To the farm we go

I am currently on the longest car ride of my entire life. These things are all about perception, and while I love the people I am with, my back is killing me, and my kids are driving me nuts.

On the plus side, dad created a hotspot from his phone so we can have internet for mom's iPad and it has done wonders entertaining the children. I also caught him saying "say something Google, I'm giving up on you." 

But back on the downside, this four hour car ride is taking six and a half hours and I've been experiencing terrible back pain for the past two weeks and riding in the middle of two large convertible car seats isn't helping things. ; )  and since my morning sickness is still around and hitting between three and four o'clock, I haven't been feeling too hot for the last six hours.

But, let's be honest, I'm less than a half hour from the farm and couldn't be more excited to embrace my sweet grandmother! Woohoo!

And then honey was gone

Today was wonderful. After we woke up, we went to Costco with Liza's family so we could get Christmas trees. I was immediately drawn to the phone stand, and after some time left with a new galaxy s5. So ever since, I've been trying to learn how to use a non iPhone. I know I'm not the most tech savvy person ever but I'm learning much faster than I thought I would and it's really only been less than twelve hours. My thoughts so far... it truly isn't as pretty as an iPhone as far as the operating system and everything go, but it has so many cool features. I'm trying to be less superficial and more functional. ; )  Also, the larger size of the phone took virtually no getting used to. Especially because it is so noticeably lighter weight than my iPhone 4. So really I'm loving how giant it is. My main thing that I'm working on right now is getting certain features on it that I became accustomed to with my iPhone that are not default settings with my galaxy. Also, thugs swipe keyboard is super amazing when you're laying in bed and only want to use one hand for typing.  And now I have the same phone as mom which is super fun.

Anyways, it took a while to transfer stuff over and find a case for it, and we didn't get home til later. We hung out and ate a few snacks and watched the amazing last few seconds of the ga vs tech game and then left for the varsity.

We didn't go to the varsity on the way home from the airport because Walter and Bekah were at home and I was eager to see them, so this was my first time and it was amazing!

Then we saw the lights display at the gardens and it was so so so wonderful. I loved every minute of it.

But then we had to go and dad took honey to the airport while mom and I got the kids home to eat and go to bed. I miss my honey so fiercely already. I'm not sure what it is, but this pregnancy, I've been trying on him so much and have just felt such peace when he's around and can't stop myself from telling him that either. Ha. Anyways, I'm missing him so much right now.

Also, I'm super tired and feel like I could vomit, so I'm going to have to wait and post more tomorrow.

This is such a perfect trip so far.

13 weeks

How far along:  13 weeks  (11.27.14)

Total weight gain/loss: 0 lbs? i think i might be even now.

Maternity clothes:  yes.  right now i'm just at that awkward phase where i definitely have a beer belly but not quite a baby belly.  so it's not like i want to accentuate it just yet, but depending on what i wear, there's no hiding it.  i rarely go out so it's mostly just hoodies, but when i do go out, i try to wear a loose fitting top, or a jacket.  church is getting tricky since i used all my best outfits between week 8 and week 12, but it wasn't quite time to start repeating yet.  this past sunday i wore my gray, higher waisted skirt, and my cashmere polo cableknit sweater.  if i relaxed, i definitely looked really fat.  but as long as i was holding in my stomach, or had brady sitting on my lap, i could look like a somewhat normal person.  still far thicker than what i was a month ago, but for someone not familiar with my previous waistline... i could look pretty average.  so through all of this... i'm kind of avoiding my actual maternity shirts that i just wear on a regular basis because they're not very flattering right now.  i'm more than a little confused how packing for this thanksgiving trip will all pan out...  

Sleep:  it's getting better i think.  i'm able to sleep through christopher in the morning sometimes and have occasionally not woken up til after 8.  and my dreams haven't been super bizarre or traumatizing so that's nice too!

Best moment this week:  getting to atlanta!

