21 weeks

How far along: 21 weeks (2.27.10)
Total weight gain/loss: +10 lbs
Maternity clothes?: i think this might've been my last week of real jeans... but who knows, maybe i can pull one more?!?!
Stretch marks?: ugh.
Sleep: pretty good still. except that i when i wake up, my hips are always KILLING me! and it still really hurts to roll over.
Best moment this week:  eh, i dunno.
Movement: i can only feel something if i sit down at night and close my eyes and really focus on it.
Food cravings: sweets still and fruit... among other foods of the moment.
Gender: GIRL!!!
What I miss: my brain.
Milestones: i'm on the down hill of the 40 weeks!
Theme: the week of going crazy!
Extra: early this week i was doing laundry and absentmindedly brought my laundry basket up with my wet clothes (to hang dry) instad of leaving it downstairs until i went to take up the clothes from the dryers. well, i was on the phone with emmy and as soon as i got to the laundry room i was frantic (a little overboard i know) that my laundry basket was missing. i was POSITIVE that someone took it. i hoped they were just using it and would bring it back but the more time that went by i was sure someone stole it. i was SOO upset about it and felt so violated and had such bad feelings in my heart about why on earth would someone do this to me! i mean, i'm the kind of person who returns a lost dog, goes out of my way to tell someone they left their headlights on, and returns people's keys if they accidentially left them in their mailbox. i've done ALL of those things w/in the last week or two so why would someone take my laundry basket. well, they didn't. i got to my room with my clothes to discover it was sitting peacefully on my bed. thank goodness for that. but then i was overwhelmed with fear about how real it seemed. am i a crazy person that can't even take care of myself or function normally in society? i've been told it only gets worse and i'm pretty sorried about that.

a couple nights ago i was in my room, waiting for chris to finish up his homework so we could go to bed. well, at 12:15 i finally asked chris if he was almost done. he said it would be at least another hour and that i could go to bed without him if i wanted. i thought i should do that since i've been so drowsy during the day lately so i thought about it in my head, turned around, switched off the lights, and got in bed. not a single word to chris. i know i'm a habitual person and it was really out of the ordinary for me to go to bed without chris but i mean, i didn't say a single word to him! no "i'm going to sleep, no goodnight, no kiss, no "let's pray together" or ANYTHING! ha, fifteen minutes later i was dazed and confused with an angry husband towering over my head wondering what the heck was going on! turns out he thought i was just really really angry at having to go to bed without him! i tried to play it off at first like i wasn't really asleep yet but when i realized that wasn't working (give me a break i was half asleep and not thinking right... it seemed like a good idea at the time) then i told him i wasn't trying to be mean, i just forgot. anyways, it was just the most bizarre thing ever. what other stupid things am i going to do without having the slightest idea that something's off?!?!

another excuse

my computer is a little out of commission for the time being so you can except a lot less blog activity from me.

just wanted to let you know. 

ps- the olympics were GREAT!  pictures are posted on facebook.

i'll admit it

"pregnancy brain"    ...i never believed in it until tonight.

Memory Lapse? It May Be Pregnancy Brain

Many expectant and new moms say they are forgetful. Some studies back up the claims.

When she was pregnant with her now 1 1/2-year-old son, Bena Blakeslee frantically paced an airport parking lot searching in vain for her Jeep. Exasperated after an hour of this fruitless endeavor, she broke down in tears and called her husband to tell him that their car had been stolen.

Turns out that Blakeslee, a mother of two in Westchester, N.Y., actually forgot which lot she had parked in. "I also went to the wrong airport twice on the same trip and another time, I was sitting at the wrong gate and completely missed my flight," she tells WebMD.

Sound familiar? It should. Many expectant and/or veteran moms will tell you that they have experienced the kind of embarrassing forgetfulness that Blakeslee describes.

full article can be found here.


i know i'm naturally add and somewhat of an airhead... but this tonight was just over the top.

so count me in.  i'm a believer. 

(and now, so is my blogging sister, emily, who happened to be on the phone with me throughout this whole incident.)

20 weeks

How far along: 20 weeks  (2.20.10)

Total weight gain/loss: +8lbs

Maternity clothes?:  still holding off...

Stretch marks?:  practically positive i'm seeing the beginning of them.  oh well, pretty inevitable right?  now is not the time to be body image conscious!

