Thursday, December 25, 2014

17 weeks

How far along:  17 weeks  (12.25.14)

Total weight gain/loss: +4 lbs? just guessing because i didn't have a scale. 
Maternity clothes:  yes.  just shirts though.  i probably wouldn't have broken them out already except for the fact that they're already in my closet because i wear maternity shirts as part of my regular wardrobe. 
Sleep:  it's hit and miss but really not bad.
Best moment this week:  saturday!  celebrating christmas and feeling my baby move!  but a shout out to wednesday, our first full day in costa rica, just lounging on the beach.
Movement:  i can feel my baby!!!  i can feel light kicks on the inside but i can really really feel my baby's body parts from the outside of my belly.  it happened on saturday the 20th (when we celebrated christmas day) and i felt a shift in my stomach that was sort of like a contraction because of the pressure.  but when i reached my hands down to feel, my belly was soft all over except for a really hard spot the size of a clementine.  the best part was that chris was right there to feel it so we got to experience it at the same time.  so that was my moment of realization that what i've been feeling is actually real.  i had to feel it with my hands to actually believe it all.  so since then, it's been internal thumps and external knots.  so exciting!
Food cravings:  i just eat because i have to.  it's been a struggle but i'm surviving just fine.
Symptoms: nausea, weird dreams, headaches
Gender:  my guess is still girl.  especially since i just threw up again last friday night.  
What I miss:  not struggling so much to eat.  it's annoying that my body requires food so frequently.  i wish i could just take a pill every so often instead of having to actually eat meals and stuff.
Milestones:  i had my first stranger ask me when i was due!  at 16 weeks, 6 days... on christmas eve.  i was wearing my v neck halter swimsuit, which i think helped.  also, for some reason, the guy kept acting like we were bff, so go figure he was asking me personal questions...  ; )    
Theme: the week of moving right along.  pregnancy is speeding up!
What's different this time around:  at this point in my pregnancy with abigail and with brady, i was done throwing up and being sick.  this time around, i can feel good and then just suddenly get a horrible headache and feel super sick/throw up.  first trimester is long gone... i want the sickness to be gone too!
Extra:  i'm shocked at how uncomfortable it is when my baby rolls around in my belly.  i seriously went from feeling nothing to feeling some pretty significant pressure in my low belly.  i won't lie, i'm super nervous about how this will progress.

12.25.14 at 17 weeks

12.25.14 at 17 weeks

Monday, December 22, 2014

It's moving!

Y'all, I still can't get over it... Since Saturday, I've been feeling this baby move, from the inside and outside! It was extra exciting because I first knew it was for real Saturday afternoon, which was the day we were celebrating Christmas. We had put Brady down for a nap, and Abigail and Christopher and I were laying in bed watching some hallmark Christmas movie when I felt an uncomfortable shift in my belly and thought "oh my gosh, that felt like a contraction!" And immediately put my hands on my belly to investigate. Last pregnancy I could tell the difference between a contraction and just baby movement by whether my belly was hard all over or just in one spot. So this time when I felt my stomach, it was still really squishy on the left side until I got to one point on the right side when there was a hard knot the size of the cutie.  It was so crazy! I had Chris feel it to tell me I wasn't losing my mind and he was feeling the same exact thing that I was! It was so cool to have him right there with me to experience that moment with me. I've thought for a while that I've been feeling stuff but thought for sure it was too early (I'm always skeptical of those ladies claiming to feel "kicks" at 10 weeks when their baby is only an inch long) but did some investigating online and found that it's really common for moms to feel movement at 16 weeks even though outside movement isn't normally felt until after 20 weeks (Chris first felt Brady around 20 weeks) but I'm super skinny this time around (and have been able to clearly feel my uterus for a loooong time) so it's possible. 

But just to get an extra opinion, I asked dr clagget at my appointment today and she confirmed I wasn't crazy. She also felt my stomach and told me she could also feel exactly where by baby was sitting!  AHHHHH!  Pregnancy is seriously the coolest thing ever! 

No ultrasound today and this was the first time I'd met with this doctor (actually np), but when I told her I felt like I was having a girl, she said that that's what her guess was too. Although I didn't ask her what she was basing her opinion off of (maybe the baby's heart rate or that I'm still experiencing morning sickness at 16 weeks?) so I think we're both just taking a shot in the dark. 

Anyways, now that I know it's for sure baby, I've been feeling so much movement (full body shifting and little thumps) these last few days and although I can't feel any outside kicks yet (just knots from the baby's head or back or bum), it's more amazing than what I could possibly put into words. 

Soooo excited!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

16 weeks

How far along:  16 weeks  (12.18.14)