Movement:  just 

Food cravings:  sometimes i think eating is getting better but then some days are still difficult.  night times are still my hardest time of day, and even though the food aversions and nausea are really bad, i rarely get to the point where i feel like i would actually throw up.  my most difficult thing this week is probably that i'm still not crazy about milk, so i really haven't been drinking enough... which i think is 90% of the reason i have a horrible headache all day, every day.  i'm soooo hoping i'll love food while i'm in atlanta and can make and eat lots of delicious holiday food and all of my mom's wonderful cooking!  i should note too, i really like grapefruit now. i've never been a huge fan of it, and if i had some, would only have a couple of bites, doused heavily in sugar.  last night i ate an entire one (i pealed it and separated the segments so i had a plate full of huge chunks) and probably only put sugar on the second half of it... and that was only because it was night and my stomach was sensitive and queasy.  also, whenever chris eats one, i get the remainder of his peal and just inhale the scent.  also, sunday night i craved crunchy pickles, just remembering the awesome ones that were on my cheeseburger at the zoo on my birthday.   

Symptoms: nausea, HEADACHES, backaches (super stiff back ALL week), physically tired and out of breath, lightheaded, irritable, lazy... ; )

Gender:  i'm kind of torn and confused.  i think i've thought it was a girl for so long, that i'm going to be disappointed if it's a boy, even though i have several solid reasons that it would be amazing to have a boy.  so, who knows?!  we just keep getting to guess and wonder until jan 12th!

What I miss:  not 

Milestones:  i think as far as miscarriages go... i've made it through the scariest part... and that's pretty exciting!
Theme: the week of headaches and a bad back... man, you turn 29, and your body falls apart on you...
What's different this time around:  eh... can i take a pass?  i'm too lazy to answer this question this week.

Extra:  i dunno.  i'm too lazy to think of anything right now.

It's here!!!!

I just woke up in the guest bedroom at my parents' house. I'M IN ATLANTA!!!! 

Words can not express my joy right now and the love and happiness and peace I feel. I've been aching for this trip for the past several weeks and last night in their kitchen I kept saying, "I feel like I need to pinch myself!"  

Seriously. So here's this terribly inadequate post to hopefully help me remember this bliss right now. Pure, pure bliss. 

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!

Marshawn Lynch and Brady

When Abigail was one, she developed a phone fettish and was constantly pretending to talk on the phone... And everything was a phone. Her show, a spoon, her hand... or foot. Really anything was fine. 

Well Brady has also developed a love of talking on the phone. But he only wants a real phone. And you better believe he wants a real person on the other end to talk to. Not sure if it's because RS he second child or just more high maintenance in general, but this is just how it is. Luckily he doesn't know about outbound calls so he doesn't beg me to call anyone, but he knows all about inbound calls and my existing phone conversations. So anytime he finds me on the phone, he whines and begs to have a turn. He's enjoyed talking to grandmother, Emmy, mom, and dad recently and every conversation is the same. Brady grunts/laughs (his certain one that means "yeah") at all the appropriate times and never says anything else. 

Chris witnessed this for the first time last night and was especially amused. And then he had me watch this most recent marshawn lynch interview. 

Spot on. Except that Brady doesn't have a personal charity/foundation [yet!] to promote. 

http://deadspin.com/marshawn-lynch-answers-nearly-every-postgame-question-w-1662546738/all

As a side note... Christopher told me, "y'know if I played a professional sport, I'd probably do some interviews like that too. Think about how annoying it would be to answer those questions after a game."  

He's not a people pleaser... He's my Mr. Darcy. 

29

yesterday, i turned 29!  it was a good day.

i woke up and hung out in bed for a while until almost 9 and it was time to take abigail to preschool.  i love that quiet time with my phone in the morning and it was extra fun reading happy birthday texts and facebook messages!  i grabbed both kids out of bed and got them in the car and to preschool.  early even!  brady and i went home and he ate oatmeal and played while i lounged and talked on the phone with emmy.  then i'm not really sure what happened because it was 11:30 and i panicked that brady and i were still in pj's and i hadn't done anything to pack stuff for the zoo!  so i got us ready and out the door and somehow remembered everything i needed to except a coat for myself.  so i was going to freeze.  oh well... it could have been much worse.  what if i'd forgotten our stroller or something?  that would have been bad.

