Total weight gain/loss: 1 lb
Maternity clothes: no. but i'm definitely a lot thicker around the middle so i wear either hoodies or shirts that aren't at all fitted around my waist.
Sleep: it was super annoying for a while that i felt like i couldn't sleep in past 6:30, but then in the second half of thanksgiving week at the hilliers, i was somehow able to start sleeping in... sometimes til 10 or 10:30! those days were great.
Best moment this week: maybe thanksgiving day? i enjoyed eating the dinner and was generally feeling happy that day. i threw up that night when i took my pills, but it didn't cloud the feeling of the day. saturday i just felt kind of annoyed at life and saturday night i felt super sick and eventually threw up. sunday was maybe my worst day yet. and since i've been home, i spend a lot of time in bed and trying to not be upset with my kids. so... yeah, i guess day one of the week was my best day. whoops.
Movement: sometimes i feel like i can feel movement, but i know it's not the real deal because i'm feeling it too high in my stomach and i know my babe is down low because it's still so early in the game. i'm excited for when it happens though.
Food cravings: i don't always hate eating and i can't tell you how amazing that is! i ate a ton on thanksgiving because it was good and hitting the spot. i really loved the green bean casserole (although i will say those green beans didn't come up nicely that night) and the turkey (which wasn't appealing to be at all in the days to come) and the apples from the apples and yams. i also enjoyed the key lime pie and coconut cream pie. i ate til i was stuffed and it's kinda humorous that i was still confused every five minutes why i still had this horrible headache. my headaches are typically so closely associated with hunger that i just couldn't make it make sense in my head. ha.
Symptoms: nausea, vomiting, acne (have i forgotten to mention that the last two months?! holy crap i look so ugly), headaches, lightheadedness, fatigue (my body hates standing.. like it's constantly begging to sit or lay down again), irritability, apathy, being over emotional, angry, depression. man, this is so fun!
Gender: my feeling is completely girl. i keep wondering if i should pay for the blood test and find out the gender sooner (12 weeks) or if that would just be a waste of money because honestly, aren't we already positive that it's a girl?!
What I miss: being consistently happy. i know i'm slipping into pregnancy depression already and it's scaring the crap out of me. i didn't remember it happening so soon before (i thought it wasn't til at least 14 or 15 weeks, but looking back at my posts with elizabeth, i seem to be right on track). i've been holding it together decently i think except that wednesday night i totally broke down. i'm a terrible mother, i'm consumed with feelings of guilt and worthlessness and inadequacy, and i'm terrified to take any medication for it so i feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place choosing to damage the child inside of me or the children outside of me. i know millions of women take anti-depressants just fine during pregnancy... but what about the ones who end up having kids with birth defects or children that are later diagnosed with autism?! would therapy actually work? right now, my best idea is to pay for a mother's helper to come over and be with me and the kids from the time i get abigail from school until chris gets home from work. i know i would either be kinder with someone else around, or i would be okay going to my room while a babysitter lovingly cared for my children. i'm nervous to talk to chris about it. i haven't even mentioned to him yet that i'm getting depressed already. add this to my list of failings. maybe some brilliant revelation will come to me and solve all my problems. well, not all my problems... just this one.
Milestones: i think my morning sickness is starting to get better. i feel like i'm entering the time frame where i trade in morning sickness for depression.Theme: the week of feeling a little of everything. good day, vomit day, happy day, depressed day... i got it.
What's different this time around: with abigail, i despised eating and would often sit in front of a plate of food and just cry because i could not bear to eat it, despite my body being so weak and starving and it didn't let up one single second until i hit 14.5 weeks. this time, i've been able to find (and enjoy!) food that i can eat, even if i do get super nauseous at night and end up throwing up. i'm definitely throwing up a lot more this pregnancy. this week, i threw up thursday night (thanksgiving), saturday night, sunday felt like food poisoning all day and i threw up in the car (thankfully i'd had chris get me a plastic bag from the gas station we stopped at so i had one ready) on our drive back to colorado, and then again before i went to sleep that night. i've been really close to throwing up every night since, but have managed to breathe deeply and walk around and wait for my stomach to stop clenching.
Extra: i'm just through the moon excited that i have been feeling better some days.
