Friday, March 17, 2017

26 weeks

How far along:  26 weeks  (3.15.17)
Total weight gain/loss: +17.5 lbs 
Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts still. my smallest skinny jeans that normally fit me perfectly are starting to dig into my love handles.  last night i was sitting with brady in his bed while he fell asleep and i unbuttoned and unzipped my pants and it felt so great.  my other jeans that i wear are all just big on me so it's annoying having them slide down all day but that's just what i'll have to transition to i guess.  
Sleep:  it's still the same as before.  super crazy and exhausting dreams.  never feeling like my sleep is restful at all.  typically waking up feeling exhausted.  also, this is totally random, but maybe my happiest 20 seconds of every day happens in the middle of the night when i wake up.  i sit up in bed and then chug the glass of milk that i have on my nightstand.  it hits the spot in a way that i don't think i could ever convey.  it is so insanely amazing.  then i lay back down and go to sleep.  or go to the bathroom and then go back to sleep.  i can sleep through the night without going to the bathroom, but if i wake up or have to get out of bed for any reason, i normally just go ahead and go.  the daylight saving change has been helpful.  my kids and i can sleep in past 6:15 now! i'd gotten so used to not setting my alarm in the mornings that on thursday, we all slept in and brady didn't wake me up til 9:06 or something... y'know, when abigail is already supposed to be at school.  whoops.  
Best moment this week:  there's not really anything sticking out to me.  we've had great weather though and that's been awesome.  
Movement:  still so many kicks and punches! i can't figure out if this kid is just really active or if i've just forgotten how much babies move.  it's so strong.  also, brady loves feeling the bumps.  
Food cravings:  it's going well. i eat a lot of sweets during the morning hours of each day.  i indulge in all the sugar i want, always starting the day with a cookie or chocolate truffle or even just skittles or something.  as the day goes on, i normally just snack.  sometimes i sit down and eat a real meal if something sounds good or if i'm really hungry, but most days i'd say is just sweets and snacking.  my cravings for eggs come and go.  i still like eggs on toast and i've been loving egg salad sandwiches this pregnancy.  also, i made eggs overeasy in toast last night and it was delicious.  hallelujah that eggs are dirt cheap at costco.  like $4, give or take, for a 5 dozen pack.  
Symptoms: some mild depression (crying and anger and apathy, almost totally under control with zoloft), increased fatigue, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super super weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach...  my skin is mostly all cleared up and i haven't been getting headaches or nausea lately.  i've been getting so much more tired though... mentally and physically.  also, unrelated to pregnancy, but i've been having pretty bad back pain again that is harder to deal with because of my big belly.  walking is painful, and walking while trying to hold elizabeth is something i can only do very minimally and not without pain... also, i can't walk fully upright while holding her so i look ridiculous in public.  also, it is very painful and difficult for me to put her in her crib because of  trying to hold her while lean over.  not pregnant, i can just support myself with my stomach on the crib rail, but being pregnant that's harder now and i try to do that above my belly.  i still half drop her in her crib every time though.  she's used to it now and it's no big deal.  sometimes the disc pain lasts weeks and sometimes just a few days... i'm hoping this time it goes away sooner rather than later.  also, my contractions are getting more frequent and pronounced.  i'm honestly dreading how bad they'll be ten weeks from now because i remember how bad they were at the end of elizabeth's pregnancy.  and this pregnancy, i started having contractions at 12ish weeks.  heaven help me, they don't feel nice.  
Gender:  i'm still in occasional denial and have to remind myself that this is a boy.  about half the time, i keep thinking ahead to summer and that i'll have a baby girl or i hear a girl name that i like and i'm all, "i should add that to my list!" before i remember that i'm having a boy. i think we're decided on the middle name (shortest conversation ever... maybe ten seconds start to finish?) but haven't decided on a first name.  chris and i each have one name that we like.  we all like each other's choice so that's good.  but we don't want to use both because the middle name will for sure be a family name.  for some reason, in my head, i've already assumed that we'll just do the name i like but i think that's because chris normally just lets me do whatever i want.  i do want to be considerate of him though because i've named the last two kids.  we'll see!
What I miss:  same as before... sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both. i also miss having any energy.  i'm just so tired all day.  
Milestones:  i frequently don't know how pregnant i am.  i can't believe i'm only three months out though.  yikes.  i'm not ready for four kids at home this summer.  especially because elizabeth is still so much a baby.  i can't handle two babies yet.  
Theme: the week of being tired 24/7
What's different this time around:  
maybe it feels most like brady's pregnancy right now... just because the zoloft alleviates the depression that i felt with each of the girls.  
Extra:  it's so great to be on zoloft right now and not be depressed. i can't pretend i'm doing awesome (as chris said just a few days ago... something along the lines of "look at you! you're a mess!" concerning my ability to function at parenting and keeping house, etc.), but honestly, my house is generally clean most all of the time, i don't hate my children, we always have food to eat, and i get dressed every day.  i had to remind christopher how i was doing in january when i really was a mess.  i explained to him that this is just because i'm pregnant and eventually i won't be like this anymore.  it comforted me to know that he didn't remember me being like this is any of my previous pregnancies.  ; )  also, the more i think about this being a boy, the more i feel like i'd be okay just having five kids.  six was always a possibility if brady didn't have a brother yet, but if four is two and two, i think i'm fine with just one more.  that way i still have the opportunity to nurse a baby two more times but i only need to endure morning sickness one more time.  that seems manageable.  

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Catchup







Basketball and babies




Abigail's art

Some of Abigail's creations and things from the past six months or so. 


















Saturday, March 11, 2017

Elizabeth's vocabulary

Elizabeth has few words that she says regularly. For the past two weeks, it's been nonstop about ducks. Pointing out every duck and just saying "duck!" Over and over and over again. Then she was starting to get into saying dog and ruff ruff. Yesterday she said was sounded like basketball over and over. And then... Paw patrol. 

She's around Brady A LOT and has picked up on saying the words that are important to him. So, today, the phrase of the day was "paw patrol."  Like she was holding another child's paw patrol car at volleyball and couldn't stop saying paw patrol and when we were playing the game tonight and the books and DVD that we checked out from the library. Alllll day long "paw patrol." It is hilarious from her little mouth but seriously, her vocabulary is so limited and paw patrol jumps to the too of the list?! This is life right now. 

Volleyball!

Today was a big first for our family in that it was Abigail's first day of volleyball, marking the start of our kids in organized sports. I've tried to be really slow and selective about this, knowing that kid sports can be tricky to maintain with a large family and our family is only getting bigger. So while we have friends and neighbor's with their kids in competitive gymnastics and dance or even just multiple kids in soccer and basketball and football and everything else, I've elected for free one day things through the library or something or just a paid one week camp that can just be over and done without having one of those every Thursday at 4:30pm and Saturdays at 10:15 schedules to deal with for an entire school year. But with all the behavioral stuff that Abigail has been dishing out lately, I've felt like giving her more opportunities would be beneficial for her. So, extra play dates and special outings and... volleyball. Honestly, I don't really care about volleyball, but I didn't want to do dance (the makeup and skanky outfits and dance recitals totally turn me off) or gymnastics (because the only way to continue it competing and I'm just in this for the life skills and social development) and preferably a sport with fewer injuries and gear and doesn't require me sitting in inclement weather with small children in tow. But the thing that really got me was that I was visiting teaching my friend Mandi a while ago and she said she'd signed up to coach a 6-8 year old volleyball team and I could sign Abigail up for it through the rec center. So I marked the signup date in my calendar and made sure I was one of the first (first come, first serve on coaches) to sign up. Weeks and weeks later and it was finally her first day!  Also other motivation for me was that this could be an opportunity for our family to get out together and be excited and supportive of each other. Mission accomplished. 