anyways, i was late picking abigail up.  ugh, i'm the worst.  we made it to the zoo, parked, and were in the gates by one.  the whole zoo thing was a last minute idea just created the night before when my sil saw that it was the last free day of the year and invited myself and my mil to join her.  anyways, i met up with them, told kelsey i was knocked up (without my jacket... and wearing a pretty fitted shirt... i figured we should just go ahead and be out with it sooner, rather than waiting for the awkwardness), and found a place for lunch.  i got a cheese burger with fries and it was delightful.  the pickles on it were to die for... which is something because i typically hate pickles on my burger.  the zoo was a lot of fun, but mostly it was just fun being with family.  abigail was so precious though because she was really into see the animals... much moreso than she's ever been on previous visits.  she loved the hippos and was soooo wanting for the one in the water to walk out of the water... which it didn't.  even though we waited forever for it.  ; )  eventually it was getting cold and late and the sun was about to set (because that happens at 4:45...) and we headed out.  i got to my car and... my battery was dead.  sooooo dead.  i called kelsey and klaudette as fast as i could and had them come over to where i was parked.  neither car had cables so we flagged down the first car we saw and it was a super nice lady (shoutout to barb junkermeier!!!  I LOVE YOU!!!) that had just gotten off her shift at the zoo.  she helped us for what seemed like forever because my battery was sooooo dead.  and i said a prayer or two that my car would eventually start and texted chris for him to do the same.  several minutes after that, it finally started!  by that time, it was definitely dark and denver traffic was horrendous.  i was going to be late for our babysitter.  texted the babysitter and told her i'd be late and text her when i got home.  my eta went from 6 to 6:10 to 6:15 and by the time i finally got home, both kids had been sleeping for about 45 minutes and were not at all happy about being woken up.  abigail cried and begged to go to bed (which chris and i panicked about because that would leave brady alone with the babysitter) which i went along with, and luckily 10 minutes after she was in bed, she said she was okay to stay awake a bit longer.  brady screamed when we left but apparently calmed down right after.  we were only gone two hours and both kids loved our babysitter and did really well.

whoops... forgot about paragraphs.  anyways...

chris and i went to macaroni grill for dinner.  my one birthday request was that i have dinner out alone with my honey... on my birthday night.  this is unusual for me because i normally don't care what day i celebrate a birthday or anniversary on and last year i wanted a casual dinner with both of our kids (we went out for falafels at garbonzos) and the year before i didn't want to go out for dinner, but i did want to get frozen yogurt with abigail (brady wasn't born yet).  but for weeks, i've wanted dinner alone with my honey.  and it was wonderful.  perhaps the best birthday present of the day was that i turned 12 weeks... although sadly, was still feeling really sick that night (my morning sickness has been at it's worst at night... after 4pm) and barely ate any of my food.  but hanging out and joking around with my honey was perfect.  we didn't talk about anything in particular... just randomness and i loved it.

when we got home, i sat on the fireplace and opened my presents and birthday cards.  honey gave me a book and tickets to the ballet.  i'm sooo excited about the tickets to the ballet and i've been talking lately about how much i love seeing live performances and whatever, especially during the holiday season.  i wasn't trying to drop hints and i'm not sure if he even got the idea from that (from something he said, it kind of sounded like he got the tickets before i started mentioning it because he offered to sell these tickets on craigslist and get different tickets to take the kids with us since i want to take abigail to the ballet) but he sure nailed it.  also, i told him i'd cry if he sold these tickets and he better not touch them.  i think i'll take abigail and brady to the ballet at the local theater in parker, but i still want to see the fancy ballet with chris in denver.  ; )

and then we put the kids to bed and ourselves to bed.  10pm... i think it's the latest i've gone to bed in two months.  ; )  i loved all of the texts and calls and facebook messages and voicemails.  i feel very loved and very blessed.  i'm anxious to enjoy the last year of my 20's and excited for everything it will bring!

12 weeks

How far along:  12 weeks  (11.20.14 - MY BIRTHDAY!!!)

Total weight gain/loss: -.5 lb

Maternity clothes:  only the maternity stuff that i keep in my closet all the time.  all of my clothes are still fitting fine, but anything that's not a hoodie makes me look like a fatty with a spare tire.  i don't fully look pregnant, i just look like i've got a bowl full of jelly.  it's been easy enough to hide for the most part because 1. i'm antisocial these days and never go in public and 2. it's been below freezing and i can wear hoodies that completely conceal my bump and 3. i've only had one month of sundays of concealing the bump (since i popped out at 7.5 weeks... i think) and i've been able to wear skirts that sit at my actual waist and act as a corset and paired with a blousy shirt, it gives the illusion that my waist is smaller than my top... which it is not anymore.  the happy news is that i haven't gotten bigger anywhere else... including my chest.  just this tub of lard in my belly. 

