Church change from 9am to 11am and we were on time to church today! It was so exciting.
It was my first Sunday as nursery leader since I was recently released as the visiting teaching coordinator. I'm so sad to leave that calling. I need to finish up collecting reports for December and help train the new girl and then I'm done. Seriously so sad. BUT, I'm super excited to be in nursery with Elizabeth. Especially since I was stressing about what if she had a hard time transitioning and I had a Sunday calling and couldn't help her and of course Chris is never available to help during any hours of church. Anyway, the first week was great and Elizabeth did really, really well.
Despite my best effort to start the year off right with my children, my first words to them for 2017 were "please leave." Could've been worse, but it probably wasn't the best either. Maybe I'm just giving myself room to improve this year. I'm setting myself up for success!
I spent nap time in bed. I'm starting the Book of Mormon despite my better judgement, because when I'm pregnant, I'm almost 100% worthless as. Human being.
I got to write in my new journal for the first time. One of my favorite presents I got for Christmas was this little wooden journal from my dad. It's got hand torn pages and was made by my cousin's wife. Each page has a spot for four entires. So the first page is Jan 1 for 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. I've always been fascinated by looking back at the same time, years ago and comparing the two times. Also, I've wanted to own a handmade book for at least 7 or 8 years since I learned they existed. I've always loved my dad's and now I have my own! My biggest struggle right now is to find a safe place I can keep it so I remember to write in it, but so my children can't touch it at all. I'm just so excited for it.
I was so motivated this New Years, which I'm normally not. Maybe it's because I suck at life so horrifically lately and I hate it. So, I was grateful for the hope and motivation I felt, but it wasn't enough to combat my sadness. I spent a chunk of sacrament meeting trying not to cry (I did pretty well) and held it together until all the kids were in bed (mostly because I stayed in bed and avoided them all evening), but then took my vitamins in the kitchen and then went straight to bed where I cried myself to sleep. Still, I feel grateful to have some hope mixed with my sadness instead of just sadness.
For next year, I'd love to come up with a New Years family tradition for us. Any ideas? I'd love for it to be outdoors but doable (we live in Colorado so weather is generally cold but varies) and also, in some way, generally symbolize doing something and starting good habits or cultivating a spirit of gratitude. My family's tradition has always been to hike stone mountain (in Georgia) each New Years and it's perfect. Physical, outdoors, good habit, and you're conquering a mountain on the first day of the year so I feel like it adds confidence going forward.
Also, I'm hoping to blog more in 2017, which will involve me giving up a lot of perfectionist tendencies.
Hold me accountable, k?
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