We all woke up and ate the delicious French toast breakfast loving prepared by honey and we got ready to go. I woke Elizabeth up and got her dressed and in the car and we were all off. Out of the house before 9am on a drizzly Saturday morning! It felt good. The field house was basically a ward party with two Mormon coaches who's teams (different age groups) were meeting at the same time. I saw at least ten different families from church. Half of Abigail's team is our ward plus one more girl that used to be in the ward. I think she enjoyed knowing the coach and having a number of friends on her team. 

Up until a week ago, Abigail was calling it bolleyball with a B. For the last week she's been talking about how it's her favorite sport. Even her teacher said she'd talked about it at school. This morning, we realized that Abigail still had no clue what the sport is, so we had her watch a quick YouTube video on Chris's phone before breakfast. The best part about all of this is that she totally didn't care and showed zero concerns or any awareness of her inadequacy. Like she didn't understand this morning why I wouldn't let her wear boots. "Volleyball players wear shoes, not boots." This is one of my favorite things about Abigail...  Her carefree and optimistic attitude. Brady has so many concerns but Abigail just skips forward happily, confident that everything will be fine. As her teacher said to me a few weeks ago "I think she's amazing! I don't think I would have had that kind of confidence when I was seven years old!" (She's actually six, but I didn't correct the teacher... Most of the first grade class is already seven). 

Anyway, it was great. Abigail is by far the least skilled or coordinated on the team but I don't think she minds. And it was just as I anticipated. ; ) Also, she loved it. When we stopped at the library on the way home, she asked Chris, then me, and then, when I went with her, a librarian for help finding books on volleyball. So cute. At home, we all practiced and she loved showing off her skills. 

The kids watched paw patrol while Elizabeth and Chris napped and I studied a parenting book. 

After, we all went outside and played. Hockey, volleyball, bikes, Elizabeth pushing her baby in the tiny pink stroller... All super great. Moments of bliss. 

We played paw patrol trouble and eventually the kids got in bed. It was a very family oriented day that gives me appreciation for today but also hope and optimism for future days. 

I'm so thankful for this happy little day. Hooray for volleyball! 

Thursday, March 9, 2017

She likes big bites

My mother is always astonished by what large bites Elizabeth takes. And how fat she eats her food. And how much oatmeal she can consume in one sitting. 

I thought she would want to focus on her oatmeal, but this morning, she wouldn't let go of the baby doll (she also slept with it last night for the first time... It was just introduced about ten days ago and she has taken a quick and intense liking to it) so I let her multitask. Don't worry... It didn't get in the way of her big bites. 




Chivalry

This morning, we dropped Abigail off at school and then Brady and I shared a bowl of mango salsa. After we were done cleaning up and walking away, I started drinking a cup of milk and then held out a sippy and said "hey... Do you want a sippy?  ... Sometimes salsa makes me thirsty."  He thought about it for a second and came back to me. As he grabbed the sippy from my hand, he held my hand for an extra second or two. 

And he kissed the top of my hand. 

Little stuff like this just brightens my day and it's not anything out of the norm for this boy. I have no idea where he got it from, but he will give me extra hugs and kisses and make sure to say stuff like "thanks for getting me this shirt that has nuggets colors!" I definitely didn't teach him to kiss the top of my hand at various points during the day but I am grateful for it. 

It makes me feel like a princess. Every time. 

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Kneaders, school, nuggets

I'm so love hate with busy days. I virtually never look forward to them (at least not like I look forward to a totally empty day), but by the end, they're almost always just really great days and they leave me feeling so emotionally energized even if I'm worn out. 

I try to fill my calendar with only things that are truly necessary or things that I really enjoy... Which makes it easy to have a relatively empty calendar. Yesterday though, everything ended up being on the same day, but luckily it all puzzled together just perfectly and I appreciated how the stars aligned for me. 

I started the morning with a shower and doing typical morning things and even tackling some dishes and vacuuming. Honey was around and got Abigail to school on time by 9:10 and I was glad to be on time for Elizabeth's speech therapy appointment. I normally try to sneak away and do a few things around the house while I just listen in, but Elizabeth is still so clingy from teething that she sat in my lap almost the entire time and I never got away. I tried to enjoy it and not focus on all the stuff that I needed to be doing right then. 

When Stacey left, I hurried to get the roast and carrots in the crock pot and was texting to coordinate timing with aunt Merrilee. Ultimately, I decided there wasn't enough time to add potatoes and I'm proud of my decision to leave something undone instead of making myself late for the lunch date. 

We got to kneaders at 11:30 and I loved getting to see aunt Merrilee and uncle dick and the theiss's. I got the turkey artichoke panini on focaccia and aunt Merrilee and I shared a chocolate dome and warmed up raspberry bread pudding. It was all heavenly. Brady was such a snuggler with aunt Merrilee but such a stinker when he wouldn't get in our picture at the end (auto correct just made those smuggler and drinker...ha) and I was sad that I had to leave early. I went straight to Sarah's to drop the kids off and then raced to the school to help with aight words in Abigail's class. I was supposed to be there at 12:45 but was only a few minutes late thank goodness. I love helping in Abigail's class and especially doing the sight words. It's a lot of fun. 

I picked the kid's up from Sarah's around two Andreas fun chatting a bit. We went home and, after a banana, I had Elizabeth down for nap by 3. Chris came home early because he was feeling a bit under the weather and knew he should rest before taking Brady to the nuggets game. By 4, Elizabeth was still napping, brady has fallen asleep watching his learning show, and Chris and I were both asleep in bed. Sarah had offered to have Abigail walk home with one of her kids after school and I said yes, but holy cow, I didn't anticipate how perfect that would end up being!  Honey woke me up at 5:10 and woke Brady up at 5:20. By 5:30, they were leaving for the nuggets game and Sarah was just dropping off abigail, Alice, and Norah.  The day was a well oiled machine! 

The girls and Elizabeth all played upstairs so well together and cleaned up without a problem. I fed them all a snack and then had Abigail read them books while I folded laundry.


 Got the three girls in bed, then Elizabeth in bed, and then stay with the girls til they fell asleep. 


I read on my phone for a while until Chris and Sarah both texted that they were on their way. I picked up a little and then hung out with Chris and Brady for ten or fifteen minutes until Sarah and Andrew showed up. 

I love how Sarah always acts like I'm doing her such a huge favor but really, I feel like I'm benefitting the most. It was amazing to have an entire afternoon/night where Abigail never yelled at me or told me I'm the meanest mom ever. It was really good for us.