Sleep:  ever so slightly better maybe?  i still have weird dreams, and i'm still conscious of being awake during the night to switch sides or if i'm squishing my belly, but really, it's not horrendous.  i'm more and more frequently waking up when chris does (anytime after five) and never fully going back to sleep after that.  the plus side is that i've been able to say goodbye to him when he leaves for work and i like that because otherwise i don't get to see him until night time.  dreams are still really weird but i forget them really quickly.  a memorable one from this week was when i'd stolen a car with the four guys from impractical jokers and the five of us were running away from cops all the time just like in gone in 60 seconds.  that was one of the less weird dreams of the night though.  there was a dream or two when i was running from people trying to kill me.  always glad to wake up from those.  also, not really pregnancy related but it's kind of a huge deal in my life right now... i think my electric blanket is giving out on me.  my electric blanket is probably my most valued possession so this is a big deal.  luckily, my birthday and christmas are coming up... so i might just need to get a new one.  

Best moment this week:  sunday night... finding out that liza is pregnant and due just a few days after i am! and monday. i had my appointment monday morning while the kids played at my mother in law's and then i hung out with her for a few hours afterward and it just passed the day by (well, until 3:00) so fast, which was wonderful because honey was in wisconsin and not getting home til late that night.

Movement:  just sometimes i think i can feel a thing or two but i think it's just wishful thinking.  but i can clearly feel my uterus, so i'll be prepared for feeling something when the time comes.

Food cravings:  eating this week has been easier!  i made mac and cheese and struggled through it the night i made it, but ate it just great for lunch the next day.  i've been able to eat bagels and cream cheese that honey brought home from work.  apples are still lifesavers... especially at night when absolutely nothing else is sounding okay.  grapefruit are also good anytime but they're not very filling and kind of a huge pain to eat... especially when abigail and brady want me to share with them.  i've been able to drink skim milk more (i couldn't for a while because it reminded me too much of water and that grossed me out... so i could only drink thick liquids for a few days) but still rely heavily on chocolate milk.  i still always have egg nog on hand, but am doing better about not drinking it as frequently.  sunday afternoon, i did a google search on my phone for "holiday food" because those are the things i do now to lift my spirits.  at first i was going to type in "indulgent holiday food" but was afraid that would only give me desserts.  anyways, i found a link that was "50 holiday foods to avoid" or something like that and knew it was exactly what i'd want.  it was perfect.  i clicked through the pictures and everything looked so festive and delicious!  and then i got worried that i wouldn't have enough time or opportunities to eat everything on the list!  did anyone else have a sunday afternoon panic attack regarding cheese balls and beef wellington (i've had an acute interest in very rare meat since i got pregnant), or was that just me?  anyways, within an hour of that, it was late enough in the day that all food seemed disgusting and i began the debate of if i could stomach real food or if i should finish the day with an apple and chocolate milk.  how quickly those tables turn.  and normally around 4pm...  certain things though are gross all the time.... some repeat aversions from previous pregnancies, some new.  peanut butter, nutella, and bananas all require me to hold my breath and look the other way.  i can't even remember the last time i ate bread.  i can do biscuits or bagels, but no bread.  also, pears.  i can serve them to my kids and they even look kind of delicious to me... but for some reason, the idea of putting them in my mouth just seems pretty risky.  so then i just cut myself another apple.  ; )

Symptoms: nausea, horrible and persistent headaches, occasional backaches, stiff back, lightheadedness and feeling faint...  and fat.  ; )  is fat a symptom?

Gender:  my goodness!  for the first time this pregnancy, i'm considering that this could possibly be a boy.  maybe because my morning sickness is tapering off so early but also because at my monday morning appt, i looked at that blob on the ultrasound machine and thought to myself "that looks like a boy!"  who really knows?! but it sure is fun to speculate.  my big ultrasound is scheduled for jan 12th.  crazy how fast that seems!

What I miss:  right now i'm not really thinking of anything.  the headaches and headrushes are annoying but i'm giddy with happiness and excitement to be pregnant.

