Mom and dad left on Monday and I got super sad after they left. I mentioned it to chris and told him I was depressed and unhappy. He spoke reason and logic to me. "Yes, but this is just what happens. You always get like this when you leave your parents. I've come to know this about you and it's just a fact of life for you that when you're with your parents and it comes to an end, you get super sad and out of sorts for a few days and then it passes. You'll be okay." It's true. I'm always like that after trips to visit and th beach and when mom and dad come to my house. But even knowing it's temporary... It's still difficult. So, Monday and Tuesday were hard. Especially Tuesday because it was a full day. Also, even harder that they went to the cabin so I couldn't even call and text them. I really miss my mom right now and it's been almost a whole week since she's been gone and since I've talked to her. And there's still nothing I can do about it since it's 1:15am in Atlanta. Tomorrow... Then I can call.
Wednesday we went to the pool. I wasn't even in the mood for it. Charees came with me though so of course it was super fun, but I was still out of sorts and didn't want to stay very long. I didn't feel like going to honeys baseball game that night either so he came home and just took Brady. Abigail and Elizabeth and I stayed home and watched brave while I worked on visiting teaching a bit.
Thursday I took the kids to the library and to Walmart. I tried curling my hair that morning. It held for all of fifteen minutes and then was mostly flat the whole rest of the day. Do I get an E for effort? I didn't even do my makeup til that night when I was headed out to take the kids to Abigail's back to school night. Honey had to miss it because he had a late meeting in Greeley and couldn't get back in time. School still freaks me out ni was sweating the whole time and it was only kindergarten back to school night. I just always feel like everyone knows something that I don't and that I'm the only clueless person there. I helped Abigail fill out a little paper for her class which required a wallet size photo of her (which I spent at least an hour on the night before trying to find the perfect one and then had it printed at Walmart for 68 cents or something instead of just doing it at home for free) and the question on the paper was "what are you a leader at?" (Basically, what do you enjoy/are interested in etc?) and when I asked Abigail, she kept saying "I don't know" a million times (because that's her answer to everything) and after the teacher talked away (thank goodness, to greet someone else), and I was all "come on, what's something you like doing?" She's all "well I like watching shows..." Seriously?! And then that's all she would say forever. No mention that she likes to ride her bike, play at the pool, read books, go to storytime at the library, do puzzles, dress up like a princess, paint and color, dance to strawberry shortcake music. Nope. Watch shows. Finally she said "play with friends" so I wrote that down and called it good. I tried to ignore the little boy's paper on the top of the stack that had an entire paragraph of interests. Whatever. The parent now that's already worried about my kid failing kindergarten. So much for believing in my child.
Speaking of, I really love Elizabeth. Partially because she is adorable and smiles and coos and is so low maintence that I call her my pet rock, but a lot because she makes me feel like an awesome mother. I can easily provide for her every need and she's so happy to be my kid. I remember when that was my situation with Abigail. Not anymore. I am a demanding and strict mother and I'm pretty sure that moth of us hate it. I was reading tonight in a book called something like "the best mom ever" or something because my husband thinks I'm pretty cool and gives me that stuff for Mother's Day and all the stories and quotes in there were making me think of my own mother. Giving me a happy childhood. Believing in me (or at least faking it well enough that I believed it!) Forgiving me all those times I didn't deserve it. Serving me... Constantly. And then BAM! Out of nowhere I started crying. Because I was overwhelmed with how much lesser of a mother I am and how Abigail will never have the happy childhood that I did and what did I do to deserve such a wonderful mother and poor Abigail that she got the short end of the stick. Why do I suck so bad? I'm mr. Darcy. I can only think of that scene where mr Bennet calls Lizzy into his office to read him mr. Collins' letter about mr Darcy planning to propose to Lizzy and he's all "are you not diverted?! Mr. Darcy! Who only looks on a woman to see a blemish!" (Spoiler alert: she was not actually diverted). Basically, I'm a horrible person. I'm mr Darcy. Acting like a huge jerk to the person I love most. I'm working on it.
I can't even remember Friday. Maybe I did laundry or something? Who knows... My kids probably watched too much tv and I wandered around in a sleepless haze. I talked on the phone with lisa for a bit which was amazing. Well, it was over an hour, but that's never enough with her. She also talked to Brady some because he looooves talking on the phone. He's quite the chatter too. He also was constantly loving on Elizabeth and talking to her in baby talk as usual. He's so in love with her. Friday night we went to the Hilliers for a family dinner with a clients' family as well. They were really nice and it was a lot of fun. Lawn games and grilling hamburgers and hot dogs. Elizabeth was awake for three hours straight from 6-9 but finally fell asleep in her car seat when we all headed out to do s'mores in the fire pit. The view was amazing.
Speaking of sleepless haze, Brady is still getting his lower molars in and is still having such a rough time during the day and waking up during the night (hey! I remember Friday afternoon now... We had a slow morning and the. Did baths and lunch and went to Abigail's five year check up. Brady spent a good chunk of our time with the nurse just screaming and then did it again for a while when the doctor came in. He wanted a granola bar or something. Eventually he climbed on my lap and was quietly yawning into my neck.) Friday night we got home late because we didn't start snores til after 9. So Abigail passed out the moment she got strapped in her car seat (and then slept there for 15 minutes until I got her out to go potty and the buckled her back in and slept againf or 20 more minutes until we actually left to go home), but Brady had fallen asleep on the way over there and stayed a sleep in the car after we got there so he's napped from 5:30 to 6:30 or 7 or so and was still awake when we got home. So it was 11pm or so and I was laying down with him on his crib mattress on the floor and next thing I know, it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm still there. Ugh... I haven't even made it to my own bed yet? So I sneak out and crawl in my bed at 1:30. Less than an hour later, I hear Brady crying at the top of our stairs (open floor plans and vaulted ceilings are nice, except when your two year old uses it as a podium for his nightly scream sessions) and go up to get him. We lay down in his bed again at 2:30 and next thing I know, it's 4:30... I fell asleep again! Ugh. So I once again return to my own bed. So just rallying it up, so far, I've slept in my bed about 45 minutes and on the floor of Brady's room, sharing a crib mattress with him and the wall for 4.5 hours. No wonder my body feels like that of an 80 year old woman. Anyway, I return to my bed around 4:30 and then Elizabeth wakes up sometime around 5:45. I can't be mad at the girl because she'd been asleep since 9pm, but it was kind of annoying because she was still in her car seat so I had to get her out and change her diaper and swaddle her in her blankets and then nurse her before putting her in her basket and then listen to her grunting and squirming while she settled in to get comfortable and fall asleep again. After all of that, I was hungry, I needed to go to the bathroom, and I was wide awake, but exhausted still. I checked facebook for a bit until I could fall asleep just a little before 7am. And then... Brady was up and crying on the stairs again at 7:35 or 7:40. That's when you just admit defeat and wonder, "did I even go to sleep last night?!"
So, thank goodness people are still cutting me slack for that whole "you've got a newborn" reason, even though my newborn is easy as pie. Because honestly, the physical limits I'm being pushed to by Brady, combined with the emotional limits I'm always battling with Abigail... I need it. I need allll that slack.
K. Wish me luck tonight.
Also, Abigail starts kindergarten in exactly 9 hours. Help me. I'm not ready for this.
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