Monday, June 26, 2017

Photographer, two years of age

Elizabeth just took a burst of 45 photos of my crotch before I grabbed my phone from her.  

Having a two year old is such a special experience.

Thursday, June 22, 2017


I woke up this morning and, just like that, my baby is one week old.

and my honey is 33 years old.

these guys just keep getting older and older.

catching up

oh my gosh I am dying.  DYING.  time is going by so so so fast.  it's Wednesday already! last Wednesday, I took my last half pill of Zoloft, spent much of the day crying off and on in my bed, and texting Emmy that I hope this baby comes soon because I'm depressed and I just want to feel happy again.  and then that night, I went into labor.  how has it already been a week?!  I don't necessarily want to freeze time because I know so many good things are to come, but what I would give to be able to relive the last six days since my precious babe was born.  how did I get to be so blessed?!

Wednesday- I was sad.  I spent most all of the day in bed. I felt my body start to have contractions around 7pm, figured out I was in labor around midnight, went to the hospital a little before 2am, and had a baby at 3:53am.

thursday- the whole day was spent in the hospital, cuddling my baby, eating tons of hospital room service food, and texting family and friends about the great news.  I had sent Chris home around 8am that morning to relieve the babysitter and he ended up bringing the kids back that afternoon to meet Andrew.  he was in the nursery getting a bath at the time, so the kids ate tons and tons of food from the nourishment rooms and had fun hanging out with Andrew when he got done under the warmer.  Chris took them home, I had a pretty sleepless night because of the night nurse.  the day nurse was really great and hands off, but the night nurse would come in like every thirty minutes just to see if my kid had had another diaper change or feeding or to tell me that she would plan to check on me again at whatever time (that was less than an hour away) and honestly, it was just rough.  also, Andrew kept spitting up tons of amniotic fluid (apparently that's the result of a fast delivery) and so that kept me awake as well because I kept hearing him cough that up and, while he wasn't bothered, it sounded terrible and would startle me awake every time.

friday- we let the nurses at the desk know (on at least ten different occasions) that we would like to be at the top of the list for discharge.  Chris took the kids to my friend Sara's house so Ella could watch them while he came to the hospital and helped with all the paperwork, instructions, and gathering of stuff for discharge.  I really didn't care about having him in the hospital for any of recovery because I felt totally fine and didn't need any help, but I really, really wanted him there for the discharge process.  I was with Andrew for the circumcision, hearing test, pediatrician checkup, etc. and everything just went really smoothly and efficiently.  we were out of there and home by noon... even with picking the kids up from Sara's and waiting for her to get home (she'd been out running errands and I wanted her to be able to peek at Andrew).  getting home, I had my neighbor, Stephanie, run over to take a family picture for us since I realized we never got one in the hospital as we have the previous times.  she was on her driveway with her friend and some of our other neighbors (community garage sale day) and they all came over to see Andrew.  it was a fun little homecoming.  the rest of the day was spent just low key inside with my babe, feeding him and watching him sleep.  and monitoring all the spit up.

Saturday- I took Abigail to a playdate at Kaitlyn's house and picked her up at noon.  I stayed and talked to her mom for at least 30 minutes before I could finally pry Abigail away.  I'm glad she could get in that playtime so she doesn't feel held back by this baby.  while Abigail was at Kaitlyn's, Chris took Brady and Elizabeth on a walk around the neighborhood (still community garage sale) and stopped to chat with all of our friends that were out.  Brady loved telling me about it when he got home.  Elizabeth went down for a nap.  Chris took all the kids to the pool later that evening.  I was going to take Andrew on a walk up there just to watch the kids swim for a bit but I got super tired (holy cow, nursing kept instantly putting me to sleep!) and took a little nap instead. that night, honey had church visit he had to do so the kids gathered on my bed and Abigail read aliens in underpants to Andrew and we all hung out for an hour or so until Chris returned and we put kids to bed.