Milestones:  hitting 12 weeks and going public with the news?
Theme: the week of telling everyone?
What's different this time around:  same as last week i'd say.  except that i'm much fatter, much sooner and faster this time around.  i mean, i started abigail's pregnancy 16lbs heavier than i started this one, but i was noticeably pudgy around the middle by 10 weeks.  with brady i felt like i showed about the same.  i started that pregnancy 13 lbs lighter than i started abigail's so i was much thinner, which probably compensated for the fact that it was my second (although my belly stayed smaller and more compact throughout brady's pregnancy).  this time, i started the skinniest of all and was still skeleton looking at 7 weeks (specifically got a comment at church about how thin and skinny i was), but popped out and have just kept getting bigger since.  before my belly popped, when i layed on my back, my stomach sunk far, far below my hip bones and my ribs.  it really was very unnatural looking (as i said, my doctor at my first appointment kind of gasped when she saw me like that to do the ultrasound) and now, when i lay on my back, my belly is either even or above my hip bones.  i haven't taken any measurements, but my best guess is that my stomach is literally twice the thickness it was four weeks ago.  i am so amazed by this and how fast it happened.  i think it's the coolest thing ever.  

Extra:  i'm so happy!  liza shared the news sunday night that she's pregnant and due just a few days after i am!

my appointment monday morning went really well.  with kaiser, most of your prenatal appointments are with a nurse practitioner, and just a few of them are with your actual doctor (who likely will not deliver your baby... you just get whoever is on call when you go into labor).  so my last appointment was at 6.5 weeks with the np, dr. parker, who i wasn't a huge fan of.  she was clinical and cold.  she showed zero compassion or understanding for my miscarriage paranoia or that it takes us a minimum of nine months to get pregnant, which means that the very fastest i can have kids is 2.5 years apart.  she also was condescending about the fact that i'd gotten bloodwork done to check beta levels and that somehow i'd gotten an appointment at 6.5 weeks instead of waiting kaiser's standard 8.  the whole thing just made me upset and i knew i wouldn't be going back to her.  luckily, the twelve week appointment is scheduled with your actual doctor, so monday morning, i met with dr. walker.  as soon as she walked in the door, she was so excited and gushing and enthusiastic and was all "HI!!!  IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" and i smiled because i was pretty sure i hadn't met with her at all last pregnancy but i was supposed to meet with her for my 39 week appointment.  instead, i went into labor the day before, and she delivered my baby!  i remember holding brady and meeting her (the labor was fast so i didn't actually open my eyes or see her until after he was born) and saying "i was supposed to have my appointment with you tomorrow!" and she was all "oh, it's okay!  they'll go ahead and cancel it for you... you don't need to worry about it!"  so she must have looked at her records or something and seen that she delivered my previous baby.  so she asked if i had a boy or girl and what name i'd chosen and whatever and then was all "did you labor at home for a long time before you came to the hospital?!" so i told her a very condensed version of my birth story and she was loving it.  she threw out the option of getting induced at 39 weeks if i wanted (to make sure i make it to the hospital in time) but said that might not work since brady was 11 days early.  i told her i didn't want to be induced anyways and she was totally okay with that so we'll just make sure i have a plan in place for when i go into labor!  then she told me she was getting an ultrasound machine so we could check out the babe but i told her i'd prefer to opt out.  to which she quickly replied.  "i won't charge you for it!  i just get a better heart beat reading on it and i just like to take a quick peek at the baby... but i don't ever charge my patients for that.  i mean, they're like two or three hundred dollars!"  so i told her that would be okay then since it wouldn't ding my egg nog fund.  and then i felt the need to explain why i was hesitant (because i was charged for two ultrasounds at my last visit) and she was all "oh! yeah! dr. parker and i talked about that and you should be contacted soon... you won't be charged for that!"  happy day!  not sure if that means one or both, but either way, i feel better about life.  so then we watched my little babe kicking around and i just kept thinking how precious he was.  and i'm like HE?!  and then i'm like "holy crap why is he moving SO MUCH?!"  it kind of made me tired just watching it all... like my mothering instincts were already trying to get that baby to calm down and take a nap.  heart rate was 160bmp and everything measured just as it did at the last appointment.  i'm not even sure exactly what they have as my due date, but by my calculations, it's june 4th, and i'm sure their due date wouldn't be more than a day off from that.  anyways, it's all so fun and exciting.  they also had someone come in my room at the end of my appointment to give me my flu shot so now that's out of the way... and on my way out, i scheduled my 16 week appointment for dec 22nd (we leave that night on a red eye to go to costa rica) with dr. claggett.  i think i'll like her better than dr. parker.  

