california, i love to find reasons to hate you

california,

what the heck?!?!  it's been cold all summer and then today it's over a hundred degrees?!?!  what kind of sick joke is this?  we are not laughing.  not me, not baby girl, not honey. 

i was at a backyard bbq on saturday.  luckily i happened to be wearing long sleeves.  most of the other people there though came in short sleeves.  i marveled at how they all knew to bring jackets, which they put on about half way through.  why should anyone in california have to wear a puffy coat with fur in late august?  oh, they shouldn't. 

our apartment doesn't have AC.  it hasn't been a problem since we moved in.  we keep windows open at night and closed during the day.  and frequently it's gotten cold enough that we've had to reverse it.  but today, it was just hot.  tonight is reminding me of our summer in the provo where i was constantly drenched in my own sweat.  between puke, poop, and perspiration (only the sweat was mine) i've changed clothes several times today.  and every time i'm sad that my new clothes only stay dry for about two seconds.

ordinarily this wouldn't be a real problem except for the fact that some like it hot, and some don't.  and baby girl, she don't like it hot.  everyone talks about that newborn/postpartum blur.  i feel like i have (minus the sleep deprivation) experienced it very mildly tonight for about six hours and it hasn't been fun.  i've felt totally out of control.  it's like i have no clue what's going to happen so i have no clue what to expect so i have no way to prepare.  i don't know if she'll go to sleep or stay asleep or want to eat or stay awake to eat or want to play or want to hang out.  i'm clueless.  poor baby is so uncomfortable, she can't sleep for more than an hour before she wakes up (and is pretty unhappy about it), but she can't really stay awake because the heat makes her sleepy, and she can't enjoy being awake because it's hotter than hades in here!

so the semi blur happened when i stopped being able to time her naps on my baby timer because she was drifting in and out of sleep so often, including in my arms.  if i can't time it on the timer then we're in trouble because baby timer = my brain.  anyways, i've tried swaddled, unswaddled, sleep in crib, sleep in basket, sleep in basket in closet under the stairs (very harry potter-esque), etc.  she falls asleep in my arms but i have about six minutes of patience for that until i put her down which wakes her up (she is so consistent about waking up when i put her down that i use it as my tactic to make sure she gets a full feeding) and then it's back to a sad and sleepy (and sweaty) baby.

and as real mothers would know, there is just a special pain you feel when you know your kid is uncomfortable.  but as we all know, there is also a special fear you feel when you anticipate a rough night ahead of you.  this is the special feeling that i'm feeling.  i haven't had any rough nights with baby girl yet.  she's never cried at night, and ever since i started letting her sleep through the night, she's never gone less than a five hour stretch.  even though it hasn't been 100%, i've gotten semi used to not having to wake up for a night feeding.  so anyways, i anticipate tonight being our worst night yet.  and i am fearful.

speaking of fearful.  while i was eating a bowl of brownie batter (it's honey's fault for not getting it in the oven fast enough) i realized that i have my six week postpartum checkup tomorrow morning and they are going to weigh me.  all of the crack brownies, mother-in-law's cookies, butter drenched bagels, lindt truffles, sugared cereals, chocolate chips, and brownie batter are all going to be quantified into three big digits on a nice clear display.  please be less than 154... if i have surpassed my pregnancy weight, i might die.

this is baby girl not napping

a little thumb sucking

thought i was kidding about the closet?  i wasn't.

but california, back to you.  you're already on my bad list.  stop making it worse.


and when i find a way to blame you for making me fat, you better believe i'm gonna pin it to you.

