i'm in a bad habit lately of not blogging. or just throwing up some pictures without commentary which really doesn't count. and not blogging makes me less happy with life. maybe because if i don't write it down i don't remember it and then it's as if it never happened and then i'm just wandering (or flailing) around in a foggy version of my former life? just an idea.
i don't know if anyone else does this but i have a habit (not as much as i used to but still...) of thinking stuff like "a week ago right now i was packing for our trip to utah and we were about to leave the next morning." so that's what i've been doing tonight.
a week ago right now our house was a disaster because i'd spent the whole day doing laundry and laying out all the clothes we'd need for our trip and i didn't focus on anything else like dishes or tidying up toys or anything really. we got back sunday night and were exhausted. our house was a mess but that was nothing compared to how it looked after we unpacked the car and brought everything inside. and unpacked all our bags. even if i did do two loads of laundry before going to sleep that night (i seriously never do laundry on sunday but we had smokey clothes from the firepit and we were running out of space to put all our dirty clothes. and then monday morning was sunny and hot and gorgeous and i get depressed when i'm in a messy house so we all just went to the pool and then i was too overwhelmed to clean anything because it was just that bad. and then today we haaaad to go to the store because we were out of milk and i was dying and when i brought home all our groceries we almost didn't have enough counter space for it all. too much clutter and too many dirty dishes. tonight for young womens we were going to go swimming... but then it was thundering so we planned to do a game night at my house instead and then i had limited time to clean before everyone came over. it was still pretty messy but at least it didn't look like ten 12 year olds had lived at my house unsupervised for a week and a half. because that's what it looked like before. clothes and dishes and toys and crap.... EV REE WHERE.
not sure why i wrote all that out. as if it matters. ha.
well my kitchen is clean right now and it looks gorgeous. i always love my kitchen. it's probably one of the biggest things that sold me on this house. really, i hate to cook but i love my kitchen... even on a bad day. but when it's clean? oh it just makes my heart sing. and i had extra appreciation for it tonight since it was clean for the first time in forever. now i just gotta keep it that way. and get the rest of my house clean.
lately i've been feeling apathetic. about a whole lot of things. two weeks ago i would have said i was overwhelmed but i guess i got burned out because overwhelmed turned into "i don't care." which really isn't a good thing.
for the record, young womens tonight was super fun. we played disney trivia and it was great. we only had two girls (it was just our laurels and we almost never have high numbers) and it's so fun to hang out when it's a small group like that. and we made cookies. and by the end of the night couldn't keep up with all the new inside jokes.
baby girl is afraid of the wind. it's gotten better now that it's warm outside and it's not the kind of wind that blows snow in your face and makes your cheeks burn... but it's still not great. she's especially afraid of how loud it is when she's in her crib. we back to open space and it can be really really REALLY loud. i've been trying to help her get over her fear of it but she's still scared. normally it just takes a few minutes to calm her down enough and then she'll get herself to sleep alright. but tonight i just felt bad for her. it was loud. and it was dark. and she had such a sad voice when she kept saying "i wanna go downstairs! i wanna sleep in your bed!" i won't lie, i secretly would loooooove to snuggle up with baby girl sometime but preferably when my honey is out of town. except that i'm terrified to do that in case it creates drama and baby girl wants to do it again. anyways, it doesn't matter how many times i try to tell her the wind can't get her, i know she's scared. and even though it's irrational... so is my fear of spiders. so i feel her pain. i had held her for a long while (after i changed that nasty diaper that probably woke her up) but when i put her back in her crib, she was still terrified and asking to come sleep with me. i told her to wait right there and i marched on down to the basement to retrieve not one, but two, super loud fans. and i plugged them both in and that girl smiled so big when i tucked her in again. i think she even giggled. what relief she must have felt and how happy it made me feel. there's a phrase i think of quite often these days and i thought of it again tonight. "you can't always buy your happiness, but sometimes you can." sometimes it's really difficult for me to spend money so that's what i tell myself when i'm deliberating about a 99 cent bottle of nail polish or something. and i thought of it tonight. i won't always be able to take away baby girl's fears... but tonight with a quick trip to the basement, i totally did. in that way, i bought her happiness and man did it feel good!
so now i'm in a better mood than i was this morning and i need to be off to sleep.
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