Total weight gain/loss: +3 lbs
Maternity clothes:  yes... but only because i wear maternity clothes as part of my regular wardrobe.  dressing for sunday is already feeling limited, but my pants and shirts during the week are all still totally fine and should last for a while to come.  i wore my really skinny target skinnies the other day for the first time in months and they cut into my love handles but not so terribly that i couldn't wear them all day... just that they weren't as comfortable as my other pants i've been wearing.
Sleep:  holy cow with the crazy dreams!  i don't even try to remember them anymore... so so weird.  still taking my sleeping pill and going to bed as early as i can.  i've started being more sleepy when i wake up during the morning though and even took a nap this afternoon... which i haven't done in months and months.  it wasn't restful (airplane sleep) and left me out of it for an hour or two.  
Best moment this week:  my little outing with brady for his birthday morning.  spoiling a child and experiencing things through their eyes is wonderful.  it lifted my kind of down mood this week.  
Movement:  just the same as what's been going on.  i think some of them are probably real kicks but i can't differentiate enough to know what's real and what's not.  but it's getting exciting because i should be able to start feeling it within the next two weeks for sure!
Food cravings:  i hate eating most of the time.  i can eat scrambled eggs on toasted french bread which is nice (for a while, i couldn't handle bread because of when i overdosed on toast for a week straight) and i can eat toasted french bread with butter if it also has sister stewart's delicious blackberry jam on it.  but just looking at toasted french bread with only butter on it, makes me almost gag.  and i'm still hit and miss about other things that resemble bread so that's weird and interesting when trying to find something acceptable to eat.  i've been binging on christmas treats at christmas parties and stuff we've gotten from people.  bring on the chocolates and toffee and sees candies!  also, my most consistent "i can eat that!" food lately has been cheese.  so i've also been devouring crackers with cheese spread (only club crackers... the wheat in ritz is a no go) and the harry and david sharp white cheddar and gouda that he brought home last week.  also, the harry and david pears and apples are delightful.  tonight on brady's birthday, honey and i went to the ballet (i know, we ditched him again) and i realized i'd forgotten to eat dinner (I'd also forgotten to grab my coat), so on the way home, i was begging honey for taco bell (needed a tortilla because of the aversion to bread) but it was far away so he offered me wendy's and arby's since they were closer.  and i'm all "i could do a regular sandwich from arby's, but only if it has sauce.  and i could do french fries, but only the ones from wendy's or mc donalds, and chicken nuggets, but only from wendy's, not anywhere else... and they had to have honey mustard sauce, and i could do soft tacos or a burritto from taco bell, but only if you make them supreme because whatever i get from there has to have sour cream, lettuce, and tomatoes, or else i'll gag."  he was partially amused (i think it brought back memories for him of my pregnancy with abigail) and ultimately said i needed to make the call.  i chose taco bell.  looking back, i think wendy's would have been better.  ; )  
Symptoms: nausea and headaches every afternoon that last until i go to sleep, increased fatigue, still occasionally feelings like i'm going to faint/pass out, crazy pregnancy dreams, widespread food aversions and random cravings, pure laziness, large stomach...
Gender:  my gut still says girl, just because of my symptoms, but a boy would be great because he would have at least three boy cousins really close in age to him!  we'll have to see what liza is having...!
What I miss:  not feeling so crappy for the second half of every day!  and being able to eat food like a normal person instead of being so weird and picky about everything.
Milestones:  i hit 16 weeks!  i've been so weird about this in my head because 16 weeks (for me at least) is when things start to get real!  like i can't believe that i actually finally hit 16 weeks!
Theme: the week of feeling apathetic sometimes.  i have an on and off pity party about this.
What's different this time around:  with abigail, i still wasn't feeling great... like this time around... and started experiencing some pregnancy cravings, but still had a lot of my aversions.  also, second trimester is supposed to be the "burst of energy" that everyone loves.  with abigail, that was when the extreme fatigue set in (and didn't let up until she was born) and i'm starting to feel bits of that right now (although i hope i'm just being paranoid and looking into it too much).  today, i took a nap for the first time in months.  abigail and i were reading books in bed and i just couldn't handle it anymore and had to lay down and sleep for a bit.  also, i slept through my alarm on sunday morning and was late for church because i didn't wake up til 8:45.  it's really nothing major right now... but it's just something i haven't been experiencing until this point.  
Extra:  i'm so excited to have hit 16 weeks!  i feel like i was just at 11 weeks and these last few weeks were a bit of a blur!  i'm loving my big belly sometimes and other times, i'm hating it because it looks like a disgusting gut.  but i don't miss being skinny, i'm just ready to look a little less lush and a little more pregnant.  technically i'm still skinny, but just not my big belly.  i told my vt companion, charees, and she was all "i was wondering..."  i asked her if it was because of my big gut, but she said it was because it looked like i'd been losing weight... which must have been true because i was getting a lot bigger in my belly without putting on any lbs so it must have been pulling from my face or legs or something.  but i think i'm at a good start now to gaining weight so hopefully that'll change!  this week i've been kind of sad that i'm still feeling crappy in the evenings.  since i've been feeling almost normal in the morning, i thought that would apply to my whole day.  not the case.  i still get a horrible headache every afternoon and feel sick and hungry and depressed and apathetic.  i think it was sunday night that i looked over my calendar of events for the week and felt super depressed that i wasn't excited for anything.  they were all things that i would typically be really happy about (celebrating brady's birthday, going to the ballet with honey, celebrating christmas eve and christmas with our little family... even dental and vision appointments because i like to check those off the list) but kind of just wanted to skip.  then honey handed me three christmas cards and a pen and asked me to write in them for three friends while he would do the other friends and then he would deliver the cards and chocolate later in the week.  i handed the cards and pen back to him and told him i just couldn't do it.  and then i laid down on the sofa right there and closed my eyes and quietly cried for the next hour or so.  i know it wasn't logical, and thank goodness i realized that, but it was still hard.  the happy part was that i knew i'd feel better about life in the morning, but in that moment, making a birthday cake and wrapping presents and celebrating christmas just seemed so difficult.  luckily, for brady's actual birthday morning, i was feeling excited and great and had an awesome time with him.  but nights (and some days) are still pretty difficult.  i'm trying to get excited about costa rica right now.  i'm mostly just over christmas (i know that sounds horrible because it was my only happy thought a mere month ago) but i am excited to just hang out with the hilliers.  just gotta make sure the packing anxiety doesn't get to me too bad in the next few days.

12.19.14 at 16 weeks 1 day

12.19.14 at 16 weeks 1 day

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

And back again

Ever since the switch back, i keep thinking to myself, "Someday, I'll write my thoughts on my iPhone to android to iPhone experience."  well... let's take a quick minute to maybe do a bit of that right now.

for two years, i had an iphone 4.  and i was totally satisfied.  even the last six months when it had a cracked screen (it wasn't bad at all) and kept running out of memory (eventually i figured out itunes and was able to backup and delete old text messages).  i only had a few things i didn't like and they weren't huge.  things like that there was no option to turn off the camera noise without putting the whole phone on silent... and that the camera pics were grainy (it's a cell phone... it's kind of to be expected).  so a few months before i was up for my upgrade, i started looking into phone options.  i didn't want to pay a bunch of money so i was pretty much only considering the smart phones that i could get for nothing or next to nothing.  it came down to the iphone 5s and the samsung galaxy s5.  i looked at a number of websites comparing the phones (i found this one to be easy and helpful) on certain things like screen size, durability, battery life, storage capacity, camera megapixels, etc. and the galaxy s5 was the clear winner in every category.  i also loved that it was water resistant for up to 30 minutes should it accidentally get dropped in the toilet/kitchen sink/swimming pool/bathtub.

but that's a pretty huge jump to go from iphone to android.  every single time i brought it up, christopher told me i shouldn't do it and that i should just stick with an iphone.  he begged me to just please get an iphone because an android would be a huge mistake.  i know he's always right, but i researched this phone thing a lot and it just made sense.  i couldn't go against all that logic.  my birthday came and went and i didn't get the upgrade.  even though i'd pretty much decided, i still wasn't completely sold.  i even talked to sales reps at places like best buy and costco trying to get the momentum to take the plunge.

so still going along those lines, went i was in atlanta for thanksgiving break, i found myself at costco talking to a verizon guy at the phone kiosk.  the galaxy and iphone were both $50 normally, but would be free just that weekend (black friday) so i should probably go ahead and upgrade now instead of waiting for the sale to end.  against my better judgement, i decided to do it (the logic won out... even though switching phones is always a pain and probably not what i wanted to spend my time on since i was in atlanta).  the final thing for me was when i was debating still and christopher said something like "just go ahead and do it."  i thought i had his support.  i didn't really.

the next few hours ended up being spent with phone stuff.  switching activation to my new phone, shopping for a case, getting pictures and info transferred over.  it was a pain.  but whatever... that's fine as long as it's worth it in the end.

but then i spent so much time the next several days googling and figuring out how to work my phone and customize it to be the way i wanted it to be.  it was a mix of fun and frustrating.  i was also trying to figure out simple stuff like text message notifications (since you can download whatever texting app you want, but the notifications were different than what i was used to) and voicemail (i didn't want to have to dial in for voicemail).  also mixed in here was that i wasn't receiving text messages from any iphone users (because of an imessage glitch going on with apple.)  none.  and i had no way of knowing what i wasn't receiving.  so add in there that i was also spending hours online and on the phone with apple trying to figure that out.  also, my contact list that came into my phone was an old one from at least four or five years ago so it had tons of people i don't even remember and none of the people in my ward or contacts from colorado.  that was hugely inconvenient but i didn't want to spend more time taking my phone into verizon... especially because i was trying to salvage what was left of my thanksgiving break in atlanta in between all the sickness and whatever.

