34 weeks

How far along: 34 weeks  (5.29.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 21.5 lbs

Maternity clothes?: it has been a major struggle this week.  i even called in late to work to work one day.  i was like eight or so minutes late already and just getting in my car so i called nora... "hey nora, have no fear, i'm on my way... i just couldn't find anything to fit this morning... see you in a few!"  good thing she is so understanding!  but seriously.  i have so so so many maternity clothes but i already have a long torso and with this kid going nowhere but out, all of these clothes are just making me look like gus gus again.  and since my jeans aren't zipping up these days, then i need things to be just that much longer.  since i'd called in late to work thursday morning i decided i would be more prepared for friday.  so i tried on clothes... for an hour.  i decided i could manage something for friday (which turned out to be a big pain and a lot of resituating and rearranging... i'll never attempt that outfit again) i realized that i'm semi doomed for the next six weeks.  the good news is that the weather is supposed to be sunny and warm this week so i can hopefully manage better with skirts and not have to deal with uncomfortable jeans and the bella band which is a pain.  now i know why i used the rubber band trick for as long as i did!  and chris took me shopping and i picked out a new shirt.  once again, it's not maternity but it might as well be.  i'm becoming a big fan of the miley cyrus clothing line!  the other miley cyrus shirt i have is from the beginning of the year and it is so super long and has been one of my favorite maternity shirts.  ha, who would've guessed?!?!

Stretch marks?: i think i have four coming out of my belly button... two on top and two on bottom.  but they aren't red like the ones on my sides... they're really really light pink as if they're old stretch marks.  i think they've even been there for a week or two but i just didn't know they  were stretch marks because they were so faint.  hmm, we'll have to see what those turn into.  i also had a dream or two this week about my postpartum body.  they weren't the first but they were still scary.  i really am frightened to see the mass of skin bunched up from my no longer super full belly.  and all of the painful looking red scarlike lines all over...  chris asks me all the time why i look at my stretch marks so much.  i think i'm just trying to go ahead and get used to them now!

Sleep: i've been sleeping on my back pretty much the entire pregnancy.  this is actually pretty ironic since i've been practicing sleeping on my side ever since we started getting pregnant.  i even really prefered sleeping on my side because i just really like to spoon.  well, now that i'm pregnant it's only comfortable to sleep on my back (glad my doctor gave me the okay) because whenever i try to sleep on my side, my hips hurt.  anyways, in my obsessive reading i read somewhere that sleeping and laying on your back encourages the baby to face your front, which is not ideal for delivery.  so i tried sleeping on my side.  big mistake.  i woke up at some super early am hour in such intense pain.  holy cow.. sitting up didn't help and neither did laying on my back.  i kid you not, i tried to go to sleep on my knees and elbows because it was the only position to take my baby off my hips and ease the pain.  well my semi prenatal downward dog didn't work for long because as soon as i started getting close to falling asleep, my arms would slip and i would end up on my belly/neck.  ugh.  it was bad.  i will stick to my back for now on... even as much as i miss spponing all night...  i think i'm totally fine with a little sppooning and then switching to my back!  good news though...this week i've had some pretty bizarre dreams but nothing too frightening.  one of my weirder dreams was wednesday night.  i was in the parking lot of our apartment building and there were a million kids (with their parents) playing and running around... all in the parking lot.  i had connor and elliot there and they were running around too.  then i looked at my little girl running around playing with elliot (who is 18 months old) and i thought it semi odd that at four days old, she was physically and developmentally equivalent to an 18 month old!  and then i rationed to myself... well, she was six weeks early afterall... she was obviously ready to come out and play!  ha.  ohhhh right, of course that makes sense even though my child was six weeks early and four days old!  anyways, i woke up and i just thought about how weird it all felt.  this kid is coming soon!

Best moment this week: spending time with my christopher.  he is just so sweet. 

Movement: she is definitely more cramped in there.  i feel her hands (i think) down low by my hip bones and i think it's her feet that are kicking me in the ribs.  but i still get stuff everywhere else too!  i think she's still doing big flips and turns because it seems like she's never in the same position longer than i am!  all the pregnancy books say movement slows down after 32 weeks but she has been getting continually more active.  i feel her more and more every day.  it's not slowing down one bit!  it is definitely getting more uncomfortable to walk though.  i feel semi stabbing (to a lesser degree) needle prick pains that i googled... google says it's her head rubbing against my cervix?  umm okay but it doesn't feel like rubbing to me!  oh well, it's really not too bad.  she's just getting fatter and heavier.  ha, we have that in common!

Food cravings:  sweets, skim milk, bran flakes, bacon (i haven't really indulged that one though), pineapple and when chris and i were watching celebrity apprentice online they showed a 15 second clip for wishbone salad dressing literally ten times during the show (why aren't internet commercials varied like on tv?  why do i have to watch the exact same commercial every time?) and i wanted it so bad.  don't worry, we picked some up at the store the next day and used it today when we cooked our salmon.  it was delicious!

Gender: GIRL!!!  have i mentioned how excited i am to have a girl?!?!

What I miss:  having clothes that fit... and that are comfortable and stay in place throughout the day.

Milestones: actually starting to get the third trimester experience!
Theme: the week of feeling the big, uncomfortable to walk/sleep/sit/bend over etc sensation everyone associates with pregnancy
Extra:  one of the mom's in connor's preschool class is due the same day i am.  she told me about how her older daughter the other day said "mommy, connor's nanny is NOT as fat as you are!" and "mommy, your bottom just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger!"  so i walk out of the classroom feeling the blessing of not having kids tell me how fat i am... literally three minutes later we're playing in the grassy area in front of the school when i little girl does a double take at my stomach and gets wide eyes.  "why are you so fat?!?!  what do you have in your tummy?!?!"  thank you little girl.  i now feel like i'm  eighty million pounds!  just kidding.  i thought it was funny.  of every single comment i've gotten so far only one has slightly offended me and i'm not quite sure why it did... someone gently poked my belly button through my dress and told me it looked painful and then went on about it looks like it would say ouch if it could talk.  i know she meant no offense.  she's always super nice, to me especially.  i just thought it was so random that i took offense at that!  oh well!  i'm over it!

check out those curves!

the good, the bad, and the ugly presents...

pictures from 5.21.10 at 33 weeks

 

the good

 

the bad

 

the ugly

 do you feel satisfied now?!?!

a post with pictures!!!

last night we went to a giants game.  here are some pictures.

