Abigail finished first grade!

I'm late posting, but Abigail finished first grade on may 24th.  She had the greatest teacher and the whole first grade year has been such a huge blessing to our family.  Abigail totally excelled in her behavior and academics at school and has turned into such an amazing reader, burning through chapter books in her free time.  She's also insanely into coloring and drawing still and made a large "keep" pile of the first grade stuff we sorted through.  I took pictures of maybe half of it.  ; )

getting ready for baby

we're in the final count down and I'm feeling it.  I'm trying to get my house in order and not let things get too out of control that I would need extended cleaning up to fix it.  I gave myself the deadline that I needed everything necessary done by today.  after today, I can do extra things if I want, but I need to be fine with going into labor at any time.  soooo, what do I have to feel accomplished about so far? not much, but there are a few things.

staying up on laundry.  I like to let the laundry pile up and then have a laundry day where I knock it all out.  I've been trying not to do that so much lately just in case I'm caught at a bad moment.

cleaning out my nightstand.  my nightstand is a horrible hot spot for me.  I can never ever keep it consistently clean or clutter free.  I reorganized it again the other day and am 90% done getting everything how I need it.

setting up baby boy stuff.  I decided I didn't want to rearrange kids rooms or anything until later in the summer.  my mom will be here for two weeks, Abigail will be gone for one week, our family will be traveling for a little over a week... and mostly, I need to get an idea of what this baby's temperament is before I make final decisions.  also, it will keep Elizabeth in place in her room for a while after baby arrives, which I think is preferable.  so, likely we can just wait on any bedroom switching until closer to when school will start.  with Elizabeth, I set up shop in the guest room and that was our special room for several weeks.  I loooooved it.  this time, that's brady's room and our guest room that we'll need for mom's visit.  so I'm going to set up shop in our master bedroom and Chris will sleep upstairs in Abigail's twin bed or the twin bed in the playroom.  I set up all the clothes and blankets and diapers and stuff for the newborn stage in the bottom main cabinets of the entertainment center in our bedroom, and because everything is so tiny, there's actually plenty of room! I also set up the little Eddie Bauer travel bed we have and put it in the corner of my room next to my nightstand to use instead of our Moses basket.  I'll bring up the swing, bouncer, extra blankets, etc. from the basement if/when we need it... right now is just the newborn essentials and it's always shocking how little is needed.  I love it.

I've been reading my hypnobirthing book.  I'm not listening to any of the cd tracks or practicing any of the visualizations because I really didn't use either of those things the last two times, but I am reading over again about just how relaxing the body benefits the labor process and how to do the different types of breathing.  somehow it's calming and empowering and exciting and all those things to just be reading about this great thing your body is going to do.  I think so much of labor is mental that just knowing that your body is capable and designed to birth a baby makes all the difference.

I went on the hospital tour.  I know this'll be my third time giving birth in this same hospital in a relatively short period of time, but things really do change so frequently that I feel like it's beneficial to take the tour (and have it fresh in my mind) each time.  between Brady and Elizabeth, they completely built a new labor and delivery unit and a ton of things changed.  and even this time when I went on the tour, some things were new and different (like they said they have a mobile monitoring system so you're monitored continuously but are free to walk around anywhere on the labor and delivery floor.  it was great to have a refresher of where to go and how things work and stuff like that.  also, I asked a question about if an IV or hep-lock was mandatory and the main nurse couldn't even give me a straight answer because it depends on the situation and the doctor (I have kaiser so I'm just getting whatever doctor happens to be on call... not the one that I've met and am familiar with).  but the best thing she said was "do you have a birth plan? write it in your birth plan.  we really really really try to honor everyone's birth plan, so if it's important to you, make sure to get it written in there.  and then bring several copies so it can be posted on the door and in your chart and everyone can be on the same page." that was helpful for me because I've done birth plans before, but just for me.  like as a rough draft to organize my thoughts.  I've never actually shown it to any medical professionals but I guess I'll have to try that this time.

so on that note, yesterday, I typed out a birth plan on my phone.  I used the birth plan pages at the end of the hypnobirthing book to give me ideas and just typed up on my phone what actually applied to me and in shorter phrases, in my own words.  I requested not to have an IV or hep-lock unless specifically necessary.  also, random stuff that I remember from my last births, like not wanting super bright lights, loud voices, or assumptions that I'm getting an epidural.  stuff like that gets old when you're individually explaining it to allllll of the different people assigned to helping you.  I just need to finalize that and get a few copies printed.

