Bambaid

There are few things I love more than when Abigail says "bambaid."  And lately she's been saying it even more often. Because apparently bambaid doesn't just mean bandaid. It also means headband and rubber band. So I guess just any multi-syllabic word with "band" in it. 

It's so endearing. 

Little diva in polka dots

I won't lie, Abigail kinda drives me crazy these days. Luckily, I still find her pretty cute. And it's still fun to dress her up for church. Even if she fights me on her clothes and really just wants to wear her "bird bambaid" (aka bird headband) instead of what I've chosen for her. Somehow, we make it through each day alive. 

Combined Hillier birthday celebration

And I killed the supply

*This is heartbreaking for me and incredibly difficult for me to write about... but I feel like I should, so here I am.*

Earlier this week I got serious about weaning Brady. My Christopher and I are going on a trip after New Years and are leaving the kids with my wonderful parents. So that gave me a very definite deadline of when I would need to be done nursing Brady. I got such anxiety about it I actually toyed with the idea of moving our trip back a few months. But it didn't really make any sense. And would be way more expensive and complicated. So I had to suck it up and get myself okay with the fact that I was going to miss out on a few extra moths of nursing. There are few things in this world that I love as much as nursing. I cried a whole lot when I weaned Abigail. And she was over a year old. I would have kept going longer with her but there were other factors involved. It still ended up being a somewhat slow and leisurely process though and I didn't even record any of it. Just like how it pains me to write this right now. It's not very fun to write about hard things. 

Well Brady turns one on the 18th. And we will be spending Christmas in Atlanta this year. So I thought I should probably have him done by the time we leave for Atlanta. Although I have full intentions of nursing him on his birthday. As a gift to myself. Being only a month out, I got serious and for a few days, only nursed him once or twice a day (and not even full nursing.. Or nursing only on one side). It was uncomfortable for a day or two but then my body was fine. And Brady was doing just fine. I've been absolutely horrible about being consistent and giving him a sippy but luckily it hasn't phased him... He's taken a sippy great every time I've ever given it to him. And this week he's been awesome with it. He's totally fine with me weaning him. Occasionally he'll pull at my collar or something and I know he's kinda confused like "hey, I just woke up... Aren't you forgetting to feed me?!" But even that is infrequent. His wake time is so long (I've transitioned him to just one nap so that it coincides with Abigail's crib time and makes my life a little easier) that I normally nursed him before and after he woke up. So sometimes he seems to need to nurse before falling asleep but in that case, I take him to the brightly lit guest room and nurse him for second (sometimes literally seconds) and then take him back to his room, give him some sips of water and then he's good. The plus side to this whole situation is that I'm confident he'll do well for my mom while I'm gone. I think night feedings will be the trickiest part of this all but I'm not terribly worried (knock on wood) about that since everything so far is going better than anticipated. 

The downside?  I successfully killed my supply. It's there but not really. I wish I'd waited another week or two to do this. But I couldn't chance it if things didn't go smoothly. And I love and appreciate my mother too much for that. So hindsight is 20/20. But I know even if I waited til the very last minute, I'd still be this sad. At least now I have more time to emotionally prepare for things. 

I'm happy for Brady to be independent and graduate to the next stage of life. I'm excited for Chris to be an equal parent (sadly, a nursing baby really isn't going to consider his parents totally equal) to Brady. I'm excited to ummm... uhhhh... ehhh, okay that's all I've got. 

I'm really not excited at all. I'm just terribly, horribly sad. I haven't cried yet but I'm sure that will come soon enough. I'm still kinda in denial. 

But really I can only move forward on this. And for that reason, I would just like to magically be pregnant again so I can create another baby to nurse. I like my body just fine, but when my body is creating or feeding a baby?  That's as good as it gets. It doesn't get anymore special or powerful or spiritual or godly than that. I'm not ready to be ordinary again quite yet. 

2013 Christmas village

Christopher woke abigail up early this morning and took her to building cleanup. They love it. Abigail especially. I know it's lame but I always just stay home with Brady. Someday we will all clean the church together as a family. Right now, it's just a father daughter activity and something Abigail really looks forward to. 

Anyways, the two of them came home talking about setting up our Christmas village. Well, as much as I love our Christmas village, I hate setting it up. So that's what honey attemptedwith  baby girl and a c o n s t a n t l y screaming Brady. He's been pretty good lately but holy cow is that kid a mama's boy. Cries if I leave the room, even if Christopher is holding him. Today he got to crying and screaming so uncontrollably and nothing Christopher did calmed him in the least. Finally I took a break from sorting clothes and got Brady and of course he stopped crying immediately. Still took him a solid ten minutes to catch his breath and recover his breathing from being so upset. Poor Brady and poor honey. But what a great trooper!  Setting up my village and taking care of both kids so I could organize in peace!  What a great day! 