Sleep:  pretty good this week.  probably because i've been so exhausted!  dealing better with bad dreams.  had a dream about reoccurring stillbirths... woke up after the second still birth and was able to realize that it was a dream and once i got a good look at my big belly i felt better.  also had a dream that i had two red head boys between the ages of 8 and 12 and one of them hated his name so much he would even be happy to have his name changed to kaiser (my current insurance) or rusty (just random).  ha, i wonder what i named him. ;-)

Best moment this week:  going to the olympics with my christopher!!!

Movement:  i think i might have felt her moving around tonight.  i had to close my eyes and be very still and focus really hard... but i think i felt something moving around in there!

Food cravings:  sweets of course.  but really, i can crave anything i put my mind to!  still not taking it for granted that i'm loving food again!!!  seriously, i know it's ridiculous but i used to cry to chris about what if i never am able to enjoy eating ever again.

Gender:  GIRL!!!

What I miss: having energy to function in life.

Milestones:  i had a semi-friend ask me on wednesday if i was pregnant!  granted, she kinda mumbled it and when i said "what?" she was like "oh, umm, so, anything new or exciting going on with you lately?"  ha.  someone else also told me congrats, that she had heard the news from my boss and she'd had no idea.  um what?  i see this lady 3 or 4 times a week... did she think it was a beer belly?!?!  oh well, at least people aren't asking if i've got twins in there.
Theme:  the week of already being half way there!!!  wow things are going by fast!
Extra:  all week i barely got to see chris and thursday night chris got home at 10:45.  i only saw him for about 30 seconds in the morning before he walked out the door so i was really excited to finally give him a hug and whatever.  he walked straight to his closet and started taking off his suit.  i asked him if we could hug for a bit and he replied half jokingly "nope!  no time for hugging!  too busy!" and he's done this before and i knew he was half joking but half serious still and i kid you not, i started crying... INSTANTLY!  i felt so retarded but honestly i have no idea where it came from and i couldn't help it and it wouldn't stop.  he looked at me and just started laughing... and then of course he hugged me for a bit.  i can't help but quote to myself my favorite saying from chris's grandma virginia... because really it's true, "i'm going mental."

finding fun on campus

i've come to realize lately that christopher and i really haven't gotten out to see much of anything in palo alto, san francisco, or any of the nearby parts of california.

we've done a few things.  but only a few out of a million.

the reason?  we always seem to find something super fun and super free and super close on campus!

here are a few pictures.

the art museum on campus.  we especially enjoyed the rodin tour.  i've always liked sculptures.  we also especially took four seconds to walk through the contemporary art.  we've never been so appreciative of that sort of stuff so we'll save it for when we're desperate.

this is from our hike in the stanford foothills... commonly called "hiking the dish"

that tower in the distance is in the center of campus

 it really has a pride and prejudice sort of feel to it.  very natural.

this is the actual "dish"

one last picture on our way out

2.14.10 happy valentines day to you from us at the top of the dish!

so there you have it.  my two favorite dates from the past two weekends.  and i'll let you know in advance what my favorite date from this weekend will be...

it involves hockey in vancouver!  yup, as of 6:30 thursday evening, our wheels will be headed north for the olympics!  my honey sure keeps me young!

mmmmm

cheerio milk is the best. 

way better than the actual cheerios.

too add to cook

eggs have been one of my favorite foods lately.  well, i guess eggs are always one of my favorite foods, it's just the way they're prepared that varies.  currently i'm on a kick of something that i don't have a name for (although i'm sure one exists somewhere) where you butter some bread and cut a hole in it.  then crack the egg in the hole and cook it on both sides.  the egg ends up being kinda over easy and conveniently located on your toast.  it's great!

sometimes i get home from work and i'm really enthusiastic for two things.  getting online and eating food.  so sometimes i try to get online while my food is cooking even though i know i have a 97% chance of forgetting about whatever i'm cooking.

so last monday i made a few of these no name eggs one right after the other, assembly line fashion.  the last one ended up burned because i got cocky and thought i could remember it was cooking even though i was on my computer.  i thought to myself "i should take a picture of this.  it's just so black it's funny."  but i forgot (surprise surprise) and salvaged it and ate it before i remembered to get my camera out.

and then last tuesday i got home, eager for internet and no name eggs.  the first one, black as night.  blacker than the monday night mishap.  the egg was even cooked through and through.  i realized i just had to get my camera.  i had just known it would happen again and that i could take a picture of it the next time... it was sad to me that it happened so soon.  24 hours?  too soon. 

anyways, salvaged it and ate it but made myself stay in the kitchen for the next two, which turned out beautifully.  and which were absolutely delicious.

so here, for your entertainment...

black as sin.  as they say in the south.