AT&T park from the outside

my hot date

right up on the water

my giant belly

my honey taking me to a baseball game

(proof that he loves me)

the game started at 7:15.  it went super fast!

there's something therapeutic about baseball games...

ps- the giants won!

and who doesn't love festive palm trees?!?!

smells like fun!

while i was nannying on friday...

i was driving the boys to the park to meet up with some friends for a kid-playdate-party of sorts.  in the front passenger seat i noticed a box of cheeze-itz that chris had left in there when he borrowed the car at lunch time.  i discreetly snuck a few without the boys seeing (not trying to be selfish but they already had snack, and neither of them are pregnant) and thought i was doing pretty great.

so i was getting C pumped for the playdate telling him about all of his friends that would be there.  i wasn't sure if he was listening but a few seconds later he said "it smells like fun!"  i kind of chuckled and asked him who taught him to say that.  i mean, his parents do have a few things they say that can seem pretty random to someone that didn't know.  but when he tells me no one taught him that i just had to laugh a little more.  he had to have heard it somewhere, right?!?!  then i ask, "so, C, what does fun smell like?!?!" just curious to see what kind of an answer a 3.5 year old would give you to a question like that.  well it only took him about two seconds to answer...

"it smells like goldfish."

whoops.  caught red-handed.

33 weeks

How far along: 33 weeks  (5.22.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 21 lbs

Maternity clothes?: that one pair of jeans that just kept growing with me...  well, i washed them and the next time i put them on they really just weren't comfortable to button.  i want the weather to warm up so i can throw out all of this jeans nonsense and just wear skirts all the time.  i think i'm going to have infinitely more wardrobe problems in the upcoming weeks.

Stretch marks?: i'm getting used to them.  i'm glad they don't hurt.  but why do they look so red and painful?!?!  i went through a big growth spurt growing up.  i don't know the time frame but i went from 5'0'' to 5'8" really really fast.  i didn't noticed them until i was twenty or so, but i have plenty of stretch marks on my legs and hips... they're just so faint, they're hard to see unless i'm really tan and you're looking really hard.  how did i get all of those and not notice while it was happening?!?!  i'm seriously so confused.

Sleep: last night i had a dream that i was on the bachelor with a bunch of other girls i knew and apparently they allowed married girls to be on the show to act as advocates for some of the unmarried girls.  my college roommate sarah was there and so was my apx wife friend karen who are both married.  my blogging sister emmy was one of the single girls on there.  we filmed the finale live.  it was so weird.  do you ever wish you were an artist so you could draw your dreams?  and so was my childhood best friend elisabeth.  after the shower i walked out and met up with my good friend joan rivers and she bought me expensive food as we walked through an indoor mall linked by movie theater lobbies... all very upscale. 

Best moment this week: yesterday.  talking to someone and realizing i only have seven weeks left!

Movement: i can tell she's getting cramped because there are fewer and fewer big kicks and squirms and more little wiggles instead.  occasionally she'll still go just absolutely nuts and my belly looks like a water balloon being held by someone jumping down the stairs.

Food cravings:  still milk and fruit.  but oh man, that milk tastes so heavenly!

Gender: GIRL!!!  i'm so excited for a girl. 

What I miss:  nothing.  i'm loving it.  it's so great.  oh, but i'll love when my jeans don't make me feel so giant.  that'll be nice. 

Milestones: i feel like every day is a milestone.  i'm celebrating the whole thing!!!
Theme: the week of "jumbo lady"  no explaination other than this is the answer chris gave me.  last time i ask him for input on our pregnancy journal!
Extra:  i'm so excited for chris to have a kid!  yesterday at the biz kids dinner he was running around with all the kids and playing with them and they were having the time of their life and i kept saying in my head "he needs a kid" like i've always done... this time though i was excited that soon he actually will!  i couldn't believe it!  and now he's making me get ready for the day.

*post edit*
sorry for the lack of detail emmy.  you didn't get picked by the bachelor.  he ended up picking the girl that everyone hated.  it was a total vienna ending again.  and he wasn't even lds or a good match for you so you didn't care.

in case you were wondering...

right now i weigh as much at 18 gallons of skim milk.

you were wondering weren't you?

ps- go ahead and count the number of gallons visible in this picture.  i counted 18.  i feel like this picture was just made for me!

32 weeks

How far along: 32 weeks  (5.15.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 20 lbs

Maternity clothes?: i found two pairs of jeans in the neglected clothes basket in the laundry room of my building.  one pair is a bit big and baggy, but the other pair fits great and i can button them all the way too if i need to!  how've i been so lucky lately with free clothes?!?!  i love it.

Stretch marks?: super super faint on my right hip.  my left hip looks like a war zone though.  yikes.

Sleep: still nodding off and falling asleep anytime i sit down.  i've started waking up at five again in the mornings.  sometimes i can just go back to sleep but sometimes i have to go to the bathroom or get a few glasses of milk first.  this may be the end of sleeping through the night.  for a long long time.  dreams are still toned down but totally random.  i had a dream last night that i accidentially drank white wine thinking it was white grape juice.  and then i convinced myself it was no big deal.  and then i was wondering how on earth i got so lax that i went from not even taking tylenol to thinking it was fine to have an occasional glass of wine.  still multiple dreams a night and so bizarre.  even more bizarre than the dreams i had while i was on my malaria pills in africa.