My honey and I have disagreed this year about where to set up the Christmas village. We didn't set it up last year because I was pregnant/had a newborn and didn't want extra work or something else to worry about. I was sure Abigail would try to play with it when I was taking care of Brady and she would break t and get hurt. Soooo, we didn't get it out. The year before, we set it up on our kitchen counters. It was fun and easy to look at but it made cooking a real pain. So I nixed that idea for this year. We brainstormed a whole ton of ideas (and disagreed on our preferences) but in the end, my honey went along with what I wanted to do... For the most part. Let me tell you... It is difficult to find a good option with a mobile baby! 

So honey got it all set up and I love it. It's not as impressive looking as if we'd displayed it another way, but I love that I can see it and enjoy it so easily from most of the main part of the house. And don't have to worry about Brady or abigail getting into it. Once we get our Christmas tree up, it's all going to be amazing. So much Christmas spirit in that room. 

And in case you're thinking this is early... Abigail and I have been listening to Christmas music for over a month already. I blame our library for putting out Christmas CDs at the beginning of October. But actually, I love it. We may have to do this next year too. 

Organizing

I love organizing. Sadly, I haven't really been doing any for the past two years. But lately I have the time and focus and energy for it and it's wonderful. I've been organizing the garage, our food storage, junk drawers, kitchen pantry cabinets, Brady's room, and random other smaller things. I've also been tackling our yard. Today I did a complete overhaul on Abigail's closet. She's so skinny and small that she can wear clothes for multiple years, which makes packing away clothes a huge huge pain. She has some cardigans that she's been wearing for two years straight. Most are size 18 months but some are smaller like size 6-9 months (kids clothing sizes are such a joke)so I've struggled with the best way to pack things away and keep stuff organized should I (cross my fingers) have another girl. 

The details are boring but let it be known, this was a huge, all day task. It feels so good to have Abigail's dresser and closet all cleaned out and only having the clothes out that currently fit. And having a whole drawer with her next summer's wardrobe all ready for her. This is the first I've really had to buy a whole set of clothes for her (we've gotten tons an tons of hand me downs and have just had to fill in the blanks here and there with a pair of boots or something). I got all of her new stuff for next summer on super sale (or free from kohls) and just tried to buy cheap stuff ($5 target, walmart, and old navy shirts) for her to wear this winter. Anyways, I think we are set for the time being (with the exception of maybe boots and a church outfit) and it feels goooood. Clothes are a pain. 

Anyways, I need more gray storage bins and I can keep conquering my house! Little by little I swear it'll happen! 

And then I went to the basement and brought up all of Abigail's previous boxes of clothes so I could repack them in gray storage bins (instead of mismatched flimsy awkward cardboard boxes) and that was an even bigger project. Didn't make any pictures of that but ohhh the panic attacks that almost happened. 

I can't believe how many baby girl clothes we have. Hallelujah for the generosity of others!

28

And just like that... I'm 28. 

I won't lie, this wasn't my most spectacular birthday ever (i already knew the likelihood of topping last year was slim to none) but it wasn't terrible either. I got tons of texts and phone calls and voicemails messages and happy birthday songs and  treats and the works from loving family and friends and Facebook stranger friends. 

Today included watching Abigail's two best friends, countless meltdowns from my favorite three year old, a wonderfully happy and well behaved Brady boy, date night with my honey (pita and tomato feta bisque), and shopping with a sleepy but obliging husband. 

And juuuuust barely, snow!  Tomorrow is going to be gorgeous! I'm excited for tomorrow. And all the other days this coming year. 28 is going to be amazing... I just know it. 

Life is good

It was about this time two years ago that I was so extremely overwhelmed with the blessings in my life. I prayed long and hard every night for Heavenly Father to bless me with opportunities to serve so that I could be even just a tiny bit more worthy of the many many many blessings in my life. 

A month later, I got called as the young women president. Then a few months after that, I got pregnant with Brady. 

Both huge blessings and huge opportunities to serve. Also, hugely taxing on me. 

It's been almost a month since I was released from my calling. I won't lie, it feels as amazing as ever. I love seeing my young women in the hallways at church. I love hearing them say "sister Hillier, we miss you!" and just saying "I love you and miss you too!" without feeling the weight of their eternal salvation on my shoulders. The weight of that calling was crushing. In a blinding sort of way. But now, the fog has lifted, I can think clearly again, I feel as light as air. 