11.20.14 at 12 weeks

11.20.14 at 20 weeks

11.20.14 at 12 weeks

11.20.14 at 12 weeks

pictures are more fun when i have my honey take them instead of a self timer.  ; )

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately

It's because I'm pregnant. 

11 weeks

How far along:  11 weeks  (11.13.14)

Total weight gain/loss: -1 lb

Maternity clothes:  yes... but only because i wear maternity clothes as part of my regular wardrobe. my stomach has definitely gotten bigger, but i still have plenty of room in all of my pants because they were all really big on me to begin with.  

Sleep:  it can be pretty hit and miss.  i'm still getting at least 12 hours a night.  i wake up multiple times in the night but have no problem falling asleep immediately.  mostly what wakes me up is that i'm uncomfortable and trying to switch sides or get off my painful belly or something.  i'm also woken up each morning by christopher when he wakes up, again when his alarm goes off, again when he gets up to shave/shower, and again when he gets dressed and finally leaves for work.  luckily, this is all happening between 5:30 and 6, so it's still dark and i'm able to go back to sleep for another hour or two.  my dreams are still really weird although i've been too lazy to remember them or write them down.  

Best moment this week:  maybe sunday, monday, and tuesday?  because i was feeling pretty good those days!  not very nauseas, no blinding headaches, not throwing up, able to eat at least one good meal a day...  it was glorious.  i was able to clean my house and do laundry and it really just was amazing.  i also was able to start looking forward to a few things!  i've been borderline (or at times last week, just straight up) depressed so it's been hard for me to get out of bed or do things because of that... even if i'm not feeling particularly nauseas or anything.  monday night was wonderful because carolyn and bryan and their kids came over to hang out for a while and it was so fun to see them while they were in town!  tuesday was amazing because it snowed all day and so we listened to christmas music and did laundry and cleaning and just enjoyed the time inside being cozy and warm.  

Movement:  sometimes i feel like i can feel movement, but i know it's not the real deal because i'm feeling it too high in my stomach and i know my babe is down low because it's still so early in the game.

Food cravings:  i don't always hate eating.  about once a day (normally between noon and 2), i can eat something of substance and each bite isn't torture.  i've been able to eat scrambled cheese eggs on biscuits (i don't ever want to look at french bread again) but i can't handle it every day... just every few days.  also, egg nog is always incredible.  along the egg nog route, i picked up a gallon of chocolate milk last time i was at the store (because it's less fattening and far cheaper than egg nog) and it was a huge lifesaver on friday and saturday, which were both really difficult days... especially with honey being out of town from wednesday to sunday.  when i was starving but couldn't handle eating, i could drink a glass or two of chocolate milk and be okay for an hour or two.  also, sweet and crunchy apples!  i typically don't buy apples because i am so picky about them being perfectly crunchy and juicy that they normally don't live up to my standards and it just seems like an inevitable disappointment.  but apples are in season (and last week a million and one brands were on sale for $.88/lb so i got four fuji (our normal buy) and four envy apples (i thought i was buying ambrosia apples but the basket must have been mislabeled because when i got home, i noticed they all had the envy stickers).  they're normally several dollars a pound but since i price matched the sprouts ad, i went ahead and tried them.  let me tell you, they are PHENOMENAL.  there is a reason they are priced above the rest.  holy cow at how sweet and juicy and crunchy and satisfying they are.  and they don't turn brown when you slice them!  the kids have also started going crazy for them.  

Symptoms: nausea, vomiting (just once last friday around noon), acne (holy crap i look so ugly), headaches, depression, lightheadedness, 

Gender:  my feeling is completely girl.  although the morning sickness seems to hopefully be subsiding and as of today, is more similar to brady's pregnancy than abigail's.  i'll find out in like two months though! 

