lovin' life: 12 weeks

How far along: 12 weeks (11.20.14 - MY BIRTHDAY!!!)

Total weight gain/loss: -.5 lb

Maternity clothes: only the maternity stuff that i keep in my closet all the time. all of my clothes are still fitting fine, but anything that's not a hoodie makes me look like a fatty with a spare tire. i don't fully look pregnant, i just look like i've got a bowl full of jelly. it's been easy enough to hide for the most part because 1. i'm antisocial these days and never go in public and 2. it's been below freezing and i can wear hoodies that completely conceal my bump and 3. i've only had one month of sundays of concealing the bump (since i popped out at 7.5 weeks... i think) and i've been able to wear skirts that sit at my actual waist and act as a corset and paired with a blousy shirt, it gives the illusion that my waist is smaller than my top... which it is not anymore. the happy news is that i haven't gotten bigger anywhere else... including my chest. just this tub of lard in my belly.

Sleep: ever so slightly better maybe? i still have weird dreams, and i'm still conscious of being awake during the night to switch sides or if i'm squishing my belly, but really, it's not horrendous. i'm more and more frequently waking up when chris does (anytime after five) and never fully going back to sleep after that. the plus side is that i've been able to say goodbye to him when he leaves for work and i like that because otherwise i don't get to see him until night time. dreams are still really weird but i forget them really quickly. a memorable one from this week was when i'd stolen a car with the four guys from impractical jokers and the five of us were running away from cops all the time just like in gone in 60 seconds. that was one of the less weird dreams of the night though. there was a dream or two when i was running from people trying to kill me. always glad to wake up from those. also, not really pregnancy related but it's kind of a huge deal in my life right now... i think my electric blanket is giving out on me. my electric blanket is probably my most valued possession so this is a big deal. luckily, my birthday and christmas are coming up... so i might just need to get a new one.

Best moment this week: sunday night... finding out that liza is pregnant and due just a few days after i am! and monday. i had my appointment monday morning while the kids played at my mother in law's and then i hung out with her for a few hours afterward and it just passed the day by (well, until 3:00) so fast, which was wonderful because honey was in wisconsin and not getting home til late that night.

Movement: just sometimes i think i can feel a thing or two but i think it's just wishful thinking. but i can clearly feel my uterus, so i'll be prepared for feeling something when the time comes.

Food cravings: eating this week has been easier! i made mac and cheese and struggled through it the night i made it, but ate it just great for lunch the next day. i've been able to eat bagels and cream cheese that honey brought home from work. apples are still lifesavers... especially at night when absolutely nothing else is sounding okay. grapefruit are also good anytime but they're not very filling and kind of a huge pain to eat... especially when abigail and brady want me to share with them. i've been able to drink skim milk more (i couldn't for a while because it reminded me too much of water and that grossed me out... so i could only drink thick liquids for a few days) but still rely heavily on chocolate milk. i still always have egg nog on hand, but am doing better about not drinking it as frequently. sunday afternoon, i did a google search on my phone for "holiday food" because those are the things i do now to lift my spirits. at first i was going to type in "indulgent holiday food" but was afraid that would only give me desserts. anyways, i found a link that was "50 holiday foods to avoid" or something like that and knew it was exactly what i'd want. it was perfect. i clicked through the pictures and everything looked so festive and delicious! and then i got worried that i wouldn't have enough time or opportunities to eat everything on the list! did anyone else have a sunday afternoon panic attack regarding cheese balls and beef wellington (i've had an acute interest in very rare meat since i got pregnant), or was that just me? anyways, within an hour of that, it was late enough in the day that all food seemed disgusting and i began the debate of if i could stomach real food or if i should finish the day with an apple and chocolate milk. how quickly those tables turn. and normally around 4pm... certain things though are gross all the time.... some repeat aversions from previous pregnancies, some new. peanut butter, nutella, and bananas all require me to hold my breath and look the other way. i can't even remember the last time i ate bread. i can do biscuits or bagels, but no bread. also, pears. i can serve them to my kids and they even look kind of delicious to me... but for some reason, the idea of putting them in my mouth just seems pretty risky. so then i just cut myself another apple. ; )

Symptoms: nausea, horrible and persistent headaches, occasional backaches, stiff back, lightheadedness and feeling faint... and fat. ; ) is fat a symptom?

Gender: my goodness! for the first time this pregnancy, i'm considering that this could possibly be a boy. maybe because my morning sickness is tapering off so early but also because at my monday morning appt, i looked at that blob on the ultrasound machine and thought to myself "that looks like a boy!" who really knows?! but it sure is fun to speculate. my big ultrasound is scheduled for jan 12th. crazy how fast that seems!