sunday- Father's Day! I woke up and fed Andrew and then he hung out on his boppy while I made Chris French toast for breakfast.  I made some for the kids and myself as well, but we didn't eat together because Chris had to get ready for church.  I helped the kids get showered and ready for church and Chris took Abigail and Brady went he went for 10:15 meetings.  I got in the shower at 10 (even though Elizabeth was awake) and hurried to shower and dress while Elizabeth semi-patiently waited for me to get her out of her crib.  I had her eat while I got ready, and then at 11, I put Andrew in his carseat and went to church.  Chris was not thrilled that I wanted to go to church and had tried to talk me out of it on Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday morning, but I just birthed his baby and he lets me do what I want anyway.  I had promised him I would come just before the sacrament and leave before the closing prayer.  we got there at 11:15 and I could feel my face getting hot and red as a I walked in.  I know it's not traditional to show up to church with a three day old baby and while I know my friends at church love me and wouldn't judge in a harsh way, I do feel like all eyes were on me like "what on earth is she doing?!" but I kept my eyes down to not look around and it was fine, although awkward.  most awkward is that Chris was conducting sacrament meeting and apparently he had JUST announced our baby's birth like seconds before I walked in.  I didn't hear any of it (which is kind of sad because how cool that he got to announce the birth of his own son, on fathers day!), and that ended up being a huge blessing on the timing because I think I would have chickened out about walking into the chapel right then if I'd heard it and known the timing was such.... if that makes any sense.  anyway, sacrament was awesome.  three youth speakers, my friend Mary, and Heidi (she was one of my miamaids when I was in young women's) giving her farewell talk because she's leaving on her mission soon.  that was the real reason I wanted to go.  she is one of a kind, crazy phenomenal.  she has the quietest voice but when she speaks, it is so so powerful and captivating.  I knew I didn't want to miss it, but holy cow it was even better than I'd anticipated.  she spoke about Heavenly Father (that was the Father's Day theme) and it was incredible. this is when I wish I could dvr church sometimes! true to my word, I picked up Andrew and walked out of sacrament meeting after the second verse of the closing hymn and no one touched him or even got a glimpse of him.  I didn't touch him or anything inside of his carseat until after I'd washed my hands at home.  success.  and thanks to em for the nursing cover that doubles as a perfect carseat cover.  that made all the difference!  getting home, I relaxed for a bit (seriously, I'd felt so awkward bringing my baby to church that I almost had to kind of unwind after getting home), fed Andrew, made the kids lunch (Chris just dropped them off and had to go back to the church to do the count), and got lasagna in the crock pot for later.  when we ate dinner that night (I served it with peas and garlic bread because each of those only took four minutes and I could do them both at the same time), I was feeling so accomplished about my life.  especially considering how worthless I was while pregnant when just getting out of bed was so difficult.  after dinner, we all straightened up a bit before I headed out.  mom's flight was delayed so I left to get her at 9 and even the drive there was so quiet and peaceful and happy and I just wanted to freeze that moment in time for a bit.  my brain feels so, so happy.  like I'm back in my regular body again and not living in someone else's fog. I ended up arriving at just the right moment to get mom... we always seem to get super lucky with matching up the times just right and, as always, I felt just giddy that she'd finally arrived after counting down for so long!

monday- i woke up and took care of Andrew while mom woke up and took care of Abigail and Brady and we made sure to get Elizabeth out of bed by 9 for her speech therapy.  the kaiser home visit lady came right at 9:15 and ms. stacey came right after.  I had the kaiser lady come to my bedroom for the visit (because that's where I've set up shop with Andrew this time... last time I set up shop with Elizabeth in the guest room) and the first thing she said when she came in was "I pulled up and walked in your house and saw your kids and I'm having deja vu!  I think I was here with your last child!" I can't recognize faces so I really couldn't confirm this, but I remembered the personality of the lady last time and so within five minutes I knew it was the same lady.  she was SOOO complimentary! complimentary of Andrew and his coloring and his weight gain and his temperament and of how I'd dressed him (or not dressed him... he was naked because I'd just changed his diaper and clothes but hadn't gotten around to putting anything on him) and of every single other thing you could possibly imagine.  I'm big on words of affirmation so I love when people are complimentary... that always means a lot for me.  they either mean what they're saying, or they're lying to me because they're trying to make me feel nice.  ; ) ha.  so, the appointment went really well.  birth weight was 7lbs 7ozs, discharge weight was 7lbs, and his current weight was 7lbs 2.5ounces.  his jaundice score was 10 (anything below 20 was great).  it was also a great appointment because I felt great and had no concerns about myself or Andrew.  those are always easy when you fly through all the questions and everything.  she asked if I needed the postpartum depression followup call sometime and I loved that I could answer no.  I'm so glad that is not a concern for me and seems to be completely out of my system now. meanwhile, stacey was playing with Elizabeth, Abigail, and Brady out in the great room so I joined them once the kaiser lady left.  Elizabeth is so obsessed with Andrew. she came in my room and wouldn't leave without Andrew, so I brought Andrew out and stacey incorporated him into the speech therapy.  the kids played a little bit and then had quiet time.  honey came home during quiet time and then took the kids to the pool after.  he fell asleep reading his book on Abigail's bed relatively early and Abigail fell asleep soon after.  Brady kept getting out of his bed saying he was bored and wanted me to come stay with him.  at 10pm, I sat down on Abigail's sofa with him and he was asleep within minutes.  but of course I just stayed for an hour enjoying the quiet.  quiet except for honey's phone occasionally beeping with texts/emails.  normally I turn it to silent because I hate listening to his phone during the night.  but this time I didn't because I knew he'd be sleeping upstairs and I wouldn't even hear his phone during the night so who cares.  at midnight, I was in the bathroom getting ready when honey groggily came downstairs and started brushing his teeth.  I thought this was weird because he'd already taken out his contacts earlier and had his glasses on but figured maybe he'd just skipped brushing his teeth earlier.  but then he put on some chino shorts and I had to ask where he was going.  Nate was in the ER (he's in town visiting) and Chris's dad had called to have Chris be with him and offer him a blessing. Chris was all "see you in a bit" but actually didn't get home till after 6:30am and texted at 6:45am that he was going to try to get a bit of sleep in the playroom.

