my chest."

and then i sang.  i sang 'i am a child of god' and had barely finished when he instantly requested 'jesus sunbeam' so i sang that.  and then it was over.  he was all done.

"brady, should we sing another song?"
"no."
"what song do you want to sing?  i am a child of god again?"

but nope... he was finished.

that is the epitome of short and sweet.  after all the crying he's done today and him pulling abigail's hair in the car (and not letting go forever) on our way back from the airport and crying through nap tie instead of actually sleeping... it was much appreciated.

my sweetest little boy.

31 weeks

How far along:  31 weeks  (4.2.14)

Total weight gain/loss: 24 lbs?  it was 22.5 or 23 all week but after texas roadhouse last night, i'm a solid +24...

Maternity clothes:  yes... i have one pair of maternity pants and a lot of maternity shirts that i wear... that's basically it though.  i'm normally wearing regular jeans, and my undershirts are normal tanks/shade shirts.  i try to wear some sort of cardigan every day to conceal my love handles and camouflage how wide i am from front to back.  that side view... it's alarming.  

Sleep:  not awesome.same as it has been.  crazy dreams.  and i know i toss and turn a lot especially in the am hours.  i try not to look at the time, but i've gotten pretty good at judging the time by if my honey is still sleeping, in bed looking at his phone, or already left for work.  sometimes i have to get out of bed in the early hours to go to the bathroom, but i can always go back to sleep so that's pretty good.

Best moment this week:  mom and dad coming into town!  they came tuesday morning and left today at noon.  it was a really great 24 hours.

Movement:  just what it has been.  i feel like the punching is declining, but i feel little fists and elbows rolling all over when i'm driving and sitting down.  also, like before, she's most active when i'm resting, especially in the morning and at night.

Food cravings:  i really don't get excited about food, but for the most part, if i don't let myself get too hungry, then i don't feel too sick.  it's pretty normal to feel somewhat sick after 4pm, but i can normally find something my stomach can handle so it doesn't escalate or really interfere with life.  i made butternut squash the other day and i was pretty excited about it.  but as it was cooking, i'd walk into the kitchen and get grossed out by the smell.  eventually, i locked myself in my room for the night and my honey took it out of the oven for me, let it cool, and put it in the fridge for me.  i haven't gotten it out yet, but i should probably try to heat that up and feed it to my kids soon.  especially since abigail was begging me for it the whole time it was cooking... i guess it seemed more appealing to her.  i'm still eating cereal for breakfast but it's not really hitting the spot... also, i'm becoming increasingly sensitive to how it gets soggy at the end.  i can't handle that.  and one day this week, i drank some chocolate milk and it was tasting good... fifteen minutes later, i drank some more and it tasted off... and has tasted off since.  ugh, pregnancy is so weird. 

Symptoms: nausea, big belly, headaches, backaches, fatigue and laziness, weird dreams and restless sleep.

Gender:  girl!  after my parents leave next week (they're stopping by again after conference), i'll hopefully get out and sort through the bins of girl clothes that i have and start to get some of that stuff out and probably hung up in the guest closet.  i'd rather tackle that now, while i semi have energy and motivation for it instead of leaving it for the end when i may have nothing left in me.  and brady ended up coming early, and i'd just barely done all the prep the week before so i kind of felt like i was cutting things a bit closer than i probably should have.

What I miss:  not too much.  it's so cool being pregnant.

Milestones:  i'm kind of freaking out... single digit weeks to go!
Theme: the week of experiencing it all and loving it.
What's different this time around:  i think as of right now... there are few differences between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with abigail... 

Extra:  when i woke up this morning, literally my first thought upon opening my eyes was "CRAP! it's thursday! i'm 31 weeks already!" followed by a few more crap crap, how did this happen, maybe i'm mistaken, crap i'm not.  so it's safe to say that i'm still freaking out about how fast pregnancy is going.  i'll be totally fine to go past my due date, but i'm planning for this baby to come at the end of may... just in case.  honey said he's not going to be traveling at all after may 13th or something... three weeks before my due date.  so i feel good about that, because brady was born 11 days early, and my honey was supposed to go out of town at 9 days before my due date... i think that trip ended up getting canceled or rescheduled or maybe he sent someone else instead.  anyways, i told him that this time around, we needed more of a buffer.  especially since my labor with brady was less than 3 hours.  even if he's in colorado... that's not necessarily enough time to get back for the actual birth.  which is another thought i've been stressing.  i wish i knew how long this labor would be lasting and how much time i'll have.  last time was a little close for comfort and i would really really like to have a hospital birth instead of some roadside delivery.  also, i know i need to start practicing some hypnobirthing breathing (and train my honey on how to coach me through breathing if i start hyperventilating again) but i'm still in denial/dragging my feet because i would just like to enjoy pregnancy more without having to worry about the whole baby part yet.  

anyways, it's all going well right now.  i'm enjoying pregnancy, despite the odd symptoms and inconveniences.  i was at old navy today and the cashier girl asked if i was having another girl (based on the clothes i was buying) and said something like "i think i saw you in here a few months ago and you were not showing nearly as much as you are now" or something like that that was phrased nicely but really meant "holy cow you've gotten really huge really fast!"  she probably remembers from when i went in in january after finding out this kid is a girl since that was the most recent time i was there.  anyways, i remember her because there's only two or three cashiers that i ever see working there.  but i'm sure she gets a million and one customers coming through. so now i'm just a little self conscious that i'm so memorable with my pregnant belly and two rambunctious children... ha.

4.8.15 at 31 weeks, 6 days

4.8.15 at 31 weeks, 6 days

pictures from a day

just another day in the life...

brady woke up with a nasty diaper and horrible rash... he'd just had a bath the night before though, so we just did a quick soak in the sink.  why do my kids love drinking out of a spray bottle?

after all the tears of the diaper rash drama, this kid was happy as could be and ready to go.

but check out the bedhead.  both of my kids have always gotten such crazy bedhead.  is this normal or is it that they have to cram their heads into something for them to sleep soundly?

i spritzed him a bit to try to tame things.  this kid hates getting his hair done.

i love that these two are bff.  it's so precious.

although they make five times the mess when they're together... it's like their creative juices combine.

this is why it's crucial to move furniture when you clean and vacuum.  i'm not sure if this stuff all got pushed under here accidentally or if abigail has squirrel like hoarding tendencies.

also, here is a real question that i've been pondering deeply for the past several weeks... when is the best time to vacuum?  i've got two young kids so that rules out the hours from 7pm to 10/11am when they're sleeping... as well as that three hour chunk in the afternoon when brady naps.  during the awake times, there are always toys somewhere on the floor because they're playing, which makes it difficult to vacuum... but i can't just put all the toys away and have them watch a show while i vacuum because it's too loud for them to hear.  also, they're both somewhat averse to loud noises so they don't necessarily want to play in the playroom (hardwood floors) for 30 minutes all alone while i vacuum the whole house.  seriously, anyone have a good answer to this?  the current thing we've been doing is that i vacuum when chris is home and is able to play with the kids outside or in the playroom or feed them dinner downstairs while i vacuum upstairs and then he gets, them ready for bed upstairs while i vacuum the main floor.  i know it's not the end of the world, but it is annoying.  any suggestions or is this just our best option for the time being?