EXTRA pink laundry

the other day i did laundry.  actually, most days i do laundry.  it's really nice.  i love this whole daily laundry thing.  before, i used to save up laundry for a few weeks and then do five loads at once (in our apartment laundry room).  it was nice that i could be done start to finish in a few hours but it made for a pretty intense night.

well, the other day, when my washer load finished, i opened it up and had one of those "i love my life" moments.  they come so often these days that i have to take pictures sometimes to keep track of the really good ones.  there are a million reasons to pray for a little girl.  pink laundry is on the list.  you see, pink is my favorite color.  so you can only imagine how fun it is to do loads of laundry that look like this. 

there are a few things that don't belong to baby girl

as i was transferring laundry over to the dryer i noticed something out of the ordinary.  my [white] washable nursing pads had turned pink.  i was thrilled!  although a little confused and hesitant as well.

yes, i'm posting a picture of my nursing pads on the internet.  now the world knows they are pink.

i looked through the laundry to see what else might have turned pink and i found this elephant sleeper.  if you've seen pictures of baby girl wearing this sleeper, you know it used to be stark white.  not anymore!

i used to hate cleaning out the dryer fuzz... but when it's pink i actually really enjoy it!

when i was putting the dry laundry away, i was noticing that maybe i had initially overlooked a few things.  maybe it was more than just the nursing pads and elephant sleeper.  the casualty list grew.

these changing table covers used to be the same shade of pink.

the top blanket used to be pink and white stripes.  now it's pink and lighter pink.  the blanket underneath has a hint of rose.  and the other blankets are more pink than they were before!

on the changing table, i have a regular changing table cover.  on top of that i have a burp cloth as well as a waterproof white pad.  i don't expect this to always be a necessity but it seems like in these early weeks, babies seem to be oozing or exploding out of every orifice.  these make clean up very quick and easy.  the cover is now extra pink, the burp cloth used to be white with pink flowers... actually, it used to be the same white as that waterproof mat!

the new look

and here is a picture of the culprit.  random red shirt from china.  never been washed.

the guilty party

there are even more things that i didn't take pictures of... a few onesies and maybe some socks or a hair bow.  if you look at baby's facebook pictures maybe you'll notice that the white snail onesie with the brown polka dots and pink trim is now pink with brown dots.  so although everything white turned pink, and everything pink turned pinker, somehow nothing in the wash was actually ruined!  now, if baby girl was actually baby boy then that would have been another story...

it's august 21st...

happy birthday to my favorite non-blogging sister!  we love you and miss you lots and lots!

ps- i got skype... so get pumped for video birthday wishes this afternoon!

domestic me

as much as i love eating, i'm not too much a fan of cooking.  it gives me anxiety when multiple things are going at one time and it stresses me out.  and i'm not too great at it.  i have a bad memory.  the other day i boiled eggs and forgot about them because i was so excited to see chris come home from work.  well 45 minutes later i remembered... pretty much all of the water had boiled out.  that's how my cooking goes.  or the time i made muffins and forgot the salt.  i was scooping batter out of the muffin pan and back into the bowl... it was not fun.  and remember this?  i think i've proved my point.  it's a problem.  and my husband doesn't even care if i cook.  he prefers cereal.  see, we were made for each other.

being a nanny, i really didn't eat much at home.  bowl of cereal in the morning, bowl at night.  everything else, i ate at work.  i mean, i was there for ten hours a day.  and it was good food.  and i didn't have to pay for it.  but now i can go days without leaving these walls (call me crazy but i like it), which means i'm limited to eating the food offered within the confines of my own home and it's getting kind of boring.  especially because i'm binge eating 24/7 (i'm currently stuffing my face with chocolate chips) but more on that another time.

so, yesterday i decided to make a meal.  well, more like an entree.  an entree of a meal.  i didn't serve it with anything else.   i made chicken enchiladas.  i took it real real slow and didn't even hyperventilate.  it made me feel real accomplished so i took pictures to preserve the moment... and to prove that i can be domestic every once in a while.

i'll even tell you how i made it... so you can make it too...  just in case you're like me and you have to eat anything that you see, read, smell, or hear the name of.

mix a can of condensed cream of chicken soup with a half cup of sour cream... or in my case, how ever much you happen to have left in your fridge.  which was a sad story because i would have liked to have had some left to eat with it when it was served.  i LOVE sour cream.  smear a spoonful or two around the bottom of your casserole dish.