What I miss:  being consistently happy.  friday was horrendous, saturday was still really bad, sunday was closer to normal, monday was alright, tuesday was close to normal, and wednesday was a whole mix of crazy of waking up with a blinding headache/almost passing out while making breakfast/yelling constantly at the kids and wanting nothing to do with them/feeling giddy with excitement when talking on the phone with my mom and grandmother about my upcoming trip to georgia.  i used to sit down to start a blog post and every time would have an urge to begin, "today was amazing" but lately, it's all just hit and miss.  my life really is a box of chocolates and i never really seem to know what i'm going to get each day.  luckily though, things seem to be improving overall.

Milestones:  i hope i'm not tempting fate, but i think my morning sickness is starting to fade!!!!
Theme: the week of my pregnancy depression was banished with some snow flurries
What's different this time around:  with abigail, i despised eating and would often sit in front of a plate of food and just cry because i could not bear to eat it, despite my body being so weak and starving and it didn't let up one single second until i hit 14.5 weeks.  this time, i've been able to find (and enjoy!) food that i can eat, even if it does make me nauseas afterwards, but in the past few days have been able to spend more time out of bed than in it.  so in that regard... my pregnancy is more similar to brady's at this point.  

Extra:  i'm just through the moon excited that i have been feeling better the last couple of days.  two weeks ago, i would have for sure failed a depression questionnaire.  but this week?  not so much.  pregnancy is irrational and i've found that looking forward to christmas (which in my mind will be the week i spend in atlanta after thanksgiving) is giving me hope and motivation and the will to live.  sooo, i've embraced running my heat, checking the sub zero temperatures on my phone, watching the snow flurries out my window, checking for a blanket of snow when i wake up, drinking egg nog, listening to my bing crosby and ella fitzgerald christmas pandora station, and just generally staying warm and cozy in bed with my electric blanket.  

10 weeks

How far along:  10 weeks  (11.6.14)

Total weight gain/loss: -1.5 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes... but only because i wear maternity clothes as part of my regular wardrobe.  my pants are still plenty big on me and my shirts still have plenty of room too, although i've definitely got that spare tire look which is making me choose hoodies more often than not.  i virtually never go in public unless i absolutely have to, so most days i sit at home in my bathrobe from morning to night.  

Sleep:  not great.  don't get me wrong... i get tons of sleep (about 12 hours every night) and am not ever really tired during the day... but the actually sleeping part isn't pleasant.  it's still my escape from the day.  but lately, more often than not, it just feels like airplane sleep and i know i'm tossing and turning all night because i wake up every time i change positions.  round ligament pain is real and even though my uterus is about the size of a grapefruit, it feels like a painful rock in my belly and holy crap it makes moving extremely difficult.

Best moment this week:  i'm not sure i could pinpoint one particular moment, but i have 100% appreciated that i've been able to eat more this week and don't even eat toast anymore (it got to the point that thinking about toast made me gag) so that's been super amazing.  still hungry all the time, but my body doesn't feel so weak 24/7 anymore.

Movement:  nope... but i can feel exactly where my uterus is so i'll know where to be expecting movement from.

Food cravings:  i still have times that everything in the world sounds gross, but i have had plenty of times that i've been able to pretty easily eat food, even if it does make me feel terribly nauseous afterwards.  things i've been able to eat more than once or pretty easily include... asparagus and mushrooms (the mushrooms kind of grossed me out but i was able to persevere... the asparagus were a good taste and texture for me although after eating them three times, i had a weird all night bad dream about chewing them), sour cream noodle bake (i've eaten it once and it was okay!), scrambled cheese eggs on biscuits (because toast is grossing me out right now... i was able to eat two mini biscuits, but the third one grossed me out and i had to give it to abigail), cherry tomatoes (the ones jodi gave me were really hitting the spot... especially for something healthy... so i bought two containers of cherry tomatoes next time i went to the store.  i never buy them because they cost more than regular tomatoes but desperate times call for desperate measures), and EGG NOG.  oh holy cow how i'm loving egg nog.  i can't even get milk to taste good all the time, but egg nog has been tasting good to me every single time.  for that reason, i don't even care that it's $4.50 for a half gallon and has twice as much fat as whole milk.  we have to pay 100% for ultrasounds until we hit our deductable and they're $150 or $200.  the other day i told christopher that if my doctor wanted to do an ultrasound at my next appointment that i was going to decline because i would much rather save that $200 to buy egg nog instead.  my confused christopher told me we would be able to pay for ultrasounds and egg nog if we wanted, but i told honey, i'd just rather put that money into an egg nog fund.  finally he told me that would be okay with him if that was what i wanted.  let the pregnancy crazy begin...