so on the 8th day of having my galaxy, i got back home to colorado and thought maybe in my normal life, i would get a better hang of the phone situation.  i got my contacts in my phone and spent more time practicing stuff (like taking pictures with the camera... it has 16 megapixels but it wasn't as intuitive so my pictures frequently came out blurry or with really off lighting).  through all of this, i had an unsettling feeling and a horrible knot in my stomach like i'd made the wrong choice.  but anytime i thought about returning my big beautiful galaxy for a small little iphone (that looked nearly identical to my previous iphone that actually came out sometime in 2010), i couldn't handle it because it seemed unbearable and too against the logic.  i kept telling myself to press on and i'd get used to it if i just took the time to learn the features and details of android.

but i also tried to look more specifically at why i was feeling the way i was.  i loved my actual galaxy phone.  it was pretty and i loved the hot pink case i'd gotten to go with it.  it was basic but cheerful and it had a great grip on it.  the problem was that no matter how hard i tried, old habits die hard, and after using an iphone all day, every day for two years, i couldn't handle a phone that didn't have ios.  i was so homesick for the apple operating system and how first nature it was to my fingers and my eyes.  i think if i had started with an android, i would prefer android (i have a number of friends out here that i've talked to recently that have android and prefer it far above iphone... especially my friend sarah who broke her android phone in september and had to use a craigslist iphone for three months until she was eligible for an upgrade and could get another android.  i asked her about it and i think her exact words were "i hated every second of it."), but i began my smartphone experience with an iphone and so, essentially, that's how i was raised.  i began considering the "what if i just returned this and got an iphone..." thought process.  totally ignoring comparisons of the two phones, just putting on my blinders and asking myself, "would i be happy with the 5s?" and i found that when i didn't compare it to the galaxy, i was okay with the iphone 5s.  i guess a similar thing would be thinking about my car.  my car is fine and there's nothing i hate about it (other than how dirty i've let it get since i got pregnant... holy crap i'm so lazy these days)... but if i were to compare it to a nicer, bigger car with leather seats, i would start to feel dissatisfied with my little rav4.  nothing has really changed... just that i've upped my expectations and gotten a little greedy.  put my blinders back on and only look at this car in my garage, and suddenly i'm satisfied and grateful again.

anyways, i decided to just make up my mind and take the galaxy back.  it wasn't worth losing sleep over at night (yes, that was literally happening) and honestly, if i felt even worse about that decision, i still had two more days (you get 14 days at costco to return/exchange your phone) to switch back to a galaxy.  once i made up my mind, i was so anxious to just get it done (hoping that the switch would bring me peace).  i woke up and called costco as soon as i thought they were open (turns out they didn't open for another 30 or 60 minutes) and then again when they actually opened.  i talked to the phone kiosk manager at the parker costco (he was the guy that happened to be working at the time) and he was rude and condescending and rushed and overall not at all helpful.  he was even guilting me about returning the phone because i bought it at a different costco and his store would have to take the loss (really?!  i'm just switching it out for a different phone... costco is costco and they're more polite to their customers than this!) and blah blah blah.  i have a hard time believing than an actual costco employee would ever act this way, but i know the kiosk people are independent of costco so i can't expect them to be up to the same standards.  anyways, he was horrible and ended the phone call by cutting me off and saying something like "i'm really behind and i have to go, but just come in at your earliest convenience and we'll figure it out."  uhhh no, i don't ever want to meet your face.

so that stressed me out because i was so anxious to just get this done and over with, but now i had this guy at costco that made me not want to go into the store.  i considered looking up a different costco location but decided instead to wait until later in the day when i thought he would be off work and another person would be working.  i waited until 3:45 or so before i loaded the kids up.  but first, i knelt down by the side of my bed and said a prayer.  stupid and silly and crazy to kneel in prayer about exchanging a phone?  not at all if you knew how much turmoil it was causing me.  i felt so much better when i got up from that prayer.  not necessarily confident, but definitely more taken care of and less alone.  like i had some backup support along with me.  i got to costco and there was no one at the phone kiosk.  but there was another customer that said he'd been waiting for ten minutes already and three costco employees that were trying to location a phone rep person.  i asked a costco employee if the guy they were looking for had been working all day and he said "yeah, he's been working all day... he's the manager."  and i got a little worried but not too much because i still felt peace.  well, turns out he'd already left to go home, but the employee coming on duty was just late from being stuck in traffic.  she finally arrived around 4:30 and she was wonderful.  the guy on the phone had been so opposed to returning my galaxy for such a lesser phone because iphones are terrible but the girl was all "i prefer my android but i know everyone has their own personal preference and it doesn't make a difference to me whether you have an android or iphone."  sigh of relief.  the whole process was really long (like multiple hours i think) but never at all unpleasant.  costco refunded the price for the phone and the glass cover (that goes on the front...$25) and i bought the 5s for the regular non sale price of $50 (so we were out $50 i had saved but i wasn't planning on getting the black friday discount before that so it was only semi a loss) and walked out of there feeling better about life.  it look maybe until the following afternoon before i felt fully settled in my phone (i downloaded my regular apps, icloud restocked my phone with the previous notes, contacts, etc. and i got a case for it) and i literally never looked back.  i would occasionally miss certain features of my galaxy, but never once did i consider switching back before the saturday deadline (the costco exchange happened on wednesday night).  i felt peace and happiness and total confirmation that it was the right decision for me.

so yes, there are certain things i definitely miss about my galaxy... being able to zoom into a picture and have it still be crisp and clear because of the 16 megapixel camera.  the pink (well, at least i set mine to pink) led light that would flash if i had a missed call or text message.  i didn't even need to see the screen or hear an alert, i could just walk into the room and instantly know if i needed to check my phone.  how big it was!  i really liked having a huge phone.  i thought it might be too big, but it still fit great into my purse and pants pockets and hand and wasn't difficult to use.  because of the BACK BUTTON!  i really loved that back button.  that was so intuative and i loved having it right near my thumb since most back buttons (like for text messaging and facebook) are on the top left of the phone.  this made the big screen super easy to navigate even without huge hands.  i miss that it was water resistant and more durable in general so i didn't stress about something bad happening to it.  i liked the screen to phone ratio and that there was less "wasted space" on the front of the phone.