Best moment this week: i had a baby shower!  my sweet friends sarah and loran threw me a baby shower and it was so much fun.  the craziest part was that it was MINE!  i stopped going to baby showers two years ago because it was too hard emotionally.  so this was pretty exciting and maybe i can start going to baby showers again now that i had such a good time at mine! 

Movement: i am starting to feel her under my ribs more.  i don't get painful kicks to the ribs like i've been hearing about but occasionally i'll bend over to get something and she's just in the way and i can't go any farther.  i absolutely love feeling her consistently throughout the day though.  it gives me such peace of mind and it keeps me from feeling lonely because i fee like i always have company!

Food cravings:  milk milk milk.  and of course fruit too.  cereal wise this week it's been life with skim.  it's crazy how thirsty i get.  even when my stomach is full from drinking so much it's like i'm just still so so thirsty.  totally insatiable at times.

Gender: GIRL!!!  i keep wondering how i would feel if i got to the hospital and my baby happened to come out a boy.  really not sure how i would handle that because i feel like i've developed this relationship and bond with my baby girl, not boy.  random i know, but just kinda weird to think about.

What I miss:  nothing?  i don't really know how to explain it but even though i miss having energy and not having to think so hard about finding an outfit to wear that works, i've just gotten used to it.  it's just kind of a fact of life these days with little things like that.  like how you get used to cold weather because it's rainy.  eventually, you stop thinking about what a pain it is to layer your clothes or scrape off your windshield in the morning.  it's just normal and you appreciate it for being what it is.  hmm, okay, i just reread that and i don't think that explained what i wanted to at all.  but i don't have a better way to put it.  oh well.  answer: i'm just loving being pregnant.  it's absolutely amazing.

Milestones: still only having two months left!  it felt so weird on sunday and monday answering people and saying "i'm due in two months.  two months from today."  and now that i can say less than two months.  oh my goodness, who would have thought i would make it this far?!?
Theme: the week of getting pumped for a baby!  of course i'm excited to have a baby, but really, until now, i haven't let myself get really into that thought.  i've just been focusing on how happy i am to be pregnant.  it's totally something else though to get baby clothes and things at a baby shower and realize that a child will wear them soon!
Extra:  i thought i already wrote about this but i guess i didn't.  i'm running out of time right now on chris's computer though so i'll make it short.  i thought it was absolutely the cutest thing ever when we were in colorado last weekend with chris's family.  he and his family love competitions and so he took bets from everyone on what they thought about our baby.  everyone guessed due date and time, length, weight, and hair (yes/no) and put a dollar in the pot.  i thought that was a bit on the gambling side but chris's dad didn't see a problem with it and neither did the rest of his family.  hmmm, i'll have to finish this later to spare my patient husband.  to be continued...  the whole time i was telling people not to give him money but they all did it anyways!  chris's mom handed over a dollar for each of the boys to place a bet.  and chris's three grandparents all put in their dollars... even saintly grandma virginia.  i was appalled!  so i told chris it was fine if he emailed my family to play the guessing game but that he should not even dare mention money considering i was so opposed and i'm probably the most liberal of my family!  but anyways, i just thought it was the cutest thing ever when he got out his little notebook and started the whole thing.  sometimes he just melts my heart.  also something i noticed during the trip was that i can't travel these days without feeling sick at some point on the trip.  every trip i've flown, i'm sick at some point.  i get headaches, my stomach hurts, i lose my appetite, etc.  just something random and weird i thought i'd share.  also, occasionally i'll get a really weird sensation in my mouth and throat.  i'm not sure what heartburn is but if it can be felt solely in your throat then maybe this is it.  i've noticed it after i've eaten things with green onions or bell peppers (i think) and one time after i had no unusual food at all (i don't think cheese-its can give you heartburn) but it's just so weird.  and it's super uncomfortable and hurts.  and sometimes it's gone by the next morning but a time or two it's lasted up to 24 hours!  and even stuff like cooked spinach and parsley or oregano or whatever sometimes do the same thing or even just make my mouth feel weird and tingly almost.  i hope this goes away eventually!  i am continually frustrated by how tired i am emotionally and how i am just not myself and i don't get excited to do even some of my very favorite things.  and when i get angry... i get really really angry!  at least for me it's really angry since normally it's pretty hard to get me worked up about stuff.  ugh, some days i feel just ton top of the world but other days i just wonder if i'll ever feel consistently happy again.  wish me luck!

31 weeks

sorry.  really busy lately.  i will post this in a day or two maybe.

hope you're having a good weekend!  happy mother's day!

How far along: 31 weeks  (5.8.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 19 lbs ...goodness!

Maternity clothes?: not bad this week.  i actually get lots of compliments on my clothes these days!  that's fun.  except that none of them are mine and i'll have to give all of them back to their rightful owners eventually.

Stretch marks?: still wondering why my left side gets stretch marks so far ahead of my right.  i can see where a couple of stretch marks on my right hip will appear although they aren't actually there yet.

Sleep: the dreams this week have been more toned down.  THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!!  and anytime i sit down for more than ten minutes i'm at serious risk for falling asleep.  like when i went to the temple on friday and was nodding off ten minutes into it... and for the next hour and a half.  and nodding off at church today.  it's embarrassing.  still sleeping through the night and waking up absolutely exhausted.  one weird thing though (who knows, maybe it's just a really great blessing) is that when i wake up in the morning, i am WIDE awake and it's hard to get back to sleep.  great for when my alarm goes off... bad for when something else accidentally wakes me up.

Best moment this week: christopher and i celebrated our three year anniversary.  can't believe we've been married that long.  we played skip bo and went to bed early.  it was really great!