 

perfection.  as i say every time i eat it.

a glimpse of spring

yesterday was absolutely gorgeous!  it was 65 degrees and sunny... in mid february!  when the rest of the country (or at least the southeast) was covered in snow!  chris and i took the opportunity to go to a little diving, synchronized swimming, and swimming (the only thing we got pictures of).  we've been wanting to go to these events for a while but they're held outside and seeing as how this is the rainy season, it's normally too cold/wet.  well not this time!

just because i know you care, we didn't stay for all of it, but stanford was definitely beating cal (berkeley) when we left

my christopher, practicing to be a really cute valentine

can't you just FEEL the sunshine seeping through this picture?!?!

this is more of a side story not really relating to swimming, but on the way home (well actually it's constantly) christopher was telling me how huge i am and that he married a really fat wife and that my stomach is just like BAM! and so forth.  he really never runs out of commentary on the subject.  anyways, the funny part is that he walked away from me and told me to keep going because he "wanted to see what i looked like from far away."  what?  ha, so anyways he took this picture to document it.  i just happen to like this picture because it's mid february and i'm wearing short sleeves, a skirt, and flip flops. 

it was a good outing.

19 weeks

How far along: 19 weeks  (2.13.10)

Total weight gain/loss: +7lbs

Maternity clothes?:  not yet but i'm down to ONE pair of jeans that i can wear comfortably all day long w/o unbuttoning.  more than once this week i put on a pair of jeans in the morning and had to take them off again... even jeans that fit last week are not fitting this week.

Stretch marks?:  i think i might be seeing the start of some?  i dunno, i hope not.  isn't this too early for that?!?!

Sleep:  hurts to roll from one side to another.  had a terrible nightmare monday morning about early labor and losing my baby.  cried hyterically for 10 or 15 minutes after i woke up.

Best moment this week:  getting more fearless about talking about my pregnancy.

Movement:  i'm trying really really hard to pay attention and feel something but i still think it's just my stomach

Food cravings:  fruit!  especially pears!  and my friend loran made me two smoothies this week that were DIVINE!

Gender:  the answer to this is probably going to be GIRL from here on out.  SO excited!!!

What I miss:  having lots of jeans and shirts to choose from in the morning.  i'm getting severely limited in what i can wear.

Milestones:  i've reached the point where i no longer have the ability to hide my belly.  good thing i came to grips with things last week!
Theme:  the week of actually looking pregnant now!
Extra:  i got that line below my belly button!

am i four years old?

i think one of the main reasons i don't like movies is because they scare me.  i remember when i was younger and my mom would put on the wizard of oz while she went in the kitchen to do some cooking.  and around the time the house started flying and that scary woman peddled by on her bike, my mom would find me in the kitchen giving her some lame excuse about how, yes, i wanted to watch the movie but at this moment i missed her and wanted to help her cook for a bit. 

i can read scary books, but any movie even remotely dramatic, like narnia or something... way too scary for me to ever watch alone and even with someone i will be jumping all over the place, before stuff even happens.

so tonight i went to loran's apartment to watch a movie.  she lives on the floor below me and we always hang out at church but not really during the week.  trying to decide between the proposal and the da vinci code, we picked the latter because neither of us had ever seen it. 

well let me tell you, i've heard a LOT of hype about that book and that movie.  NONE of it mentioned how terrifying it was!!!  we watched about thirty minutes before i got up the courage to ask loran if we coul watch the proposal instead.  there was no way i could bear another two hours ofthe creepy monk and self mutilation.

well, i'll be honest.  i'm really embarassed about it.

but i happen to have that book on my shelf and it's next on my to read list!!!

18 weeks and longest post ever

for the last few weeks (basically ever since i started feeling better) i've been keeping a journal of pregnancy stuff.  i would have started sooner but the first bit was pretty rough and i'd rather not remember it!  so, i've just been typing stuff on my computer as time goes by and i try to write a weekly update on things.  to save myself from having to type things out twice, i'm just going to copy paste it.  maybe sometime i'll post the previous weeks just for kicks but for now we'll just pick up at 18 weeks (today).  this week was really super eventful though so things are really REALLY long.  i won't be offended if liza is the only one to actually read through it!  as i said before, i'm sure this is pretty boring to the veterans, and the people that haven't been pregnant yet, and the people currently consumed with their own pregnancies so that leaves a slim audience!  so liza, (and maybe em) here's a post for you!