there are other things i liked about the galaxy (and android) but those are the things that gave me the most pause in exchanging my phone.  it took me a day or two to get used to having a small screen again and no back button.  i'm okay not having my pink led light because i realize that's more of a fun luxury instead of a necessity.  i'm trying to get myself used to the mentality of my high school years when cell phone mentality was "the smaller, the better" and the fact that my phone looks just like my old one but without a crack in it.  ; )  i'm also just focusing on the little positives i find about my iphone (like how i like that the speakers are on the bottom of the phone instead of the back) and relishing in the comfort and familiarity of how first nature it is for me to text, etc.  here's one thing i'm absolutely loving about my little 5s though.. the fingerprint recognition.  i think this may be the only way that the iphone beats the galaxy because with the galaxy, you have to swipe your finger for it to recognize it, but with the iphone, you just hold it over the home button.  so when i click the home button to light up the screen, i literally just hold it there.  i put in my thumbs and my first finger of my right hand so it's easy to unlock it even without picking it up or holding it.  i've never password protected my phone before, but since brady loves swiping my phone and getting into apps (ever caught your kid seconds before they delete your kindle app and all of it's contents?! or realize that now you're involved in several new words with friends games?) i'm excited to be able to lock him out of it.  not that i ever let him hold it (i am more careful with this phone than a newborn baby... mostly because i feel like it's probably more fragile than an actual newborn baby), but still.  if he ever gets his hands on it, it'll be nice for him to realize there is nothing fun for him there, so he might as well leave it alone.  and i can use my fingerprint in the app store instead of typing in my apple id password every time.

anyways, it totally wasn't the logical choice, but it was obviously the right choice for me.  it was a colossal pain and took more hours of my life than what i would ever like to count or be aware of, but i'm sure i learned something super great from this experience that will offer me invaluable knowledge in the future.  ; )

Monday, December 15, 2014

Atlanta native

I'm an Atlanta native. I read this list on fb tonight and was startled at its accuracy on 1-18 (after that I started skimming... Also, whatever one that was about beer, I've got no experience with that) and wanted to share it here. Seriously, I have to explain things from that list allll the time.


And man, what I would give for some varsity right now. 

Mondays are great

I rarely have a bad Monday. Today was no exception. 

The morning was filled with visiting teaching with my wonderful companion. I loooove her. And we were able to visit all three of our sisters so that was a scheduling miracle. ; )  

Honey surprised us at home literally minutes after we pulled in the garage. He already needed to get home early to watch the kids while I went to my vision appointment... So he just got home even earlier. And being the amazing dad he is, he took the opportunity to take Abigail sledding on the hill behind our house and she absolutely loved it. Like couldn't get enough. Her favorite way to go down was by herself on the circular sled (that spins in circles)... backwards. ; )  And falling off occasionally didn't bother her a bit. I watched them almost the whole time since Brady was napping. It was precious beyond words. 







And then I went to my vision appointment, had dinner with my little family, read a story by the Christmas tree, and put us all to bed. 


It's been a happy day. 

Friday, December 12, 2014

It was still worth it

Sometime I'll need to write a little more about our Atlanta trip (we'll see if that ever happens) but suffice it to say, it was far less fulfilling than what is anticipated. One of my biggest disappointments was my trip to the farm to visit granny and papa. Traffic on the way down meant we didn't arrive til close to ten at night, and then just hours later, Abigail started vomiting... Which lasted 24 hours. So I was taking care of her constantly and so tired from cleaning up vomit during the night... And I just really didn't feel like I got the quality time with granny and papa that I really wanted. And I wouldn't even let Abigail near them because I was so worried about them getting sick. And Brady wasn't really spending time with either one of them because he's Brady and doesn't come near people he's not BFF with. The whole experience made me want to cry. I mean, we literally went outside to enjoy the flawless weather for seriously 15 minutes?!  We took the kids out to swing which lasted about two minutes (jurist long enough for me to snap a few pictures) and then Abigail dropped off the swing to get on her hands and knees and start puking in the grass. Anyways, I'm trying not to really think about things because it's so frustrating to me. 

But today I had a moment that made me want to shed a few tears of joy. The kids and I were on the loveseat in Abigail's room when Brady got all cheerful and pointed at something while enthusiastically shouting "Papa!  It's Papa!"  Then as I was looking over in that direction, Abigail is all "Yeah Brady, that's a picture of Papa and he was holding me when I was a baby."  It's the picture on Abigail's desk of Papa at his 90th birthday party, holding tiny 3 month old Abigail. And in that moment, I just was so extremely grateful. Grateful that Abigail and I were able to fly out for Papa's party, grateful that we could visit granny and papa last week, grateful for my grandparents' good health and longevity, and so so so grateful that my kids have this wonderful opportunity to know and love their great-grandfather and great-grandmother. 

As much as I felt like that trip was a waste because it wasn't exactly what I wanted, it wasn't a waste at all... and I'm thankful for this sweet reminder of that. 

A holiday party

Decorating gingerbread houses at the office.

Honey and Abigail's

Mine and Brady's

I thought it was crazy that the pond was frozen over. Especially with the warm weather we've been having!

Holiday Christmas party at Moe's BBQ... They had bowling there.


She's five for five. The girl loves Santa.

And this went down exactly as we expected... Just like last year.

Abigail started to get freaked out with how scared Brady was.

But then she was back to snuggling Santa and loving this teddy bear he gave her.

It was a really fun night. 

Taco temple Thursday

Our taco temple Tuesday girls night happened on a Thursday this month to accommodate my/Chris's schedule so he would be around to watch the kids while I was gone. I'm so grateful for accommodating friends because this is easily one of my favorite nights of the month. And I'm so thankful for honey and that he schedules it in for me to get home from work by 5:30 to watch the kids. 

He also let me open this little present before I left. I didn't even take a picture of the inside because I was too excited when I saw it. It's Enstrom's almond toffee... Which I'm obsessed with since the first time I had it. He told me I could have a few bites before I left for the temple but had to promise not to eat it all in one day. The guy knows me well. 


The temple was so wonderful. I brought family names that Klaudette gave me and I've been working on. I did a session for kuneganda fudala who was born in Budapest Hungary. I also did her baptism and initiatory. I love that she was born close to 100 years before I was. I felt like we're both kids of the 80's. Just different 80's...  Sarah and Marissa and I went to costa vida beforehand and it was delicious. I loooove that place. And those girls. 

My favorite surprise of the night was that even though I left my kitchen a complete disaster (I seriously was going to clean it during Brady's nap time and then ended up working on visiting teaching stuff the entire time), I came home and it was totally clean! The sink and counter full of dirty dishes were all spotless and the dishwasher had that glorious green "clean" light on it. I mean, honey even scrubbed out the crock pot and wiped down the table and countertops and did the floors too! Last time I went to the temple, I asked him to clean the kitchen while I was gone.  This time I thought nothing of it until I walked in and was overcome with gratitude. I ran back to the bedroom to thank him and kiss him before he fell asleep. 

I mean, if you had asked me "do you think Chris cleaned the kitchen for you while you were gone?" I would have definitely said yes because that's just the kind of thing that he does all the time. But since I hadn't given a single thought to my dirty kitchen, it was the best surprise ever. If my kitchen is clean, life is good. 

It was a wonderful night. 