I've even set aside a few things to take to the hospital! In my three previous experiences, I have not packed a hospital bag until I'm already in established labor.  no clue why.  just kept procrastinating.  this time, I haven't packed a bag or anything, but I have put a few things aside like going home clothes for the baby and me.  and a phone charger.  I know that's literally like three things, but I'm feeling super accomplished about it because it's way more than what I've done before!  I just need to make a little list of the last minute stuff to grab like my toothbrush and hair straightener and contacts.

soooo, honey took the kids to Parker days and Elizabeth and I are going to grab ourselves some cereal for breakfast while I make my to do list for the day.  I can't believe how fast everything is coming!

38 weeks

How far along:  38 weeks  (6.7.17)

Total weight gain/loss: +24.5 lbs 

Maternity clothes:  maternity shirts and a couple maternity dresses. Everything else is just my normal stuff that I make work. My jeans with the fringe on the ankles still fit perfectly except that when the denim gets loose they slide down, but as far as my waist goes, they're just right. My skinniest skinnies are most comfortable with a hair through them but I can button them when necessary. 

Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  Within the last week or so, I’ve been waking up in the morning around when honey does (anytime between 4:30 and 6) and I have to have milk and go to the bathroom before I put on my eye mask and attempt to fall asleep again in my fully bright bedroom.  Also within the last week, I haven’t been as crazy tired in need of naps.  Which is weird because I’ve been more busy during the day and staying up pretty late at night.  Like at least midnight a lot of times.

Best moment this week:  that's maybe anytime I’ve been productive and feeling accomplished and also maybe just Saturday.  I took the kids to the library for a few hours and then spent almost the entire rest of the day hanging out outside and watching them play (except for an hour or so where I had to go in to nap).  Sometime around 5 o clock, I set up my camp chair on our neighbor’s driveway (so Elizabeth would stop crossing the street back and forth from their house to ours) and actually ended up staying there until 9:30 that night. They brought their camp chairs to hang out and later brought their fire pit to do smores and really it was just a ton of fun.  And then I made a quick scramble to Sarah’s house to pick up Andrew’s church keys and hurry to get into the church and print/make copies of the sacrament program for Sunday morning.  Honey and Brady (they were at a soccer game) got home at 10, right around when I did.  The day worked out really well.  Everything you could hope for for a summer Saturday of perfect weather.

Movement:  still lots of kicks and rolls  and jabs and everything else.  I tend to get contractions most when I bend over or pick something up and normally for an hour or two each night.  I feel like my contractions with Elizabeth at this point in pregnancy were much more frequent and painful so I’m hoping my body is still getting ready for a baby and that I’m not gonna go super late or anything.  I mean, these contractions don’t always feel real nice, but I remember with Elizabeth that they were consistently pretty rough to deal with for weeks leading up to her birth.

Food cravings:  i have gotten to the point where I don’t really hate eating, but it is a time and energy suck and I avoid it when possible.  I normally skip dinner at night (I hate sitting down to dinner with my kids… someday I hope to not hate it) and if I’m super hungry before bed, I might make myself eggs or just some toast or something small.  Or maybe just have some chocolate milk.  One day I basically only ate rice Krispy treats.  They’re practically the same as a granola bar though so I didn’t feel too bad.  Another day, I lived mostly off of chocolate milk.  Last night I didn’t eat dinner and this morning didn’t eat lunch, but at 2 o’clock, I made and ate two eggs over easy on toast.  I also still eat as much candy as I want but I haven’t been wanting it so much lately.

Symptoms:  mild depression that's almost totally under control with zoloft, very increased fatigue (emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other way i can feel fatigue.... i have it all), very rarely feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super crazy weird dreams, sometimes waking during the early morning to go to the bathroom, growing stomach.  also, sometimes headaches and nausea again lately but not often… I’ve taken the b-6 and unisom each night before bed this entire pregnancy.  

Gender:  i am reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy hoping this is still a boy.  I asked my doctor to double check at my 36 week appointment when she got out the ultrasound to determine that baby was head down.  Well, baby was in a position (and wouldn’t move) that she couldn’t get a clear shot.  She tried for quite and while and was really jabbing that thing all over my belly but never had any luck and ultimately said “well! It may just be a surprise!”  Ha.  Thanks.  I still want the name I want but we won’t officially announce anything this after this kid is out.  Another reason I hope this isn’t a girl… we didn’t discuss girl names at all.  