So, I didn't get to sleep til probably midnight, but it was such a wonderful day. Now, I've got a full day of nothing planned and I just need to make sure I stay motivated enough to make it an amazing day too! 

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Non stop Saturday

My morning started at 6:45 when I woke up to the sound of all three of my kids already awake. So so tired because I didn't get to sleep til 1am. But I went to get Elizabeth and she had maybe the worse blowout I've ever seen in my life. Up to her neck and down to her angles and completely coating the outside of her diaper. She'd been sleeping on her belly and I swear I unzipped, looked, and rezipped her pjs at least four or five times before I finally tackled it. It took almost two full hours to clean her up, bathe her several times, clean up her nasty pj's, etc. Her teething symptoms kill me. They also kill her too as evidenced by her blood curdling screams. The poor kid. 

Our stake RS thing started at 9, but I didn't get there til much later because I was still in my bathrobe at 9. Sarah and I went to two classes. Family relationships and recognizing daily miracles... Both very good. The speakers at the end were great. This one woman told about the trials in her life over the past 27 years and it was truly unbelievable how one person could endure so much. Lunch was amazing. A salad bar on steroids and I ate the most enormous heaping plate. Also, the chocolate cakes for dessert were amazing. 

I swung by home and picked up Abigail in the garage and we went straight to highlands ranch high school and got there just a few minutes before the Cinderella play started at 2. It was good. You know, not up to the beauty and the beast standards at the pace, but still fun. 

We got back by 3:45 or so and I took a few minutes for quiet time in my bed. We went to the Cottles at 4 to drop our kids off and then we went to mod pizza with Sarah and Andrew. It was so much fun to hang out with them. I was still stuffed from lunch but I was happy to bring home lots of leftovers for Sunday. 

Back at their house, we hung out for a while and finally made our exit while Abigail and Brady were both having meltdowns. Luckily it's a one minute drive home because Abigail was literally clawing at Brady's eyes. Chris was not happy about the dangerous situation and it made me sad to tell him that Abigail hurts Brady on a very regular basis. 

The kids all did teeth and went straight to bed. We were all so exhausted. It was a really great day. 


Friday, March 3, 2017

Today

This morning, Brady and I played pretend school. I packed him a lunch in a lunch box and a snack and a few books and extra sweater and two motorcycles in his Rockies backpack and he walked to the great room and put it in the corner/his cubbie and we read two books for story time and had a few cuties for snack and we did learning time at the table with a preschool letters workbook. Then we went back to the great room and read a book about bugs and learned fun facts about the bugs in the book. And then we had more learning time at the table and ate lunch. And then we had cleanup time (from Abigail's previous mess... Brady was all "but wait, we didn't have playtime!") and show and tell where Brady told us about his motorcycles. Then we all said goodbye and I took Elizabeth up for nap and Brady took his Rockies backpack to his room and unpacked it on his bed. It was pretty great. I forgot to do Brady's flip a wordreading books with him and he forgot to remind me that we were going to do hand tattoos/stickers at the end of school. Maybe next time! 

Elizabeth napped, Brady watched paw patrol and Mickey Mouse, and I took a shower. Brady fell asleep in my bed while I showered so when Elizabeth woke up, I played with her in her room putting away clothes in her closet while she pulled all the leggings and shoes she could and tried on at least ten pairs of shoes. Also, we did quite a bit of reading good night moon and pride and prejudice. And she read to her doll. I gave her a doll yesterday and it immediately became her most favorite toy. She's obsessed and it is darling. I mean, with no prompting, she kisses and cuddles it and puts it in her high chair and tries to put her bib on it and feeds it a baby bottle and her sippy cups and oh my heavens it is darling. She also insists on bringing it in the car with her when we pick up Abigail from school. Basically, we're both pretending that baby brother is already here. 

We got abigail from school, had some learning time in the kitchen for Brady doing his workbook and me helping Abigail with her star of the week poster and then Abigail telling me off the best way her six year old self knows how, and then eventually, Chris came home and we all went to a birthday party for our friend mike. Good company and so much fun. And holy cow the food hit the spot. I ate at least four plates of it. 

You know you're getting old when you and your husband have conversations like "can you believe mike is 50 years old?!" And the other responds, "I know! seriously! I can't believe it! He seems so young!" Apparently 50 is the new 20. 

It was a good day and it's almost 1am and I have a packed day tomorrow. Ugh. I'm so stupid for staying up. I'm never gonna stay awake through tomorrow. 

He's my kid

Walks into the kitchen... "Mom, can I have some butter on something?" 

I swear I've never said those words out loud but it's my thought process on most days. It must be genetic. 

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Abigail was precious

When I was waiting in the pickup line today after school, I saw abigail and her friend up on these two cement stand things dancing like crazy girls. It was awesome. She got in the car and was all "Rylee and I were dancing and ms Ellis said we should win first place on stage because we're so good and I think so too!!!"  So happy and so confident. She kept talking about it throughout the night. 

Especially when she got ready tonight for the daddy daughter primary dance at church. I purposely didn't offer any suggestions or even say anything about getting dressed for it. But somehow, at the right time, she slipped away upstairs and came back down wearing a Sunday dress of her choosing. And when I told her that her two Sunday show options that matched that dress were broken, she went to her closet and brought down two more options to get my opinion on. She wore some floral sandals that she's never worn before and just kept prancing around and exclaiming that she looked like a princess and was bound to be the prettiest person there. I called her over so I could do her hair and she was all "I already brushed it upstairs. Because I want to be the prettiest. She asked/told Brady that she looks like a princess and when she gave Elizabeth a hug and told her that she would take her picture with her, she was like "this is like when I got my picture with belle, but this time I'm the princess!" She requested Anna braids and was thrilled that her hair is longe ouch that they stay in front of her shoulders. She also helped Chris pick a tie that matched her dress. Honestly, the whole thing was too adorable for words. 

We had such a good afternoon together. Sadly, I think most of it had to do with the fact that Brady was feeling really crappy (not sure why but he was so sleepy and needy and sensitive starting around noon and took a long nap and was begging all evening to snuggle with me and go to bed) so he stayed in my bed for a while after we got home and I could be more one on one with Abigail doing her things and unpacking her bag. I helped her fill out her class job application and taught we her how to draw a star which she learned amazingly fast and is THRILLED that she can do stars now. She also played dolls with Elizabeth, kept her attitude mostly in check with me, and only made Brady cry a handful of times. I felt like she shed her punk filter for the afternoon and let her true little happy, innocent self shine through. When I get those glimpses of her true self, my heart just bursts for her. 

Lately, my focus has been on trying to figure out how I can parent her better. I'm thankful for the motivation I feel about it instead of the despair that overwhelmed me two months ago. Hopefully Abigail and I can work to repair the damage I did during the morning sickness/depression months of my pregnancy. She definitely deserves it. 