Thursday, December 11, 2014

15 weeks

How far along:  15 weeks  (12.11.14)

Total weight gain/loss: 0 lbs
Maternity clothes:  my belly is getting big enough that i think some shirts are getting short...
Sleep:  so hit or miss.  and some really bizarre dreams.
Best moment this week:  maybe tuesday?  when i was able to do multiple loads of laundry and some organizing in brady's closet and taking stuff to the basement and a bunch of other things that i've been avoiding.  it was my first "normal" day in a few months.
Movement:  not yet!
Food cravings:  eating is still hit or miss but it's getting easier.  also, i'm loving milk again.  my intense thirst is coming back.
Symptoms: nausea, food aversions, headache, etc... but all to a much lesser degree than what i've been dealing with so thank goodness for that! 
Gender:  my guess is still girl.  especially since the improvement of my morning sickness etc came right at 14.5 weeks like it did with abigail.
What I miss:  not being able to easily find a food to eat.  everything just seems so unappealing so it's a real chore.
Milestones:  i'm starting to feel more normal!  i don't have an overwhelming desire to lay in bed 24/7!
Theme: the week of attempting to get back to normal life after traveling and being sick for so long.
What's different this time around:  with abigail, i was super sick, literally constantly, and at 14.5 weeks, i tasted a goldfish and didn't hate it and i cried sweet tears of joy.  this time, i woke up and tackled three loads of laundry and a bunch of household chores and didn't have to lay in bed for hours during/after to recover.  with brady... i can't remember, but i'm pretty sure i'd been feeling fine for quite a while already.
Extra:  i'm starting to wear fitted shirts to show off my belly although no one has commented on it yet.  sometimes i look cute and pregnant and other times, i just look like i have a beer belly or have developed a big gut.  it changes depending on the time of day and how i'm standing, but it's definitely big and out there.  i love having a pregnant belly.  i'm so happy to have the energy and motivation etc so do normal tasks now.  hallelujah!  

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Randoms

Brady prayed tonight for the first time ever. I coached him on every word but he took it seriously and totally knew what he was doing. I won't lie, it was the cutest thing ever. 

We started watching mr. Roger's neighborhood on Monday. It's so great. We only have one video checked out but it's good. Something about what to do when you feel mad. I need to put more on hold. 

After a roller coaster whirlwind week and a half of having my galaxy s5... I traded it in for a little iPhone 5s. I'm a kinda sad, but the knot in my stomach is gone so I know it was the right decision for me. You live and learn, right? 

Honey and I are contemplating going on a trip in February. We'll see in a week whether we've bought plane tickets or have already forgotten about the whole idea. 

The fog is lifting. I don't really feel pregnant anymore. Except a little when it's late at night. But during the day, I don't think about it and don't have the desire to lay in bed 24/7. Woohoo!!!  I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow. I'm going to be shocked if this isn't a girl. 

My apologies to all the people I've struggled texting the past two weeks. Even if some of the instances are because I've had a brain full of anxiety and crap. 

Anyway, here's to a night of sleep hopefully better than the last!

Monday, December 8, 2014

Hair preferences

Sometimes Abigail requests that I put her hair in a pony tail. Not sure why, but I enjoy it.


Sunday, December 7, 2014

Sunday

Well, we've been home for 24 hours now and life is good. Life is easier in your own home so I've been grateful for that relief. Today was nice. Not super boring but low key enough to make me feel like I was floating along in a river. We went to church (got a new bishopric!), choir at two,  home taught at four, and to dinner at a friend's house at five which was a lot of fun. Abigail got so sad and whiney while we were there and was begging us to leave so she could go to sleep, but other than that, it was perfect. And abigail promptly fell asleep as soon as we got in the car and was transfered straight to her bed when we got home. Poor kid has been sleep deprived for a week now.

Tomorrow I need to get to work on laundry and cleaning my house. I need to get back into the habit of keeping it tidy enough that it'll be a place I want to be.

I've had serious remorse about my phone the last few days thinking it was a mistake to switch from iPhone to android. But then I think about trading my s5 for a 5s, and it's so unappealing. Mostly I just miss iOS and how pretty everything is, which I hate, because it's highlighted to myself how superficial I really am. Anyways, after more time spent on Google, I'm feeling more confident that, with help, I can make my android pretty and functional for me. So basically I just need to figure out this whole imessage issue going on right now so I can stay receiving texts from iPhone users. Because it's been 8 days and most all my contacts have iphones.

Both kids were well behaved today. So that was wonderful.

I'm of to bed... it's gonna be a busy day tomorrow.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Cursed and tainted

Y'all, I'm having a pretty horrible trip. I'll write more later but we've had stomach viruses and cancelled plans and days in bed and just feeling super sucky and crappy and just when you think you're getting over it so that you can enjoy your last 24 hours... you throw up again.

So, while I haven't had a horrible week,
I'm mourning the loss of what could have been.

And having a serious panic attack about if I'm going to be well enough to fly home by myself with two crazy kids in tow.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

14 weeks

How far along:  14 weeks  (12.4.14)

Total weight gain/loss: -1 lb
Maternity clothes:  i still fit into all of my regular clothes just fine and have a long time probably until i'll outgrow them, but the beer belly look i'm sporting is anything but flattering.
Sleep:  not awesome.ugh with the weird dreams.  also waking up randomly is annoying, even if i can fall asleep again.
Best moment this week:  being in atlanta!  hanging out with my family!  going to the lights at the gardens with mom and dad and honey ad the kids!  seeing my granny and papa!
Movement:  just those things that feel exactly like baby movement except that they're too strong to be feeling that way this early so i know it must just be stomach twitches or something.
Food cravings:  i hate eating. again.  thanksgiving was good and the day after was okay.  maybe even saturday?  i enjoyed the varsity although not as much as usual but it was sooo good still.  especially the onion rings.  but starting sunday, i started not liking food again and then tuesday evening i started feeling extra sick and all day wednesday had a stomach bug and was in bed/throwing up and so now i'm really extra back to hating food and hating eating.  all of my favorite foods are grossing me out.  so even though i'm positive i was up several pounds after thanksgiving, i'm at least negative one again.  my happiest moment in food this week has by far been my grandmother's fried catfish that she made for me down at the farm.  she knows it's my absolute favorite.  i melted inside at beach bite, it was so delectable.  be still my soul.
Symptoms: nausea and.... oh, the usual.  all of the usuals.
Gender:  my gut still says girl.  i hope i'm not upset if it's a boy.  i initially didn't care except now it might just be a huge shock for me to deal with.  we might have a name picked out for a girl.  we haven't even discussed boy names.
What I miss:  not feeling so crappy 24/7.
Milestones:  
Theme
What's different this time around:  
Extra:  

sometimes life just gets a little crazy and you don't actually finish the weekly questions.  whoops.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

To the farm we go

I am currently on the longest car ride of my entire life. These things are all about perception, and while I love the people I am with, my back is killing me, and my kids are driving me nuts.

On the plus side, dad created a hotspot from his phone so we can have internet for mom's iPad and it has done wonders entertaining the children. I also caught him saying "say something Google, I'm giving up on you." 

But back on the downside, this four hour car ride is taking six and a half hours and I've been experiencing terrible back pain for the past two weeks and riding in the middle of two large convertible car seats isn't helping things. ; )  and since my morning sickness is still around and hitting between three and four o'clock, I haven't been feeling too hot for the last six hours.

