Thursday, September 30, 2010

i'll admit inferiority when i see it

and tonight i have most definitely seen it.

i have a number of pointless things i could blog about.  y'know, like i ususally do... but i decided we would all be much happier to read something enjoyable instead.  ;-)

so let me direct you to the most insanely funny blog i have ever read in my life.  i have my funniest friend ever, sister lisa who is serving a mission in finland right now.  sometimes i call her sister lisa, but mostly i call her weed.  on my blog roll you may have noticed someone called lisa's sara.  well this is weed's very very very good friend from college.  so anyways, i read lisa's sara's blog religiously because it makes my day every time. 

but with this last post she has completely outdone herself.  so for tonight, instead of coming up with some crap of my own, i'll direct you to her blog for hers.

and when i said "crap" i really wasn't kidding.  it's about poop.  so mother, if you happen to be reading this, i'm going to suggest you might want to pass.  everyone else, don't hesitate one more second!


POOP AWAITS YOU!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"are we there yet? yes we are."

when do kids lose this ability to know if you're there yet?  because my kid didn't have it and now she has it and i'm guessing by the time she's three she will have lost it again.

did you follow all of that?

seriously, when kids are newborns they have no clue.  about anything.  they're awake, they're asleep, they're eating, they're asleep, they're pooping, they're asleep, they're burping, they're asleep.  all while they have no clue what's going on.  this described my kid for the first few weeks of her life.  then i could tell she knew day from night... her first clue.  then she lost her ability to FALL asleep while we were out and about and things were going on.  then she lost her ability to STAY asleep while we were out and about.  and so things continue because she's constantly changing and i'm just trying to keep up.

well, two weeks ago was the first time baby didn't fall asleep on the way to church.  and then for the next 4 hours she was awake, with the exception of a 15 minute catnap.  ask me why is was 15 minutes, well, it was because sacrament meeting ended and somehow she could just TELL.  then after church she slept in the car while we drove to a friend's house... for 15 minutes until we got there and then she woke up.  fast forward to that saturday (don't worry, i'm sure the week was amazingly fun... i just don't remember it at all) when baby was partying all afternoon and fell asleep on the way to a bbq at a friend's house.  as soon as honey turned off the car, you better believe her eyes boinged open.  and then remember how she was awake the whole time we were at the stanford football game and she slept as i nursed her while we were walking home?  remember how she woke up as SOON as we got home?  it's not like i sat down.  i mean, i was still walking around the apartment.  BUT SHE KNEW.

HOW DO KIDS KNOW?  newborns have no clue.  they're asleep or not asleep and don't care where they are.  and three year olds... although they care where they are, they have no clue when they've arrived someplace and are known for the notorious "are we there yet?" on repeat for hours on end.  but my kid is tucked nicely in the middle (well, maybe not the middle, but definitely somewhere in between) and KNOWS full well when we're there yet.  she doesn't need to ask.  sometimes if i wonder if we're there yet, i'll just look at baby girl and if here eyes are closed, i know we're not there yet.  if her eyes are open, then we're definitely there.  and if i SEE her eyes go from closed to open, then i know that we've JUST ARRIVED.  like at that very second.

so anyways, i know you're all smarter and more experienced and knowledgeable than i am.   

ENLIGHTEN ME

when kids are supposed to be asking "are we there yet?" why is my kid answering "YES WE ARE"?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

i love polo ralph lauren

i sure do love me some polo.  see?



i slept in head to toe polo the other night.  polo polo and polo pjs.  wearing polo just makes me happy.  and on this occasion, i'm sure it gave me nice dreams too.  i'm not sure when or how i developed it but i have a special love for anything ralph lauren.  i love the regular polos, but i also love the sweaters, t-shirts, socks, skirts, buttondowns, and especially the pajama pants (mens specifically... they have pockets!).  as i said, i slept in this outfit the other night.  if you know me, you know that i've spent enough time in polos to consider them just as comfortable as a t-shirt.  so i didn't really think anything of it when i went to sleep sporting this beautiful emsemble.  my honey however woke up with a "you slept in THAT?!?!"  ha. i guess he doesn't know me like i thought he did.  but in his defense, i guess my biggest polo wearing days were before before i met him.  anyways, all of this is irrelevant, as usual.  all you need to know is that i love polo and wearing polo makes me happy.

