awkwards

life is wonderful not being in high school or college or basically anything that was my life before this.  nothing is required of me in my day to day life that puts me in really awkward or uncomfortable situations.  like the anxiety i'd get before physics class because that teacher was so unpredictable and rude.  it's so great now that i'd kinda even forgotten awkward situations exist.  well, they do.  because i've experienced a lot of them the past few days.  and for the sake of briefness, we'll just take a moment to review a couple of the many awkwards i've experienced today...  

our special ward conference ward council this morning with stake leaders when i seriously let my mind wander for two seconds (of course i was just thinking about baby girl and hoping that she was still sleeping nice for the babysitter... honey and i both needed to be at this ward council so we had someone come over to watch our kid) and the stake presidency member that was talking asked for my thoughts on the subject and i literally was speechless.  after the seven longest seconds of my life i stumbled over some random mumblings of not having anything to add or something.  i have NO CLUE what i said but seeing the faces of six men in suits (our bishop and counselors and our stake president and counselors) all in a row, waiting for my response... along with the rest of the ward council... time froze and i hope everyone has since forgotten about that.  SO INSANELY AWKWARD.

and during that same ward council at the beginning when we were doing introductions.  my only responsibility was to say "my name is carrie hillier.  i'm the young women president."  simple, right?  wrong.  i got almost entirely through telling them i was young women secretary before i caught myself and was like ummm nope... just kidding... i'm the pres.  and apparently i'm also too socially awkward to introduce myself to small groups of people where i already know every single person present on a personal level.  and there were seriously less than 20 people there.  UGH.

when i had to say the closing prayer during the sacrament meeting of our ward conference and i was so nervous that i really don't know if what i was saying even made any sense.  i had public speaking in general but at church it's that much worse because it's so easy to stumble on your words and accidentally say something apostate or just plain doctrinally wrong.  prayers are no exception.

during our special combined ward conference young womens third hour when somehow we had two spotlights scheduled during opening exercises.  it's a tradition that when a girl has a birthday her mom will come in and spotlight her for a minute or two and when a leader has a birthday her husband will come in.  well... a girl and her step mom both had birthdays last week so they were both spotlighted this week.  since the girl's mom lives in a different ward she came to our ward this sunday special... just to do the spotlight.  so here's what went down.  the girl's dad got up and spotlighted his new cute wife (my 2nd counselor), professing his love for her and all of the reasons he loves and admires her so much and why she's so great.  it would have been awesome except that that guy's ex wife is in the room.  which isn't even a HUGE deal except that she had to get up right after hearing her ex husband say all these things about his new wife, and then spotlight the daughter they conceived and raised together.  the awkwardness was so suffocatingly overhwhelming.  i wanted to die.  i felt so bad for all of them.  for the mom having to listen to all of that stuff her ex husband said about his new wife.  for the husband for having to say that in front of his ex wife.  for the new wife who's in plain sight the whole time because she's up front with the presidency.  for the daughter because if i was in that much pain watching all of them she had to have felt it too.  it's your birthday!  let's spotlight you and the fact that your family broke and is still getting over that hurdle.  i seriously tried to head off that situation when i realized what was happening during sacrament meeting but wasn't able to find the dad at church second hour (he was subbing for some random sunday school class apparently) and by the time i found him, he was already sitting in the very front of young womens and there was no way to do it without making a scene.  ugh it's all i've been able to think about.  i seriously feel so terrible.

tonight while i was at the priest laurel fireside (again, it was just for ward conference) tonight sitting on the sofa between two of my young women when i told them "i'm putting my phone on silent... make sure yours is too."  and then literally the second before we started singing the opening hymn (and it was a capella because we were meeting at someone's house), my phone busts out loud and clear with a new text alert.  awesome.  in a room of teenagers and our bishopric and stake presidency, it's MY phone that goes off.  i SWEAR i just put it on silent but i guess i didn't click "ok" or something.

whatever, just add it to the list.