I'm trying to connect with one of the moms in her class so she can start having play dates with one of her favorite girls in her class. And this Saturday, I'm taking her to a nearby high school's production of Cinderella (but it's a surprise and I plan not to tell her until tomorrow after school), and next Saturday, she'll start volleyball and she's sooo excited. I think she could care less about the sport (I'm not sure she even knows what it is) but she is so excited to be doing an organized sport with a team and her friend from church will be on her team and the friend's mom will be the coach. Hopefully she loves the experience. 

I swear I really am trying not to fail this girl. I really do love her. 

Monday, February 27, 2017

Brady's prayer

Brady's prayers typically include very little gratitude and a lot of pleas for help. They are always so sincere and heartfelt. 

2.27.17
Please help us to have a good day. Please help me to play basketball when I get older. And to eat a cookie. And please help me to stay in my bed tonight so I can get a treat in the morning. And please help me to love Elizabeth and mom and dad and Abigail. And please help me to be the greatest. 

And then when he closed his prayer, Abigail was all "umm, you forgot about Jack!" 

Our kids have decided to name their baby brother Jack. Not sure where they got it from but I will say it is an improvement from last pregnancy when Abigail told everyone that we were naming her baby sister, Vaseline. 

Jekyll and Hyde

Brady has hit the point of wanting to oppose things. He was such an agreeable kid for the longest time but has learned from the best (this morning he yelled "Cooey! Every bad thing to mom!" which is something Abigail made up. Should I be worried that my daughter has made up special profanities that specifically pertain to me? "Cooey" means "every bad thing to mom" and when she's really super mad then she yells "ooey cooey pooey!" which I'm not sure of the direct translation to) and has just gotten older and to that age and now throws huge tantrums and frequently answers "I don't want to!" when I ask him to do something. 

He still has so many redeeming moments though. Today my favorite was when I was folding laundry and he saw his baseball shirt. "Mom! Thank you for washing my favorite baseball shirt!" as he swung his arms around me for an enthusiastic hug. And then repeat two minutes later the exact same thing except it was his favorite sports pj's. He kept giving me hugs and kisses and smiles and thank yous as he saw all of his favorite clean clothes that I'd washed for him. 

And sitting with him while he was falling asleep, he wouldn't stop talking to me. 

"Brady, close your eyes and close your mouth." 
"But mom, I can't because I'm so excited for tomorrow because tomorrow is Saturday."  
"Tomorrow is Tuesday." 
"Oh. Will dad have to go to work?" 
"Yeah."
"But I'm just so excited to play with dad and do sports with dad and watch paw patrol with dad and..." (it went on and on and on and even included going to Abigail's birthday with dad.)

Also, he's still just so dang snuggly. If he sees me sit down, he comes over to snuggle. Including during meals which normally drives me insane. So so cuddly. 

The reading bug

It has hit! Elizabeth is obsessed with books! She has officially transitioned within the last few days of being obsessed with only one book (the farm book) to now loving multiple books and having strong opinions about which she wants. Last night, between chris and abigail and me, we read there's a wocket in my pocket to Elizabeth at least ten times. And then she insisted on it for her book before bed too! Even said no to the farm book in favor of it! 

Now I just need to get abigail and Elizabeth hooked up so the one likes to read to the other and the other likes to be read to by the one...

Lyric interpretation

I really like listening to religious pop music on pandora. Today I had it going on my phone while I was folding laundry. Towards the end of the song, Brady was all "what?! I heard him say "stand in your presents! That's bad because you'll break your toys if you stand on them!" 

How do you explain "stand in your presence" to a four year old? Because I thought I did a decent job until I heard his reply of something about being with someone you like is like a present. 

Friday, February 24, 2017

Packing with Shaylee

This morning, Abigail came and got me up so I could turn on the water for her shower. We got her all dressed and her hair done (class pictures at school) and off to school early so she could go to PE club. She was so cooperative and focused because she knew I was helping her get ready for PE club. Such a successful morning. So unlike most every other morning. 😔

Christopher had a plumber come over to check out our water heater. I told them I couldn't stick around any longer because I was going to Shaylee's to hang out and help her pack because she's moving tomorrow. I was at Shaylee's from probably 10:45-3:45. So convenient that Elizabeth can nap in a crib over there and I don't have to come home by 1. 

Shaylee and I had a great time packing and spending time together and Johnny got us all chick fil a for lunch and life was just great. Chris said he'd wanted to stop by but didn't because I'd never responded to his text asking if Johnny was there. I'm so sad that I never saw it. Because that would have been so fun. 

Anyway, we got this picture before I left. It makes us both super happy because we have a tradition of taking our picture together like this. 


I also love that we both have our hair back, no makeup, and didn't bother to shower or put on real clothes. That's apparently our packing style. It was a great day. 

I picked Abigail up from school at 4, worked on all her homework with her, Chris came home, I made the kids Mac and cheese, they ate it while they watched paw patrol, and Chris took them to the sock hop at Abigail's school. I put Elizabeth down for bed and then wasted way too much time on my phone. Ugh. 

Chris and the kids had a great time. Abigail was exhausted and everyone else got to sleep too. 

I'm so sad that Shaylee is moving but I am excited to see her again in a few weeks when they come back to close on their house. I'm just sort of still living in denial. 

My dreams in the flesh

Having a child between 18 months and 2 years. It is maybe my favorite age. Elizabeth is hilarious. Her facial expressions and mannerisms are getting pretty hilarious.  I'm still loving that she walks everywhere, and now she's starting to talk! It's normally "uhfuh" which translates to "I want food."  Unless she wants socks or shoes instead. Also, "MOM!" It's just so fun. She is a bottomless pit, she has an impeccable sense of humor, and has developed a fierce love of books. She's still everyone's favorite person in the family. And if this new baby is anything like baby Brady, chances are good that Elizabeth will reign champion for at least another year to come. ; ) 


Abigail is an amazing reader. She's not quite to the point of 100 page chapter books, but she's excellent with long and difficult words and is completely comfortable reading most any picture book to Elizabeth or Brady. This is literally a dream come true for me. For many years, I have dreamed of my older kids reading to my younger kids. 

Also adorable watching Abigail help lift Elizabeth into this chair. They're inching their way to independence. 