that being said, i anticipated that my kid and i would both be loving life an extra alot alot if she was wearing polo too.  so luckily for us, my polo loving mom (maybe that's where i got it from and i'm just passing along the tradition?) got this absolutely adorable dress for baby girl.  it's pink.  it's seersucker.  it's polo.  can you get more perfect than that?!?!  i know i've said it before, but i honestly have the best mother ever.  be honest with yourself... even if you don't know her, don't you think she sounds absolutely incredible?  well, she is.  times a million.  anyways, she dressed me in polo and now she's dressing my kid in polo.  the world should thank her for her kind services. 

sadly though, it's size 9 months and although i'm sure it will come fast enough, it seems too far away for me.  so i put it on baby anyways for a few pictures.  you tell me... could she get away wearing this to church in the next few weeks (don't worry, it's still DEFINITELY summer here... can you say "poor carrie and baby have to live in terrible california where it was 100 degrees today" because really, it's true) even though she's a skinny 2 month old?

baby's most classic pose:  the looking left scowl

i'm looking at this picture and realizing i did a terrible job of capturing the dress.  it has a little white slip underneath that ruffles out and it's got little ruffles on the shoulder and a cute sash and actually, let's just find some more pictures for you.  we all know there's nothing more boring than when someone tries to describe a dress to you.  okay, here you go.






OH MY GOODNESS HOW SLOW AM I?!?!  don't answer that.  i just realized i have a pink seersucker ruffled polo skirt (that my mother bought me one time when we were shopping.  i know you're jealous) that would look so cute with this dress!  too bad i'm still too fat for it.  maybe if my kid is still wearing this when  she's actually 9 months old then i might be skinny enough to wear my skirt again and we can be all matchy matchy!  umm is that tacky?  i know honey would probably be ashamed to be seen with us.  too much pink polo seersucker?  why don't you cast a vote?

ps- i had chocolate chips mini morsels for lunch today.  what about you?

apparently you like free things too

i received some criticism friendly comments from a few of you interested in getting free things by doing surveys.  forgive me for not telling you about this sooner... here is a link to follow so you can sign up...

Monday, September 27, 2010

who's pumped?


we've obviously been waiting for this for a while...

and thanks to my dear friend carolyn and her husband bryan, our kid will be lookin good...

IT'S ALMOST HOCKEY SEASON!!!

we're all really excited to watch some avs games.  honey even got some people together for a fantasy hockey league.  it's a pretty high class group as it includes honey's brothers, our old bishop from our colorado ward, and a bunch of honey's colorado friends.  oh yeah, and me.  i'm team PINK.  i obviously wasn't feeling too creative when i was picking my team name.  oh well.  i think i'm the only girl...

which brings me to this sad bit of news:  honey and i had a talk and we decided that baby girl is just too young for fantasy hockey...


she didn't take the news too well.

poor baby girl.  we're sorry.

maybe next year. 

Sunday, September 26, 2010

i love free

thanks to my thrifty cousin marianne...


my baby is bouncing in style!  my thrifty cousin marianne told me about this market research thing online that sounded pretty cool.  they email you surveys from time to time about kid related stuff and when the opportunity becomes available, they send you a new product to test out and review.  and then you get to keep the product!

so a few weeks ago we got this bouncer in the mail.  it has two different bounce settings and a bunch of music/nature sounds options.  my favorite part though is that it's not obnoxious to look at.  i like that i have a place to put baby girl when i'm not holding her.  so that's where she sits when she watches me eat breakfast and stuff.  a nice change from laying on her back and staring at the ceiling i'd say...


this picture could totally go on the box.  doesn't she look just precious?

Saturday, September 25, 2010

do you see little boxes?

um do me a favor.

look at my last two posts and tell me if you see any pictures or if you just see little boxes.


and then just for good measure, comment and tell me if you see this picture too...

okay.  goodnight!

Friday, September 24, 2010

post birth story

whoops.  i just now realized that i never posted this.  if you haven't read baby's birth story yet, do that first.  or you can just skip all of it together!
 __________________________________________________

then they wheeled my bed to the recovery room while i held my baby.  i felt like a silly princess on a parade float.  everyone in the halls was oooing and ahhhing and it was just weird.  for the next few hours after we got to the recovery room there was a lot of in and out with the nurses and a whole lot of nothing that i don't really remember now.  i think they did footprints and shots and stuff like that maybe?  things started calming down a little when the sun came up, which was around the time chris said "so when am i supposed to sleep?"  ha.  whoops, forgot about that.  i was so wired, sleep was the last thing on my mind but i think i tried (while chris succeeded) for a little while until chris left to pick up my mom from our apartment.  this was when i turned my phone back on but kept it on silent (fyi, i kept it on silent for the entire first week after baby girl was born.  i highly recommend it.)  that whole day (still thursday, since she was born at 1 am) was just hanging out with mom and chris and baby girl.  chris dropped mom off at our apartment that evening and attempted more sleep on his tiny little pull out chair thing.  it looked so incredibly uncomfortable. 