Movement: i feel it more than ever and more often than ever too.  chris is convinced that our kid has inherited my add and that has always been a longstanding fear of mine so we're both kinda mourning for our kid already.  i just hope she doesn't hate school as much as i did.  but if she does, i at least have my own mother's example to follow on how to handle it all and help my kid graduate!  she is very strong and sometimes she really startles me with big flips and really tickles me sometimes too.  when i was at target yesterday she was super low and it was actually really uncomfortable because i'm already carrying really low.  it was uncomfortable to walk (even when i walked very slowly and gingerly) and almost hurt.  i think it gave me a sneak peak into the homestretch of pregnancy when i hear it gets way uncomfortable.  anyways, she did a huge flip and i did some poking and prodding and then we all felt a lot better!

Food cravings:  this week it was kinda oreos (even without milk!) which i've never really been a huge fan of.  it's still weird for me to like sweets.  but honestly, aside from sweets (which i really only want small quantities of) i only really enjoy healthier foods.  i am super sensitive to salt and sugar when normally i think the more the better!  i had garlic bread yesterday, which has always been my favorite, and all i could think while i was eating it was "this is so salty.  why am i eating this?!?! it's white bread and butter and garlic salt.  bread, butter, salt?!?!  where is the nutritional value?!?!"  and this morning when i ate french toast, it tasted good but i really had trouble enjoying it because it was just so sweet (and i struggled again with the zero nutrients white bread issue).  this is just so weird for me.  i can't even love my captain crunch anymore because i just want bran flakes.  and i used to like my cereal with 2% milk and then it seemed too sweet and creamy so i dropped to 1% and now i think i just prefer skim.  and i ONLY like to drink skim milk.  anything else is too fatty and soda is bad for you and juice is too sugary and sweet, even if i water it down.  i'm sure this would be absolutely unbelievable to anyone that has known me up close for any length of time.

Gender: GIRL!!!  so excited to have a girl.  but i got a little sad today thinking about how all girls are brats from time time they're 12 to the time they're 22 and that my sweet little girl probably will too (even though chris is convinced that some girls stay nice and maybe our kid will too).  so once again, i'll just have to ask my mother her methods for not bashing my brains in daily for being such a jerk.

What I miss:  eh, just a little here and there.  but just for the record, when i answer this question i'm kind of just anticipating the future and comparing pregnancy to post pregnancy.  because honestly, this question would not even be on here if it was comparing pregnancy to pre-pregnancy infertility.  that's obvious right?!?! 

Milestones: only having two months left!  holy cow!  once again, i just gotta say, this is going by too fast!  i just found out i was pregnant six months ago.  after years of wishing and anticipating it's like i waited in line for 3 hours at six flags and then my ride was over in 2.5 minutes!  being pregnant makes me feel so fulfilled.  it makes me feel special and important.  i love it.
Theme: the week of starting to count down.  the end is near and it's coming fast!
Extra:  i was excited this year not to dread mother's day.  i didn't have to worry about someone's talk in church making me cry or whatever.  i love strangers telling me happy mother's day at the airport.  i love people telling me i look great.  i love all of the special treatment and that i don't even feel guilty asking a stranger for a favor.  i've decided that it's always christmas when you're pregnant.  seriously, people strike up conversation, offer you help, smile/are extra friendly, etc. to you when you're pregnant, just like how everyone is around christmas time... but probably even more so.  i wonder what it's like to be big and pregnant during december... that must be over the top.  i saw the scale say 150 for the first time.  i guess i knew it was coming.  i mean, i was gaining 2-3 pounds a week for two months and then gained nothing for two months... i mean, it was only a matter of time before the scale continued to go up...  today i was so tired i was almost in tears (though it's not hard to bring me to tears these days) and i realized that i'm going to continue to be extremely tired for months to come.  and after that i'll be really tired probably indefinitely.  and in all actuality, i might not ever feel well rested again in this lifetime.  wow, now we all know how one thing leads to another and i get carried away and start crying all within the space of 20 seconds.  i feel big.  i grunt like my dad when i roll over or get out of bed, up from the sofa, etc.  i mean, i'm up over 25 pounds from my normal weight, which i was a short eight months ago.  over 25 pounds?!?! um, that's a lot of weight to carry around.  i don't waddle yet, but when i walk i totally lean back for fear of my belly causing me to tip over forward.  it is so heavy and my kid only weighs three pounds!  oh how i fear the next two months!  other random things.  when chris talks to our baby, he gets right up close to my belly and in an echo voice says "hello!  is anyone in there?"  and then he listens and tells me he didn't get a response.  not sure why, but i still think it's funny.  and a few times he'll lay his head on my belly for a face massage.  and sometimes when i spoon him he'll ask me "why's our baby always kicking my butt?" and then i make up some excuse for why he must deserve it.  it's fun.

30 weeks

How far along: 30 weeks  (5.1.10)

Total weight gain/loss: +17 lbs  ...still

Maternity clothes?: suprisingly good week finding things to wear.  so much easier to be on time to work when the first outfit fits as opposed to the fourth.

Stretch marks?: left hip is grossly disfigured.  right hip is still virgin to stretch marks.  come on... stay beautiful!  just kidding.  i give my right hip one more week.