make a chicken mixture.  this involves butter, chopped up onion, a little chili powder (i only added half of what it called for and it was still a little out of my comfort zone - i don't do spicy), can of diced green chilis, and cooked chicken.  pretty sure the chicken isn't supposed to be perfectly cubed but that's what i happened to have so i just went with it.  those things all have measurements but i didn't measure any of it so i hope you won't bother either.  why does the shape of chocolate chips make them taste so much better than regular chocolate?!?!

set up your assembly station and make it happen like in the picture.  clockwise, mine included soup mixture, casserole pan (i think i used the wrong size... does this look like 2 quarts?), glass of milk (or drink of your choice...always good to stay hydrated), chicken mixture, place where the magic happens (i used a cutting board), recipe, tortillas, and baby timer (because this never. leaves. my. side.) if you have a baby.  i used my kitchen table for all of this so i could sit down.  as i said, i took it SLOW.  and i am naturally a really slow person.  probably the slowest person you've ever met. 

when you finish rolling chicken inside those tortillas (and putting them seam-side down!) pour the rest of the soup mixture on top.

cover with delicious cheese of your choice (but don't get carried away with feta or gruyere or something weird like that).  i put extra green chilis on the top... but only because i got the super cheap 7oz can instead of the tiny 4oz one that cost just as much.  this is when i covered it an stuck it in the fridge... not required but it was only 2:30 and my honey wasn't getting home for a few hours.

while it's in the fridge, treat yourself to a bowl of cereal.  you deserve it.

thought i was lying about the cereal?  i wasn't.  here's some of our backup that we keep hidden behind the regulars on display.  you better believe there's more backup up top that was too lazy to uncover for the picture.

stick it in a preheated oven about 30 minutes before your honey gets home.  nothing needs to cook, just heat up.  i put mine on 350 and it was hot enough.

maybe your honey will maul you and tell you it's the best thing he's ever tasted in his entire life.  that's not really my honey's style.  he'll eat a bowl of cereal and then sit down to eat your chicken enchiladas.  after you've waited a polite amount of time and you ask him how he likes it, he may tell you it's the best thing you've made in months.  my honey is real nice, but he won't lie to me.  most often i get a shrug that basically says, "thanks for the effort but i'll just have another bowl of cereal please."  so this was a pretty big deal.  it also got me thinking of the losers i've made in the last few months... hm.

time to increase my repertoire.

a dress for my baby

this is my friend carolyn.

because of my dear friend carolyn, my baby girl has the most beautiful dress on the planet.  she made little abigail a baby blessing dress and it is busting at the seams with love.  the fabric and lace are gorgeous.  the puffy sleeves are precious.  everything about it is absolutely perfect.

one day on facebook chat, i jokingly told carolyn that she should make my baby a blessing dress.  she totally jumped on it!  and no joke, the dress was practically done within 48 hours because that is how carolyn is.  so excited to do nice things... especially to do nice things for me... and consequently, my child, who she affectionately refers to as the future mrs. benjamin turnage.

the dress just arrived this evening so i haven't had time to take any pictures of it (although i'm sure there will be some in a few weeks from the blessing!) but i will direct you to a few on carolyn's blog.  since she's so on top of things and so good at life, she has a whole blog post dedicated to it! 

so CHECK IT OUT.

guns

this is my kid flexing in her swimsuit.

too bad we won't see the beach til christmas because

WE ARE READY!

it's august 15th...

which means it's been a whole month since this...

my smile and my child are roughly two inches bigger now.

recap on zita's visit

so, as i may or may not have said before, can't remember and i'm too lazy to check, zita is experiencing the states for the first time.  i think she goes home in a few days, but she's been hanging out in utah (somewhere around lehi i think) for a couple of months.  chris got her to come out here to visit us, and the state of california, for the weekend (last weekend... i'm just slow) and we had a ton of fun.  here is a picture summary of our fun.

standing in front of hoover tower

at the top of hoover tower

the whole party

on campus in front of memorial church

zita picked up on skip bo in all of two seconds.  she was SO good.