Remember when I was newly pregnant with Elizabeth and I spent hours each day laying on the floor new to Brady's crib, holding his hand while he fell asleep? Well, we held hands tonight as he fell asleep. And then I continued to hold his hand for at least another hour or so. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

23 weeks

How far along:  23 weeks  (2.22.17)
Total weight gain/loss: +13 lbs 
Maternity clothes:  just some maternity shirts still.  thanks to emmy for sending me maternity clothes!  i was only expecting the few things i lent her but she sent tons of extra shirts too!  thank goodness because i really don't have much on my own. also, while mom was here, i took out all the clothes in my closet that i'm not planning to wear while i'm pregnant so i won't have to look at them.  my closet has breathing room now! it's amazing! the rest of my clothes will be waiting for me in bins in the basement.  
Sleep:  i;m gonna say "exactly the same as before" and copy from the previous post.  i will say extra though that my dreams are so bizarre and i have several each night.  this week has been a doozy.  also, i almost always have a love interest in my dreams.  it's seriously the weirdest feeling when i wake up. I feel like it's been the same as last week so i'm just going to keep it mostly same.  my dreams are weird and sometimes exhausting.  i've been going to sleep at a decent hour, often by 9:30.  and brady has even stayed in his bed several nights this week which probably helps more than anything.  i've found that i need an absence of brady and at least ten hours of sleep to feel rested in the morning.  it's crazy that i can get 8 or 9 hours of sleep and just still feel tired. or i can get ten hours of sleep but if brady was in my bed then i'll still feel tired.  he sneaks in on the outside so i end up sleeping in the middle of chris and brady and only have about 18 inches of the bed to myself.  i told chris that it feels like i'm trying to sleep in a coffin.  no matter which way i turn (and turning is very frequent during the night), i always have someone's head in my face and someone's knees in my belly. sometimes during the night, i'll just shove brady over to chris and then at least i can be on the edge and only have someone on one side of me.  it's a work in progress.
Best moment this week:  thursday at noon until tuesday at midnight! having my parents in town was amazing beyond words... and i'm so thankful i could go straight to shaylee's girls night after dropping my parents off. it helped lessen the blow. 
Movement:  still more kicks and turns.  occasionally i just stop and wait for a contraction to end because it's uncomfortable.  also, i've been getting round ligament pain and i feel like i'm going to pull a muscle or something!
Food cravings:  it's going well.  when i eat a food that i like, it tastes really, really good.  i've been loving eggs on toast again but only make it once or twice a week.  turkey sandwiches were really hitting the spot while my parents were here.  it's so much more love to love food than to hate it so i appreciate when i'm pregnant and i like food.
Symptoms: nausea and headaches some evenings, some mild depression (crying and anger and apathy, almost totally under control with zoloft), increased fatigue, acne, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, super super weird dreams, sometimes waking during the night for no reason at all, growing stomach...
Gender:  i'm still in slight denial and have to remind myself that it's a boy.  about half the time, i keep thinking ahead to summer and that i'll have a baby girl. 
What I miss:  sometimes i'm just sad that i don't want to hang out with my kids more or that i don't feel as much love and affection for them as i should. also, it's kind of a time suck that i need so much sleep. i feel like i don't get much alone time because i need so much sleep and there's not time for both.
Milestones:  i stopped paying attention and time is flying by!
Theme: the week of so much happiness with my parents visiting!
What's different this time around:  most closely following elizabeth's pregnancy...still.  ; )
Extra:  it's so great to be on zoloft right now and not be depressed.  i'm almost my normal self.  i love that i don't lose it with my kids on a daily basis and that i can get out of bed and get dressed and i'm not reduced to tears multiple times a day.  i laugh and i joke and i look at my kids with love (well... sometimes some of them.  ; ) just kidding... kind of) and honestly I just forget that I'm gliding along in this pregnancy. Like I know I skipped a week or two of picture taking and a week or two of blogging about it, but I had no idea it's been a month! At shaylee's girls night, I saw people I haven't seen in a long time. I'm friends with all of those people from always going to shaylee's girls nights, but I don't see any of the girls outside of that. So four of us were pregnant and no one knew that I was. Someone asked how far along I was and I seriously had no clue. I was all "I think maybe 22ish weeks? Sometime in the early 20's." One girl, Lizi, said she was 24 weeks and I was all "wow! You're just a few weeks ahead of me! When is your due date?!" She's due three days before me, on the 18th. I was so confused like there is no way I'm that far along. But, I guess I am. I still looked it up online though to confirm. Makes sense though because my 24 week appt is next week. I still feel like the end of February is a month away but I guess it's here already. Ha. Seriously, it's just flying by without me realizing. Makes me feel better though because I was all "how did I gain 16lbs already and I'm only 21 weeks?! Indeed to cut back on the bagels!" But, turns out, I'm farther along than I thought I was and my math is also worse than I remember. Or maybe it's my memory because my mind was using the wrong pre-pregnancy weight. Whoops. Anyway, I spent so long counting down the days til mom and dad's visit and then the visit itself just flew by and now it's the end of February and things are moving right along! Yikes! 
Now to start thinking about boy names...

Monday, February 20, 2017

Presidents' Day

Having my parents here is a dream. I'm so sad that we have less than 24 hours. I'm going to cry myself to sleep when they leave. But let's just celebrate today. 

We had a somewhat slow morning because I struggle to pull myself out of bed each morning. Mom and dad and Chris fed the kids and dad was taking Abigail and Brady on a walk by the time I even walked out of my room. 

We went to castle wood canyon state park. The weather was perfection. We stopped at this little lookout point and then, instead of turning back to the car, we just kept walking. Walking on a paved trail and then a two mile dirt trail loop. Chris was wonderful to run ahead and grab the car for us at the end because the kids were tired and hungry. I'd left our backpack of snacks in the car because I thought we were just going to stop at the lookout point. Whoops. 

So at the end of our final trail, there happened to be a playground and picnic tables! And Chris brought us our food and water! It was beyond perfect. We left around 1:30 to head home. We'd hiked for several hours. 

Getting home, I gathered library stuff to return and put Elizabeth down for nap. The kids went potty and then Chris and dad took the kids to return library materials and do the ice skating ribbon. But, the sun was so strong and the weather so warm that half of it was closed due to slushy ice. Ha. So they went to rocket fizz and o'brien park instead. Meanwhile at home, mom and I went through bins of clothes in the basement... That I should have gotten rid of years ago. 

We woke Elizabeth up at 4:40 or so and all hopped in the car with everyone who'd come home to pick us up. We sat at our usual booth at Texas Roadhouse. I think we always end up sitting there when mom and dad come to visit. Our food was great as usual and the kids all god ice cream because it was kids night. And Abigail got a balloon princess crown and Brady got the most spectacular red and orange balloon dragon. It was seriously impressive. 

After, we went back to the skate ribbon. Mom and I stayed in the car with Elizabeth and just watched, which was a lot of fun. Chris looks so comfortable and natural and the kids were adorable skating around, especially Brady. Mom and I were just laughing every time he came around. His tiny little legs. Soooo cute. The best was when he climbed in the car afterward and was all "did you see how great I looked?!! It was sooo much fun!!!" Sometimes, I could just eat him up. 

We got home around 7:45 and were all so tired. Brady got a bath, Abigail got a shower, and Elizabeth got pj's. They were all exhausted and went right to sleep. Mom and dad and Chris and I all inspected my caulk filled kitchen table and then refilled the two end lines before calling it a night and heading to bed. 

It was a busy day and holy cow, I just love having my mom and dad here. A week ago, I was struggling hardcore with my kids and my happiness and this has been a much needed and appreciated weekend! I'm still trying to figure out a plan where they can come and live with me. In the meantime, I just count down the days until their next visit. 

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Mom and dad are here!!!

Oh hallelujah, mom and dad are here!!!

