18 weeks and longest post ever

for the last few weeks (basically ever since i started feeling better) i've been keeping a journal of pregnancy stuff.  i would have started sooner but the first bit was pretty rough and i'd rather not remember it!  so, i've just been typing stuff on my computer as time goes by and i try to write a weekly update on things.  to save myself from having to type things out twice, i'm just going to copy paste it.  maybe sometime i'll post the previous weeks just for kicks but for now we'll just pick up at 18 weeks (today).  this week was really super eventful though so things are really REALLY long.  i won't be offended if liza is the only one to actually read through it!  as i said before, i'm sure this is pretty boring to the veterans, and the people that haven't been pregnant yet, and the people currently consumed with their own pregnancies so that leaves a slim audience!  so liza, (and maybe em) here's a post for you!

How far along: 18 weeks (2.6.10)

Total weight gain/loss: according to my doctors visit i'm 137... YIKES!  officially the most i've ever weighed.  that means +6lbs overall for the pregnancy although it doesn't help that i gained a full TEN pounds right before i got pregnant (in my attempt to increase my fertility!). so anyways, i gained six pounds in two weeks.  for some reason i'm thinking that's a little fast.

Maternity clothes?: bought two pairs of maternity jeans on monday... still haven't worn them.  they're big and don't quite stay up!  i still have one pair of jeans i can wear comfortably all day without unbuttoning them.

Stretch marks?: nope

Sleep: it hurts to roll over.  i have to sit up a little to switch sides.  and i had trouble sleeping because of worry.  the night before the ultrasound though i had a dream that i was able to see the heartbeat at the ultrasound so that eased my mind a bit. 

Best moment this week: the big ultrasound!!!  my baby had a heartbeat and everything looked to be in order.  and found out the gender!  and it's actually a girl!

Movement: not that I can feel...  i still think they're just stomach churnings and rumblings.

Food cravings:  candy still.  fruity things.  overall still wanting sweets.  craving meal foods though.  like lasagna etc.  i wish i still had my mom's cooking!

Gender: IT"S A GIRL!!!  i've always always always wanted a little girl first but convinced myself that it was too good to come true.  i was wrong!  how blessed i am!

What I miss:  umm maybe i could think of a couple superficial things if i tried but right now i really don't miss ANYTHING about not being pregnant.  i'm loving every single second of this.  so far, it's everything i've hoped for and more!

Milestones:  it's finally REAL!  i got the guts to wear a more fitted shirt in public.  i've decided to no longer attempt to conceal the belly. 
Theme: the week of fatigue!  i had felt so lucky to have avoided any first trimester fatigue but i guess mine just waited until now to appear.  i tend to fall asleep whenever i'm not in motion although i have nodded off while standing in place and while reading out loud to children.
Extra: the ultrasound experience was absolutely amazing and so intensely personal which i didn't expect at all.  chris couldn't go because he was in a midterm all morning so i went alone.  the ultrasound tech was very professional yet very motherly and took her time explaining everything to me, answering my questions, and fulfilling my requests.  i was so happy to see a heartbeat and thrilled to hear that everything looked normal.  she said baby was in a good position to see gender if i wanted so she moved things around on the screen and i looked at it and thought "oh my goodness, it's a girl" and i think i studdered and sounded so hesitant when i asked if it was a girl that she was like "yeah!  you got it right!  ...were you wanting a boy?"  haha.  no, either is fine, i'm just recovering from shock.  she went over the whole anatomy.  feet, hands, fingers, spine, chambers of the heart, arteries etc, brain, upper lip (looking for signs of cleft) and a bunch of other things i don't even remember.  i think i would go so far as to say it was a very spiritual experience for me. 

so i did some blood work, headed to the parking lot and started my car.  i turned off the radio and called my boss to tell her i would be to work in 30 minutes.  as i pulled out of the parking lot i pressed the on button for the radio.... the exact moment carrie underwood's "all american girl" song was starting.  then of course i started crying.  so overwhelmed with joy about our healthy little girl.  what a crazy coincidence.  most of the time i don't even bother listening to the radio and this time i was about to drive in silence but was in the mood to celebrate with some music... and that i did!

chris called as soon as he got out of his final.  i asked him for his final gender guess and in a boring tone he said something along the lines of "it's a boy."  when i said "WRONG!!!  it's a girl!!!"  he sounded extremely shocked!  "REALLY?!?!" in complete disbelief.  we polled all members of our family before telling them the news.  chris's mom, dad, and FOUR brothers all guessed boy.  his sister was the only one to correctly guess girl.  my dad, brother, and two sisters all guessed boy.  my mom was the only one that got it right.  when liza told skye i was having a girl, skye responded with an obvious "well, yeah."  i've always thought skye and i have a special connection (even though she doesn't like me) being clones and all.  i guess she was just so in tune that she just KNEW.  so there you have it.  everyone was so sure of a boy and we got a girl.  i will say that although i had really thought it was a boy before, the last couple of weeks i was leaning more towards the possibility of a girl and finally decided that emotionally it would not be healthy for me to go in with expectations either way.  so i sadly, missed out on the vote.  oh well!

elaboration on the "it's finally real" just because it was such a big deal and really hard thing for me.  from the moment i first saw a positive pregnancy test i really wanted to be super excited but never let myself fully indulge.  i was scared out of my mind of getting my hopes up.  second pregnancy test a few days later showed a darker line but still didn't put my mind at ease.  to this day, i'm still sleeping with these two pregnancy tests on my night stand... although now i can safely say i don't actually NEED them there anymore.  i had been temping to track my ovulation and when your temperature stays high it means you're pregnant.  if it drops then you're on your way for a miscarriage.  i kept temping every day for close to two months until christopher told me i wasn't allowed to anymore and i had to put away my thermometer for good.  i think it was around that time that i could finally throw away the ovulation test sticks.  i had an ultrasound at my first appointment, 6weeks 5 days.  it showed just a tiny little dot.  it has not left my purse pocket since it was given to me on november 19th.  same exact story ultrasound pictures from my second appointment on december 18th at 11w5d.  same exact story for the ultrasound pictures from my appointment this past thursday on februrary 4th at 17w5d.  i take these new pictures out to look at at least ten times a day...i'm in awe.  maybe the obsessions will slow down once i can feel my baby kicking.  in the mean time, i'm just happy for my positive thoughts.  so yeah, in the very early stages i kept saying next week it'll be real at 6 weeks or 8 weeks or whatever.  then i decided 12 weeks would be the marker of when it would be real.  except that it came and went and i was still asking chris if he thought we were going to have a baby.  even these past few weeks i could only use the term "if" not "when" and i only used vague terms to describe anything pregnancy or baby related.  i decided 16 weeks would be my REAL marker.  but it didn't work either.  thank goodness for this ultrasound and learning about the little baby girl in me.  it's really really really REAL.

in case you didn't know.  this is the mind of a pregnant girl who has endured a few years of infertility.