But, let's be honest, I'm less than a half hour from the farm and couldn't be more excited to embrace my sweet grandmother! Woohoo!

Saturday, November 29, 2014

And then honey was gone

Today was wonderful. After we woke up, we went to Costco with Liza's family so we could get Christmas trees. I was immediately drawn to the phone stand, and after some time left with a new galaxy s5. So ever since, I've been trying to learn how to use a non iPhone. I know I'm not the most tech savvy person ever but I'm learning much faster than I thought I would and it's really only been less than twelve hours. My thoughts so far... it truly isn't as pretty as an iPhone as far as the operating system and everything go, but it has so many cool features. I'm trying to be less superficial and more functional. ; )  Also, the larger size of the phone took virtually no getting used to. Especially because it is so noticeably lighter weight than my iPhone 4. So really I'm loving how giant it is. My main thing that I'm working on right now is getting certain features on it that I became accustomed to with my iPhone that are not default settings with my galaxy. Also, thugs swipe keyboard is super amazing when you're laying in bed and only want to use one hand for typing.  And now I have the same phone as mom which is super fun.

Anyways, it took a while to transfer stuff over and find a case for it, and we didn't get home til later. We hung out and ate a few snacks and watched the amazing last few seconds of the ga vs tech game and then left for the varsity.

We didn't go to the varsity on the way home from the airport because Walter and Bekah were at home and I was eager to see them, so this was my first time and it was amazing!

Then we saw the lights display at the gardens and it was so so so wonderful. I loved every minute of it.

But then we had to go and dad took honey to the airport while mom and I got the kids home to eat and go to bed. I miss my honey so fiercely already. I'm not sure what it is, but this pregnancy, I've been trying on him so much and have just felt such peace when he's around and can't stop myself from telling him that either. Ha. Anyways, I'm missing him so much right now.

Also, I'm super tired and feel like I could vomit, so I'm going to have to wait and post more tomorrow.

This is such a perfect trip so far.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

13 weeks

How far along:  13 weeks  (11.27.14)

Total weight gain/loss: 0 lbs? i think i might be even now.
Maternity clothes:  yes.  right now i'm just at that awkward phase where i definitely have a beer belly but not quite a baby belly.  so it's not like i want to accentuate it just yet, but depending on what i wear, there's no hiding it.  i rarely go out so it's mostly just hoodies, but when i do go out, i try to wear a loose fitting top, or a jacket.  church is getting tricky since i used all my best outfits between week 8 and week 12, but it wasn't quite time to start repeating yet.  this past sunday i wore my gray, higher waisted skirt, and my cashmere polo cableknit sweater.  if i relaxed, i definitely looked really fat.  but as long as i was holding in my stomach, or had brady sitting on my lap, i could look like a somewhat normal person.  still far thicker than what i was a month ago, but for someone not familiar with my previous waistline... i could look pretty average.  so through all of this... i'm kind of avoiding my actual maternity shirts that i just wear on a regular basis because they're not very flattering right now.  i'm more than a little confused how packing for this thanksgiving trip will all pan out...  
Sleep:  it's getting better i think.  i'm able to sleep through christopher in the morning sometimes and have occasionally not woken up til after 8.  and my dreams haven't been super bizarre or traumatizing so that's nice too!
Best moment this week:  getting to atlanta!
Movement:  just 
Food cravings:  sometimes i think eating is getting better but then some days are still difficult.  night times are still my hardest time of day, and even though the food aversions and nausea are really bad, i rarely get to the point where i feel like i would actually throw up.  my most difficult thing this week is probably that i'm still not crazy about milk, so i really haven't been drinking enough... which i think is 90% of the reason i have a horrible headache all day, every day.  i'm soooo hoping i'll love food while i'm in atlanta and can make and eat lots of delicious holiday food and all of my mom's wonderful cooking!  i should note too, i really like grapefruit now. i've never been a huge fan of it, and if i had some, would only have a couple of bites, doused heavily in sugar.  last night i ate an entire one (i pealed it and separated the segments so i had a plate full of huge chunks) and probably only put sugar on the second half of it... and that was only because it was night and my stomach was sensitive and queasy.  also, whenever chris eats one, i get the remainder of his peal and just inhale the scent.  also, sunday night i craved crunchy pickles, just remembering the awesome ones that were on my cheeseburger at the zoo on my birthday.   
Symptoms: nausea, HEADACHES, backaches (super stiff back ALL week), physically tired and out of breath, lightheaded, irritable, lazy... ; )
Gender:  i'm kind of torn and confused.  i think i've thought it was a girl for so long, that i'm going to be disappointed if it's a boy, even though i have several solid reasons that it would be amazing to have a boy.  so, who knows?!  we just keep getting to guess and wonder until jan 12th!
What I miss:  not 
Milestones:  i think as far as miscarriages go... i've made it through the scariest part... and that's pretty exciting!
Theme: the week of headaches and a bad back... man, you turn 29, and your body falls apart on you...
What's different this time around:  eh... can i take a pass?  i'm too lazy to answer this question this week.
Extra:  i dunno.  i'm too lazy to think of anything right now.

It's here!!!!

I just woke up in the guest bedroom at my parents' house. I'M IN ATLANTA!!!! 

Words can not express my joy right now and the love and happiness and peace I feel. I've been aching for this trip for the past several weeks and last night in their kitchen I kept saying, "I feel like I need to pinch myself!"  

Seriously. So here's this terribly inadequate post to hopefully help me remember this bliss right now. Pure, pure bliss. 


AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Marshawn Lynch and Brady

When Abigail was one, she developed a phone fettish and was constantly pretending to talk on the phone... And everything was a phone. Her show, a spoon, her hand... or foot. Really anything was fine. 

Well Brady has also developed a love of talking on the phone. But he only wants a real phone. And you better believe he wants a real person on the other end to talk to. Not sure if it's because RS he second child or just more high maintenance in general, but this is just how it is. Luckily he doesn't know about outbound calls so he doesn't beg me to call anyone, but he knows all about inbound calls and my existing phone conversations. So anytime he finds me on the phone, he whines and begs to have a turn. He's enjoyed talking to grandmother, Emmy, mom, and dad recently and every conversation is the same. Brady grunts/laughs (his certain one that means "yeah") at all the appropriate times and never says anything else. 

Chris witnessed this for the first time last night and was especially amused. And then he had me watch this most recent marshawn lynch interview. 

Spot on. Except that Brady doesn't have a personal charity/foundation [yet!] to promote. 

http://deadspin.com/marshawn-lynch-answers-nearly-every-postgame-question-w-1662546738/all

As a side note... Christopher told me, "y'know if I played a professional sport, I'd probably do some interviews like that too. Think about how annoying it would be to answer those questions after a game."  

He's not a people pleaser... He's my Mr. Darcy. 