Tuesday- so when I woke up and saw that, I texted mom to have her bring kids downstairs quietly as soon as they woke up (she'd heard the garage at 6:30 and thought Chris was leaving for work... not knowing he was just getting home from the ER).  the kids watched paw patrol and we didn't get Elizabeth out of bed till after 10:30.  for several weeks, she was waking regularly at 8:15 so I'm kind of out of the habit of looking at the clock and making sure she's up by 9:30.  it was fine though.  the kids ate and played and did quiet time after lunch.  honey ended up staying home all day (with a t-shirt, basketball shorts, and glasses.... it REALLY threw our kids off.  ha!) and I loved having him around.  after quiet time, he sprayed spider spray around the house for us (I can't believe we made it till this late in the summer without having him do that AND without having had a scary spider encounter yet) and then took Abigail and Brady to the pool.  mom and I were going to work in the basement but kept getting interrupted with things.  at 5, noodles and co. dropped off a meal to us that was ordered by one of honey's clients (they had sent an email all "we thought this might be better than sending flowers" and I was thrilled at their logical thinking) and I was all "dangit, I should have planned this better since honey and the kids just left for the pool!" but then I got this genius idea to take it all to the pool (it came in throw away containers and had plenty of disposable plates, napkins, utensils, etc.) for a little picnic.  Chris was naturally hesitant about me bringing Andrew to the pool but I promised he would stay in his carseat the whole time and it would be fine.  so, we loaded up the stroller with all our food and stuff and walked up to the pool.  it was hot and perfect for swimming but very pleasant sitting at our table in the shade.  we had Mac and cheese and a green salad.  they sent a dessert tray with oversized snickerdoodles and chocolate chip cookies and Rice Krispie treats but I left it at home for us to enjoy when we got back.  so we hung out at the pool from 5:30-7:30 or so and had a pleasant walk home (because Chris took Abigail and Brady in his car and we all know that taking those two crazies out of the equation really quiets things down around these parts).  we fed the kids again because, as Abigail said, "but we didn't eat dinner yet! that was just a snack!" and Chris took them up for bed.  meanwhile, mom and I watched the end of the rockies game and it was awesome.  Chris even came down after a big play and had to rewind and watch it himself.  it was great.  mom fed Andrew a bottle on the sofa (he ate four ounces!) and then went to bed while I went up to stay with Brady for a bit.  I pumped a bottle before bed (almost 7 ounces thank goodness... so at least I'm staying ahead of the game with this hungry little hippo) and then got good sleep during the night.  this kid is seriously a dream.  when he wakes during the night, it only takes 20 minutes to feed him on one side, burp him, and put him back.  I don't unswaddle him or change his diaper or need to coax him back to sleep so it goes really fast and I can do it without fully waking myself up.  I think his longest sleep stretch in the last couple of nights has been five hours, but Tuesday night he slept for two 3.5 hour stretches and that was great too.  hallelujah thats he's a repeat Abigail and not a repeat Brady! I think my main complaint with this kid is that he falls asleep within minutes of nursing, fills up before he's even finished one side, and takes a little while to burp sometimes. but that should all resolve with time and age. in the mean time, we do cluster feedings on one side while he takes power naps as I attempt to burp him. and really, he does nurse at least some on both sides a good chunk of the time. he's more than I could have hoped for.

Wednesday- I can't believe that today is my due date! it didn't strike me until I was at my optometrist appointment this morning and I had to sign and date something.  of course the optometrist charged me way more than it was supposed to be and Chris wasn't happy about it so he was already on the phone with them working it out before I had even gotten home.  he's my hero.  also, ugh about all the dishonest medical offices out there that always charge you more than what they should... can we not all just be friends here?!  when I got home, I got a terrible headache.  mom took care of the kids and watched them play outside, got them lunch, put them down for naps/quiet time... I sat in my bed with Andrew forever.  mostly typing out this journaling record of my first week with him.  honey came and worked from home for the afternoon.  I took a shower and somehow all of our kids were done with quiet time by 2:15.  Brady had taken a short nap, Elizabeth had pooped and probably not ever fallen asleep, and Abigail heard the gig was up and decided to join the "quiet time is over" party.  ha. Chris took the kids to the playground (to meet up with their cousins and uncle Nate who was in town visiting) at 5, and then shortly after, mom and I made our plan for the evening.  I fed Andrew (or at least made my very best attempt on the sleepy guy) and we took off at 6:15.  we stopped by CVS for mom to buy cheap diapers, hit up sprouts, made our way through the chickfila drive through for some calendar card ice cream, and then conquered Costco from 7:15 to 8.  Brian dropped Nate off with us at 8:10 and we took him to the airport. dropped him off in the west terminal and looped around to pick dad up in the east terminal.  our plan for timing on everything was working out to the minute and ultimately, we even picked dad up at 9pm sharp! I don't think I've ever had timing work out so perfectly before!  sooooo happy to see dad and have him in town! I always feel bad that he misses so much work to come out and spend time with me, but I didn't even compel him to come this time and I feel extra special that he decided all on his own to come out to see Andrew and help with a few house projects.  I couldn't ask for a better dad. I stayed up til a little after midnight I think, constantly thinking, I can't believe exactly a week ago I was also in this kitchen, texting Lisa, trying to figure out if I was truly in labor.  and when I woke up during the night to feed Andrew, I looked at the clock at 3:17 and was all "I was in such terrible pain, in the height of transition, during my labor this time a week ago.  that feels like it's been yesterday and forever ago."  I feel like I've known Andrew forever and already can't imagine our family without him.  and then I rolled over and went back to sleep.

