30 weeks

How far along:   30 weeks  (10.18.12)

Total weight gain/loss: +20.5 lbs, maybe 21  

Maternity clothes:  as wonderful as they are, i still am just really loving my gray sweat pants.  so that's what i wear whenever i'm not leaving the house.  like all day yesterday.

Sleep:  it's pretty alright.  my dreams this week have been pretty nuts though.  my craziest night this week included a super real feeling dream where i suddenly found myself at church with my one week old baby boy and i was so overwhelmed with love for him but i had something i needed to do so i asked someone to hold him for me and then i was suddenly hit with the realization that i had no clue how or why i was at church with a one week old baby and actually, i had absolutely zero memory of anything that had happened since going into labor.  so bizarre that my body didn't feel like i'd birthed a baby and when i nursed my baby, it was as if he'd been nursing for months and it didn't hurt in the slightest.  i was loving life for a few mins until i realized how crazy and scary it was that i somehow blacked out for an entire week and had no recollection of labor, delivery, or my first week with this kid.  i'm doing a bad job explaining it but honestly, it was so weird.  although the no recovery or pain thing definitely had it's perks.  after i woke up and fell asleep again, i dreamed that i was at the debate (the night before it actually happened though) and it was kind of like getting into a high end theater/concert.  like the fox but bigger and fancier.  and then my night was summed up by me remembering that i never mailed in my ballot and i missed my chance to vote.  needless to say, i woke up experiencing a whole crazy range of emotions.  last night one of my dreams was that i accidentally marked my ballot wrong and panicked hardcore that i'd already sent it in and had somehow voted democrat.  talk about a nightmare.  can you tell i'm seriously stressing about this election?!  yikes.

Best moment this week:  i'm struggling to come up with something.  that's not great.

Movement:  it's absolutely nuts.  like it tickles like crazy, it's uncomfortable, it'll hurt.  it's all over the place but also super low in the front and completely down on the bottom like he's trying to make his exit.  ten more weeks of this?!  yikes!  this could be rough.  abigail was really active last pregnancy (and as a baby) but it wasn't so alarmingly powerful like this is.  because really, it is so powerful.

Food cravings:  ugh.  food has not been my friend this week.  breakfast is my only constant.  it's the only thing i know i'll look forward to and enjoy eating.  other than that i have to work to find something to choke down.  and even while i'm eating it, it grosses me out.  i have the best luck with sweets because even though i don't love them, i know cookies aren't going to make me gag.  the trouble is that on an empty stomach, that stuff makes me feel sick.  and it has no nutritional value.  and i'm sure the sugar contributes to my constant headaches.  occasionally i'll have a fifteen minute window where a bunch of things sound really good (normally things that take longer than fifteen minutes to prepare) but then it passes and i'm still left trying to figure out how to fill my stomach.  so, like i experienced in the first trimester, i don't want to eat any repeat foods.  sooo, i'm gonna need some new recipes.  and i need them to not make enough for leftovers because, again, i don't want to eat the same food twice.  

Gender:  BOY!  i keep worrying that i won't love this kid as much as i love abigail.  but in that super weird amnesia dream, i was so crazy in love with that little baby boy... it gives me hope.  

What I miss:  hugging my honey and not being twenty feet away from him.  also, because of the crazy movement, my stomach is somewhat sore.  well, i know that's not the right description but it's just enough that i don't want anything to touch it.  including when i try to get close to baby girl or my honey.
Milestones:   i hit 30 weeks!  that's huge!  we're on the ten week countdown til my due date!

Theme: the week of somehow being simultaneously in my first trimester and my third trimester.
Extra:  i don't know where it came from but i went from feeling absolutely amazing a few weeks ago to suddenly experiencing all of the discomforts of third trimester pregnancy with the addition and return of first trimester stuff like constant headaches, nausea, hunger but with a lack of appetite and aversion to most every food ever.  and back pain.  where did this come from?!  i know i should just be thankful that it hasn't been terrible all along (especially since i've been horribly prone to back pain since i was in middle school) but i haven't had a positive attitude this week so instead, i'll just complain about how much i'm not loving that lower back pain that seems to just sit in my hips almost.
apathy is the name of the game.  plus headaches, back pain, crying spells, anxiety about this presidential election, worrying about not loving my kids equally, fatigue, lack of patience, and a million other things.  basically, all i want to do is lay in bed and go brain dead while surfing the internet.  i can't remember the last time i got excited about something but it's been a while.  i keep trying to think of excuses for not going to things.  i come up with reasons not to get together with friends or this past saturday i tried and tried to come up with a good last minute excuse of why i couldn't go to my friend's daughter's first birthday party.  i never came up with an excuse so we ended up going and honestly, it was fine.  but getting myself dressed and out the door definitely involved tears.  i've been a crappy friend, family member, and young woman leader because honestly, i just want as little human interaction as possible.  with christopher, i can tell him how i really feel.   other people that i'm not as close to?  they're just going to think i'm superficial and fake for dropping off the face of the earth and not calling them back/reaching out to them/etc. for weeks on end.  this is stressful too.  i'm a crappy person these days.  i just hope everyone will find it in their hearts to eventually forgive me.
also, my sense of smell is still insanely powerful.  in addition to everything else, abigail's breath grosses me out now too.  so she will be eating no more peanut butter til i can get over this.  the other night i gave her a bath before bed and just smelling her hair while we were reading bedtime stories grossed me out.  baby hair is supposed to smell good but this time it just made me think of a wet dog.  i feel like i'm always asking chris "what did you just eat?  don't come closer.  go stand over there until i can't smell it anymore."  which makes both of us a little sad in a humorous sort of way.  seriously my sense of smell is canine quality.  it was heightened some last pregnancy but absolutely nothing like this!

10.20.12 at 30 weeks, 2 days

10.20.12 at 30 weeks, 2 days

ten weeks to go!