This morning began like many others... I had a headache because brady slept in bed with me (what makes me get a headache from that?! I couldn't even kick him out during the night because he throws a fit about it and it wakes chris up and chris had to be up at 4am anyway to catch his 6:00 flight) and within two minutes of him joining Abigail to play, she had blown up at him and beat him up which sent him crying back to me. I had to send abigail to her room and emotionally prepare myself for the hour ahead of getting her off to school. More awfulness ensued and she was five minutes late for school again. I think it was right around 9 that all three kids and I were able to shed some tears within minutes of each other and I wondered again why I had thought motherhood would be a good idea. 

Getting home, I was emotionally worn out but eventually got to cleaning (although not soon enough because so much was left undone) and was planning to leave at 11:40 to pick mom and dad up from the airport with their 12:00 landing. Mom texted at 11:30 that they'd landed (apparently five minutes before). I was so worried the whole way there that they'd have been waiting for eternity but their bags took a while and they actually walked out just a minute before I pulled up. Whew! And of course the minute I saw them, my life was a million times better, especially since I spent the whole morning trying to avoid crawling in bed and crying myself to sleep. 

We went to sprouts and culver's on the way home and the food was amazing and the weather was so perfect that we are outside and dad kept taking the kids across to the little field to run and play. 

When we got home, we just kept playing outside until it was time to get Abigail from school. Dad came with me. Mom read books to the kids after school... I made eggs for dinner. We all ate and then went to Abigail's school at 5:45 for her first grade performance. They sang four songs. It was cute and entertaining. The kids are a bit more when we got home while they hung out with mom and dad and I vacuumed. And then dad read them books and helped brush their teeth while I finished vacuuming. And then they all went to bed. Elizabeth did shockingly well considering she didn't nap at all the entire day. You'd never know... She was so good. I was very surprised. 

And then mom and dad and I hung out for a bit eating cranberry walnut oatmeal cookies from sprouts and talking about how to fill in the cracks on my kitchen table. And I did dishes and got into bed. 

Man! Talk about a 180 on my day. Words can't even begin to express how glad I am to have mom and dad here with me this weekend.  

Sunday, February 12, 2017

The never ending sickness

A week ago, I volunteered at Abigail's school and, upon showing up, found out that Abigail's teacher was out with the stomach bug and actually a third of the entire first grade was absent as well. 

That same day at four o clock, I was waiting in the pickup line and I felt a little sick. But not my normal morning sickness that I get each evening, it was like clenching stomach pains. Instant fear set in. So when I got home, I got straight in bed and texted Chris that I was feeling sick and that hopefully I wasn't coming down with something. Well, he got home, I was still in bed. I started throwing up around 7 or 8 and continued throwing up until 2:30 in the morning. The next time I got out of bed was 11 hours later to go to the bathroom and then 12 hours after that at 1:30am Sunday morning to go to the bathroom. I literally laid in bed for 24 hours and got out for 2 minutes. 

Meanwhile, Chris was doing 100% of our childcare and had taken Abigail and Brady to Applebee's for lunch on Saturday while Elizabeth napped. On the way home, Abigail threw up all over herself and Chris's car. She said she ate too much but then didn't feel sick anymore. 

Sunday morning, I was already planning to stay home from church because I was still recovering and Abigail was less than 24 hours out from throwing up. But then during the night, Elizabeth woke up and had thrown up in her crib. So Sunday, our whole family stayed home. Even though Chris and Brady were well, we didn't know if they were just pre-symptomatic. 

Sunday night, Brady started coughing incessantly.
Monday, Brady coughed constantly all day and night. 
Tuesday morning, Elizabeth woke up and had thrown up in her crib. Brady continued to cough. 
Wednesday, Brady continued the incessant cough and started to act feverish with feeling so cold even in a 69* house with fleece footie pjs and a fleece blanket. He also fell asleep at the drop of a hat for nap and for bedtime. With the lights still on. Two hours later, he woke up crying about his right ear hurting. Another hours or two later and he was crying because both ears hurt. Lots of crying and being awake all night. He was in so much pain. 
Thursday, still lots more crying and fever and eat pain. I got an appt with the doctor at 2. Ear infection in the right ear and starting in the left. He slept pretty much from 2:30pm through the night, only being awake for an hour before falling asleep again on the sofa and then being awake for another hour before falling asleep again for the night. 
Friday, still coughing a ton but feeling a little bed and still drained of energy. He fell asleep at 1:30 on the sofa (even though Sloane and Bodie were over playing with us) and stayed asleep until 5:30 maybe? He still fell asleep fine when it was time for bed. Overnight, Elizabeth developed the cough, though not as incessant as Brady's once was. 
Saturday, Brady and Elizabeth both coughing a lot, but otherwise pretty normal (except neither having eaten all week (Elizabeth due to teething). 
Sunday (today), I was debating if I could take coughing kids to church. Decided to because we've missed so much church lately and it's just a cough. At 10, I called Abigail into my bathroom so I could curl her hair. She was throwing up on the stairs. So here I am home from church with all three of my kids again. Chris is mortified that we're one of those families now that misses a month of church because of kids being sick. We were supposed to host the bishop youth fireside tonight at our house but not anymore. 
This feels never ending.

I'm December I was out of town for two Sunday's. Then I went to our ward on New Year's Day. Then I missed two Sunday's from my pregnancy depression. Then I was there for one Sunday. Then I've missed  this Sunday and last Sunday. I think I've been to our ward three of the last nine Sunday's. I'm that person now. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Frog tennis

We love this game. 



Monday, February 6, 2017

Touch ups

I'm a huge fan of using sharpie markers to touch up everything. I mean, I've used them to touch up furniture, kitchen cabinets, my previous leather blend sofa, clothing, and shoes.  So many shoes and boots. Today I was touching up a number of little Elizabeth shoes but didn't have a silver metallic marker for this one pair. Luckily I found a different silver metallic marker that was probably an even better match. It's so gratifying to fix shoe scuffs. 





This is probably how happy Abigail feels when she colors with markers too. 

Friday, February 3, 2017

EASY hawaiian bbq chicken

scrolling through facebook the other day, i saw someone posted an easy, four ingredient recipe that actually sounded good.  a few days later, i still remembered it so i decided to try it.  of course i made my own changes, because i never make anything exact, but seriously... this was so so easy and really good!

i used a regular pyrex glass square baking dish.  i had a thawed bag of the costco chicken tenderloins, so i just cut it with a knife and dumped it right in the [sprayed] pan.  i squirted some bbq sauce on top... not measured, just eyeballed.  i had a ripe 99cent pineapple from sprouts that i needed to use, so i diced it up and then just spread a layer of the diced pineapple on top. and last, i put a layer of provolone cheese on top and tore it in places where the circles didn't meet (because i'm a tad ocd about some stuff).  loosely place a square of foil on top and toss it in the oven.  i think i baked it at 20 minutes and then added another layer of provolone (because i looooove provolone) and let it cook again without the foil.  i forgot to time it but it was probably 15ish minutes and i watched the cheese so it would melt and get a little browned, just how i like it.  i wanted to serve it with rice because chris likes stuff more when it's served with rice, but it was a really busy afternoon and i couldn't get to it.  i think i'd prefer it just as is.  everyone loved it and it was also great as leftovers.