see the pull out bed in the back?  it sucked.

some of the nurses i had were really good (like evelyn... the very first nurse) and some just plain sucked.  the one i had that night totally sucked.  she was this big black woman who never had kids and every time she came to check on me, which wasn't very often, she would barge in the door, turn on the lights, and talk really loudly even though i asked her to be quiet every single time because i had a very tired husband trying to sleep.  without fail, three words into my sentence or question, she would interrupt really loudly trying to guess what i was saying and would always get it horribly wrong.  this would repeat at least three times every time i needed something.  honestly, if it was up to her, or one of the other crappy nurses, my kid would have gone 6 or 7 hours without eating since she never woke up to feed.  good thing i wasn't sleeping so i could make sure to feed my kid every three hours.  this nurse also seemed to never be around when i asked for pain meds and would tell me she didn't think it had been six hours yet when in all actuality, i was monitoring the clock very closely for when i could get my next dose.  and she kept giving me the motrin instead of the good stuff even when i told her the motrin didn't do anything for me.  whatever.  i would say i'm over it, but obviously, i'm not.  i'll continue to hold my grudge.  and she kept not taking my IV out which made it hard for me to use my left hand.  i was mad about that too.

the IV ended up not even being taken out until a full 12 hours after they initially told me it could be taken out.  they said they'd take it out after i went to the bathroom (to make sure i wasn't dehydrated or something), but then changed the story and told me i had to wait a few more hours.  well, i passed out the second time i went to the bathroom (poor little asian nurse had trouble supporting giant carrie and so i have the memory of being lightheaded and dizzy and my vision going black and slumping over on this tiny asian woman and hearing "help! help! husband!!!!!!! help! HUSBAND!!!" until chris came in to help her help me back to bed) so they told me i had to wait even longer.  i was getting so frustrated.  they kept telling me it was lack of sleep and food and then they'd toss me a packet of saltines and tell me to get some rest.  i kept telling them it was from the loss of blood because i passed out exactly like how it happens when i donate blood... and i was losing a lot more blood than what you typically donate.  and i hadn't had my iron vitamins in 48 hours.  they insisted it was the sleep.  right, i always pass out when i'm sleepy.  whatever.  i told them to take out my IV and put in a new one later if necessary.  they said no.  annoying.

one of the nurses had told me we could leave in the morning and then someone else told us that check out takes forever and that we probably wouldn't be leaving til between 11:30 and 1:30.  i appreciated the reality check.  i was sick of people saying what you want to hear and then hearing the reality later.  morning brought more doctors, nurses, etc. to draw blood, check baby, see how i was doing etc.  the name person came by and we officially gave our kid the name abigail elise hillier.  abigail is the name chris has been in love with from the very beginning and elise was my middle name which is a family name.

around noon, i put on clothes to go home.  HOLY COW i did not know that would make me feel so good!  i do not like wearing clothes so i had not anticipated this at all.  but it made me feel like a normal person again.  we waited for lunch (none of the hospital food was very good and it didn't help that i had zero appetite) and then headed on our way!  the wheelchair pusher volunteer girl was really nice and she gave us a cute little pink baby hat with one of those puff balls on top.  chris drove us home while i hovered over our kid in the back seat and took a million pictures. 

 

 

 

 
 


THEN REAL LIFE STARTED!

it's been great.

pictures on facebook

Thursday, September 23, 2010

2 month appointment

i'm not too sure about how i feel about baby's new doctor.  actually, let me rephrase that.  i'm very sure that i'm "ehhh" about baby's new doctor.  she had her first well check appointment when we were with kaiser and even though it was only one appointment, i can say that i for sure loved that doctor.  too bad i didn't love kaiser.  and too bad it cost so much.