Sleep: i don't feel like i every actually go to sleep.  i feel like i'm just watching myself sleep.  or like i'm daydreaming.  i'm totally conscious of everytime during the night that chris or i move.  it's weird.  and it leaves me very tired.  assortment of dreams this week.  sunday morning i woke up after having a traumatizing night.  i went from being inadequate at scrapbooking (i know this is true in real life but in my dream i was with the other girls in my RS and it was highly embarassing), to escaping a natural disaster at church, to being chased by soldiers and getting thrown in a concentration camp.  two nights ago i had a serious of dreams where i was always in really nice buildings and ritzy venues.  i had one dream that i went into labor and it was so easy and fun and the doctors and everyone were all joking and we were celebrating that we'd get to meet our kid early and everything and then the doctors checked for a heartbeat and couldn't find it and i started to cry and my baby came out dead and blue (literally blue like that girl in willy wonka) and i fell to the floor in hysterics.  but then i had a semi followup dream that that dream was a dream in a dream.  i dunno, it was all very confusing.  and good thing my doctor said i'm fine to sleep/lay on my back.  sometimes if i fall asleep for too long on my side i wake up with pretty intense aching in my hips.  what's that from?  just all the extra weight?  i am still counting my blessings that i can sleep through the night without needed to get up to go to the bathroom.  i LOVE that.

Best moment this week: i dunno.  it was all pretty good!  had a fun night with friends.  work was really good the past couple of days.  the weather has been pretty good.  hmm, i gotta say just hanging out with my honey.  he's been pretty funny this week.  he takes care of me and makes sure that i get a good laugh in. 

Movement:  this kid sure is squirmy.  i feel like i have worms in my stomach.  sometimes it's so uncomfortable and tickles really bad.  especially low by my hips and far to my sides.  it makes me squirm and sometimes i can't help it!  i think my favorite is when she lodges her knee or foot or something in me where i can see and feel it sticking out.  and then i can kinda guide her to a new position.  i dunno why i like it so much.  that's a weird thing to love.  one of my dreams even related to it.  i was looking in the mirror at the doctor's office when i saw the outline of my kid's arm and then head and then it was like her whole body was just hanging off the side of my stomach and i could see it clearly.  so my doctor decided to make a painless cut up my side and just grab the baby out since clearly she wanted to be out early anyways.  ha, that would be funny if birth really happened like that.  it took all of four seconds and didn't even hurt!  and my baby came out clean too... didn't need a bath or anything!

Food cravings:  FRUIT.  holy cow it hits the spot.  juicy and sweet and cool and healthy.  grapes, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, asian pears, mango, pineapple, watermelon.  mmm.  other than that, i can easily forget to eat.  not too munchy.  and i can go long periods of time without getting hungry!  i love not being so dependent on food!

Gender: GIRL!!!  so so so happy for a girl!

What I miss: nothing.  i'm just sad about how fast this pregnancy is going by.  i'm loving it so much.  i'm totally content with being 30 weeks pregnant.

Theme:  the week of only TEN weeks to go!  holy cow!
Extra:  this week was really good overall.  i had a breakdown the other night that started because i was overwhelmed with stroller options.  chris asked me to tell him my other concerns and so we both had a good laugh about some of those (they are always pretty ridiculous) and then he tucked me in to bed and helped me fall asleep.  his support has really helped me magnify the good of this week.  i was especially thankful for that the other day when my doctor called twice and left two very concerned voicemails letting me know she was just checking up on me to make sure i was doing okay.  she also wrote me an email (this is all within the space of about six hours) voicing the same concerns and giving me the psychiatrist/therapy phone number again.  i was happy to write back and be able to honestly (and confidently) tell her that i was having a really good week and that although i know i've been really emotional and up and down with pregnancy lately, i feel confident that i can handle it all without medication and professional help and that i really appreciate her concern.  so here's another random pregnancy thing.  friday i fell down.  i can't even remember the last time i fell down.  probably at least two years ago at byu when i used to try to walk down steep sidewalks covered in several inches of solid ice.  but today i fell down and there was no ice in sight.  i was at work and i had run inside to grab a bag of dried fruit since we were on our way to the park and i thought the boys might get hungry while we were there.  on my way out the back door (we never ever go out the back door except for this one time) i turned around after shutting the sliding door and i guess i tripped on my flip flop or my jeans or something but i fell face forward down two stairs (they JUST got a new patio put in and it has a little landing outside the door and a step or two down the patio area... make sense?  probably not) and oh my goodness it hurt!  kids fall down all the time and now i know why they cry!  my hands were scraped and bleeding.  they stung so so bad.  for at least twenty minutes too!  i got cuts on my toes on both feet that bled, my left ankle got scraped and bruised.  both knees were scraped and bruised, and my right shin has an ugly scrape and is puffy and going to bruise.  and on a completely superficial note, it scratched up my toe nail polish really badly and i'm not at all happy about it.  thank goodness though that i wasn't holding a kid (we would both be in really bad shape) and thank goodness i didn't hit my stomach.  i know my kid would have been fine but i would have been paranoid about it and i bet it wouldn't have felt nice.  this was all pretty traumatic for me.  honestly, it was.  and can i just say again, it was scary and it hurt real bad.

so sad

i was so disappointed to discover this on google tonight.

"Although the laws governing use of carpool or HOV lanes vary by state, Georgia, Virginia, and California all concur that an unborn baby does not count as an occupant."

apparently occupants need to occupy a seat.

some like it cheap

On Wednesday April 28^th  (that's tomorrow) from 5 pm to 10 pm Baskin Robbins has ice cream for 31 cents a scoop.  You can buy three scoops.

here's the link 

i'm all over it.

oh yeah

ps- chris and i have tried to revive my computer probably 15 times in the last two weeks and i think we should call it lazarus no more.  blogging will probably continue to be pretty rare.  anyone have a computer they'd like to donate to me?

29 weeks

How far along: 29 weeks  (4.24.10)

Total weight gain/loss: +17 lbs according to the weigh in at my appointment on wednesday

Maternity clothes?: still haven't gone back to maternity pants yet.  just trying to find shirts that are long enough.  the weather was so nice this week that i kept wanting to just throw on a skirt and t-shirt.  sad news when your big t-shirts make you look like gus gus.

Stretch marks?: getting a number of marks on the left hip... none on the right.  why is my left side fatter?