baby girl has got an intense stare

monterey

along 17 mile drive

where's waldo?

i love the beach.  even if it's the wrong ocean...

there he is!

too bad it wasn't sunnier... or at least warmer!

check us out, we're standing on a pole.

lone cyprus.  how pretty is that?

baby girl was NOT thrilled that we woke her up to go to the beach.

they put their feet in the water at several beaches even though it was ICY cold.  it was zita's FIRST TIME EVER experiencing the beach/ocean/sea.  i made her taste the water.  she was surprised how salty it was.  ha.

zita wanted her picture with baby abigail

in front of alcatraz

so there you have it.  stanford campus on thursday and friday.  down the coast for 17 mile drive, monterey, and carmel on saturday.  up to san francisco on sunday.  we had a blast.

ps- zita's favorite food here in the states is costco hot dogs.  she said her least favorite food is "steaks" although the first four times i asked her she was definitely saying "snakes."  i told her that's not an american food and soon enough we understood each other.  it was great.

it was nice while it lasted!

dear kid,

thanks for not crying for the first four weeks of your life.  i really really really appreciated it and it was nice while it lasted.

love,

your adoring mother

_____________________________________

ps- don't worry, there is no cause for concern.  abigail still barely cries... but we hear that cute cry at least once a day instead of never at all.  just sayin', that four week fussiness arrived...

by the way

not sure if i mentioned it, but we sold our house.

taken when we bought it in february 2007

it sure was good to us, but it feels good not to be homeowners anymore. and it feels REALLY good not to be long distance land lords.

zita

this is my friend zita.

in hungary, september 2008

she's coming to visit for the weekend!  she lives in hungary.  chris met her there while he was on his mission and i met her there two years ago on our europe trip.  she's been hanging out in the states for a few months, mostly in utah.  we decided she needed to see california so chris convinced her to spend a few days with us!  i pick them up at the airport (san jose, thank goodness... none of that oakland across the bay stuff for me!) late tonight.  i'm excited zita and i will be able to play during the day (good thing her english is so fabulous) while chris is at work.  and then maybe we can all do some fun stuff together over the weekend!  i can't wait!  i'll let you know how it goes!

in other news:
i slept in til 10:30 today and was a much happier camper than yesterday!
we're out of milk.  again.  i'm going through it faster than ever these days.
i think i have a blocked milk duct.  i am NOT happy about this.
my kid makes very interesting sleep noises, similar to those of an old person.
i had an epiphany this morning about how physically painful motherhood is.
the most productive part of my day yesterday was between the hours of 10 and midnight.
i have done this entire post with one hand. 

because of this...

because little things make me hate california

it's 7:32 and i've been awake for 2.5 hours and my favorite thing that i've done so far is eat a bowl of raisin bran.

it's been an eventful morning so far.

i woke up at 5:00 this morning to take chris to the airport.  then i realized that that was stupid to wake up 15 minutes early because i didn't need to do anything before walking out the door (later i found out how very wrong i was) so at 5:15, i woke up again, got baby girl (who i'd put to sleep in her carseat after her last feeding) and headed to the car with my honey.  he's going to be gone on business until tomorrow evening, so, just a quick morning airport run.  no big deal.

well, about four minutes into the car ride i realized i'd forgotten to put my contacts in.  i always wear them except these last two weeks when i've been home with baby girl all day, i just put them in when i leave the house.  but i'd forgotten to put them in yesterday when i went to walgreens and it was a pain.  not to mention the whole trip ended up being a colossal waste of time anyways since they were out of the contact solution i wanted.  but that's off the subject.  the point is, even though i'd set out my contacts on the bathroom sink so i wouldn't forget to put them in, i forgot because i didn't even step foot in the bathroom after i woke up.