What I miss:  mostly I miss being able to live my life without my belly knocking into things a million times a day.  It’s painful and inconvenient.  I hit it on counter tops and door frames and kids heads (especially at church) and the stupid doors to our washer and dryer and side view mirrors of cars in parking lots and chairs when I’m trying to squeeze through an area or even clean up around my kitchen table.  I don’t remember this happening so much before but it’s crazy annoying.  And painful.  Also, walking up stairs just about kills me every time.  I know I’ve never been an in shape sort of person, but holy cow, walking up the stairs leaves me completely out of breath and with my thighs burning and my whole body just needing to lay down and rest for a few minutes.  The 25 extra pounds doesn’t really feel noticeable unless it’s hot outside or I’m battling a flight of stairs… then it’s the death of me.  Like a weighted sand vest that I’ve got on 24/7.

Milestones:  i'm at 38 weeks! I’m one week into full term and two weeks out from my due date.  So I’ve got some stuff left to do this week and then I told the kid he’s welcome to come anytime next week.  

Theme: the week of finally making a long to do list and trying to get it done.
What's different this time around:  maybe my memory is wrong, but I feel like this is the most of a nesting urge that I’ve ever had.  I don’t care too much about getting anything ready for the baby, but I do want my house to be in order.  I’m waiting until later in summer to figure out the kids’ bedroom configuration… once I know more how this kid’s sleeping habits and temperament should be factored in.  

Extra: I'm weaning off of the Zoloft.  A week or two ago, I counted how many pills I had left and decided that I would ration the remaining pills and wean myself instead of getting another refill.  So, I kept taking a full pill until there were only four left.  Yesterday, I cut the remaining four in half and so today, and the next seven days, I’ll take a half pill each morning and then when they’re out, I’ll be done! I’m hoping for no ill side effects or anything and my doctors and a couple other’s I’ve spoken with have said I’ll be totally fine with this weaning schedule because I was only taking a small 25mg dose anyway.  That’s another reason I’d like for the kid to come next week… if I go past my due date, I’m worried about going to struggle with the depression before this baby comes out.  I’m counting on me being happy after this kid is born like I have been with the other three.  I’ve never had postpartum depression before and I’m thinking I’d like to continue that trend.  

I’ve been trying to look through my hypnobirthing book a bit this time.  It’s the same one I used to prepare for Brady and Elizabeth’s births but I seem to procrastinate more and more each pregnancy and I just picked it up from the library on Saturday.  I’ve read a bit of it but not much.  I’ve also been reading drug free birth stories online but I don’t feel like they’re really helping me prepare like they have in the past.  I know, as Chris has said, “you’ve done this three times already” but it’s still nerve wracking.  Pushing a baby out of your body.  Because I don’t know the timing or necessarily how it will progress.  And it’s easy to forget the pain until you’re in the thick of it again.  I’d prefer not to get an epidural (because the first time when I did, ignorance was bliss, but since then, I’ve heard too many people’s stories about bad, lasting side effects of their epidural) but I’m not 100% against it.  So much like last time with Elizabeth except this time I think I’m slightly more against it.  Last time I went ahead and filled out the paperwork and got the IV and everything so I was right ready for it but then just never felt like I needed it.  This time I think I just don’t want an IV.  I’ll have to ask on my hospital tour tomorrow night if the IV/heplock can be optional.  Ugh.  I need to write down all my questions for that.  Ignorance really is bliss.  I feel like I just get more and more nervous each time I have a kid.  It’ll all be just fine, right?!  No need to worry?  whew.  Deep breaths… we’ve done this before… no big deal. 

blessing dress

Elizabeth at two years old.

taken 5.28.17

Memorial Day weekend catchup

friday- I had my 36 week appointment with my actual doctor and it was my first time meeting with her this entire pregnancy.  she's the doctor that was on call when Brady was born and I saw her a couple of times during my pregnancy with Elizabeth.  honey stayed home from work to watch the kids while I went (at 11:10, it really wasn't a convenient time for any of us) and I know it was rough... he's so great for always attempting to work from home with our kids even though it just never ends well for him.  when I got back, I took the kids to the playground and we did quiet time, so hopefully they forgot a bit about their rough morning...