it's been a wonderful week.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Our new baby

Andrew Clyde Hillier

6.15.17 at 3:53am
7lbs 7oz, 20in long

We're all doing just great. 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

39 weeks

How far along:  39 weeks  (6.14.17)
Total weight gain/loss: +22.5 lbs 
Maternity clothes:  mostly maternity dresses at this point.  I can’t remember the last time I put on pants.  So honestly, I just alternate between the two gray maternity dresses I have and I’m comfortable and still look put together.
Sleep:  it's different.  I’ve been staying up super late (after midnight every night, but sometimes later) and not really getting too tired for naps in the afternoon. Also, I don’t wake up during the night and tend to sleep all the way through until 8:45.  
Best moment this week:  that's a tough one.  For the most part, things are pretty even keel.  Sometimes I’m unhappy or angry, but most of the time I’m doing just fine.  Not thriving, not dying.  ; )
Movement:  still lots of kicks and rolls  and jabs and everything else.  I tend to get contractions most when I bend over or pick something up.  The last few days, I feel like my contractions have definitely been more pronounced than they were before.  Also, they tend to happen on the hour, or :20, or :40.  They’re not consistently 20 minutes apart, all day long, but when I take note of them, that’s when they’re most likely to be.  
Food cravings:  i have gotten pretty used to not really eating.  Many days, I won’t have anything (other than milk) until 2:30 or so.  On Monday, I ate some oatmeal at 11am and then didn’t have anything else until 6:30 or 7 when we ate dinner.  It’s pretty normal for me to just have one main meal of the day (the time is not consistent) and other than that, just snacking on small stuff (like a frozen gogurt or a slice or two of apple if I’m cutting them up for the kids already) and drinking milk.
Symptoms:  mild depression, very increased fatigue (emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other way i can feel fatigue.... i have it all), sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super crazy weird dreams, growing stomach.  also, sometimes headaches and nausea again lately but not often… I’ve taken the b-6 and unisom each night before bed this entire pregnancy.  
Gender:  I am planning on a boy!
What I miss:  same as before... I miss being able to live my life without my belly knocking into things a million times a day.  It’s painful and inconvenient.  I hit it on counter tops and door frames and kids heads (especially at church) and the stupid doors to our washer and dryer and side view mirrors of cars in parking lots and chairs when I’m trying to squeeze through an area or even clean up around my kitchen table.  I don’t remember this happening so much before but it’s crazy annoying.  And painful.  Also, walking up stairs just about kills me every time.  I know I’ve never been an in shape sort of person, but holy cow, walking up the stairs leaves me completely out of breath and with my thighs burning and my whole body just needing to lay down and rest for a few minutes.  The 25 extra pounds doesn’t really feel noticeable unless it’s hot outside or I’m battling a flight of stairs… then it’s the death of me.  Like a weighted sand vest that I’ve got on 24/7.
Milestones:  i'm at 39 weeks! I feel like my house and whatever is ready enough for this kid to come although mentally, I have a hard time actually thinking that I’ll be bringing a baby home soon.  So weird that I can’t picture it really.  I feel like I’m ready for this baby to come, but looking internally, there’s something that feels like it’s not quiet ready or it’s dragging its feet and holding back.  I honestly can’t describe it but it’s semi like an out of body experience that I’m witnessing it.  I can tell that my body is getting closer to labor though.  I don’t feel uncomfortable (thank goodness for that! I’ve been shocked at how very normal my body feels… way better than it did a month and two months ago), but I’ve noticed more contractions and a backache that comes and goes that I haven’t experienced in a long time.
Theme: the week of just staying up on all the chores while I wait for a baby!
What's different this time around:  maybe my memory is wrong, but I feel like this is the most of a nesting urge that I’ve ever had.  I don’t care too much about getting anything ready for the baby, but I do want my house to be in order.  
Extra: I'm thankful that I haven’t experienced any major ill effects of weaning from the Zoloft.  I mean, maybe headaches or something, but nothing so noticeable or out of the ordinary that I can specifically attribute it to the Zoloft. It hasn’t been a nightmare like when I was starting to take it.  I have noticed that my patience with my kids is diminishing.  It became obvious to me several days after I’d started weaning when Chris commented to me (in a gentle and loving way) that I always sounded irritated with our kids 24/7 and explained it a little.  He made another comment the following day and then even sent me a text the next morning on Sunday before church and said something like “let’s try for a positive and happy day today, okay?”  At that point, I realized that maybe I owed him a bit of an explanation and let him know that my emotions only get more difficult as my due date approaches but also that I’d be only taking a half pill of the Zoloft lately, even though a full dose wouldn’t even be enough to help me at this point.  Double rough.  He was very understanding.  I think it helped him to hear a little bit of the reasoning behind my (somewhat quick) decline in behavior.
Same as in previous pregnancies, I think my least favorite part about reaching the end of pregnancy is that everyone assumes you’re uncomfortable and anxious to have the baby and so they’re always making comments like “you’re still here?!” “When’s that baby gonna come?!” “Man, are you soooo DONE already?!” and on and on.  No, I’m perfectly fine for this baby to keep cooking and I’m thankful for the time to prepare for his arrival.  The only thing that makes me anxious to have a baby is that I don’t want him to be soooo crazy young when we fly to Atlanta next month.  But I think that’s it.  