What I miss: right now i'm not really thinking of anything. the headaches and headrushes are annoying but i'm giddy with happiness and excitement to be pregnant.

Milestones: hitting 12 weeks and going public with the news?
Theme: the week of telling everyone?
What's different this time around: same as last week i'd say. except that i'm much fatter, much sooner and faster this time around. i mean, i started abigail's pregnancy 16lbs heavier than i started this one, but i was noticeably pudgy around the middle by 10 weeks. with brady i felt like i showed about the same. i started that pregnancy 13 lbs lighter than i started abigail's so i was much thinner, which probably compensated for the fact that it was my second (although my belly stayed smaller and more compact throughout brady's pregnancy). this time, i started the skinniest of all and was still skeleton looking at 7 weeks (specifically got a comment at church about how thin and skinny i was), but popped out and have just kept getting bigger since. before my belly popped, when i layed on my back, my stomach sunk far, far below my hip bones and my ribs. it really was very unnatural looking (as i said, my doctor at my first appointment kind of gasped when she saw me like that to do the ultrasound) and now, when i lay on my back, my belly is either even or above my hip bones. i haven't taken any measurements, but my best guess is that my stomach is literally twice the thickness it was four weeks ago. i am so amazed by this and how fast it happened. i think it's the coolest thing ever.

Extra: i'm so happy! liza shared the news sunday night that she's pregnant and due just a few days after i am!

my appointment monday morning went really well. with kaiser, most of your prenatal appointments are with a nurse practitioner, and just a few of them are with your actual doctor (who likely will not deliver your baby... you just get whoever is on call when you go into labor). so my last appointment was at 6.5 weeks with the np, dr. parker, who i wasn't a huge fan of. she was clinical and cold. she showed zero compassion or understanding for my miscarriage paranoia or that it takes us a minimum of nine months to get pregnant, which means that the very fastest i can have kids is 2.5 years apart. she also was condescending about the fact that i'd gotten bloodwork done to check beta levels and that somehow i'd gotten an appointment at 6.5 weeks instead of waiting kaiser's standard 8. the whole thing just made me upset and i knew i wouldn't be going back to her. luckily, the twelve week appointment is scheduled with your actual doctor, so monday morning, i met with dr. walker. as soon as she walked in the door, she was so excited and gushing and enthusiastic and was all "HI!!! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" and i smiled because i was pretty sure i hadn't met with her at all last pregnancy but i was supposed to meet with her for my 39 week appointment. instead, i went into labor the day before, and she delivered my baby! i remember holding brady and meeting her (the labor was fast so i didn't actually open my eyes or see her until after he was born) and saying "i was supposed to have my appointment with you tomorrow!" and she was all "oh, it's okay! they'll go ahead and cancel it for you... you don't need to worry about it!" so she must have looked at her records or something and seen that she delivered my previous baby. so she asked if i had a boy or girl and what name i'd chosen and whatever and then was all "did you labor at home for a long time before you came to the hospital?!" so i told her a very condensed version of my birth story and she was loving it. she threw out the option of getting induced at 39 weeks if i wanted (to make sure i make it to the hospital in time) but said that might not work since brady was 11 days early. i told her i didn't want to be induced anyways and she was totally okay with that so we'll just make sure i have a plan in place for when i go into labor! then she told me she was getting an ultrasound machine so we could check out the babe but i told her i'd prefer to opt out. to which she quickly replied. "i won't charge you for it! i just get a better heart beat reading on it and i just like to take a quick peek at the baby... but i don't ever charge my patients for that. i mean, they're like two or three hundred dollars!" so i told her that would be okay then since it wouldn't ding my egg nog fund. and then i felt the need to explain why i was hesitant (because i was charged for two ultrasounds at my last visit) and she was all "oh! yeah! dr. parker and i talked about that and you should be contacted soon... you won't be charged for that!" happy day! not sure if that means one or both, but either way, i feel better about life. so then we watched my little babe kicking around and i just kept thinking how precious he was. and i'm like HE?! and then i'm like "holy crap why is he moving SO MUCH?!" it kind of made me tired just watching it all... like my mothering instincts were already trying to get that baby to calm down and take a nap. heart rate was 160bmp and everything measured just as it did at the last appointment. i'm not even sure exactly what they have as my due date, but by my calculations, it's june 4th, and i'm sure their due date wouldn't be more than a day off from that. anyways, it's all so fun and exciting. they also had someone come in my room at the end of my appointment to give me my flu shot so now that's out of the way... and on my way out, i scheduled my 16 week appointment for dec 22nd (we leave that night on a red eye to go to costa rica) with dr. claggett. i think i'll like her better than dr. parker.