Saturday- I got a slow morning at home with Elizabeth while honey took Abigail and Brady to the BYU 5k that happens every year.  I've been once.  ha.  he pushed them in the double stroller and Brady did the little kids run after.  mostly I think they just loved that they got watermelon and cotton candy.

we actually took the kids to the pool that afternoon!  even though it was only in the high 50's and there was no pool party (I guess our HOA decided to just drop it because of the weather and not even open the pool) and the pool was closed and we actually had to semi break in.  but, honey got a few pizzas and we hung out at the pool with the Cottles while Abigail and the Cottle kids all swam.

when we got home, honey and the kids cleaned up our disaster of a house while I went to the church to print the sacrament program and make copies.  that's my new calling since I was pregnant enough that they released me from nursery.  I'm glad to have a calling that I will be able to fulfill with a newborn/husband in the bishopric.  my honey has been so amazing lately at cleaning up around the house and especially helping out in the kitchen loading and unloading the dishwasher.  so stupid but it makes such a huuuuuge difference to me.  I love it so much.

sunday- we celebrated Elizabeth's birthday!  my baby is two years old!  the morning was like any other.  sacrament meeting went really well.  and it was my first Sunday not going to nursery with Elizabeth so I just dropped her off and headed to Sunday school.  I was surprised how weird I felt in Sunday school and relief society considering I was only in nursery January through may.  Chris picked up Elizabeth and the nursery leaders said she was adorable.  when we got home, I took a few pictures of her on our front porch and she was hamming it up for the camera.

she really was in a fabulous mood for her birthday.  too bad we didn't even do anything to celebrate for it until after she woke up from nap!  we grilled hotdogs and hamburgers, opened presents (she got a small bouncy ball, all dogs go to heaven 2, sidewalk chalk, and then a little shirt and shorts outfit from the Kelsey grandparents), went on a walk around the block as a family (that's one of her favorites... just walking), and then had cake at home.  Chris made mini bundt cakes (thanks for the pan, mom!) and filled them extra big... when we flipped them upside down, they were like oversized cupcakes and the kids were all thrilled to each get their own even though Brady was the only one to finish his.

so, the day was a major success and I'm blown away that it's already been two years since we met our little baby Elizabeth.... I can't believe we're already about to have another one in a couple weeks!  while Christopher took the kids upstairs for bed while I dressed Elizabeth in her blessing dress and took her to the backyard to take a few birthday photos of her.  she wasn't in the most cooperative mood (mostly a little upset that I wouldn't let her wear shoes and she was walking around in our prickly backyard grass), but I sang Moana to her for the second half of it and I think I got a number of pretty good pictures... I'm excited to see them on a bigger screen.  maybe I'll get around to posting some on here!

monday- honey went golfing with friends in the morning and by noon we were all on our way to the rockies game.  honey is quite the baseball fan this season since the rockies are the second best team in the mlb right now!  ha, he's never been a baseball fan and I won't lie, it's been a lot of fun having him turn on the game after work in the evenings and just have it on in the background or having all of us sit down and watch it together as a family.  so, we got there before the game even started and stayed till it was over.

sadly, the rockies couldn't pull out the win and we lost by just a run.  it was great weather though.  sunny, then overcast, then raining for a bit, then sunny again, and then a bit overcast again.  perfection.  we played outside after we got home and then everyone got baths and showers and headed to bed.  I wondered/worried how we would celebrate without getting together with a bunch of family (I feel like I care about this stuff a bit more now that my kids are older and want to celebrate every holiday), but this was perfect.

Tuesday- I gloriously didn't roll out of bed till 9am.  ms. Stacy came over this morning and Abigail was soooo excited to finally meet her since she's been at school every other time.  the kids played outside a bit while I fed Elizabeth and we got to the library by 11:30 and stayed for almost two hours, as usual.  I have no idea how we stay so long every time and I'm still always dragging my kids away.  someday, I'm gonna have to just see how long my kids are content to stay if I never tell them we have to go.  we stopped by Best Buy on the way home to pick up my new laptop (I've hated my other one for the past two years, ever since I got it and honey has been begging me to just get a new one) and then I got the kids fed and down for quiet time (but not till 3 because there was a hiccup with the Best Buy pickup and it took longer than anticipated... my kids fortunately loved sitting in the comfy chairs and watching the 20 huge tvs with all sorts of fun stuff on them) and I got some downtime.  I require a lot of downtime these days... I blame pregnancy.  honey got home at 4:45 when Brady woke up so I declared quiet time over.  we all ate a bit and played outside until honey had to go to the church for a bishopric meeting.  so 7:00 started our little movie night of Alice in wonderland and whenever this is over, I'm gonna march these kids up to bed and declare this our first successful summer day!  maybe I will be able to survive a few months of Abigail out of school.  ; )