so, simple, easy, on hand ingredients (only FOUR!)... and it was really quick to get into the oven.  if you used canned pineapple, i'm sure you could have it ready in three minutes flat.  and it doesn't dirty any dishes because it all goes straight into the pan to bake and nothing needs to be measured at all.  also, really easy to let the kids help out.  i really am so excited to have discovered this recipe and just had to share.  i feel like shouting it from the rooftops!  woohoo!  i made dinner!

and sorry, no pictures because i didn't take any at the time and i just finished eating the leftovers for lunch about 15 minutes ago.  maybe next time.

i think this is the link to the video i saw in my facebook newsfeed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atwjFYuxfAw

and here's a link to one of the postings of this recipe online...
http://www.thepinningmama.com/hawaiian-chicken-bake-recipe-easy-dinner-idea/

honestly, if you're serving this to guests, presentation-wise, it probably looks nicer with whole chicken breasts and whole pineapple slices and whole slices of provolone melted on top.  but since i knew i would be serving this to three little people and didn't want to cut up everything individually on their plate, i did it my way.  and if i didn't hate touching raw meat, i would have cut the chicken into bitesize pieces before putting it in the pan too.  but, i hate touching raw meat or having it touch anything in my entire kitchen, so i just poured the bag straight into the pan and put the trash in the trashcan.  ; )

Monday, January 30, 2017

Not average

Brady is not a super average four year old. I realized that when I was talking to Chris in December about what brady would like for his birthday and Christmas and I was listing sunglasses and a watch and a few other things like that. Chris was all, "can't we get him a toy truck or something?! He's turning four!" I assured him that Brady almost never requested toys but did ask for a watch and sunglasses several times each week. 

Don't worry, we got him a mix of things and he loved all of his toys. 

But his odd requests continue.

This morning, he told me he'd like some binoculars for Christmas this year because he's "been thinking about it a lot." It's true, he's been requesting binoculars probably once a month since we went to the cabin in July. He really liked my dad's binoculars. 

The other day he was asking me how many days it was until he turns five. He asks me this several times a week so I gave him the usual, about 330 more days. Going along with the conversation he talked about how much he liked his baseball cake when he turned four and I asked him what kind of cake he'd like for his fifth birthday. 

"Umm, probably a cake with a dad on it because I want to be a dad."  

I told Chris I was going to have his picture screened onto a Walmart cake. ; ) It's gonna be AMAZING!!! 

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

19 weeks

How far along:  19 weeks  (1.25.17)
Total weight gain/loss: +6-7 lbs
Maternity clothes:  yeah, same as before.  just trying to find flattering clothes to wear when i go out. i'm starting to wear more fitted shirts when i go out, but honestly, a lot of the time, it just looks like a heavy gut.  
Sleep:  i feel like it's been better this week.  my dreams are weird but not necessarily exhausting.  i've been going to sleep at a decent hour.  and brady has even stayed in his bed several nights this week which probably helps more than anything.  i've found that i need an absence of brady and at least ten hours of sleep to feel rested in the morning.  it's crazy that i can get 8 or 9 hours of sleep and just still feel tired.  so i'm trying to get as much sleep as i can but the downside when you sleep as much as your kids is that you forego any awake alone time.  but i'm trying to convince myself that that's okay because when i'm well rested, i need far less awake alone time than i otherwise need.  
Best moment this week:  i'd say tuesday... i even blogged about it!  but even monday was pretty good with visiting teaching most of the morning and then talking to em on the phone some too.
Movement:  still some contractions... also, even more kicks and turns now. it's crazy how much and how frequently i feel them! i've even been feeling them while i'm standing up and doing other things! it really is great.
Food cravings:  it's still much the same as last week.  still hard for me to find food that sounds appealing.  although i have had some times this week where certain foods have sounded appealing even if i don't end up making them or even if i make them and they don't really hit the spot.  the desire for food is half the battle so i'm happy for any yearnings for food.  this is probably the reason that i'm not really gaining weight.  i'm pretty sure all of my weight gain this pregnancy happened in the two weeks i was in atlanta.  no joke.  
Symptoms: nausea and headaches most evenings that last until i go to sleep, depression (crying and anger and apathy), increased fatigue, terrible acne, still sometimes feeling like i'm going to faint/pass out when i stand up, weird dreams, waking several times during the night for no reason at all, weird food aversions, pure laziness, growing stomach...
Gender:  of course i'm still thinking girl, but i've been trying to be equally open to both.  i want to be mentally prepared for either one.  i think i really would prefer a girl this time around (having all of the clothes match up for that season and because it all seems so recent doing it with elizabeth the summer before last.  the main downside of a girl this time would mean that next time, i would 100% be dying for a boy and stressing if it's not. i've had this thing for a long time that i want each of my kids to have at least one brother and one sister.  and aiming for five or six kids... the chances are decent. but, with how hard this pregnancy has been so far and stressing about future pregnancies, it would be nice to get the boy this time.  soooo, i guess there are pros and cons to each and we'll just call it a win win.  we find out on tuesday though! it's gone by pretty fast this time and i credit that with not giving myself the opportunity (or torture, depending how you frame it) of thinking about it too much.  
What I miss:  similar to last week, but not as bad, i hate feeling so out of control about my life and emotions and being such a crappy mother.  i relish the times that i feel happy or almost happy. hoping to get this under control and maybe i'll enjoy part of this pregnancy! 
Milestones:  i'm in my last week before i hit halfway! i'll be out of the teens and on the other side of the hill!
Theme: the week of ups and downs... with at least one day of really low and one day of pretty good and enough days in between.
What's different this time around:  
most closely following elizabeth's pregnancy.
Extra:  it's hard going to sleep and not knowing what kind of day you're going to have next.  i realize how stupid that sounds, but i'm used to most all of my days being good or amazing.  but being depressed it's like "i wonder if i'll have the energy or motivation to get dressed tomorrow"... "i hope i'll be able to get abigail to school without yelling and shouting horrible things at my kids before 9am"... "will i be able to function enough to figure out what to feed myself and three kids for an entire day?"... "if i make it a goal to make it through the day without crying, will i just feel worse about myself if i don't succeed?"... "what is absolutely essential that i do tomorrow? if i just make sure to get abigail to and from school and get elizabeth out of her crib in the morning and then back down for a nap, can i stay in bed for everything else?" it's sad.  honestly, i go back and forth between thinking this is crazy and i'm an absolute wreck to having trouble remembering my previous life and basically convincing myself that this isn't too far from the norm.  i've lost my grip on reality enough that i don't fully trust myself anymore.  that part is scary.  
on thursday, i felt more like a zombie and out of touch with life than i have ever felt before ever ever ever.  my face muscles were permanently resting.  i could muster no expression for anything.  i could barely even get mad at my kids.  i spent a lot of time in bed.  i'd planned to shower before my anger class but never could get myself to and i barely even got myself dressed before i needed to leave.  i found myself just sitting and staring into space like i was frozen.  like even after the anger class when i climbed in the car and just sat there.  like what am i supposed to be doing and is it really necessary and okay, so do i need to start the car now?  everything looked dark, like the whole work was foggy with dark clouds.  even in the anger class, i couldn't get myself to take notes or answer any questions or even look at the instructor half the time.  it was terrible.  emotionally, i was so done... like just completely empty.  i felt like this horrible empty shell of a person.  but not even an empty shell of myself... it was an empty shell of a different person... someone else.  that i'd never even met before.  i felt so weird and detached and i just can't explain it any better than that.  luckily friday wasn't the same.  saturday was lacking motivation and i still felt empty, but i managed to drop off and pick up abigail from a birthday party she had although i struggled to maintain eye contact with anyone i talked to.  
sunday, i spent three hours in frustration but apathy with my kids' terrible behavior and was unable to do anything.  i didn't know if it was better to yell at them and make them get dressed and eat or if it was better to keep myself in bed so i didn't' do anything regrettable.  but at 10:30, abigail and brady still weren't fed or dressed and their room was still a disaster (although it was a small miracle that they didn't pull the desk hutch on top of them and die from it because it did tip over enough to dump the contents from the shelves and make a loud crash that i heard from downstairs... it reminded me of when i was pregnant with elizabeth and one sunday morning, brady fell out the window and almost fell off the roof). and i hadn't eaten or gotten out of my bathrobe, but elizabeth had gotten a bath and was in the process of eating.  when chris got home, i started crying and couldn't stop.  so umm, elizabeth and i had to stay home from church. i stayed in my bathrobe all day.
monday was decent with visiting teaching and i even made a broccoli potato soup for dinner.
tuesday was the good day that i blogged about.  
so, judging just by the days of this past week, i'm getting better... maybe my medicine is working! but who knows? i did cancel my wednesday therapy appointment though just because i didn't feel the necessity and i didn't want to have to find childcare and spend two hours away from my kids. i'm hoping i'm on the upswing but glad i have such a great support system in the meantime.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

