He's getting easier (or at least it's getting easier to care for him but maybe I'm just getting better at figuring him out!) but he's still not a predictable piece of chocolate cake. But something has clicked (although I'm sure it's probably just one of many in a long series of clicks) and it feels so good. I'm crazy about nursing this kid, I get so excited to rock him to sleep if he's having a difficult time settling down to sleep, I can't get enough of his smiles and laughs and having him hang out with me like the little buddy he is, and I don't always wish he was sleeping! I washed his hair the other day with lavender shampoo (baby girls call... It's purple) and so after his bath I was smelling it and noticing it more. And y'know what? His hair isn't super dark anymore! And it's fuzzy and stands up a little! I don't know why this was such a pivotal moment for me. Maybe because he's starting to look more like me? Maybe because he's growing up? Maybe because I don't remember when Abigail's hair changed from her dark newborn hair to the blonde wispy fuzz? But it made me more attentive to other things too. Like how his right eye is getting less goopy and that he smiles more and is so in to Abigail and that he's starting to hold toys and be amazed at his new skills and that he is getting better and better at tummy time and sitting in the bumbo and I dunno. It's times like these that I wish I was a better writer. Better than just being a scribe for my random train of thoughts.
So today he was pretty happy and interactive even though he was spitting up like crazy and seemed uncomfortable. And I happily rocked him for more than one nap. And then tonight after I put him to bed I hung out in my own waiting for him to wake up. And when he did I just got so excited to go in and see him. Even though it had only been an hour. This is how I was with Abigail. Not wishing she was asleep, always just wanting to be with her. I find myself keeping this kid awake too long because I'm just not ready to out him down for nap yet. And then when he nurses himself to sleep in my arms like he did tonight, I just want to hold him (and do!) while I write out my feelings of how in love I am with this precious little being (I do that too!) and so sorry Brady, if you ever read this and feel sad that it wasn't love at first sight (it wasn't with Abigail either although I don't remember any milestones like this) but everyone has their own falling in love story. My first kid was cool as a baby but as only gotten better and better (terrific twos are seriously so fun) and I know that is the case for my second and will be the case with all my other kids too. Just getting better with age. Knowing my childhood hopefully my own mother feels this way about me.
Life is so good right now. I eased into motherhood flawlessly. Easiest thing I've ever done. The two kid thing? Not so much. It has definitely been an adjustment for me. Mentally far more than anything else. But yesterday and today and I guess this past week, it's all been awesome. I haven't been nostalgic for the ease of life with one kid, I've been crazy in love with my life with two kids, and crazy in love with Baby girl (of course, as always) and crazy in love with my Brady boy.
Do I really have to put him back in his crib?! What a precious little bundle of perfection. I hope someday he can love me a lot too.
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