drastic changes

oh my heavens I can't believe it's been an entire month without posting anything on here! I guess that's what happens when I hate my laptop and I don't have a blogger app on my phone to post anything.  hopefully this will be remedied asap. we'll see how much I can catch up.

35 weeks

How far along:  35 weeks  (5.17.17)

Total weight gain/loss: +24 lbs 

Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts and a couple maternity dresses. Everything else is just my normal stuff that I make work. My jeans with the fringe on the ankles still fit perfectly except that when the denim gets loose they slide down, but as far as my waist goes, they're just right. My skinniest skinnies are most comfortable with a hair and through them but I can button them when necessary. 

Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  never feeling like my sleep is restful at all.  typically waking up feeling tired still. I still don't wake up during the night.  or at least when i wake up, i'm able to just turn over and go back to sleep.  i don't chug a glass of milk and go to the bathroom during the night like I used to. so technically, i'm sleeping through the night, but of course i'm still tired, no matter how many hours i get. I aim to get ten hours each night but that never happens (especially with all the traveling lately and having Lisa here visiting. Also, I need nap time. 

Best moment this week:  that's gotta be just all of the moments that I've gotten to spend with Lisa while she was visiting. Except not Saturday because we were all sick that day. 

Movement:  still lots of kicks and rolls and every sort of other movement you could possible imagine. The movement is constant and it is out of control. So forceful and pronounced. I loved having Lisa here to gasp and point and make faces at all the action she saw going on with my giant belly. Also loved having her rest both hands on my belly while we sat in bed watching poldark for hours on end. For real this is probably my most active in the womb child yet. It is so insane. Like literally words can do this no justice. 

Food cravings:  i have had a number of times the last few weeks where food has been so so good and just really hit the spot, but for the most part, I still don't really care for it much. I liked the rice Krispy treats that Lisa made me for Mother's Day and some fancy fresh chocolate covered strawberries on the meritain trip, but I definitely don't sit in bed and daydream about what I want to eat next. I spend most of my time being moderately to severely hungry and mentally whining about how I have to eat again. 

Symptoms:  mild depression that's almost totally under control with zoloft, very increased fatigue (emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other way i can feel fatigue.... i have it all), still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super crazy weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all or because I'm so hungry, growing stomach.  also, sometimes headaches and nausea again lately, mostly in the evenings and at night but sometimes earlier in the day too.  i'm still having that back pain (unrelated to pregnancy) but it is barely there. Like the flair up went away but my back isn't really back to normal. Part of it though I think is just me being used to it by now. Like it's been so long since I could lean over the crib rail like a normal person when I'm putting Elizabeth to bed.

Gender:  i am now totally set on this being a boy and will have a huge struggle if there had been a mistake on the gender at the ultrasound. I'm too far gone to go back to thinking about a baby girl. Also, here's what I wrote in the last post about names... it came true.  "still undecided on a first name although i have my pick and that's what keeps coming to my head when i'm thinking of or referring to this little kid. is it terrible that i just keep assuming that we won't talk about it and then chris will just go with my name? that just seems like what he'll do."  I mentioned it to Chris and he was all "we decided that already" and said the name I preferred. And I was like "I thought you liked this other name better." So he replied "yeah, that's a great name... do you want to name him that?" And when I said no, he was all "okay, then I guess we'll name him _____" saying the name that I preferred. So I guess we're decided. I mean, that would be a really good thing because my mind is pretty set on it. My husband seriously just goes along with whatever I want and never makes a big (or little) deal about it. I'm probably getting too used to this, as evidenced by what I said in my last post... called it. 