i panicked for just a few seconds before i calmed myself down.  "it's okay, i can deal, i'll just follow the gps.  i can see all the cars and everything important.  if i have the gps, i don't need to be able to read the signs from far away."  more minutes passed.  then chris mentioned, "oh, by the way, i have to take the gps with me because i'm going to be driving all over the place once i get there."  i don't know why this didn't occur to me since he very frequently needs the gps on business trips.  oh well, that's just me forgetting... once again.  so then i said "uh oh, but i just realized i don't have my contacts in."  how am i supposed to find my way home from an airport i've never been to without the help of contacts or a gps?  he asked if we needed to turn around and i told him i thought i'd be okay. 

well once we got on the highway i realized how blurry those signs really were.  i got very worried.  he said we were kinda far to turn back now.  "it's okay" i said, "i'll just take the longer way back and it'll be a straight shot on 280 instead of having to get on 101 and three other highways."  then he told me 280 didn't go by the airport.  what?  how does 280 not go through san jose?  "we're going across the bay.  you forgot?  i'm flying out of oakland."  UH OH.

i got all hot and started sweating.  i swear i felt lightheaded and got even more blurred vision.  hardcore panic.  it's still pretty dark out.  if i take a wrong turn then i'm lost forever.  if i don't get home super fast i'll be stuck in traffic til noon.  and, just for good measure... i have a baby with me.

i think he could sense the ongoing worry in my face and voice.  he told me i could keep the gps and he would find a way to rent one.  MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.  i was elated.  but then as the time went by (oakland takes a long time to get to!) i was still really worried about the trip since i didn't have my contacts and the more i looked at signs, the more i considered myself completed blind instead of just a -1.00.  i prayed a lot.  in fact, the whole rest of the way there.  my previous prayers had been answered (now i would have a gps!) so i just kept that up!

told my honey goodbye and almost cried.  i get very emotional when he leaves to go out of town.  i have major separation anxiety when it comes to my husband.  i got it every morning before work too... especially on mondays.  it's bad.  continual prayers as i pulled away.

i made a wrong turn before i even got a mile away from the airport!  luckily, tomtom recalculated and got me back on track.  let me just say that there is no way whatsoever that i would have made it home without that thing!  what did we do in life before the gps, the cell phone, and CONTACTS (i will now be keeping an extra pair of contacts in my purse in case of emergencies) just to mention a few.

well, have no fear, i made it home.  end of story.  anti-climatic huh?  i don't care.  that's a good thing!

i'm not a good story ender so i'll just start a random ramble instead.

baby girl is my new favorite travel accessory, with the exception of the gps (sorry, baby girl).  because of her, we flew by bay area morning traffic on the 880, 237, and 101 in our very own HOV lane.  seriously, we were the only ones in it... except for two motorcycles.  it was just glorious.  not that my time is very important, and i know baby girl would have slept through it all (she's still sleeping actually) but every second in that car without contacts WAS NOT FUN.  have i made that clear yet?

anyways, now it's 8:02 and still, the best part of my day has been eating that bowl of raisin bran.  the second best has been getting this story out of my brain so i can erase it from my memory.

now i need to wake baby girl up for her breakfast. 

how's your day been so far?

in the process

i'm in the process of typing up a birth story post.  actually, that's a lie.  i'm typing it up for my own records but like with the weekly pregnancy journal, i'll just post it on here too!  i'm thinking this will be PG.  should any pregnant (or just plain curious) friends want a PG13 version (hey, i want it for my own memory's sake) then you can contact me about that...

so anyways, get pumped! i'm off to bed!

millions of pictures

if you're not on facebook and are in the mood to see hundreds of pictures of my kid (not sure who on earth even fits into that category) then i have a few links for you...

200 pictures... starting from the time we left for the hospital

200 more pictures... taken of abigail's first week at home

and if that's not enough...

59 (but more will be added eventually) more pictures just because my family is demanding like that

i sure love this kid

2 weeks postpartum

so technically this should have been posted on thursday, but, surprise, i forgot.

How far along: 2 weeks postpartum  (7.29.10)

Total weight gain/loss: not sure... one week ago i was down 16 lbs leaving me at a +8lbs.  but i've been eating a LOT of brownies since then... as i said, that whole "healthy eating during pregnancy" thing was going down the drain after she came out!