Monday, June 12, 2017

Abigail finished first grade!

I'm late posting, but Abigail finished first grade on may 24th.  She had the greatest teacher and the whole first grade year has been such a huge blessing to our family.  Abigail totally excelled in her behavior and academics at school and has turned into such an amazing reader, burning through chapter books in her free time.  She's also insanely into coloring and drawing still and made a large "keep" pile of the first grade stuff we sorted through.  I took pictures of maybe half of it.  ; )

Saturday, June 10, 2017

getting ready for baby

we're in the final count down and I'm feeling it.  I'm trying to get my house in order and not let things get too out of control that I would need extended cleaning up to fix it.  I gave myself the deadline that I needed everything necessary done by today.  after today, I can do extra things if I want, but I need to be fine with going into labor at any time.  soooo, what do I have to feel accomplished about so far? not much, but there are a few things.

staying up on laundry.  I like to let the laundry pile up and then have a laundry day where I knock it all out.  I've been trying not to do that so much lately just in case I'm caught at a bad moment.

cleaning out my nightstand.  my nightstand is a horrible hot spot for me.  I can never ever keep it consistently clean or clutter free.  I reorganized it again the other day and am 90% done getting everything how I need it.

setting up baby boy stuff.  I decided I didn't want to rearrange kids rooms or anything until later in the summer.  my mom will be here for two weeks, Abigail will be gone for one week, our family will be traveling for a little over a week... and mostly, I need to get an idea of what this baby's temperament is before I make final decisions.  also, it will keep Elizabeth in place in her room for a while after baby arrives, which I think is preferable.  so, likely we can just wait on any bedroom switching until closer to when school will start.  with Elizabeth, I set up shop in the guest room and that was our special room for several weeks.  I loooooved it.  this time, that's brady's room and our guest room that we'll need for mom's visit.  so I'm going to set up shop in our master bedroom and Chris will sleep upstairs in Abigail's twin bed or the twin bed in the playroom.  I set up all the clothes and blankets and diapers and stuff for the newborn stage in the bottom main cabinets of the entertainment center in our bedroom, and because everything is so tiny, there's actually plenty of room! I also set up the little Eddie Bauer travel bed we have and put it in the corner of my room next to my nightstand to use instead of our Moses basket.  I'll bring up the swing, bouncer, extra blankets, etc. from the basement if/when we need it... right now is just the newborn essentials and it's always shocking how little is needed.  I love it.

I've been reading my hypnobirthing book.  I'm not listening to any of the cd tracks or practicing any of the visualizations because I really didn't use either of those things the last two times, but I am reading over again about just how relaxing the body benefits the labor process and how to do the different types of breathing.  somehow it's calming and empowering and exciting and all those things to just be reading about this great thing your body is going to do.  I think so much of labor is mental that just knowing that your body is capable and designed to birth a baby makes all the difference.