What I miss:  so I remember in at least one previous pregnancy that I missed being skinny. Not this time. I'm still enjoying my belly, but also, I'm getting less and less vain with age and don't care so much about how wide my belly appears. The thing that I really do miss is fitting better in smaller spaces. I swear I need a helmet or a ninja turtle shell for my belly because I knock it into things multiple times a day and it really hurts. It's normally the door of the washer/dryer, the side view mirrors of cars, and chairs when my trying to squeeze through a spot sideways out of habit (because I mistakenly think that I'm smaller in that direction. I'm not. I think I'm a perfect square) but also, I hit my stomach on counters or shower doors or my kids' heads or the vacuum and a million other things. Painful. And it's getting old real fast. Also, I'm so tired and physically that's a huge pain. I love going on walks, but honestly, just standing up makes me light headed and hot and out of breath so regular life is just a pain. Like when making a sandwich seems beyond your physical endurance. I have to sit constantly. Writing it out makes it sound like I'm exaggerating but I swear I'm not. I think much of it must come from the altitude though because I really didn't feel like that when I was in San Diego. But in Colorado, I'm dying.  Also, what I wrote from the previous post still applies... "same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy.  i'm just so tired all day.  i have to use quiet time each day for myself.  like i have to definitely be in my bed and enjoy the quiet or take a nap (so so tired all the time)... i'm definitely not going to be doing anything productive."

Milestones:  i'm at 35 weeks and have 35 days to go. And I'm still getting comments from people that ask me if i'm just done being pregnant or if i'm reading for my baby to just be here and all those comments make me panic hardcore because (see above), i can't handle anything. i need more time. and more energy. 

Theme: the week of having Lisa as my sister wife. It was so amazingly helpful having her around to help with the kids and keep me company and my spirits up. She was constantly all "what can I do for you? You need to rest. Let me do your dishes. I just cleaned your kitchen and am going to bed, but do you need me to get you anything before I head up?" It's so hard for me to pull into the garage and I always sit there for a minute or two before I can get myself to muster enough physical and mental energy to walk inside. Lisa would always read my mind and as we would pull into the garage she would just say something like "what would you like me to do right now?" and then she'd grab my purse and go inside to do whatever I'd asked of her. I love that she's like family and I can truly be straight with her. I always gave her a job. Normally taking Brady up for quiet time while I took Elizabeth up for her nap. Or having her get started on lunch or dinner while I took care of a few other things. As I text Chris this morning, "my life is a lot more difficult without Lisa here."  My honey struggles with having house guests (not because of the people, just because he's an introvert and there are people in his house) and Lisa's visit was truly such a wonderful gift. From both Lisa and my honey. 
What's different this time around:  most like Abigail's I think. I'm so sleepy and physically exhausted. Also, this kid moves like crazy and I don't feel a crazy urge to nest. 

Extra: I'm too lazy to answer this. 

5.18.17 at 35 weeks, 1 day

5.21.17 at 35 weeks, 4 days

Close, but not quite

Brady's Sunday school teacher is Sister Brunner (rhymes with sooner)... he refers to her as "mister broomer." I'm gonna be so sad someday when he learns her real name.

Art lessons online

Abigail is thrilled with her mermaid. As she said "yeah! Mine is almost as good the dad's!" Next she wants to learn how to draw a princess. I think she's a bit more passionate about art than volleyball. Ha.

32 weeks

How far along:32 weeks (4.26.17)

Total weight gain/loss: +23 lbs 

Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts still and i've worn my old navy maternity dress once. my smallest skinny jeans are great with a hair tie through the button hole. my jeans with the fringed ankle are absolutely perfect the first time i wear them after they've been washed.  after that, they slide down but still fit. I tried my favorite maternity skinnies again yesterday but they're still so big and slide all over and are constantly falling off.  i just keep thinking of 60 year old men that have a bit of a gut and their pants are always sliding off because their belly is big and they can't pull their pants up higher.  i have full sympathy for them now because that's me.  every day.  

Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  never feeling like my sleep is restful at all.  typically waking up feeling tired still. not sure what caused the change, but a couple weeks ago, i stopped waking up during the night.  or at least when i wake up, i'm able to just turn over and go back to sleep.  i don't chug a glass of milk and go to the bathroom. so technically, i'm sleeping through the night, but of course i'm still tired, no matter how many hours i get.  