SO, since september 1st, we've all been on the stanford plan and now we go to the palo alto medical foundation for appointments.  since none of you live in the area i'll just fill you in a little and say this is a posh doctor's office just down the street from stanford.  it has giant murals on the walls... even in the parking deck.  you know it's posh from the second you drive in.  the parking deck has about a million guys directing you where to go and they're all wearing black pants, a while shirt, and a little black bow tie!  and everyone in the building wants to help you.  they treat you like you're at a five star hotel.  when i was walking in, i tried to look at the map on the wall but the two helpful ladies at the greeting desk insisted on helping me themselves.  people are stashed all over so they can answer your questions and help you know where to go.  i don't mean this in any sort of sacrilegious way but i kind of felt like i was at the temple...

anyways, it would take me about a week to tell you how nice it is.  the nurse came out and called baby's name and when i stood up to tell him that was us, he very politely introduced himself and offered to help me carry my stuff (carseat, diaper bag, y'know).  i didn't take him up on his offer but let me tell you, i INSTANTLY liked this guy!  his name is alvin and he's fantastic.  he explained things so thoroughly it was almost annoying/insulting except that this guy was so genuine and i love when people spell things out for me like that.  but my dear friend carolyn, i know she would have been totally annoyed by this guy.  but we're just different like that.  i think alvin would make a wonderful third grade teacher.  he was very bubbly like my college suitemate whitney and she's a little kid teacher.

but then the doctor came in.  i will take responsibility that i spent a lot of time trying to pick a doctor i would like but never came to that "i know this is the right choice" sort of thing.  however, i did reach the "this one will be alright" conclusion.  well, she walked in the door and something was off about her smile.  and her hair was too gray.  i don't know, i guess i just didn't like her face.  or her voice or the way she talked.  but i was willing to give her a shot.  she was nice enough.  she was great about addressing all of the issues i brought up except one.

my kid isn't losing weight, but her percentiles are dropping because she's not gaining weight as fast as everyone else's 2 month old heifers.  but i'm okay with that because i like skinny babies.  my child is the epitome of perfection in my eyes and i'm not just saying that because she's my kid.  ask my mother, i've always wanted a scrawny baby.  i have a thing against fat, unless we're talking about the fat content in a food and then i feel like more is always better.  but that's not what we're talking about here.

i told my doctor that i try to feed her about every four hours and asked if that was too long to go between feedings.  i asked her if i should wake her from her naps early and get her to feed more frequently during the day and she said that she wasn't concerned at all about the four hours and that she would just hate to disturb baby's naps.  i told her "oh, it's no problem, i do it all the time and she's okay with it."  but the doctor still was against waking a sleeping baby.  umm i do that at least two times a day.  whatever.  her solution to getting an extra feed in during the day?  add a dreamfeed!  what?  my kid just electively dropped that over a week ago!  yeah, her solution was to wake baby up after six hours of sleep and then put her down for the rest.  i'm no genius but i've read a few books and it doesn't make sense to me to purposefully let my child sleep as long as she wants (4 hour naps) during the day and then wake her up exactly half way through her nighttime sleep!

she suggested trying this out for a month and then coming back for a three month appointment (really just a weigh in) to see how things were going.  and she suggested that i could rent a digital scale to see how much my kid is eating at each feeding.  so i nodded and told her "no thanks" (in my head of course) and tried to reason things out on my own.  i love that my kid is so easy but i don't want to take advantage of her at the expense of her health.  BUT i was skinny and i turned out just fine.

so i walked out of the doctor's office knowing full well that i had no intention of following her suggestions and then i went to the bizkids playdate (business school moms and kids) and asked for advice from all of my knowledgeable friends.  i liked their advice better.

and then today i talked to my mom who was not too opinionated but sided with me (she's so perfect.  she always knows JUST what to say!) and told me about how i was less than the 5th percentile for all of my growing up years and reminded me of my cousin's kid who eats pretty much nothing and is doing just fine.  SO, i resolved to just do my best to cram as many calories as i can into this poor child during the day and let her sleep as long as she wants to at night.  it's the least i can do.  poor girl wakes up to her mommy turning on the lights, opening the blinds, and in some sort of giddy/shrill voice singing "baby! time to wake up wake up and play with me!!!" three times a day.  she tolerates me well but we all know that it would totally suck to be baby girl.

speaking of "sucks to be baby girl"... she got three shots.  the crying probably only lasted about 20 or 30 seconds.  i actually really like the sound of her cry because it's still the cute baby cry, but it was her face that crushed my heart.  -just as a side note i gotta say that her eyes are so wise i swear she's an adult-  anyways, her eyes were filled with tears and the way she was looking at me it was like she was scared.  it made me so sad because i realized she doesn't know how to be sad or afraid yet.  so really it just made me hurt for her because it was like "mommy, what was that?!?!  why did that happen to me?!?!" and even though it didn't really register at the time because i was enjoying her little baby cry, it makes me super sad thinking about it right now.  consensus on the shots though, i was anticipating much much worse.  it was a breeze.




and just because i know you want to know, here are baby's stats so far...