Sleep: my dreams have been less intense this week so i'm not so emotionally exhausted when i wake up.  but i frequently dream i'm at work or taking care of the kids from work.  but at least i'm not trying to escape anyone or anything scary.  it really has helped me wake up happier and more refreshed.  not sure what the deal is but i keep waking up around 5 by really noisy birds.  i don't ever really feel like i fully get back to sleep so i spend the next two or three hours in that frustrated half awake sort of deal.  and a few times i've been woken up by some strong kicks or punches.  but all in all, this week has been much improved from previous weeks!

Best moment this week: umm, not sure?  probably just feeling so much movement from an active baby.  i think it is so beyond cool.  and it helps reassure my that everything is okay, because, yes, i'm still phobic about something going wrong.

Movement:  noticeably so much stronger and more frequent this week.  some of it is pretty uncomfortable even.  i love feeling it throughout the day but now it's starting to scare me that i'm going to have an ultra active baby that's super add and never slows down.

Food cravings:  eating is still kind of a hassle.  don't get me wrong, i'm still humbled from my first trimester days.  just saying, i'm not even in to candy that much these days.  chocolate chips have been delicious and of course milk.  but really, maybe that's why i stopped gaining weight.  i'm not obsessed with food.  no real cravings.  i totally count myself lucky that processed and foods with little or no nutritional value don't appeal to me.  i mean, i'll want a cookie or other sweets or something but they don't make me happy.  i keep hearing people tell me that they didn't feel guilty about eating crap because they were pregnant but honestly i feel totally the opposite.  i didn't care what sort of trash i was feeding myself (namely nasty totinos pizzas...yum, to die for) before i was pregnant, but now that i'm feeding a baby i feel terrible eating them.  i naturally seek out healthy foods.  so maybe i'm that odd person that is excited to not feel guilty to eat trash again (and nasty pizzas) when i'm no longer nourishing a baby in my belly.

Gender: GIRL!

What I miss: being happy

Theme:  the week of being pregnant with my third?
Extra:  this week i think i reached the point where people can't resist asking your due date, baby gender, etc.  and when i've got the two boys i watch with me, i also get comments about am i excited to be having a girl since i already have to boys and about the spacing of my children etc.  normally i don't bother explaining to people that they aren't my children (unless they specifically ask or make a comment) but now i find myself telling everyone at the park, grocery store, etc, that i am actually just pregnant with my first.  before i was pregnant i used to worry that people would think i was a pregnant teenager since people always tell me how young i look.  umm, i did not anticipate everyone assuming that i'm pregnant with my third.  three kids three and under?  i'm pretty glad that's not my case!  but on the upside, you wouldn't believe how accommodating people are when you are "pregnant with your third."  ha, people are nice to me when it's just me, but when i've got two kids, 1.5 and 3.5 with me, everyone turns very understanding and patient and chatty and friendly.  in other news, at my appointment on wednesday, i filled out a third trimester depression questionnaire.  my doctor never addressed it during the appointment so i asked (along with my list of questions) if my crazy emotions would be going away soon or stay through postpartum.  she asked if i'd taken the survey, i told her yes, she found it on her clipboard, went over it with me.  all i wanted her to say was "this is totally normal, yes it sucks but it will go away eventually or at least subside substantially (like acne, nausea, etc.) but no, i ended up in tears just talking to her about it.  apparently i'm more depressed than the average pregnant person and in some people post partum depression comes before the baby, in the third trimester.  i told her okay, so when will it go away?  all i need is just little words of comfort, don't give me the truth!  she begins to tell me the wonders of therapy and medication.  i'm sure through all of my tears i sounded super convincing that i don't want/need professional help and/or drugs but whatever.  she kept wanting to call in a referral to a psychiatrist but i told her no.  ugh, it wasn't good. at least there are ups and downs and not just downs.  i can always laugh about it later.  wish me luck.  also, did the orange drink glucose test and i wanna know what all the hype was about.  the drink tasted delicious and it was only a tiny bottle anyways.  why did i keep hearing stories about how super sweet (no sweeter than soda) and disgusting it was and how it made so and so throw up?!?!  oh well.  glad it was a breeze.  so that was my week.  and for the record, i only cried once today and not at all yesterday.  really, i'll be fine.  ;-)

a saturday

well.  i pretty much stopped posting.  partly from being so down so often and partly because i am letting my computer be broken for a little while to decrease my dependence on it.  wish me luck in that regard. 

SO i have no way to post pictures and am pretty boring these days.

but, just so you know, on saturday my husband (yes, it's true, i have one, although he is rarely mentioned) made me french toast for breakfast and took me on a wonderful all day date of my choice.  meaning: we wandered.  we went to gamble gardens in palo alto which was pleasent, lawn bowling (seriously) which left me sore, babies r us to window shop, taco bell where i got a delicious burritto, milk pail for some produce, and safeway for a few gallons of milk (and some frozen burrittos for my honey).

it was a delightful day.

28 weeks

How far along: 28 weeks  (4.16.10)

Total weight gain/loss: +17 lbs still?  i dunno, i'll find out on wednesday at my appt.

Maternity clothes?: i'm doing okay with the shirts but temporarily gave up on the pants.  this week i've been wearing my normal jeans either with a bella band, rubber band, or nothing at all but my hips to hold them up.  it is infinitely easier and more comfortable than maternity pants.  but who knows if that'll be true down the road.

Stretch marks?:   definitely got a new one or two on my left hip.  until now they were confined to my chest.

Sleep: my dreams leave me absolutely exhausted.  i have like six different dreams each night.  i'm at work, then i'm escaping a burning building, then i'm running away from army tanks, then i'm on a vacation with the family i nanny for, then my sister's car blows up.  i mean seriously, how do i wake up from that feeling refreshed?!?!  thursday night though i had dreams that weren't so active and i woke up in a much better mood.  still insanely tired though.  at least i'm still mostly sleeping through the night.