I have a new calling now... On the welcoming committee. I wanted this calling so badly. And was thrilled beyond belief when I actually got it. I'm doing as much as I can for it and am loving every second of it. But my biggest complaint?  It's not enough. Once again, I'm having those feelings come back. Those overwhelming feelings of gratitude and being so undeserving and inadequate. 

I'm reluctant to pray for those service opportunities like I did last time because that got me a hefty calling and a challenging child. ; )

But really, how am I supposed to handle this?  It quite literally keeps me awake at night.

Life is good. Way way way too good. 

Happy Sunday!  Who's excited for Monday?!  It's gonna be a great week. 

Free zoo playground

Last night at the relief society activity I had a friend ask if we wanted to join her for free zoo day. Why yes, thank you!

On our way home from the zoo Abigail told me her favorite part of the zoo was the playground. 

And that's why we don't pay for the zoo. 

Although I must say that Abigail also enjoyed her map. And navigating us to the elephants. And excitedly telling me, "look!!! Looook!!!  Do you see that?!?!  It's water!!!  Will you hold me up so I can see that other water over there too?!"  

So, I guess we call that a success. 

Organizing food storage

Y'know when you're on vacation and staying at a hotel or resort... And your room just magically gets clean throughout the day?  Messed up bed from your afternoon nap... Magically made and turned down for you when you return after dinner. 

Well I feel like that with my house... But in reverse. Like I do a whole ton of laundry and then look in the full hamper and think "who on earth put all those clothes there?!  And how did it fill up so fast?!" or I wonder how my bed got unmade or how all those dirty dishes got in my sink. 

Well despite me being a self-proclaimed neat and tidy person...

this was my kitchen this morning. 

I'm working on organizing and filling in our short term food storage and got a bunch of stuff at Costco last week and a whole ton of stuff at the grocery store yesterday. And then I just didn't have time to put it away and I needed to organize my basement first. So there it all sat... in my kitchen. 

Well, it took all day but I managed to make a huge dent in my food storage organization of the basement and actually do my kitchen pantry cabinets too. 

And don't worry, I eventually tackled those dishes and swept the floor. 

But how does this happen?!  Because I'm sure I'll be telling this same story in another month or so. 

Anyways, none of that is important or matters at all. More notable things from the day include:

My dad's birthday!!!  I have the best dad ever. I had so much fun talking with him on the phone. And Abigail loved talking with him too. Such a Chatty Cathy. 

Abigail played with Elle. Jodi asked if we wanted to go to the playground but I told her I was too busy tackling my house. So she picked up Abigail and dropped her off a few hours later. I put Brady down for nap right after Abigail left and I had two hours to work on food storage. It's amazing how much more efficient things are without kids!  And I didn't have to feel guilty about ignoring Abigail because I knew she was having a blast with Elle. While they were at the playground, Elle was all "Abigail, hey, Abigail. Hey Abigail... I love you."  And all the time, Abigail prays for Elle and says that she's thankful for her. Apparently Elle does it too. So precious. 

My honey is so crazy busy. Last week he went to a bunch of different places. This week he was in Milwaukee on Tuesday. Left at 4am and got back by 10. So on the phone today I told my dad I didn't think Christopher had to travel anymore this week. But after I got off the phone I remembered he's actually gone again tomorrow. Waking up at 4 to fly to Vegas and drive to Saint George. And he'll fly in tomorrow evening and go straight to the church for what's left of the auxiliary training he has to go to. Poor guy. I'm so glad my days just include hanging out with our kids. My job is so much better than his. 

I am so super pumped for our relief society activity tomorrow night. It's about how to keep Christmas about Christ and creating Christ-centered traditions and stuff. And our rs president is great. I told her I wanted to attend but that Chris had that eq training and she arranged for a nursery for my kids and anyone else that may have a conflict. Abigail will be thriiiiiilled. I just need to make sure she gets a nap in. 

Because today I didn't bother with a nap because she was playing with Elle and baby girl had a mini melt down during/about/after dinner. I was about to lose my patience but managed to just talk to her about it instead. Turns out she was exhausted. She asked me if she could just be done with everything and go upstairs to sleep. At 6:30. Some mothers are really in tune with how their kids are doing. I am not. I need to be better at recognizing baby girl's needs and deciphering her actions and emotions. Three is such a tough age sometimes. 