7.15.10 - birth
8 lbs 5.5 ounces
20.5 inches
hc 34.5 cm

7.16.10 - discharged from hospital
8 lbs 1.1 ounce

7.18.10 - weigh in
8 lbs 3.5 ounces

7.26.10 - weigh in
8 lbs 5.2 ounces

8.9.10 - first well check
8 lbs 12 ounces  46%
22.25 inches  93%
hc 36.8 cm  55%

9.22.10 - 2 month appointment
10 lbs 3 ounces  26%
23.5 inches  83%
hc 37.7 cm  17%

in honey's words "our kid is shrinking!"

well, yes honey, but only when compared to other kids.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

a question for you

overheard the other day...

dad 1: how long is your baby sleeping at night?
dad 2: won't tell you... you'd be jealous.
dad 1: well the twins are doing 7-8 hours.
dad 2: our kid is averaging 11.
dad 1: babywise? 
mom 2: yes.



i'm curious to know...  what are your feelings/successes/failures/stories/etc. on sleep training?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

the things i find myself doing as a mom

i may or may not have flashed a large number of bay area residents saturday night as i was walking home from the stanford football game.

last week baby girl turned two months old.  she also somehow lost her ability desire to sleep when she's out and about and exciting things are going on.

so saturday she had a normal first nap and then a somewhat shorter second nap i think, i can't really remember why.  either way, she was already slightly sleep deprived.  in general, she only stays awake [happily] for about an hour before she needs to nap again.  anyways, honey and i had a barbeque in sunnyvale to be at at 5:00 and a few errands to run first so we left a while before that.  baby took a capnap in the car but woke up as soon as honey turned the car off.  i'll have to write a post about that later.  it will be titled "are we there yet?" and will reference this story.  oooo ahhhh.  anyways, she stayed awake for the entire barbeque.  i didn't care because she was perfectly happy and not fussy in the least.  even feeding her didn't make her drowsy at all.  oh well.  if you're a happy baby, we won't kick you off the island.

left the barbeque to go to the football game.  she was asleep as soon as the key turned in the ignition.  go figure.  sad part about that was that we couldn't take her carseat to the football game.  kids under two can go to the games for free as long as they stay in your lap.  that means if you bring an infant in a carseat they want a ticket.  and i'm not paying $8 for a youth ticket for my infant.  i just won't do it.  so i found myself waking up the sleeping baby to get her out of her carseat.  oh well.  still happy.  i love this kid.

wow, i am giving lots of detail for this all being completely irrelevant.  k, so basically, eventually she started to get fussy.  with the band and the lights and music and everything going on, she was not about to go to sleep and miss out on the action.  i mean, she really loves stanford football.  like me.  like mother like daughter.  this was around the time i felt like vomiting because i remembered my imminent relief society lesson so i told honey i was going to take her home at the half.  i had so much anxiety i wasn't even really watching the game.  it was just a dazed blur.

remember that great sling i told you about that my friend from church made for me?  well, i left it at home so all i had was the sling i bought online (that i keep in the car for backup)... the one that stretches and baby ends up somewhere around my kneecaps.  well we were only about twenty feet outside of the stadium before baby baby was somewhere near my belt and not too happy about it.  too bad i didn't have my camera with me so you could see that there was absolutely no where i could put her down to retie the sling.  it was dirt, cars, kegs, and a variety of empty alcohol trash.  so i charged on.

two minutes later i reached el camino. 

my route home is in blue
this is the busiest street in the neighborhood.  by this time, baby was crying.  like she was really sad because she was tired and hungry and really angry because she was somewhere near my crotch at this point.  seriously, she was eye to eye with my chest.  so what do i do when it's late at night and you're in an area where you feel like it's unsafe to nurse your needing-to-nurse-kid and you're a full 30 minutes away from home?  you pull down the neck of your shirt, scoop up your boob, and stick it in your kid's mouth!  right while a million and one people drive past you on el camino.  i 100% did not care in the least about everyone walking/driving by that would see me manhandling myself because i had a crying baby gosh darn it!  and that slinky sling had left her mouth exactly three layers of fabric away from what she wanted.

so i gave her the hookup!  instantly i had a quiet, content child.  she sleep ate the whole way home.  hands free nursing while i was out and about.  before you think that this immodesty  was long lasting i will tell you that it only lasted for probably all of 30 seconds while i was unhooking my bra.  once we got baby situated, i zipped up my giant north face jacket and gave her some privacy.  good thing because there were quite a few people that left at half time and i was walking home with them!  people were all around me and they had no idea that inside that jacket slept a sweet nursing baby.