Friday, November 21, 2014

29

yesterday, i turned 29!  it was a good day.

i woke up and hung out in bed for a while until almost 9 and it was time to take abigail to preschool.  i love that quiet time with my phone in the morning and it was extra fun reading happy birthday texts and facebook messages!  i grabbed both kids out of bed and got them in the car and to preschool.  early even!  brady and i went home and he ate oatmeal and played while i lounged and talked on the phone with emmy.  then i'm not really sure what happened because it was 11:30 and i panicked that brady and i were still in pj's and i hadn't done anything to pack stuff for the zoo!  so i got us ready and out the door and somehow remembered everything i needed to except a coat for myself.  so i was going to freeze.  oh well... it could have been much worse.  what if i'd forgotten our stroller or something?  that would have been bad.

anyways, i was late picking abigail up.  ugh, i'm the worst.  we made it to the zoo, parked, and were in the gates by one.  the whole zoo thing was a last minute idea just created the night before when my sil saw that it was the last free day of the year and invited myself and my mil to join her.  anyways, i met up with them, told kelsey i was knocked up (without my jacket... and wearing a pretty fitted shirt... i figured we should just go ahead and be out with it sooner, rather than waiting for the awkwardness), and found a place for lunch.  i got a cheese burger with fries and it was delightful.  the pickles on it were to die for... which is something because i typically hate pickles on my burger.  the zoo was a lot of fun, but mostly it was just fun being with family.  abigail was so precious though because she was really into see the animals... much moreso than she's ever been on previous visits.  she loved the hippos and was soooo wanting for the one in the water to walk out of the water... which it didn't.  even though we waited forever for it.  ; )  eventually it was getting cold and late and the sun was about to set (because that happens at 4:45...) and we headed out.  i got to my car and... my battery was dead.  sooooo dead.  i called kelsey and klaudette as fast as i could and had them come over to where i was parked.  neither car had cables so we flagged down the first car we saw and it was a super nice lady (shoutout to barb junkermeier!!!  I LOVE YOU!!!) that had just gotten off her shift at the zoo.  she helped us for what seemed like forever because my battery was sooooo dead.  and i said a prayer or two that my car would eventually start and texted chris for him to do the same.  several minutes after that, it finally started!  by that time, it was definitely dark and denver traffic was horrendous.  i was going to be late for our babysitter.  texted the babysitter and told her i'd be late and text her when i got home.  my eta went from 6 to 6:10 to 6:15 and by the time i finally got home, both kids had been sleeping for about 45 minutes and were not at all happy about being woken up.  abigail cried and begged to go to bed (which chris and i panicked about because that would leave brady alone with the babysitter) which i went along with, and luckily 10 minutes after she was in bed, she said she was okay to stay awake a bit longer.  brady screamed when we left but apparently calmed down right after.  we were only gone two hours and both kids loved our babysitter and did really well.

whoops... forgot about paragraphs.  anyways...

chris and i went to macaroni grill for dinner.  my one birthday request was that i have dinner out alone with my honey... on my birthday night.  this is unusual for me because i normally don't care what day i celebrate a birthday or anniversary on and last year i wanted a casual dinner with both of our kids (we went out for falafels at garbonzos) and the year before i didn't want to go out for dinner, but i did want to get frozen yogurt with abigail (brady wasn't born yet).  but for weeks, i've wanted dinner alone with my honey.  and it was wonderful.  perhaps the best birthday present of the day was that i turned 12 weeks... although sadly, was still feeling really sick that night (my morning sickness has been at it's worst at night... after 4pm) and barely ate any of my food.  but hanging out and joking around with my honey was perfect.  we didn't talk about anything in particular... just randomness and i loved it.

when we got home, i sat on the fireplace and opened my presents and birthday cards.  honey gave me a book and tickets to the ballet.  i'm sooo excited about the tickets to the ballet and i've been talking lately about how much i love seeing live performances and whatever, especially during the holiday season.  i wasn't trying to drop hints and i'm not sure if he even got the idea from that (from something he said, it kind of sounded like he got the tickets before i started mentioning it because he offered to sell these tickets on craigslist and get different tickets to take the kids with us since i want to take abigail to the ballet) but he sure nailed it.  also, i told him i'd cry if he sold these tickets and he better not touch them.  i think i'll take abigail and brady to the ballet at the local theater in parker, but i still want to see the fancy ballet with chris in denver.  ; )

and then we put the kids to bed and ourselves to bed.  10pm... i think it's the latest i've gone to bed in two months.  ; )  i loved all of the texts and calls and facebook messages and voicemails.  i feel very loved and very blessed.  i'm anxious to enjoy the last year of my 20's and excited for everything it will bring!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

12 weeks

How far along:  12 weeks  (11.20.14 - MY BIRTHDAY!!!)