How far along: 18 weeks (2.6.10)

Total weight gain/loss: according to my doctors visit i'm 137... YIKES!  officially the most i've ever weighed.  that means +6lbs overall for the pregnancy although it doesn't help that i gained a full TEN pounds right before i got pregnant (in my attempt to increase my fertility!). so anyways, i gained six pounds in two weeks.  for some reason i'm thinking that's a little fast.

Maternity clothes?: bought two pairs of maternity jeans on monday... still haven't worn them.  they're big and don't quite stay up!  i still have one pair of jeans i can wear comfortably all day without unbuttoning them.

Stretch marks?: nope

Sleep: it hurts to roll over.  i have to sit up a little to switch sides.  and i had trouble sleeping because of worry.  the night before the ultrasound though i had a dream that i was able to see the heartbeat at the ultrasound so that eased my mind a bit. 

Best moment this week: the big ultrasound!!!  my baby had a heartbeat and everything looked to be in order.  and found out the gender!  and it's actually a girl!

Movement: not that I can feel...  i still think they're just stomach churnings and rumblings.

Food cravings:  candy still.  fruity things.  overall still wanting sweets.  craving meal foods though.  like lasagna etc.  i wish i still had my mom's cooking!

Gender: IT"S A GIRL!!!  i've always always always wanted a little girl first but convinced myself that it was too good to come true.  i was wrong!  how blessed i am!

What I miss:  umm maybe i could think of a couple superficial things if i tried but right now i really don't miss ANYTHING about not being pregnant.  i'm loving every single second of this.  so far, it's everything i've hoped for and more!

Milestones:  it's finally REAL!  i got the guts to wear a more fitted shirt in public.  i've decided to no longer attempt to conceal the belly. 
Theme: the week of fatigue!  i had felt so lucky to have avoided any first trimester fatigue but i guess mine just waited until now to appear.  i tend to fall asleep whenever i'm not in motion although i have nodded off while standing in place and while reading out loud to children.
Extra: the ultrasound experience was absolutely amazing and so intensely personal which i didn't expect at all.  chris couldn't go because he was in a midterm all morning so i went alone.  the ultrasound tech was very professional yet very motherly and took her time explaining everything to me, answering my questions, and fulfilling my requests.  i was so happy to see a heartbeat and thrilled to hear that everything looked normal.  she said baby was in a good position to see gender if i wanted so she moved things around on the screen and i looked at it and thought "oh my goodness, it's a girl" and i think i studdered and sounded so hesitant when i asked if it was a girl that she was like "yeah!  you got it right!  ...were you wanting a boy?"  haha.  no, either is fine, i'm just recovering from shock.  she went over the whole anatomy.  feet, hands, fingers, spine, chambers of the heart, arteries etc, brain, upper lip (looking for signs of cleft) and a bunch of other things i don't even remember.  i think i would go so far as to say it was a very spiritual experience for me. 

so i did some blood work, headed to the parking lot and started my car.  i turned off the radio and called my boss to tell her i would be to work in 30 minutes.  as i pulled out of the parking lot i pressed the on button for the radio.... the exact moment carrie underwood's "all american girl" song was starting.  then of course i started crying.  so overwhelmed with joy about our healthy little girl.  what a crazy coincidence.  most of the time i don't even bother listening to the radio and this time i was about to drive in silence but was in the mood to celebrate with some music... and that i did!

chris called as soon as he got out of his final.  i asked him for his final gender guess and in a boring tone he said something along the lines of "it's a boy."  when i said "WRONG!!!  it's a girl!!!"  he sounded extremely shocked!  "REALLY?!?!" in complete disbelief.  we polled all members of our family before telling them the news.  chris's mom, dad, and FOUR brothers all guessed boy.  his sister was the only one to correctly guess girl.  my dad, brother, and two sisters all guessed boy.  my mom was the only one that got it right.  when liza told skye i was having a girl, skye responded with an obvious "well, yeah."  i've always thought skye and i have a special connection (even though she doesn't like me) being clones and all.  i guess she was just so in tune that she just KNEW.  so there you have it.  everyone was so sure of a boy and we got a girl.  i will say that although i had really thought it was a boy before, the last couple of weeks i was leaning more towards the possibility of a girl and finally decided that emotionally it would not be healthy for me to go in with expectations either way.  so i sadly, missed out on the vote.  oh well!