I went on the hospital tour.  I know this'll be my third time giving birth in this same hospital in a relatively short period of time, but things really do change so frequently that I feel like it's beneficial to take the tour (and have it fresh in my mind) each time.  between Brady and Elizabeth, they completely built a new labor and delivery unit and a ton of things changed.  and even this time when I went on the tour, some things were new and different (like they said they have a mobile monitoring system so you're monitored continuously but are free to walk around anywhere on the labor and delivery floor.  it was great to have a refresher of where to go and how things work and stuff like that.  also, I asked a question about if an IV or hep-lock was mandatory and the main nurse couldn't even give me a straight answer because it depends on the situation and the doctor (I have kaiser so I'm just getting whatever doctor happens to be on call... not the one that I've met and am familiar with).  but the best thing she said was "do you have a birth plan? write it in your birth plan.  we really really really try to honor everyone's birth plan, so if it's important to you, make sure to get it written in there.  and then bring several copies so it can be posted on the door and in your chart and everyone can be on the same page." that was helpful for me because I've done birth plans before, but just for me.  like as a rough draft to organize my thoughts.  I've never actually shown it to any medical professionals but I guess I'll have to try that this time.

so on that note, yesterday, I typed out a birth plan on my phone.  I used the birth plan pages at the end of the hypnobirthing book to give me ideas and just typed up on my phone what actually applied to me and in shorter phrases, in my own words.  I requested not to have an IV or hep-lock unless specifically necessary.  also, random stuff that I remember from my last births, like not wanting super bright lights, loud voices, or assumptions that I'm getting an epidural.  stuff like that gets old when you're individually explaining it to allllll of the different people assigned to helping you.  I just need to finalize that and get a few copies printed.

I've even set aside a few things to take to the hospital! In my three previous experiences, I have not packed a hospital bag until I'm already in established labor.  no clue why.  just kept procrastinating.  this time, I haven't packed a bag or anything, but I have put a few things aside like going home clothes for the baby and me.  and a phone charger.  I know that's literally like three things, but I'm feeling super accomplished about it because it's way more than what I've done before!  I just need to make a little list of the last minute stuff to grab like my toothbrush and hair straightener and contacts.

soooo, honey took the kids to Parker days and Elizabeth and I are going to grab ourselves some cereal for breakfast while I make my to do list for the day.  I can't believe how fast everything is coming!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