i felt like the coolest person ever.  seriously, ever.  i felt cooler than i've ever felt before in my life.  it was one of those "i need a plaque moments" and i was so sad not to have anyone i knew to share it with.  i told honey about it later but he failed to recognize how cool it was.  he'll never know because he'll never be able to pull it off himself.  i think it's just one of those things that you won't appreciate til you've done it.  maybe... who knows?

i got home and it was still working so well so i just let her keep going.  i could say it was the coolest thing ever about 80 more times and it wouldn't even scratch the surface.  i was loving it.  so i took pictures.  well, that woke baby up.  bright lights inside our apartment with the occasional flash.  and i'd unzipped the jacket so i could see her.  so that was the other "are we there yet?  yes, we are." moment of baby's day.


you wouldn't know, would you?

yes, i'm posting a picture of me nursing my child
but still, i switched her sides and kept going!  but when she was done she got grumpy again.  10:45 pm.  reasonable.  cue the miracle blanket and crib.  then she was OUT.  poor baby.  what a trooper.

my apologies

the past few days i've been so tired for some reason.  i get a lot of sleep at night but still wake up tired in the morning.  so yesterday evening i was a little fed up with it.  i put baby girl in her crib and then sat in my bed to read scriptures for a few minutes while i listened for baby girl to drift off.

well, it took her about three minutes until she was dead silent.  that's normally when i get up to see that her eyes are actually closed and then i make sure her head is turned right since my sweet little girl has a preference for the left.  choose the right has special meaning in our house now...

well, i didn't get up.  i was too tired.  i decided i would finish the chapter and then get up.  but neither of those things happened because a few minutes later i got under the covers and fell asleep.  it wasn't even 9:00 yet!  and i didn't even bother to tell my honey goodnight.

i woke up at 1:15 and the lights were still on and my honey was just coming up to brush his teeth.  i kept my eyes closed, panicking that i would be stuck awake the rest of the night.  well, honey got in bed.  i spooned up close to him... i love being the big spoon! ...and drifted off til morning.  ummm, 10 hours of sleep later and i still woke up exhausted.  i can not get off my butt.  and i finally started mockingjay last night so now my to do list is not even getting glanced at today.

but i'll have you know that while i was going to sleep i was thinking about my poor non-blogging sister and how she wouldn't have a post to read today and it was so sad.  although not sad enough for me to get up to write one.  but sad enough that i'm writing one this afternoon and will try to make sure to post something good tonight.  so basically, i just wanted to say thanks for reading.

and here's a picture of my cute kid and the scrawny little legs i love.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

thank you for your prayers, somehow i lived

oh my goodness i feel a million times lighter although i feel some sort of feeling that i guess i can only describe as residual anxiety... does anyone else get that?  it's like it's still too fresh in my mind for myself to not be so wound up.  i just had to manually untense my shoulders.  yes, i know that sounds awkward.  ugh... just had to do it again.

i feel like i should tell you how it went.  similar to what you do when you get a research grant or something.  i really wouldn't know how that goes because i never got any sort of grant ever, BUT i do remember in college one time that my roommate sawah had to do something of the sort... i think.  sawah, you can comment and correct me.

well, i've been unable to enjoy my life for the past (or is it passed?  $5 to the first person to comment with the correct grammar. i have no intention of paying you.) six weeks or however long it's been since you-used-to-be-my-friend-but-now-you're-on-my-scary-list-angie asked me to give a relief society lesson.  and this past week was especially bad.  and then last night at the stanford football game there was about four minutes left until half time and it dawned on me again and i got that "i want to throw up" feeling.  well, that feeling stayed.  and this morning it was accompanied by the "i want to cry and die at the same time" feeling.  really, i got tears in my eyes about 30 minutes before i was supposed to teach.  how many times has honey heard me say "i want to die" in the last 24 hours?  too many to count.

k, well, luckily there were tons and tons of really long announcements which is highly unusual for our relief society.  i was so scared i would have a full 45 minutes but i think i actually got up there with less than 25, but i was too nervous to really look at the clock or remember the time.  i gave my opening little section and had someone quote the sixth article of faith and a few people read scriptures.  and then i split the class in six groups and assigned them each a section from the manual and gave them five or seven minutes to discuss it and read the scripture references.  by the time that was done it was 1:45 and church only goes til 2:00 and we're supposed to end early for a hymn and closing prayer!  wow!

so one by one a spokesperson from each group took a few minutes to share what they'd discussed in their groups.  and i think i barely said a sentence between each one.  i just let them all teach the lesson for me!  after the last person finished i had another flash of fear because i still had to explain the last third of the lesson.  but i looked at the clock and it was already 2:03!  holy cow!  so i said something like "the last two sections of the lesson are about christ visiting the americas and apostacy" but i'm just going to cut the lesson right there because we're already three minutes over."  and then i quickly bore my testimony about how our church is christ's church restored in these latter days and amen and DONE!