Maternity clothes?: no thank you!  i'm wearing my normal clothes and loving it!  my shirts are so much longer without the belly!  and i don't care that i have that spare tire look around my middle.  I STILL FEEL SKINNY so don't you tell me otherwise.

Stretch marks?: the ones around my belly button are barely visible because they aren't so stretched anymore.  the ones on my side... they look as bad as ever.  but with my pudgy tummy out front, who has time to worry about sides?!?!

Sleep: sleep is fabulous.  only two nightmares in two weeks!  and i can get four or five hours at a time.  it is SO much more restful than during pregnancy!

Best moment this week: there are so many.  but i one of my favorites was last night.  chris and i went shopping in redwood city to get him some new clothes.  towards the end, baby girl woke up and wanted to eat.  i took her to the car, got out my cute nursing cover, had a darn good feeding session, changed her diaper on the back seat, and got her situated back in her carseat (all while keeping her bow nicely in place).  i don't care what working people say about stay at home moms, but at that moment (and obviously still right now) i felt EXTREMELY accomplished.  i was handed a challenging new task and i passed the test with flying colors!  i need a plaque.

Movement: it was so weird that the first few days after she was born, i swear i could still feel her moving inside of me.  i'm sure it was probably just a contracting uterus or something like that, but let me tell you, it was creepy!  but anyways, these days, i just love watching her move when she's asleep.  she millions of facial expressions and all of the stretches... it's bliss.

Food cravings:  i call them crack brownies.  they're actually normal (or so they seem) brownies with a little powdered sugar on them but they taste like they have a whole stick of butter in every bite!  YUM!  someone in the ward brought them over.  why are people bringing so many treats when they know i'm still fat?!?!

Gender: GIRL!!!  i absolutely love the bows and polka dots and flowers and EVERYTHING PINK!  absolute heaven.

What I miss:  ummm, it's crazy that as much as i absolutely loved being pregnant... this is just so much better!

Milestones: it's been TWO WEEKS already.  holy cow.  and that i'm only taking a few painkillers a day.
Theme: i have a new life now
Extra:  i posted a comment on facebook about how my in laws left and i was going to be on my own for the first time.  i absolutely loved one of the replies i got "actually, you'll never be on your own again.  that girl is here to stay."  i've thought about it a million times since then.  i love it, i love it, i love it.

rambling

i feel like i have so much going on these days but it all revolves around me me me and how i have a baby now.  i was talking to my good friend rach yesterday about how some people post such annoying stuff on facebook all about them and their baby.  i told her i would try to avoid doing that but i made no promises for my blog.  comments and pictures on my blog won't show up in anyone's newsfeed and if they come to my blog and are annoyed with what they read, let that be a lesson to them!

anyways, back to me.  i have a baby now!

chris texted me the other day... "how do you like your new life?"

wow... crazy.  well, i love it.  i feel totally content.  instead of looking forward to 6:00pm or even better, friday at 6:00pm, i'm just loving the present.  each day and night is flying by far too fast.  i'm anxious to experience it all but i swear i get whiplash trying to keep up with it all.

as of yesterday, baby girl is two weeks old.  she is a good eater and a great sleeper and she almost never cries.  she eats about every four hours during the day and every five at night.  she has spoiled me already and i'm going to be severely sad if/when she turns into a terror.  but, i consider myself a very lucky and blessed individual so i think there might be hope.  and if not, i've enjoyed it while it's lasted!  baby girl has my eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks, appetite and love of sleep.  we are crossing our fingers that everything else comes from chris.

the tired caught me

maybe it was adrenaline or maybe that i wasn't on intense pain meds... but the first week i was wired... the next few days still doing fine.  and today, i got tired.  perfect timing since my mother in law leaves tomorrow morning.

oh my goodness, wish me luck.

small update

i'm still here.