Symptoms: nausea, hunger, headaches, round ligament pain, crazy dreams 

Gender:  i'm still thinking girl.  jodi texted me a picture of a little newborn cardigan that she got from old navy for $.97 with the caption "look what i found for your baby!  let's hope it's a girl!"  ha.  i read a blog post the other day of a mom who had a boy, and then with her second decided not to find out until the birth... though her intuition was positive it was a boy.  well, it turned out being a girl.  and the mom was so overwhelmed with shock.  and she even wrote that it took her the whole first week of her baby's life to get used to the fact that her baby was a girl.  first, thank goodness i'm going to find out sooner than the birth because, second, that's probably how i'll be if this is a boy.  ; )

What I miss:  not feeling crappy all the time.  having excitement and motivation for my days.

Milestones:  i'm in double digit weeks now! 
Theme: the week of holy cow my uterus hurts!
What's different this time around:  with abigail, i literally never ever, not a single time, ever enjoyed food until i was 14.5 weeks along.  i felt nauseous pretty consistently and threw up once or twice a week, but was mostly just starving all day and all night.  this time, i'm able to eat more variety and more food quantity wise, but it makes me feel soooo sick and if i don't lay down in bed and focus really hard on reading articles on my phone or something then my stomach starts clenching and my body gets ready to throw up.  it's been amazing being able to take it easy (i really think that has helped me only throw up twice so far) when i need to and that christopher is typically home at nights when things are most difficult for me.  with brady, i was able to eat pretty regularly, and it never made me nauseous like i get these days when i eat.

Extra:  i sleep so much.  friday i slept/stayed in bed til 11:50.  at noon, i got brady up, the kids got themselves bananas (they're pretty independent now since i'm almost 100% worthless) and i made us all pancakes (that was the only thing appealing to me... pancakes with butter, syrup, whipped cream, and raspberries/blackberries on top).  i ate three (they were amazingly delicious) and promptly felt so nauseous, i had to go lay down for an hour.  at two, i put brady down for a nap (even though i didn't get him out of bed til noon, i know he'd woken up much earlier and abigail had played with him in his crib for a long time) and took a shower, which left me completely exhausted and out of breath.  three hours into my day and i was completely worn out.  luckily, honey walked in the door right then (got home from out of town and came home instead of going into the office because it was so late on a friday afternoon and it was halloween).  monday morning, i showered and then stayed in my bathrobe until it was time to go to bed.  totally wore me out. 

11.9.14 at 10 weeks 3 days

11.9.14 at 10 weeks 3 days

Happy eaters

Tonight, as I was making asperagus and mushrooms, I thought to myself how wonderful it was that I wasn't even concerned about my kids eating what I served for dinner. I just already knew there would be no issues. 

I know a lot of people have kids that are very selective about what they will eat and I am grateful to not have one of those yet. I cook so infrequently and reluctantly that I'm just not to the point yet that I can handle mean words about my cooking. 

So while Brady struggled chewing the asperagus, he gnawed on it as best he could and filled up on mushrooms. And, after eating several, Abigail told me that she didn't like the yellow ones as much (mushrooms), but asked for thirds of the "green ones."  Both topped off with multiple bananas. 

Hallelujah that my kids are happy eating the same few things every day but are still also happy to try new things when they come. In our month of gratitude, this is something for which I am truly grateful. 

Ps- also truly grateful for pride and prejudice. Best movie ever ever ever ever.   

Can't win

This morning I though I was going to be an awesome mom and suggest making cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Abigail's response?

No. 

Turns out, she just wants to make a birthday cake. For her birthday. Which is in July. 

So much for being a fun mom. Now I'm just the mom that's telling her she can't have cake for breakfast and she doesn't get a princess cake until mid July. 

Can't win. 

Her counter... "Well can we go to the pool when Brady wakes up?!" 

Um, no. Stop making such difficult requests.