and then i breathed.  oh my goodness hallelujah!

and of course like everyone said in their comments, everyone rushes up to you and tells you what a great lesson it was and how you looked to calm and comfortable and blah blah baloney.  i could delusionally believe that or just realize that i have really nice friends.  i choose the later.  i don't care if they're all lies.  i still appreciate them because they come from the heart.  ha.

on the way home i was giving honey the play by play on it all and was pretty surprised when i realized that i didn't use a single bit of my preparation or knowledge of the lesson.  i'd enlisted so much class participation that i barely said ten sentences.  seriously, ten.  and they were all spaced out.  alot.  i'd read the lesson probably six or seven times.  i had arrows, circles, notes in the margins, underlined quotes, etc.  i didn't use a single bit of it in my lesson.  but i thoroughly enjoyed learning about it and feel like i benefited from it much more than i would have anticipated.  i mean, i really really studied it.  and i'm not at all good at studying.  but i can tell you for sure... lesson 16... i know it.



so thank you times a million billion for all of your thoughts and well wishes but most importantly for all of your prayers.  i am convinced that that is the reason for the outrageously long announcements and tons of class participation as well as me not puking, crying, dying, or any other surely likely occurrence.

my heart is overflowing.  i sure do love you all.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

pioneer child

i can't believe i have a daughter.  i feel like such a poser.  when everyone came out for baby's blessing, my mom brought my (and my sisters') old baby blessing dress!  we had fun playing dress up with her and taking pictures.  i think the bonnet is the most precious thing i've ever seen in my life!  the best part was that as soon as we got the bonnet on her, chris started singing "pioneer children."  it was hilarious. 

she looked absolutely precious but honestly, a little fake.  really, i felt like i was at home in the playroom carrying around big dolly.


i think the last time my mom took a picture with this dress, i was the little girl in it!

baby girl looks like she just heard she needs to trek it across the plains.  truth is that she was just blinded by the paparazzi.  i think we had at least four cameras and a video camera all going at once.  ;-)


ps- i still need your prayers... who's been praying for me? 

seriously, i'm not kidding.

Friday, September 17, 2010

like mother like daughter


i was looking through pictures from our weekend trip to san francisco and...

i think i've found out where baby got that scowl from...

Thursday, September 16, 2010

my worst nightmare will come true

on sunday.

i've been in probably ten different wards since i was in high school.  a different ward each year at byu, singles ward in atlanta during the summers, and then married wards in utah, pennsylvania, colorado, and california... a lot of wards.  somehow i always get callings that fit me and honey always gets callings that fit him.

honey gets called as priesthood teacher, gospel principles teacher, mission prep teacher, ward missionary, gospel doctrine teacher... noticing a pattern?  he's just really good at standing in front of people and teaching them a 45 minute lesson.  he never spends more than ten minutes preparing a lesson.  he pretty much just skims the material sometime during sacrament meeting.  and it's always an incredible lesson.  he loves public speaking and he's amazing at it.  it just comes naturally to him.

i end up in the nursery, primary, activity days (girls 8-11), activities committee (that has way too many double letters in it), friendship committee (byu ward, go figure), visiting teaching coordinator, family history consultant... are you noticing a pattern?  i'm never asked to do anything out of my comfort zone.  i'm either in a group of a bunch of other people or if i'm teaching, it's to kids still in the single digits.

a few months ago i marveled that how this could be that for years and years and wards and wards, church leader after church leader always knew just the right callings for honey and me.  somehow they always knew to ask honey to be a teacher and me to be on a committee or with kids.  seriously... how did they know not to call me to be a teacher!?!?  and then it was so obvious to me... well of course!  it's because they're called of GOD!

so let me tell you about this one time a month ago where i hyperventilated and my face went numb and my shoes filled with the blood that used to be in my face.  relief society had just ended and i was thinking about how it was a good lesson and how i never seem to comment in relief society in this ward because everyone is so smart.  it's just something about this area that there are just a lot of very intellectual people and it's extremely intimidating.  even at church.  i say stuff like "i think there was this one talk a few conferences ago and i can't remember who was speaking but they told some story about scriptures or something..."  and then someone else pipes up with something like "oh, yes, i think you're referring to elder _____'s talk titled "________" from the saturday morning session of the october 2007 general conference where he said, "blah blah blah direct quote blah blah blah."  these people are all really nice... but they just can't help themselves i guess and they just say smart things that make you feel like you have all sorts of memory loss.