life is going really really well.  miss abigail elise is doing so so well and is already winning awards for the world's easiest baby.  as much as i loved being pregnant, i am LOVING all of the energy that i have now and enjoy not falling asleep every time i sit down for more than two seconds.  christopher on the other hand is feeling severely sleep deprived but i'm sure he'll get over it with time.  i had a really really really rough recovery but with the help of numerous appointments and calls to doctors and nurses a lot of motrin and narcotics and the passing of time... i'm getting better little by little.  much thanks to my mom and chris and chris's mom for waiting on me hand and foot and taking care of me while i take care of abigail.  they have been lifesavers.  around here we don't do too much.  we eat, play, and sleep.  that cycle continuously repeats and i love it.  i feel such purpose in life right now and my biggest problem is being gentle with abigail when all i really want to do is smother her with hugs and kisses.  but gentle i will be...

until she can handle more vigorous affection.

a child is born

mine to be exact.

this morning at 1:08 am

8 lbs, 5.5 ounces

20.5 inches long

pictures on facebook

40 weeks

How far along: 40 weeks  (7.10.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 24 lbs

Maternity clothes?: counting down the days til normal clothes.  i swear i wear the same few outfits over and over again.

Stretch marks?: they don't bother me so much anymore.

Sleep: more normal dreams this week.  consistently waking up to go to the bathroom once a night.

Best moment this week: mom came in town!!! 

Movement: slowing down i think.

Food cravings:  i'm loving squash and zucchini these days...  ummm, i dunno, a lot of times i just don't have an appetite so i'm happy when things look appealing.

Gender: GIRL!!!  i took a non official inventory of her wardrobe and most everything includes hot pink.  i'm in heaven.

What I miss:  i'm not quite sure about that although there's gotta be something....

Milestones: hitting my due date!  but according to chris, that's definitely NOT something we wanted.
Theme: the week of my body is getting ready for labor!
Extra:  my poor christopher.  he is DYING with every second this kid doesn't come.  i know she's getting ready though because this past week has felt so so so so different than before.  i can really feel my body preparing for labor.  the heaviness, cramping, contractions, sudden and intense backaches that extend into my legs, etc.  it's all pretty crazy because it was only a week ago that i felt totally normal, just big.  now, i feel my body gearing up for something big!  i had an appointment on wednesday.  according to the doctor i was 2 cm and 75%.  she said baby is at a -2 station.  keep on coming kid!  i have another appointment on thursday if i make it that long.  and then i think my doctor would induce me within a few days.  i didn't ask specifics on that because i really don't want to have to be induced.  i hope that's not too much wishful thinking.  technically my due date was the 9th.  i had my last day of work on thursday and picked my mom up from the airport that evening.  friday we spent all day shopping and doing some extra last minute things.  i'm pretty comfortable being pregnant, but let me just say for the record that mother and christopher are not at all happy about this baby postponing the party!!!  i used to be somewhat apprehensive about the hospital experience and recovery.  i guess i still am a little, but mostly i'm just really excited to experience the next adventure to this whole pregnancy thing!  so far, pregnancy is everything i could have hoped for and more! 

39 weeks

How far along: 39 weeks  (7.3.10)

Total weight gain/loss: + 22.5 lbs

Maternity clothes?: not so bad this week.  thank goodness for that.

Stretch marks?: they are super bad.  they've just completely taken over and chris loves commenting on my "designs."  what a sweet euphemism for something so unattractive.

Sleep: sleep is still good.  sometimes i get airplane sleep at night but i have my share of sleeping nicely through the night that makes up for it.  still some super bizarre dreams.  one of the strangest nights included four or five weird dreams in a row.  one of them was that i gave birth to a little man.  it was like a four or five year old little boy but he could talk and reason and everything like an adult.  and in all honestly, the "man" was one of my past coworkers!!!  i was talking to the boy about how he wasn't going to fit in any of the clothes i had and asking him if he was wanting me to breastfeed him (we both decided that that would be a tad too awkward).  and one other dream was especially weird too but i can't remember it too well.  i think i performed my own c-section or something like that.  i'll have to be better about writing them down before i forget them.