it's a good day!

i am so grateful and so excited about this that i can't help but write it down.  well, just kidding, i could... but i do feel like i need to do this because of my level of gratitude.

last night, i went to bed at 9.  every other member in my family was fast asleep and i could barely keep my eyes open, so it just seemed right.  i woke up several times during the night, but fell back asleep easily... and since brady stayed in his bed all night (best oreo i ever spent), i got somewhat quality sleep.  i was overjoyed when i woke up at 7am and felt more like myself than what i have in a long time.  this was great because within minutes, i heard all three of my kids wide awake.  elizabeth fell asleep again after a bit, but brady and abigail came down to me.  brady came down because he wanted his treat for staying in bed and abigail came down completely dressed by 7:15 because she was so excited about getting the last circle that she needed on her chart for her to move up a level. so i gave her an oreo too for being so on top of things and then once brady was dressed, i turned on charlotte's web for them.  perfect because i'd just checked our library account and saw that it was four days overdue and couldn't be renewed because someone had it on hold... and of course i was the one that was bummed about returning it without the kids seeing it first.  so this was a win all around.  we had the perfect amount of time.  elizabeth fell back asleep, i got back in bed, and the kids watched the movie.  they ate pears and oatmeal for breakfast while the show finished up and then we got abigail all bundled up for school.  we left at our usual time but it just felt so much more relaxed and fun.  such an out of the ordinary start to a school day.  or any day for that matter.

getting back, brady finished eating breakfast and then we both got in my hot bed.  i made and account and then right at 10, registered abigail for spring volleyball at the rec center.  i always think about signing the kids up for stuff at the rec center but never pull the trigger on it.  and you have to sign up within the first ten minutes because everything fills up really fast.  but anyway, yesterday i was visiting teaching mandi and she said she was coaching the 6-8 year old team and would love to have abigail so i thought that would be great, especially since there would be several other little girls from church on the team.  i got that all squared away but then brady fell asleep next to me and i got distracted texting and on the internet until 10:35 when i freaked out because i wasn't dressed and brady was asleep and i hadn't even woken elizabeth up for the day yet and we actually all needed to be in the car in ten minutes to drive to castle rock for elizabeth's audiology appointment.  well, have no fear, by some miracle, we managed and pulled in at 10:59.  i mean, i didn't have makeup on (when do i ever?) and elizabeth had only eaten a few bites of leftover oatmeal that i fed her straight from the fridge, but honestly, it was great.  the appointment was super quick and they even tested brady's ears too just because.  both kids passed just fine and we walked out by 11:15.  since we had charlotte's web to return, we went to the castle rock library and were just in time for story time.  so much less busy than the parker library.  i mean, we didn't even have any trouble parking... tons of open spaces.  i wasn't paying attention to the clock and we didn't get home til 1 and then i was getting lunch for the kids and brady was driving me nuts and hallelujah when i got elizabeth down for a nap and put a show on for brady.  i get overwhelmed easily these days.  it was nice to have a little peace while i put dinner in the crock pot.  i'm trying this pork loin roast and veggies for the first time... hopefully it's okay.  mostly i just wanted some crock pot veggies and this was the cut of meat i had in the freezer that made the most sense.  i would trade it in a heartbeat for it to be a regular roast, but that pretty much explains why i don't have any more regular roasts in my freezer anymore.

anyway, dinner got put in the crock pot and brady's show ended so we made banana muffins together.  it was perfect because he'd asked if we could make banana muffins and we happened to have a ton of spotted bananas (that's what happens when you put in a walmart grocery order for 7lbs of bananas but then before you ever pick it up, your husband goes by costco and comes home with 6lbs of bananas.  we go through a lot of bananas, but 13lbs is a little much for our family of five even.  so, this was a great way to use a bunch that we still had... and banana muffins actually sounded appealing to me.  we played his number puzzle flash card things while we waited for them to bake and then picked abigail up and had fresh muffins for our after school snack.

abigail and brady drove me crazy from the second we walked in the door... still are actually... but we're doing okay... and we didn't follow through with my plans to all cuddle in my hot bed and read library books.  but the kids ate their muffins (elizabeth too since she woke up soon after we got home), abigail did her homework, emma came over to play for a bit, i started this post, and honey got home around 5:30.  so many successes for one day that it's hard for me to even believe.  i mean, let's back up a few days to sunday when i also was awake soon after 7, but somehow at 10:30, chris came home from his meetings to dress and feed brady and take them to church with him while i stayed home with elizabeth because i was still in my bathroom and honestly, just couldn't really function or stop crying.  so that was me, missing church for the second sunday in a row.  i actually never even put on clothes that day... just stayed in my bathrobe until it was time to get in bed for the night.  i've had my fair share of low moments and low days lately, but yesterday, visiting teaching with my friends, i was feeling a little better.  and, as i said, this morning, i woke up and just didn't feel the horrible fog around me like i have been.  maybe it's lifting! maybe my medicine is starting to work since it's been two weeks! or maybe it's just a random good day like some of those random good days i'd have where my morning sickness, for no apparent reason, would be significantly less.  regardless, i am so grateful.  it has been a wonderful relief to have this day.  this day where i got dressed, spent very little time in bed, and didn't cry AT ALL.  my headache and nausea have hit for the night, but i'm crossing my fingers that i can keep my happiness and patience and finish out the day strong... just a few more hours!