but back to when i almost died.  relief society had just ended... i was talking to the person next to me, probably about my baby because that's all anyone talks to me about these days, and angie, who i THOUGHT was my friend, comes up to me and asks if i'd be willing to teach a relief society lesson next month and be a substitute relief society teacher.

in my head i give her a dumbfounded look and scream "NO" and to her face i look like a ghost and ask her if she's sure.  she said yes.  repeat times four.  she senses my fear and tells me i can take some time to think about it but i know i really can't because i only have two options.  i don't turn down callings or anything that anyone at church asks me to do so really it was 1. say yes   or 2. go apostate ... and as tempting as it was to take the apostate route, i was really hoping to raise baby girl in the church and seeing as how my dear friend carolyn had made her the most beautiful baby blessing dress in the world, i just couldn't let it go to waste!  so i told her yes.  and i made a mental note to avoid her at all costs for the duration of my time in california.  angie, i think you're great but you're now on my scary list.

so that was over a month ago and any time i think about this lesson i have a panic attack.  well, the time is getting nearer and the panic attacks are getting worse.  can anyone offer any words of comfort?  and how bout you throw in some fervent prayers... maybe on the hour/every hour?  and give my name to the temple?  am i getting carried away?  ehh, maybe with the temple, but not with the other stuff.  i need lots and lots of prayers...

do i have any company?  is anyone else going to realize a dream worst nightmare ever on sunday at 1:15 pm PST?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

the dress rehearsal






these are just some pictures i took a few weeks ago.  i wanted to test out the dress to make everything would uhh go alright.  okay.  that's a lie.  i was just a little impatient.  for the photo shoot, i was so scared she would spit up though (which she did towards the end) that i kept this sweater on her the whole time.  that used to be my sweater.  i can't believe i was that small at one point in my life...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

yesterday i

did a lot of things.  want to hear about them?  no?  oh well, i need to publish my accomplishments anyways...

yesterday i
   gave baby a bath... AND clipped her fingernails!
   cleaned the kitchen counters... AND sink!
   cleaned baby's toys, bottle, pacifier, and miracle blanket... AND let her try them out!
   did a load of whites... AND colors!
   i got out of the rest of my skinny clothes... AND hung them in my closet!
   walked to the campus post office... AND mailed two packages!
   talked to my friend nicole... AND got a part time job!

are you severely annoyed yet?  i am.  that's more annoying than at least half of the terrible childrens books i've ever read.  they sure don't make them like they used to.

anyways, yesterday, baby was in desperate need of a bath.  she may or may not have managed to smear poop clear up to her shoulders and down to her toes.  but bath time is kind of a daddy thing and i was feeling pretty lazy.  so i put baby in the sink for her bath.  she is far too big for this but she didn't seem to mind.  i just didn't want to get her head wet and then spend the next 30 minutes trying to warm her back up.  she gets so cold.  speaking of... i'm sad to say that she has inherited my freezing cold limbs.  her hands and toes are icy.... 24/7. 

i cleaned all of the major kitchen surfaces but was too lazy to sweep or mop the floor, which i've been meaning to do since our family left a week ago.  it is disgusting.  my feet come out of there looking like a chocolate covered donut with sprinkles on it.  just to give you a visual.  do you love it liza?  you love dirty feet!

baby stuff... already wrote about it.  we don't need to go there twice.

i did two loads of laundry... that means that for a split second, there was no dirty laundry in the house [until baby pooped all over the place].  the big accomplishment though was that i actually folded all of the laundry and put it away!  i normal pull a "i-have-no-good-name-for-this" and empty the clean whites on the bed and wait to see if my lovely honey will fold his half and put it all away.  it has a pretty good success rate...

my baby is eight weeks old.  it has taken me that long to hang up the rest of my skinny clothes.  shameful.

i'll have to write sometime about the library we have in the closet under the stairs.  it is impressive to say the least.  it is also honey's small book business.  being VP, it is my job to mail the books to the buyers.  the purpose is two fold.  make money, make me skinny.  i think it takes me a full 50 minutes to walk there and back.  stanford campus is huge.

my friend nicole has two precious children.  starting tomorrow, baby and i will hang out with her little boy for three hours every wednesday.  i went from working 50 hours a week... to 3.  but it's still a part time job... i'm a working stay at home mom.  just kidding.  i realize that's an insult to the real working stay at home moms.

my blog posts really suck.  so here are some consolation pictures!


i like to dangle my child to see how skinny she is.  don't you love those legs?!?!