more travel anxiety

tomorrow morning at 6:30am we're leaving for girls camp.  this is so sad for me to admit but i would give anything not to go.  my appetite has been super weird lately and the heat and altitude has been giving me bad headaches and making me faint/dizzy every time i stand up.  but that's not really it.  because, i mean, i really really really loved girls camp when i was a kid.  i probably loved it more than any other girl there but this time it's not the same.  why?  because i have a kid and a husband now.  but mostly because i have a kid now.  i hate leaving her, even for date nights.  my time is much happier and more enjoyable when she's with me.  i love nap time as much as the next person but aside from that, i don't ever feel like i need a "break" from her.  so my biggest reason for not wanting to go to camp is actually that i'm going to have to be away from my baby.

i spent the whole night with her since my christopher spent the night in bed trying to rest off a headache.  i hugged her and kissed her as much as i could.  we played dress up, alphabet blocks, drug dog cards, a bunch of new toys from liza, and a million other things.  and then it was time for bath and bed.  after we prayed i held her in my arms and told her how much i love her and that i'm going bye bye tomorrow and will be gone for a few days while she plays with her friends and daddy and grandma, grandpa, and uncle nate.  she was excited about seeing uncle nate.  i told her i'd be back soon and then we could play some more and that i would miss her while i'm gone.  i cherished holding that little body in my arms and fought back tears as i mourned the hours and days ahead that i would miss spending with her.  i laid her in her crib and told her goodnight.

then i went straight downstairs to my laptop, opened up my blog, and scrolled through post after post after post of pictures and stories about her.  i left her for ten days when we went to dubai.  four days while we were in napa.  and this will only be four days while i'm at camp.  i won't lie... dubai was really hard.  but napa was not as bad.  and this?  well, my heart is breaking.  and my tears are spilling.

i know she won't even notice or care that i'm gone.  i am 100% not at all worried about her.  i am 10000000% worried about myself.  i know i say it jokingly quite a bit but i am absolutely and completely sincere when i ask you this time to please please pray for me.  specifically that my heart won't hurt so bad and also that none of my girls will see their young women president crying in her tent because she wants to go home.

and now i just need to dry my eyes, suck it up, and pack my bags.  but really, please pray for me while i'm gone.  i would really appreciate it.