Best moment this week:  that's definitely saturday morning.  we woke up to snow.  the kids were so excited.  an hour or two later, they got on snow gear to go build a snowman.  they came in a few minutes later requesting honey's help.  he was all "uhh, there's no snow."  i'm like "honey, they got their snow gear on themselves and they're so excited for the snow after it being so warm for so long... go out there with them and build a snowman!" eventually, a kid came in requesting that i go to the basement to get our snowman stuff (the little bucket of plastic coal, buttons, carrot nose, scarf, etc)... as i walked past a window (this was the first time i'd actually gotten out of bed), i saw that there was seriously no snow left and i started laughing.  later, chris came in with pictures of our yard (with no snow) and the tiniest little snowman (which apparently took all the snow from our yard and the neighbor's yard) and i laughed so hard that my tears kept falling in my cereal bowl and at a couple points, i was having trouble breathing.  i couldn't even tell you how long this lasted because it kept going and going and then coming back for more.  i honestly can't remember the last time i laughed so hard and for so long... i'm sure it's been years.  it was insane and incredible.  for real, one of the funniest experiences of my entire life.  not sure why, but that really did it for me.  i have such a good husband.

Movement:  still lots of kicks and punches! over the last week, it has seemed to slow down a bit (like it's not so constant), but it is still very strong and uncomfortable.  also, i feel like when he does move, it's basically a five year old kid on swim team trying to learn how to do a flip underwater at a pool wall like the olympic swimmers do. like all the sudden, everything is flailing and shifting and it feels like something is going to get lodged in my ribs at the same time as another limb might poke itself out of my lower regions. and there are the still frequent, but less noticeable soft bumps and stuff.  also, more and more contractions.  they don't feel nice.  nothing feels nice on my belly.  chris and the kids are magnets for it or for snugging or laying on me, but really, even not during contractions, it just is sensitive.  i don't really want people to be near me but brady and elizabeth pretty much think we should all be intertwined constantly so that's a struggle.  especially that elizabeth wants to sit on my belly.  or stand on it.  no, child.  just stop. 

Food cravings:  i have completely stopped even thinking about making dinner.  like i used to at least entertain the thought of making something and then i'd just sit outside and watch the kids ride bikes instead.  now, i don't even think about it and i don't feel much guilt about it either.  i'm getting way picker with my food.  raisin bran was cutting it for a long time but now it somewhat works but also just grosses me out.  lately, i've been eating two eggs over easy served on a slice of toasted grandma sycamore's bread.  and then i normally make one more egg because i'm still hungry and eat that on a slice or half slice of toast.  the kids now all like eggs over easy as well and so does chris so it's a full family affair.  it's been at least two weeks since i've made scrambled eggs or egg salad sandwiches, but i've been eating eggs over easy nearly every day.  i just eat the one main meal.  aside from that, i eat a lot of chocolate, candy, bread and butter (in various forms), and apples.  it's not the most well rounded diet, but as long as i get in that one solid meal with eggs, i feel pretty okay.  if i forget to feed myself then i get nauseous by evening.  

Symptoms:  mild depression that's almost totally under control with zoloft, very increased fatigue (emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other way i can feel fatigue.... i have it all), still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super crazy weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach.  also, headaches amd nausea again lately, mostly in the evenings and at night but sometimes earlier in the day too.  i'm still having that back pain (unrelated to pregnancy).  it's been at least a month so far, so i'm hoping it'll be gone within another few weeks because that's how long those flair ups normally are.  but it's manageable right now so that's good.  and my contractions are continuing to be more frequent and pronounced. 

Gender:  i'm still in occasional denial and have to remind myself that this is a boy. still undecided on a first name although i have my pick and that's what keeps coming to my head when i'm thinking of or referring to this little kid. is it terrible that i just keep assuming that we won't talk about it and then chris will just go with my name? that just seems like what he'll do.  also, i keep wondering when they'll do another ultrasound (y'know, at the end to check positioning) so confirm it's a boy.  i need that confirmation.

What I miss:  still same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy.  i'm just so tired all day.  i have to use quiet time each day for myself.  like i have to definitely be in my bed and enjoy the quiet or take a nap (so so tired all the time)... i'm definitely not going to be doing anything productive.  i did randomly pick up bringing up bebe from the library maybe a week and a half ago and have actually been reading it.  it's kind of really boring, but it's just what i need because it helps me zone out to a place where i don't have to think or feel at all.  also, i like that most of the parenting endorsed in the book is what i do/how i feel.  now if only my kids were showing the great results of that!  i hate always feeling overwhelmed though.  like i don't want to think about anything post baby coming.  configuring carseats in the van or configuring bedrooms or sleeping arrangements upstairs, or anything really.  i don't even want to think about packing for our trip to utah next week or the trip to san diego immediately after that and especially not about the scheduling and planning i need to do to prep for lisa coming to watch my kids.  i AM looking forward though to after all those things are over and lisa is just staying at my house to play for a week.  i'm excited for that part.  i have so much to do though and i chose not to think about it.  i just lay in bed and read a book and try to zone out of life.  mentally and physically, i'm just incapable of everything. 

