Total weight gain/loss: +17.5 lbs
Maternity clothes: just some maternity shirts still. my smallest skinny jeans that normally fit me perfectly are starting to dig into my love handles. last night i was sitting with brady in his bed while he fell asleep and i unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and it felt so great. my other jeans that i wear are all just big on me so it's annoying having them slide down all day but that's just what i'll have to transition to i guess.
Sleep: it's still the same as before. super crazy and exhausting dreams. never feeling like my sleep is restful at all. typically waking up feeling exhausted. also, this is totally random, but maybe my happiest 20 seconds of every day happens in the middle of the night when i wake up. i sit up in bed and then chug the glass of milk that i have on my nightstand. it hits the spot in a way that i don't think i could ever convey. it is so insanely amazing. then i lay back down and go to sleep. or go to the bathroom and then go back to sleep. i can sleep through the night without going to the bathroom, but if i wake up or have to get out of bed for any reason, i normally just go ahead and go. the daylight saving change has been helpful. my kids and i can sleep in past 6:15 now! i'd gotten so used to not setting my alarm in the mornings that on thursday, we all slept in and brady didn't wake me up til 9:06 or something... y'know, when abigail is already supposed to be at school. whoops.
Best moment this week: there's not really anything sticking out to me. we've had great weather though and that's been awesome.
Movement: still so many kicks and punches! i can't figure out if this kid is just really active or if i've just forgotten how much babies move. it's so strong. also, brady loves feeling the bumps.
Food cravings: it's going well. i eat a lot of sweets during the morning hours of each day. i indulge in all the sugar i want, always starting the day with a cookie or chocolate truffle or even just skittles or something. as the day goes on, i normally just snack. sometimes i sit down and eat a real meal if something sounds good or if i'm really hungry, but most days i'd say is just sweets and snacking. my cravings for eggs come and go. i still like eggs on toast and i've been loving egg salad sandwiches this pregnancy. also, i made eggs overeasy in toast last night and it was delicious. hallelujah that eggs are dirt cheap at costco. like $4, give or take, for a 5 dozen pack.
Symptoms: some mild depression (crying and anger and apathy, almost totally under control with zoloft), increased fatigue, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super super weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach... my skin is mostly all cleared up and i haven't been getting headaches or nausea lately. i've been getting so much more tired though... mentally and physically. also, unrelated to pregnancy, but i've been having pretty bad back pain again that is harder to deal with because of my big belly. walking is painful, and walking while trying to hold elizabeth is something i can only do very minimally and not without pain... also, i can't walk fully upright while holding her so i look ridiculous in public. also, it is very painful and difficult for me to put her in her crib because of trying to hold her while lean over. not pregnant, i can just support myself with my stomach on the crib rail, but being pregnant that's harder now and i try to do that above my belly. i still half drop her in her crib every time though. she's used to it now and it's no big deal. sometimes the disc pain lasts weeks and sometimes just a few days... i'm hoping this time it goes away sooner rather than later. also, my contractions are getting more frequent and pronounced. i'm honestly dreading how bad they'll be ten weeks from now because i remember how bad they were at the end of elizabeth's pregnancy. and this pregnancy, i started having contractions at 12ish weeks. heaven help me, they don't feel nice.
Gender: i'm still in occasional denial and have to remind myself that this is a boy. about half the time, i keep thinking ahead to summer and that i'll have a baby girl or i hear a girl name that i like and i'm all, "i should add that to my list!" before i remember that i'm having a boy. i think we're decided on the middle name (shortest conversation ever... maybe ten seconds start to finish?) but haven't decided on a first name. chris and i each have one name that we like. we all like each other's choice so that's good. but we don't want to use both because the middle name will for sure be a family name. for some reason, in my head, i've already assumed that we'll just do the name i like but i think that's because chris normally just lets me do whatever i want. i do want to be considerate of him though because i've named the last two kids. we'll see!
What I miss: same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy. i'm just so tired all day.Milestones: i frequently don't know how pregnant i am. i can't believe i'm only three months out though. yikes. i'm not ready for four kids at home this summer. especially because elizabeth is still so much a baby. i can't handle two babies yet.
Theme: the week of being tired 24/7
What's different this time around: maybe it feels most like brady's pregnancy right now... just because the zoloft alleviates the depression that i felt with each of the girls.
Extra: it's so great to be on zoloft right now and not be depressed. i can't pretend i'm doing awesome (as chris said just a few days ago... something along the lines of "look at you! you're a mess!" concerning my ability to function at parenting and keeping house, etc.), but honestly, my house is generally clean most all of the time, i don't hate my children, we always have food to eat, and i get dressed every day. i had to remind christopher how i was doing in january when i really was a mess. i explained to him that this is just because i'm pregnant and eventually i won't be like this anymore. it comforted me to know that he didn't remember me being like this is any of my previous pregnancies. ; ) also, the more i think about this being a boy, the more i feel like i'd be okay just having five kids. six was always a possibility if brady didn't have a brother yet, but if four is two and two, i think i'm fine with just one more. that way i still have the opportunity to nurse a baby two more times but i only need to endure morning sickness one more time. that seems manageable.