Best moment this week: not really a specific moment but i love the random, nice pregnancy comments.  i mean, i weigh a ton and i'm stopped by friends, strangers, everyone asking me how i'm feeling and then telling me i look amazing!  they don't even say stuff like "you like nice" it's always "you look phenomenal" (or fantastic, incredible, etc) when has that ever happened in my life?!?!  um never.  what's not to love?!?!

Movement: i love it.  i love it.  i love it.

Food cravings:  still just eating enough to satisfy me.  if food is delicious and in front of me then of course i'll eat it, but i don't crave things and go out of my way to eat everything.  and i actually get full at after a smaller amount of food.  i haven't even had a sour patch kid in 24 hours.  wow.

Gender: GIRL!

What I miss: just feeling normal.  y'know, not big and bulky, irritable, tired, headachey (those came back... mildly though), etc.  but really, i had a good day today so maybe the real answer is just "nothing."

Theme:  the week of getting the whole picture.
Extra:  this week i totally felt like i got a balanced act of all the things that accompany pregnancy.  i was tired. i had trouble finding clothes that fit right.  i was moody.  i was lethargic.  i felt like a huge blob.  but then i felt like i had a cute bump.  i loved people's pregnancy comments.  then i hated having to tell everyone i'm pregnant with my first, not third.  i had times where i wanted to devour everything in site and plenty of times where i was full after four bites.  i love experiencing everything but honestly it's so widespread.  it just consumes you!


sorry.  wanted to post this on saturday but didn't get a chance until now.

27 weeks

How far along: 27 weeks  (4.10.10)

Total weight gain/loss: not sure... maybe + 17 lbs?

Maternity clothes?: i'm hating them.  none of the pants stay up and they're not comfortable because they're always moving around.  the shirts aren't long enough to cover the band, and i can't even blame it on my stomach because really, it's small now compared to what it'll be in a few months!  and the shirts are either way big and baggy or if they're more fitted then they just ride up and up and up over my bump.  getting dressed is such a chore.  and it doesn't help that i can never have a go-to outfit because i'm constantly growing and nothing fits the same way twice.

Stretch marks?: i think i'm starting to see new dots that will grow into new stretch marks

Sleep: this week has been really good!  i'm sleeping all through the night (for the most part) and falling asleep quickly too!  now if only i could get rid of these crazy dreams!

Best moment this week: definitely general conference

Movement: not too much action this week.  even though my doctor warned me that i would be feeling a decrease in movement (due to an increase in fluids?) it still worries me from time to time.  but i really really miss feeling her move more often.  it really makes me so happy so see my stomach lurch.

Food cravings:  my voracious appetite has definitely left me.  i still like eating, but i would be just as happy skipping the food and just feeling full and satisfied instead.  i'm not lunging at everything edible within a five foot radius of me.  but i'm still devouring the milk like crazy.  which is saying something for me.

Gender: GIRL!!!

What I miss:  1) walking/sitting/standing/doing anything without my pants falling down  2) being happy

Milestones: finishing the second trimester!  holy cow!
Theme: the week of being depressed
Extra:  i have far too many hormones.  i'm happy sometimes.  but the overall feeling is just sad, lethargic, and apathetic.  this week has really caused me to be worried about post-partum depression.  i have everything i've ever wanted and i'm feeling just plain crappy.  this week i've been crying at least once a day.  i am ultra irritable and i'm really scattered in my thoughts so it's hard to get anything done and regular things take me forever and leave me feeling dissatisfied and i constantly have an overall feeling of general anxiety because i feel like i'm in a cloud like in one flew over the cuckoos nest (or whatever that book was) and it's just terrible.  chris has been so wonderful and patient when i start crying for no reason and he's been so good about taking study breaks to check in with me and see how i'm doing and make sure i'm staying busy and involved in something.  but honestly, i just wish i was more emotionally stable so i could help him out when he gets stressed or whatever instead of him adding me to his already too long list of things to manage and take care of.  i could keep rambling forever about all of this but i'll just say i'm having flash backs of when i was engaged and had just started birth control and i had SERIOUS breakdowns more than once a day and i was horribly mean to chris and i have no idea why he didn't break off our engagement although i'm glad he didn't.  so yeah, my body can't handle caffeine and it can't handle hormones (and i would imagine i wouldn't hold alcohol well either).  wish me luck for future weeks of pregnancy.  but i have to say i'm loving every second of pregnancy.  just in case you were doubting.  chris sure does.

26 weeks

How far along: 26 weeks  (4.3.10)

Total weight gain/loss: not sure

Maternity clothes?: wore maternity jeans for the first time this week!!!  they won't stay up.  they're not huge but with no real waist to them they just slide off my hips.  suggestions?

Stretch marks?: of course

Sleep: i can never seem to get enough.  but i'm doing better at staying awake during the day!

Best moment this week: my honey came home from china!!!

Movement: most of the time i can feel her in one or two spots at a time... but sometimes she just goes crazy!  it's like gymnastics or aerobics for an octopus!  flips, turns, punches, kicks, the works.  my whole stomach looks like that arcade game where the alligators (or groundhogs or whatever) pop up all over the place while you try to beat them with the mallet.

Food cravings:  mostly milk.  i'll come home from work and drink a half gallon before i go to bed five hours later.  oh my goodness it is the most delicious substance on earth!

Gender: GIRL!!!

What I miss:  nothing.  life is so good.