Best moment this week: packages on my door step!!!  to settle my anxiety, our carseat finally came!  and i got two bebe au lait nursing covers and a rainforest jumparoo from my friend amber, whose daughter, kailee, was my favorite little girl at the daycare in colorado.  and i got a much bigger than i expected package from my cousin marianne!  she said she was going to send me "belly laughs" so i was eagerly awaiting a little package.  but it was a BIG box!  it had belly laughs, and a bunch of hand me down clothes, and some baby girl outfits she picked out herself and i'm in love with the little polka dot pants... they have a giant flower on the bum.  honestly, they're the cutest thing ever.  so that was all a lot of fun and i read belly laughs all in one sitting.  it's definitely a book i'll recommend to my pregnant friends!

Movement: i thought movement was supposed to slow down a bit but especially these last few days she's been especially active.  i can tell she's real cramped in there because even her gentle jabs can be pretty uncomfortable.

Food cravings:  i haven't really liked food much the past week or two and it's getting worse.  it semi reminds me of first trimester because i'm always hungry but i don't want to eat.  so i'm getting headaches more often as a result of that.  but NOTHING could be as bad as those first few months!

Gender: GIRL!!!  i do have enough gender neutral clothes and clothes with blue that we'd be fine either way though... well, that's a lie.  we'd be fine on the clothes front although emotionally i'm not sure i'd be fine with a boy at this point.  ;-)

What I miss:  the non itchy belly... still.

Milestones: now, when people ask me when i'm due i can just say "friday!" instead of giving them the countdown.
Theme: the week of realizing i'm still in denial.  i honestly feel like pregnant is just my new way of life.  it's weird to me that things will change and eventually i'll be non-pregnant and have a child.  will it ever click?  i mean, i still haven't even brought myself to pack a hospital bag yet...
Extra:  my belly still drives me nuts.  a number of times, i've woken up during the night because i'm frantically scratching my belly and i'm so tired that i fall asleep again while i'm still scratching!  as a result, i now have little scabs (gross, i know) speckling my belly because i've scratched my skin so raw.  i look like a kid with eczema.  it still helps to ice my belly when the itching just get's so bad.  i just use whatever i can find out of the freezer.  otter pops (still connected to one another) work best.  using two loaves of frozen bread is okay temporarily but doesn't hold it's chill too long.  i fell asleep a few days ago clutching two loaves to my belly and woke up a few hours later to completely thawed bread.  to a much lesser degree than earlier in pregnancy, i'm experiencing the apathy and overall "down" feeling accompanied by a little irritability.  as long as it's not bad like before, i can totally deal.  chris has been really great about it.  i really wish i could experience that whole nesting thing it seems like everyone gets.  i have the anxiety of wanting things clean and organized and prepared, but i just don't have enough energy for it.  i get to overwhelmed physically and emotionally.  so i find myself worrying about the super important stuff that i know won't get done unless i do it myself (like painting my toes) and chris makes fun of me, rightfully, for it all.  official due date is friday july 9... just days away!!!

dear sawah

 dear sawah,
months ago you asked if i was going to my beach family reunion this summer.  i sadly had to explain that i would miss it for the very first time in my 24 years of life because i would be a full nine months big.  every time i've thought about missing it i've been close to tears... so sad i won't be there to partake of the family tradition this year.  i remember wondering why you were asking me about it.  maybe you were just really thoughtful and in tune with my emotions to know it would be traumatizing for me.  no, when i asked you, your answer assured me that was not the case.  ;-)  you just wanted to see how giant i would look in a swimsuit.  well, here you go.  i crammed my giant self into my swimsuit and went swimming on saturday almost as a tribute to the beach reunion i was missing since i knew my family would be driving to ocean isle at the exact time i was swimming at the stanford pool.  anyways, i had chris take a picture for you.  and just as a fun comparison, i added what this swimsuit looked like on me a short nine and a half months ago...

okay

okay

and OKAY.  say, "wooowww, she's really let herself go.  poor chris."
 ps- i swear my arms have NOT gotten that fat (although i will admit that i AM that pale)...  it's just an unflattering picture.
LOVE YOU SAWAH!