38 weeks

How far along:  38 weeks  (6.7.17)
Total weight gain/loss: +24.5 lbs 
Maternity clothes:  maternity shirts and a couple maternity dresses. Everything else is just my normal stuff that I make work. My jeans with the fringe on the ankles still fit perfectly except that when the denim gets loose they slide down, but as far as my waist goes, they're just right. My skinniest skinnies are most comfortable with a hair through them but I can button them when necessary. 
Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  Within the last week or so, I’ve been waking up in the morning around when honey does (anytime between 4:30 and 6) and I have to have milk and go to the bathroom before I put on my eye mask and attempt to fall asleep again in my fully bright bedroom.  Also within the last week, I haven’t been as crazy tired in need of naps.  Which is weird because I’ve been more busy during the day and staying up pretty late at night.  Like at least midnight a lot of times.
Best moment this week:  that's maybe anytime I’ve been productive and feeling accomplished and also maybe just Saturday.  I took the kids to the library for a few hours and then spent almost the entire rest of the day hanging out outside and watching them play (except for an hour or so where I had to go in to nap).  Sometime around 5 o clock, I set up my camp chair on our neighbor’s driveway (so Elizabeth would stop crossing the street back and forth from their house to ours) and actually ended up staying there until 9:30 that night. They brought their camp chairs to hang out and later brought their fire pit to do smores and really it was just a ton of fun.  And then I made a quick scramble to Sarah’s house to pick up Andrew’s church keys and hurry to get into the church and print/make copies of the sacrament program for Sunday morning.  Honey and Brady (they were at a soccer game) got home at 10, right around when I did.  The day worked out really well.  Everything you could hope for for a summer Saturday of perfect weather.
Movement:  still lots of kicks and rolls  and jabs and everything else.  I tend to get contractions most when I bend over or pick something up and normally for an hour or two each night.  I feel like my contractions with Elizabeth at this point in pregnancy were much more frequent and painful so I’m hoping my body is still getting ready for a baby and that I’m not gonna go super late or anything.  I mean, these contractions don’t always feel real nice, but I remember with Elizabeth that they were consistently pretty rough to deal with for weeks leading up to her birth.
Food cravings:  i have gotten to the point where I don’t really hate eating, but it is a time and energy suck and I avoid it when possible.  I normally skip dinner at night (I hate sitting down to dinner with my kids… someday I hope to not hate it) and if I’m super hungry before bed, I might make myself eggs or just some toast or something small.  Or maybe just have some chocolate milk.  One day I basically only ate rice Krispy treats.  They’re practically the same as a granola bar though so I didn’t feel too bad.  Another day, I lived mostly off of chocolate milk.  Last night I didn’t eat dinner and this morning didn’t eat lunch, but at 2 o’clock, I made and ate two eggs over easy on toast.  I also still eat as much candy as I want but I haven’t been wanting it so much lately.
Symptoms:  mild depression that's almost totally under control with zoloft, very increased fatigue (emotionally, physically, mentally, and any other way i can feel fatigue.... i have it all), very rarely feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super crazy weird dreams, sometimes waking during the early morning to go to the bathroom, growing stomach.  also, sometimes headaches and nausea again lately but not often… I’ve taken the b-6 and unisom each night before bed this entire pregnancy.  
Gender:  i am reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy hoping this is still a boy.  I asked my doctor to double check at my 36 week appointment when she got out the ultrasound to determine that baby was head down.  Well, baby was in a position (and wouldn’t move) that she couldn’t get a clear shot.  She tried for quite and while and was really jabbing that thing all over my belly but never had any luck and ultimately said “well! It may just be a surprise!”  Ha.  Thanks.  I still want the name I want but we won’t officially announce anything this after this kid is out.  Another reason I hope this isn’t a girl… we didn’t discuss girl names at all.  
What I miss:  mostly I miss being able to live my life without my belly knocking into things a million times a day.  It’s painful and inconvenient.  I hit it on counter tops and door frames and kids heads (especially at church) and the stupid doors to our washer and dryer and side view mirrors of cars in parking lots and chairs when I’m trying to squeeze through an area or even clean up around my kitchen table.  I don’t remember this happening so much before but it’s crazy annoying.  And painful.  Also, walking up stairs just about kills me every time.  I know I’ve never been an in shape sort of person, but holy cow, walking up the stairs leaves me completely out of breath and with my thighs burning and my whole body just needing to lay down and rest for a few minutes.  The 25 extra pounds doesn’t really feel noticeable unless it’s hot outside or I’m battling a flight of stairs… then it’s the death of me.  Like a weighted sand vest that I’ve got on 24/7.
Milestones:  i'm at 38 weeks! I’m one week into full term and two weeks out from my due date.  So I’ve got some stuff left to do this week and then I told the kid he’s welcome to come anytime next week.  
Theme: the week of finally making a long to do list and trying to get it done.
What's different this time around:  maybe my memory is wrong, but I feel like this is the most of a nesting urge that I’ve ever had.  I don’t care too much about getting anything ready for the baby, but I do want my house to be in order.  I’m waiting until later in summer to figure out the kids’ bedroom configuration… once I know more how this kid’s sleeping habits and temperament should be factored in.  
Extra: I'm weaning off of the Zoloft.  A week or two ago, I counted how many pills I had left and decided that I would ration the remaining pills and wean myself instead of getting another refill.  So, I kept taking a full pill until there were only four left.  Yesterday, I cut the remaining four in half and so today, and the next seven days, I’ll take a half pill each morning and then when they’re out, I’ll be done! I’m hoping for no ill side effects or anything and my doctors and a couple other’s I’ve spoken with have said I’ll be totally fine with this weaning schedule because I was only taking a small 25mg dose anyway.  That’s another reason I’d like for the kid to come next week… if I go past my due date, I’m worried about going to struggle with the depression before this baby comes out.  I’m counting on me being happy after this kid is born like I have been with the other three.  I’ve never had postpartum depression before and I’m thinking I’d like to continue that trend.  
I’ve been trying to look through my hypnobirthing book a bit this time.  It’s the same one I used to prepare for Brady and Elizabeth’s births but I seem to procrastinate more and more each pregnancy and I just picked it up from the library on Saturday.  I’ve read a bit of it but not much.  I’ve also been reading drug free birth stories online but I don’t feel like they’re really helping me prepare like they have in the past.  I know, as Chris has said, “you’ve done this three times already” but it’s still nerve wracking.  Pushing a baby out of your body.  Because I don’t know the timing or necessarily how it will progress.  And it’s easy to forget the pain until you’re in the thick of it again.  I’d prefer not to get an epidural (because the first time when I did, ignorance was bliss, but since then, I’ve heard too many people’s stories about bad, lasting side effects of their epidural) but I’m not 100% against it.  So much like last time with Elizabeth except this time I think I’m slightly more against it.  Last time I went ahead and filled out the paperwork and got the IV and everything so I was right ready for it but then just never felt like I needed it.  This time I think I just don’t want an IV.  I’ll have to ask on my hospital tour tomorrow night if the IV/heplock can be optional.  Ugh.  I need to write down all my questions for that.  Ignorance really is bliss.  I feel like I just get more and more nervous each time I have a kid.  It’ll all be just fine, right?!  No need to worry?  whew.  Deep breaths… we’ve done this before… no big deal. 

Sunday, June 4, 2017

blessing dress

Elizabeth at two years old.

taken 5.28.17

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Memorial Day weekend catchup

friday- I had my 36 week appointment with my actual doctor and it was my first time meeting with her this entire pregnancy.  she's the doctor that was on call when Brady was born and I saw her a couple of times during my pregnancy with Elizabeth.  honey stayed home from work to watch the kids while I went (at 11:10, it really wasn't a convenient time for any of us) and I know it was rough... he's so great for always attempting to work from home with our kids even though it just never ends well for him.  when I got back, I took the kids to the playground and we did quiet time, so hopefully they forgot a bit about their rough morning...