Aaaannnnnndddddd we're on the countdown... Less than a week before my birthday!  I'm getting old. 

saturday

saturday morning was supposed to be palling around (to see chris's grandma and then have lunch with my aunt libby) with mom and the kids but friday night after lisa's show, mother started feeling sick and spent the rest of the night (until morning) throwing up and feeling terrible.  sooo, we were initially hoping it was just some dinner that didn't sit right but it became apparent that it was some sort of 24 hour bug.  so saturday morning abigail and brady and i slept in til 9 or so but then discovered that mom was sick and i'm not authorized to drive the rental car (and dad was at church training all day... their reason for the visit to utah).  so then i was going over as many options as possible of how to best use our remaining hours in utah.  the thing that worked out was calling chris's aunt (see... i married into the family and just treat them as my own) and explaining the situation.  so she came by the hotel to pick up me and the kids and we all went to grandma virginia's house for a nice visit.  i am 100% in love with chris's grandma virginia (my father in law's mother) because she is absolutely adorable.  her voice is sweet and her mannerisms are sweet and she's funny (my favorite is that she always says "i'm going mental" because she's lost much of her memory) but really because she is an absolute saint.  really, everyone that knows her will tell you the same thing.  when we were deciding potential names for abigail, we were trying to figure out a way to name her after grandma virginia.  but with a name like belva virginia... it wasn't happening.  but brady's middle name is robert (for grandpa hillier) so that's our link to these precious grandparents.

anyways, grandma virginia lives alone now and can barely see.  i can only imagine how lonely that must get.  i wasn't aware she knew i was going to stop by, but when i went to her house and saw this on her calendar, my heart melted and i was so grateful that i was able to find a way to get the kids and myself over for a visit.

yes, hillier is misspelled.  and yes, that is her last name too.  i told you she's precious.

 

 

chris's aunt is always giving abigail tons of clothes and dresses and stuff and this time she brought clothes and shoes but also this minnie mouse hair set.  brady's is the curling iron.  they had fun with it while we were visiting.

now tell me this isn't the sweetest thing ever.  and see grandma virginia's shirt?  when we got out of the car abigail was freaking out because she and grandma have the same shirt.  she was talking about the sweater she was wearing in this post.  love it.

i adore this woman.  through and through.  her heart is really as pure as they come and she is one in a million.

and then we got back to the airport at 12:30, just in time to check in on my mom in the hotel room and get our stuff to the curb to wait for my aunt libby to come pick us up and take us to the airport.  the plan was for all of us to go out to lunch... but i guess hitching a ride to the airport is second place.  

this was the setup i used to single handedly get all of us and our stuff to the counter to check in.  that cheap stroller doesn't steer with one hand (especially with 100+lbs of stuff on it) so i was awkwardly squat pulling the stroller (by the carseat) and my rolling carry-on bag.  and i got plenty of audible "she's got her hands full" comments from people amused by the spectacle i was putting on.  also, i asked abigail to stand by the bag and smile.  this is what she gave me.

have no fear.  brady was doing fine under there!

and i'm so sad i missed temple square!  next time for sure.  maybe i'll even take advantage of the free shuttle!

 my honey and mark, john, and nate arrived at the other end of A, so we waited by the escalator for a minute and met up with them.  abigail was thrilled. 

honey told me all about his crazy week (because this was the first time we'd actually talked all week) as we drove home... with a quick stop by the office so he could pick up a few things.  of course both kids passed out in the car.  and going right along with tradition, brady woke up when we arrived and abigail stayed fast asleep.  i let her keep sleeping in the garage for an hour or two and finally unbuckled her and carried her up to her crib.  she woke up when i put her in but was fine once i brought up her pink nalgene sippy (ocd much?) and... slept until 9 am the following morning.  almost 16 hours straight.  this trip wore her out.  brady, on the other hand, didn't go to sleep til after ten.  and woke up at 2:30, didn't go back to sleep for 45 minutes, and then was up again by 9.  that kid.

when we got home, i started the search for my keys, which i'd put in a "safe place" during the trip.  emptying out my purse looking for my keys, i found the rest of my ruby snap cookie and was just savoring a bite when...

i got this text.

fyi, i did NOT text her a picture of my mouth.

 but really, i am soooo craving another maris right now.  apparently you can buy the frozen dough balls and bake them yourself... which is what lisa was eating.  a little less expensive... and you can eat it hot.  mmmm.  

 

 

and then i called lisa up on the phone and made her talk to me for an hour.  because i missed her so badly.  and because i have a hard time returning home from trips.  it's always extremely bittersweet for me.  and christopher wasn't there to comfort me (when we got home and i was looking for my keys, he realized he left his ipad on the plane in the pocket of the seat back in front of him.  so he had to call the airline and go back to pick it up.  annoying mistake but thankfully it wasn't lost for good!

so that's a wrap!  this took way too long but 24 hours after our return... and my whole three day trip is documented!  now i can relive it whenever i want!  i'm already trying to figure out when i can sneak away to utah again... who knew it could be so insanely fun out there?!?!  i'm in love.