Milestones: only single digits of days left!  holy cow, never thought i'd make it this far!
Theme: the week of wearing maternity clothes!
Extra:  twice this week i've cried for little or no reason.  today i talked on the phone with my blogging sister who told me the price of some shirts i wanted went up six or so dollars each.  i was kinda upset about this because i had wanted to buy at least five.  normal people take a minute and get over it.  pregnant carrie gets off the phone and starts crying.  still emotional near tears at least a half hour later.  umm what?!?!  a night or two ago i was just hanging out talking to chris when i told him "honey, i'm about to cry."  no idea why, but i just felt tears coming on and i couldn't stop crying for a while.  i don't even remember what we were talking about, but seriously, there was absolutely no reason to explain why i should so randomly start crying.  honestly, i'm just a nutcase these days... ANYTHING can make me cry with seriously NO warning.

a large growth

this is mostly for liza, and i guess for sarah too.  for anyone that has wanted proof that i'm as big as i say i am.

ever since january (basically the start of second trimester) i started taking belly shots to basically document/prove to myself how big i was getting.  i would have started sooner than week 14 or so but i was a bit phobic...you know about that.

so in the beginning stages i really couldn't tell if i was getting bigger or if i'd just adopted bad posture.  my solution: three belly shots every week.  i named them "the good, the bad and the ugly."  here's my explanation...

the good: i suck in my stomach as much as i possibly can... normally involves holding my breath because it's so intense.

the bad: i try to stand "normal"... whatever that is.  my posture may be less than optimal.

the ugly: i push out my stomach as far as i can.  i have always had the ability to look grossly pregnant, this is not new.

so, as i continue to consume a very large piece of pound cake, i present you with physical proof of the poundage i'm gaining.

old pictures at 15 weeks...

and the most recent pictures at 25 weeks...

so basically, "ugly" is the new "good."

and there you have it.

24 weeks and 25 weeks

How far along: 24 weeks  (3.20.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 13 lbs.  yeay!

Maternity clothes?: loran gave me some maternity jeans that might fit later.  liza sent me some capris that actually fit right now so i'm hoping to get over being so self conscious about my ankles!

Stretch marks?: of course.  but i had a dream this week that i got stretch marks over every inch of my body.  it was disgusting.

Sleep: not fabulous.  i just go from one side to the other all night.  which isn't fun because it hurts to turn over!

Best moment this week:  mom and em coming in town!!!

Movement: i'm feeling her move throughout the day, but still not when i'm moving around.  i'm addicted to feeling her move.  after i pray at night i just prop myself up on my back and feel her moving while i drift off to sleep.  I LOVE IT!

Food cravings:  smoothies.

Gender: GIRL!!!

What I miss:  my mobility.  getting in and out of em's car yesterday was UGH!  i felt obese and elderly.

Milestones: reaching viability.  my kid has a shot if she's born early!
Theme: the week of feeling the whole deal.  big, emotional, bathroom breaks, eating, movement, dr appt, clothes not fitting...
Extra:  my sweet christopher left for china.  mom and em came to keep me company!  not really baby related but still important current events.

How far along: 25 weeks  (3.27.10)

Total weight gain/loss: i've decided the scale i use is too unreliable.  i'm going to depend mostly on doctors visits from now on.

Maternity clothes?: wore maternity clothes for the first time this week!!!  but only a shirt or two.  completely cleaned out my closet and folded and put away all of my skinny shirts/skirts and hung up all of the maternity/big clothes!

Stretch marks?: they're getting worse.  i even had a dream that every inch of my body was covered in stretch marks.  even my too small ankles!  woke up and was happy to realize that my ankles and arms have little chance of getting stretch marks.

Sleep: pretty good!  with mom and em in town i was dead tired every night and had the whole bed to myself with chris being gone!

Best moment this week: playing with mom and em.  i probably had more fun than chris... and he spent his spring break in china!

Movement: definitely getting stronger and much more active.  i love every second of it.

Food cravings:  the cream cheese orange rolls we made.  they really hit the spot! 

Gender: GIRL!!!

What I miss:  nothing.  it's just all so wonderful.

Milestones: hitting 25 weeks!  NOW i feel like i'm on the more home stretch part of pregnancy.  i actually get sad and panicky about how pregnancy is going by too fast.  i'll count on the third trimester to change that!
Theme: the week of the time warp!  fastest week of my life because i was having so much fun with mom and em.  refer to above... it's just going by too fast... especially considering the amount of time i spent dreaming/obsessing over being pregnant.
Extra:  at the grocery store i left my cart in the middle of the aisle.  i apologized and made some joking comment about always being in the way.  can't remember her exact phrasing but she said something to the extent of "girl, you just wait a little while til that belly of yours gets bigger, then you'll for sure always be in the way!" [add slightly ghetto voice]  it made my day!  i love every comment from strangers asking when i'm due or telling me congrats or anything really.... anything to remind me that i'm pregnant.  i've also discovered how unphotogenic i am these days.  although i'm in a delicate state, my camera (and em's and mom's) would have you believe i am as delicate as a charging rhinoceros.  i really don't think i'm in to that huge and lumbering stage yet, although the third trimester is quickly approaching, but in pictures i look huge/fat/thick/gross/etc.  when i actually look that way in person, THEN what will the cameras portray?!?!

on my mind

here's stuff i've been thinking about lately...

the weather here this week has been absolutely heavenly!  it has made me feel happier, prettier (yes, i admitted it, good weather makes me feel pretty), and more inclined to enjoy my job on a minute by minute basis.  i spend every second possible outside and it seems like my day goes by too fast almost!

my sweet christopher is heading to china saturday morning.  he's going on a global study trip through the business school and is going to be so busy traveling from city to city and meeting tons of important people he probably won't even remember me.  but that's okay because...

my dear mother and my blogging sister are coming tomorrow!!!  and they should get here around the time i get off work so we can [hopefully] do something fun like go to a stanford baseball game for our first night together!  they'll be here until the end of the month (when chris comes back) so we'll have plenty of time to do plenty of fun things!  unfortunately i don't get any time off work so i'll miss out on lots of stuff BUT i'm happy to have the company!

i used to have a lot of other things on this list but i just got really tired and i actually have a lot i need to do tonight.  so oh well, at least we got three...