elaboration on the "it's finally real" just because it was such a big deal and really hard thing for me.  from the moment i first saw a positive pregnancy test i really wanted to be super excited but never let myself fully indulge.  i was scared out of my mind of getting my hopes up.  second pregnancy test a few days later showed a darker line but still didn't put my mind at ease.  to this day, i'm still sleeping with these two pregnancy tests on my night stand... although now i can safely say i don't actually NEED them there anymore.  i had been temping to track my ovulation and when your temperature stays high it means you're pregnant.  if it drops then you're on your way for a miscarriage.  i kept temping every day for close to two months until christopher told me i wasn't allowed to anymore and i had to put away my thermometer for good.  i think it was around that time that i could finally throw away the ovulation test sticks.  i had an ultrasound at my first appointment, 6weeks 5 days.  it showed just a tiny little dot.  it has not left my purse pocket since it was given to me on november 19th.  same exact story ultrasound pictures from my second appointment on december 18th at 11w5d.  same exact story for the ultrasound pictures from my appointment this past thursday on februrary 4th at 17w5d.  i take these new pictures out to look at at least ten times a day...i'm in awe.  maybe the obsessions will slow down once i can feel my baby kicking.  in the mean time, i'm just happy for my positive thoughts.  so yeah, in the very early stages i kept saying next week it'll be real at 6 weeks or 8 weeks or whatever.  then i decided 12 weeks would be the marker of when it would be real.  except that it came and went and i was still asking chris if he thought we were going to have a baby.  even these past few weeks i could only use the term "if" not "when" and i only used vague terms to describe anything pregnancy or baby related.  i decided 16 weeks would be my REAL marker.  but it didn't work either.  thank goodness for this ultrasound and learning about the little baby girl in me.  it's really really really REAL.

in case you didn't know.  this is the mind of a pregnant girl who has endured a few years of infertility.

maybe i'll edit this post later

but i just wanted to let you know it's a girl!!!

to my silly sister... the blogging one

ha.  i just read your blog... specifically, THIS post.

I'm a horrible sister.  I was asked to be 'on stand-by' for my sister's maternity clothes shopping experience last night.  When she checked in with me.  I said - yep, I'm available, but only by text.  We're starting the Bachelor in 30 minutes.  Yep - that's me, a great sister.  I put the Bachelor before my sister's shopping needs.  I think she gave up on my texting support.  I only made it to one store with her.  Later I found out she called my mom to find out if the Bachelor was over yet so she could call me!  Awww!!!  Shopping is so traumatic to begin with, then to have a sister that lets you down!  I'm so sorry, please forgive me. 

PS - the Bachelor is SO good.  I even made brownies to celebrate it.  And I can't wait for next week's drama!!! 

emmy, i love you!  first off, i didn't call mom... she called me.  i SWEAR she is inspired on when to call me.  she always calls when i need her the very very most.  even if it's after 10:30 her time.

second.  at least i didn't cry.  if i had started crying, you better believe your phone would have been ringing off the hook.  you would have had no choice but to help the situation.

but lastly, the reason i wasn't too put off by your text-only-availability is because i UNDERSTAND the importance of the bachelor (and bachelorette).  even if i haven't watched any of this season, it doesn't mean that i don't get it.  i DO! 

so let's just get this straight... 

no hard feelings!

well that says it!

goodness!  thanks for all of the comments... i didn't know that half of you had ever even heard of my blog!  that's pretty funny.

so here is the first of the obnoxious pregnancy posts...

hopefully thursday will be the big day that chris and i find out what's in me... just for fun, i took a few of those quick quizes online that guess what gender your baby is.  i found a few that were especially informative.

ha.  explain to me how a 50% chance of having a boy = "you're having a boy!"  is there a third option i'm unaware of?  how else would girl have less than 50%....?

my favorite though was this one that i guess gave the same answer but was a little more upfront about it. 

 

yeah, go ahead, just admit it.  you're like the rest of us.  you have no idea.  "it's a toss-up!  it could go either way!"  haha.  tell me something i don't already know!

anyone else want to venture a guess?