Milestones: i'm starting to get comments from people that ask me if i'm just done being pregnant or if i'm reading for my baby to just be here and all those comments make me panic hardcore because (see above), i can't handle anything. i'm really not sure how i'm going to get through the next two months with the amount of denial i have going on right now but i'm sure it'll be interesting. i need more time. and more energy and brainpower. how did i get so far that everyone is ready for me to be finished with my pregnancy?! yikes, i'm not ready for this.
Theme: the week of being tired 24/7... i neeeeed naps. although i probably only get like two or three in a week.
What's different this time around: maybe it feels like it's own pregnancy finally! i'm experiencing the severe fatigue like i did with abigail and the apathetic/depressive sorts of moods like i did with elizabeth, and i'm just watching the time fly by like it did with brady. so just taking a bit from each and this pregnancy is actually feeling uniquely different and new to me right now.

Extra: it's crazy how lazy i am. i've been craving rice krispy treats for months (because i always love them, pregnant or not), but don't ever ever make them because i just can't seem to get my act together before the rice krispies get eaten. and then i buy more and it happens again. we had a home teacher bring over rice krispy treats a month or so ago just randomly (it's the only time he's come to our house... our dutiful home teacher from before stopped coming a year ago when chris got called out of elder's quorum) and i thought "wow, heavenly father really does hear and answer our prayers... how else could these rice krispy treats just magically show up on my doorstep?!" it was great. but seriously, i need to make some.

also, i'm just so tired these days. mentally and emotionally, everything is just HARD. so is standing up for any length of time. it seems to make me light headed and out of breath and it's an uncomfortable sensation. i've been a lot more forgiving of myself this pregnancy with my eating habits and laziness. this fourth kid is just no joke... and that i'm in my 30's this time around. so, that's part of the reason for the lack of pregnancy posts/pictures. also, the apathy that comes with the depression. i'm a mess. ; )

Let's celebrate!

Can we all just stop and celebrate for a second here? My sunday is going so well and ill be honest and admit that's typically not the case. Both kids woke up and did their things this morning (Brady's job is to stay in his bed all night and then go potty and get dressed when he wakes up and Abigail's job is to complete all the items on her magnetic chore chart, although this morning, I only had her do some because she was going to shower after breakfast instead of before) and Elizabeth slept until i woke her up at 10:30. Abigail and Brady ate and got ready and got to watch scripture bugs while I got myself and Elizabeth ready. I mean, i had time to curl my hair, paint my toes, put on a necklace, and actually do my makeup in my bathroom instead of in the car on the driveway! And we were on time for church!
and the only time I had to leave sacrament meeting was when Brady needed to go potty. Elizabeth never screamed and I never felt like I wanted to slap my children! What a win for us all!
Nursery went well too! We only had 9 kids there and it was all super chill with just LaResa and myself and our two crying kids were mostly happy and quiet! Chris even popped in twice which always makes me so happy. After church, both kids did their things (putting away church clothes, potty/hands, and getting dressed in play clothes or pjs) and got a bowl of cereal and lunch. And when honey came home in time to join us for lunch, it was even better.
At 3:30, honey left to do visits, Abigail and Brady started acripture bugs again (they're obsessed), and I put Elizabeth down for a nap and got in my bed.
And later this evening, we're going over to the Cottles for dessert and hanging out. This is pretty much as an ideal sunday as I could ever hope for. Who's in the mood to sing some praises with me?! ; )

Elizabeth

Experimenting

In the last ten years, I think I've technologically aged about fifty years. Wish me luck trying to find a new blogging app.

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday, we were on time for church, honey spoke in sacrament meeting and gave maybe the best and most touching talk I've ever heard him give, the kids all found their Easter eggs (Abigail and Brady before church, Elizabeth after), ate Easter dinner (crescent rolls, asparagus, Mac n cheese, fruit kabobs, and some gross ham was served... although I think most of us chose not to eat it), and enjoyed our time together. Holidays can be rough so I'm calling this a major success.