Saturday- I got a slow morning at home with Elizabeth while honey took Abigail and Brady to the BYU 5k that happens every year.  I've been once.  ha.  he pushed them in the double stroller and Brady did the little kids run after.  mostly I think they just loved that they got watermelon and cotton candy.

we actually took the kids to the pool that afternoon!  even though it was only in the high 50's and there was no pool party (I guess our HOA decided to just drop it because of the weather and not even open the pool) and the pool was closed and we actually had to semi break in.  but, honey got a few pizzas and we hung out at the pool with the Cottles while Abigail and the Cottle kids all swam.

when we got home, honey and the kids cleaned up our disaster of a house while I went to the church to print the sacrament program and make copies.  that's my new calling since I was pregnant enough that they released me from nursery.  I'm glad to have a calling that I will be able to fulfill with a newborn/husband in the bishopric.  my honey has been so amazing lately at cleaning up around the house and especially helping out in the kitchen loading and unloading the dishwasher.  so stupid but it makes such a huuuuuge difference to me.  I love it so much.

sunday- we celebrated Elizabeth's birthday!  my baby is two years old!  the morning was like any other.  sacrament meeting went really well.  and it was my first Sunday not going to nursery with Elizabeth so I just dropped her off and headed to Sunday school.  I was surprised how weird I felt in Sunday school and relief society considering I was only in nursery January through may.  Chris picked up Elizabeth and the nursery leaders said she was adorable.  when we got home, I took a few pictures of her on our front porch and she was hamming it up for the camera.

she really was in a fabulous mood for her birthday.  too bad we didn't even do anything to celebrate for it until after she woke up from nap!  we grilled hotdogs and hamburgers, opened presents (she got a small bouncy ball, all dogs go to heaven 2, sidewalk chalk, and then a little shirt and shorts outfit from the Kelsey grandparents), went on a walk around the block as a family (that's one of her favorites... just walking), and then had cake at home.  Chris made mini bundt cakes (thanks for the pan, mom!) and filled them extra big... when we flipped them upside down, they were like oversized cupcakes and the kids were all thrilled to each get their own even though Brady was the only one to finish his.

so, the day was a major success and I'm blown away that it's already been two years since we met our little baby Elizabeth.... I can't believe we're already about to have another one in a couple weeks!  while Christopher took the kids upstairs for bed while I dressed Elizabeth in her blessing dress and took her to the backyard to take a few birthday photos of her.  she wasn't in the most cooperative mood (mostly a little upset that I wouldn't let her wear shoes and she was walking around in our prickly backyard grass), but I sang Moana to her for the second half of it and I think I got a number of pretty good pictures... I'm excited to see them on a bigger screen.  maybe I'll get around to posting some on here!

monday- honey went golfing with friends in the morning and by noon we were all on our way to the rockies game.  honey is quite the baseball fan this season since the rockies are the second best team in the mlb right now!  ha, he's never been a baseball fan and I won't lie, it's been a lot of fun having him turn on the game after work in the evenings and just have it on in the background or having all of us sit down and watch it together as a family.  so, we got there before the game even started and stayed till it was over.

sadly, the rockies couldn't pull out the win and we lost by just a run.  it was great weather though.  sunny, then overcast, then raining for a bit, then sunny again, and then a bit overcast again.  perfection.  we played outside after we got home and then everyone got baths and showers and headed to bed.  I wondered/worried how we would celebrate without getting together with a bunch of family (I feel like I care about this stuff a bit more now that my kids are older and want to celebrate every holiday), but this was perfect.

Tuesday- I gloriously didn't roll out of bed till 9am.  ms. Stacy came over this morning and Abigail was soooo excited to finally meet her since she's been at school every other time.  the kids played outside a bit while I fed Elizabeth and we got to the library by 11:30 and stayed for almost two hours, as usual.  I have no idea how we stay so long every time and I'm still always dragging my kids away.  someday, I'm gonna have to just see how long my kids are content to stay if I never tell them we have to go.  we stopped by Best Buy on the way home to pick up my new laptop (I've hated my other one for the past two years, ever since I got it and honey has been begging me to just get a new one) and then I got the kids fed and down for quiet time (but not till 3 because there was a hiccup with the Best Buy pickup and it took longer than anticipated... my kids fortunately loved sitting in the comfy chairs and watching the 20 huge tvs with all sorts of fun stuff on them) and I got some downtime.  I require a lot of downtime these days... I blame pregnancy.  honey got home at 4:45 when Brady woke up so I declared quiet time over.  we all ate a bit and played outside until honey had to go to the church for a bishopric meeting.  so 7:00 started our little movie night of Alice in wonderland and whenever this is over, I'm gonna march these kids up to bed and declare this our first successful summer day!  maybe I will be able to survive a few months of Abigail out of school.  ; )