Friday, May 20, 2016

Back to the grind

As expected, today was rough. It started fine and I woke up next to Brady and he slept til 9:30 and I didn't get Elizabeth up til 10:30 or something... I can't remember. But then Elizabeth had blown out and leaked out of her diaper all over her sheets and needed a bath and I was doing so much laundry and frustrated at all the stains and messes and then Brady got impatient that I kept blowing him off when he asked me to play tennis with him and I was annoyed too that I had too much to do because actually I did want to spend time with him and everywhere I looked there were messes and piles of clutter and I quickly became overwhelmed. By 5:00 I was nearly in tears and remembered that it was temple night and I was frustrated again that if never asked chris to watch the kids for me and hed said he wouldn't get home til 6 and that would be too late. It was just bad. But then he texted that he was on his way and would be home by 5:45 and was happy to watch the kids so I could go and it was just an answer to my prayers and the stars aligned and even though I'd wanted to spend time together as a family, I knew that nothing good would happen if I stayed home. I was an emotional wreck and was one tiny thread away from being completely unraveled. I met Kelli at the church at 6 and we rode together to the temple. The session was great. It was my first time seeing this new video. I had a moment at the end where I felt the spirit so strongly and it was the most wonderful feeling ever. Sometimes I just need to know that I'm not forgotten. It's always hard for me to return from trips. It's hard for me to think big thoughts that get me in a horrible downward spiral and get me frustrated about life. Tonight at the temple was exactly what I needed and I'm so grateful to have gone. 

I'm so sleepy. I hope this night of rest ahead of me will also be able to clear my mind a bit too. 

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