Total weight gain/loss: -.5 lb
Maternity clothes:  only the maternity stuff that i keep in my closet all the time.  all of my clothes are still fitting fine, but anything that's not a hoodie makes me look like a fatty with a spare tire.  i don't fully look pregnant, i just look like i've got a bowl full of jelly.  it's been easy enough to hide for the most part because 1. i'm antisocial these days and never go in public and 2. it's been below freezing and i can wear hoodies that completely conceal my bump and 3. i've only had one month of sundays of concealing the bump (since i popped out at 7.5 weeks... i think) and i've been able to wear skirts that sit at my actual waist and act as a corset and paired with a blousy shirt, it gives the illusion that my waist is smaller than my top... which it is not anymore.  the happy news is that i haven't gotten bigger anywhere else... including my chest.  just this tub of lard in my belly. 
Sleep:  ever so slightly better maybe?  i still have weird dreams, and i'm still conscious of being awake during the night to switch sides or if i'm squishing my belly, but really, it's not horrendous.  i'm more and more frequently waking up when chris does (anytime after five) and never fully going back to sleep after that.  the plus side is that i've been able to say goodbye to him when he leaves for work and i like that because otherwise i don't get to see him until night time.  dreams are still really weird but i forget them really quickly.  a memorable one from this week was when i'd stolen a car with the four guys from impractical jokers and the five of us were running away from cops all the time just like in gone in 60 seconds.  that was one of the less weird dreams of the night though.  there was a dream or two when i was running from people trying to kill me.  always glad to wake up from those.  also, not really pregnancy related but it's kind of a huge deal in my life right now... i think my electric blanket is giving out on me.  my electric blanket is probably my most valued possession so this is a big deal.  luckily, my birthday and christmas are coming up... so i might just need to get a new one.  
Best moment this week:  sunday night... finding out that liza is pregnant and due just a few days after i am! and monday. i had my appointment monday morning while the kids played at my mother in law's and then i hung out with her for a few hours afterward and it just passed the day by (well, until 3:00) so fast, which was wonderful because honey was in wisconsin and not getting home til late that night.
Movement:  just sometimes i think i can feel a thing or two but i think it's just wishful thinking.  but i can clearly feel my uterus, so i'll be prepared for feeling something when the time comes.
Food cravings:  eating this week has been easier!  i made mac and cheese and struggled through it the night i made it, but ate it just great for lunch the next day.  i've been able to eat bagels and cream cheese that honey brought home from work.  apples are still lifesavers... especially at night when absolutely nothing else is sounding okay.  grapefruit are also good anytime but they're not very filling and kind of a huge pain to eat... especially when abigail and brady want me to share with them.  i've been able to drink skim milk more (i couldn't for a while because it reminded me too much of water and that grossed me out... so i could only drink thick liquids for a few days) but still rely heavily on chocolate milk.  i still always have egg nog on hand, but am doing better about not drinking it as frequently.  sunday afternoon, i did a google search on my phone for "holiday food" because those are the things i do now to lift my spirits.  at first i was going to type in "indulgent holiday food" but was afraid that would only give me desserts.  anyways, i found a link that was "50 holiday foods to avoid" or something like that and knew it was exactly what i'd want.  it was perfect.  i clicked through the pictures and everything looked so festive and delicious!  and then i got worried that i wouldn't have enough time or opportunities to eat everything on the list!  did anyone else have a sunday afternoon panic attack regarding cheese balls and beef wellington (i've had an acute interest in very rare meat since i got pregnant), or was that just me?  anyways, within an hour of that, it was late enough in the day that all food seemed disgusting and i began the debate of if i could stomach real food or if i should finish the day with an apple and chocolate milk.  how quickly those tables turn.  and normally around 4pm...  certain things though are gross all the time.... some repeat aversions from previous pregnancies, some new.  peanut butter, nutella, and bananas all require me to hold my breath and look the other way.  i can't even remember the last time i ate bread.  i can do biscuits or bagels, but no bread.  also, pears.  i can serve them to my kids and they even look kind of delicious to me... but for some reason, the idea of putting them in my mouth just seems pretty risky.  so then i just cut myself another apple.  ; )
Symptoms: nausea, horrible and persistent headaches, occasional backaches, stiff back, lightheadedness and feeling faint...  and fat.  ; )  is fat a symptom?
Gender:  my goodness!  for the first time this pregnancy, i'm considering that this could possibly be a boy.  maybe because my morning sickness is tapering off so early but also because at my monday morning appt, i looked at that blob on the ultrasound machine and thought to myself "that looks like a boy!"  who really knows?! but it sure is fun to speculate.  my big ultrasound is scheduled for jan 12th.  crazy how fast that seems!
What I miss:  right now i'm not really thinking of anything.  the headaches and headrushes are annoying but i'm giddy with happiness and excitement to be pregnant.
Milestones:  hitting 12 weeks and going public with the news?
Theme: the week of telling everyone?
What's different this time around:  same as last week i'd say.  except that i'm much fatter, much sooner and faster this time around.  i mean, i started abigail's pregnancy 16lbs heavier than i started this one, but i was noticeably pudgy around the middle by 10 weeks.  with brady i felt like i showed about the same.  i started that pregnancy 13 lbs lighter than i started abigail's so i was much thinner, which probably compensated for the fact that it was my second (although my belly stayed smaller and more compact throughout brady's pregnancy).  this time, i started the skinniest of all and was still skeleton looking at 7 weeks (specifically got a comment at church about how thin and skinny i was), but popped out and have just kept getting bigger since.  before my belly popped, when i layed on my back, my stomach sunk far, far below my hip bones and my ribs.  it really was very unnatural looking (as i said, my doctor at my first appointment kind of gasped when she saw me like that to do the ultrasound) and now, when i lay on my back, my belly is either even or above my hip bones.  i haven't taken any measurements, but my best guess is that my stomach is literally twice the thickness it was four weeks ago.  i am so amazed by this and how fast it happened.  i think it's the coolest thing ever.  
Extra:  i'm so happy!  liza shared the news sunday night that she's pregnant and due just a few days after i am!
my appointment monday morning went really well.  with kaiser, most of your prenatal appointments are with a nurse practitioner, and just a few of them are with your actual doctor (who likely will not deliver your baby... you just get whoever is on call when you go into labor).  so my last appointment was at 6.5 weeks with the np, dr. parker, who i wasn't a huge fan of.  she was clinical and cold.  she showed zero compassion or understanding for my miscarriage paranoia or that it takes us a minimum of nine months to get pregnant, which means that the very fastest i can have kids is 2.5 years apart.  she also was condescending about the fact that i'd gotten bloodwork done to check beta levels and that somehow i'd gotten an appointment at 6.5 weeks instead of waiting kaiser's standard 8.  the whole thing just made me upset and i knew i wouldn't be going back to her.  luckily, the twelve week appointment is scheduled with your actual doctor, so monday morning, i met with dr. walker.  as soon as she walked in the door, she was so excited and gushing and enthusiastic and was all "HI!!!  IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" and i smiled because i was pretty sure i hadn't met with her at all last pregnancy but i was supposed to meet with her for my 39 week appointment.  instead, i went into labor the day before, and she delivered my baby!  i remember holding brady and meeting her (the labor was fast so i didn't actually open my eyes or see her until after he was born) and saying "i was supposed to have my appointment with you tomorrow!" and she was all "oh, it's okay!  they'll go ahead and cancel it for you... you don't need to worry about it!"  so she must have looked at her records or something and seen that she delivered my previous baby.  so she asked if i had a boy or girl and what name i'd chosen and whatever and then was all "did you labor at home for a long time before you came to the hospital?!" so i told her a very condensed version of my birth story and she was loving it.  she threw out the option of getting induced at 39 weeks if i wanted (to make sure i make it to the hospital in time) but said that might not work since brady was 11 days early.  i told her i didn't want to be induced anyways and she was totally okay with that so we'll just make sure i have a plan in place for when i go into labor!  then she told me she was getting an ultrasound machine so we could check out the babe but i told her i'd prefer to opt out.  to which she quickly replied.  "i won't charge you for it!  i just get a better heart beat reading on it and i just like to take a quick peek at the baby... but i don't ever charge my patients for that.  i mean, they're like two or three hundred dollars!"  so i told her that would be okay then since it wouldn't ding my egg nog fund.  and then i felt the need to explain why i was hesitant (because i was charged for two ultrasounds at my last visit) and she was all "oh! yeah! dr. parker and i talked about that and you should be contacted soon... you won't be charged for that!"  happy day!  not sure if that means one or both, but either way, i feel better about life.  so then we watched my little babe kicking around and i just kept thinking how precious he was.  and i'm like HE?!  and then i'm like "holy crap why is he moving SO MUCH?!"  it kind of made me tired just watching it all... like my mothering instincts were already trying to get that baby to calm down and take a nap.  heart rate was 160bmp and everything measured just as it did at the last appointment.  i'm not even sure exactly what they have as my due date, but by my calculations, it's june 4th, and i'm sure their due date wouldn't be more than a day off from that.  anyways, it's all so fun and exciting.  they also had someone come in my room at the end of my appointment to give me my flu shot so now that's out of the way... and on my way out, i scheduled my 16 week appointment for dec 22nd (we leave that night on a red eye to go to costa rica) with dr. claggett.  i think i'll like her better than dr. parker.  


11.20.14 at 12 weeks

11.20.14 at 20 weeks

11.20.14 at 12 weeks

11.20.14 at 12 weeks
pictures are more fun when i have my honey take them instead of a self timer.  ; )