an hour ago, i found myself scrubbing footie pjs and being so thankful for those tender mercy footies.
last night around 9 o clock, i started getting an upset stomach. by the time i put elizabeth to bed around 9:30 (church really throws off her schedule), i was feeling seriously sick like i might throw up any minute. eventually, while laying on the floor of our powder room, i was thankfully able to throw up (into a plastic bag, because that's my favorite) and start feeling better. i wasn't 100%, but i was good enough to fall asleep. i woke up at 3 (i think i heard a kid but i guess they must have fallen back asleep because i waited and nothing came of it) and still felt queasy but so thirsty so i got up and got a drink. when i got back to bed, i was pretty awake and allllmost checked my phone (because i hate laying there super awake), but had this thought that i really should close my eyes because i needed sleep. so i did that. thank goodness.
because a little before five, brady woke up. this is pretty normal. he was standing at the top of the stairs crying and calling for me. this is also very normal. he was crying out "mom! i pooped in my undies!!!" this is not at all normal. i rolled out of bed and walked up the stairs to help him. he was stressed out. i smelled him. there was definitely poop. i peeked in the neck of his footie pjs. oh holy fountain of crap, what the heck happened in there?!?! i had brady walk ever so gingerly the few feet to the bathroom which caused him even more stress. he was walking like he felt gross. well of course, poop in undies. but the real disgustingness became apparent to me when i saw that he was leaving wet footprints on the tile floor of the bathroom as he walked to the tub... and left a nice little brown footprint on our bathmat. i am not prepared for this. i panicked for a bit. where do i even start?!?! i helped brady to step in the dry bathtub and started to unzip his pjs. oh this is so much worse than i previously thought. how does this keep going downhill so fast for me?! i can't even describe the poop situation that was hiding in those footie pjs. the little thomas undies had overflowed with poop (or maybe it just oozed out since it's just thin cotton... I HAVE NO IDEA HOW... it seriously defies the laws of physics) and smeared down his legs, and POOLED in the feet of his footie pjs which explains why he was so grossed out to walk. it was like he was walking in socks full of mud. everything was like mud. everything from his belly button on down was covered. when we were in costa rica last christmas, we went to hot springs one day and did a mud bath where you get fistfuls of soft mud and rub it over your body (i only did my legs because you're supposed to rinse it off with freezing cold water and i wasn't up for that) and this was just like that. it was like tiny diarrhea fairies had come in and given him a mudbath while he was sleeping. i had to stop because, oh my gosh, where was i supposed to put my hands?!
i ran downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a pair of disposable latex gloves (that i keep on hand for emergency situations like this. i also grabbed a handful of plastic grocery bags. with my gloves on, i was able to help brady step out of the pjs. he was so grossed out. i started to take off his undies but... i couldn't. there was so much liquid poop in there that would literally just pour out into my tub... which was not only disgusting... it just wasn't practical. because for the past month or two, that tub has been draining really slowly. which isn't normally a problem because i just give my kids baths in it. not normally a problem except when my parents visit and need to shower in a bath that drains (sorry mother!) or when i need to wash down a whole lotta poop. anyway... that wasn't an option. i couldn't get poop in the tub. so i got a plastic bag and opened it up and had brady step inside of it. then he begged me not to take his undies off. so i ran downstairs and grabbed scissors. i'd already decided that the undies wouldn't make it, so it made sense to cut them off. brady was so freaked out by the nasty feeling of it all that he was almost in tears again thinking about sliding off his underwear. he was relieved that i could cut them. except that when i got the scissors, i realized i couldn't. only two inches or so of one hip were clean. nothing else. so i couldn't cut the other hip without getting the scissors dirty and having to throw those away too. i apologized to him and told him we would get through this together. ; ) standing in the plastic bag, i helped brady pull the underwear off into the bag while he stepped into the bath tub. and then i used a million wipes to wipe him down (spoiler alert: it didn't work) and then wipe the bottom of the tub as well. with pj's in one bag (to decide on later) and underwear/wipes/paper towels from cleaning the tile floor in the other (to throw away), i gave brady a preliminary bath. the water was disgusting. and then we had to wait forever for it to drain while i explained to brady that he needed another bath and if he wasn't so cute, i would have sent him on his way with the underwear.
well, eventually i got him cleaned up (still wearing my gloves, thank goodness) and he wanted regular clothes... not pj's. whelp... i guess we're up for the day now. fantastic.
tender mercies:
that brady was on the little crib mattress on abigail's floor instead of on our guest bed that would require a ton more laundry and doesn't have a waterproof mattress pad.
that brady was wearing underwear that i had no problem throwing away. we've gotten a lot of use out of it... it's time to let go.
that brady's pj's were fleece. had they been any other material, i would have had to chuck them.
that brady was wearing footie pj's. what if he was wearing regular cotton pj pants. or basketball shorts even?!?! as revolting as it was to clean out his pj's (because i decided to save them), i am so glad he was wearing fleece to hold in the poop and footies to extra hold in the poop. this would have been a freaking blood bath of diarrhea if he'd been wearing pjs that opened at the waist and ankles.
also... that our trash day is monday and this didn't have to sit in my garage at all. straight to the curb it went!
soooooo much to be grateful for that i can't even get over it.
also, i probably shouldn't have saved the pjs. i had to work up my courage to open that bag and tackle them. i started with them just regular and then eventually turned the feet inside out to clean them with scalding hot water (have i ever expressed how much i love the utility sink in our laundry room??? that thing has seen so much poop, it's ridiculous)... it was at that point that i thought "holy cow this is waaaaay worse than i even remember it! i should have thrown these away for sure!" but i was already invested and had cleaned too much poop to back out at that point. then my poop cleaning (thank goodness i still have a couple of gloves left because now i'm down to only one!) would have been for naught! i hand washed them a few times with scalding water and fels naptha and then ran them through the wash twice. they still have a faint hint of nastiness on them so i plan to keep washing them and doing oxiclean soaks. that way i can remember the fond memories of this night. i talked to mom about it on the phone and couldn't stop laughing. seriously... it was insane.
so, one for the books. the nastiest thing i've dealt with thus far in my five little years of motherhood. it was great.
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