"high needs" in vs out

tonight, i was talking to a friend about how brady is about 8.5 months old and he's at the point where he's been out about as long as he was in.  i said something like "the strange thing though is that pregnancy was such a breeze and it just flew by and these last eight and a half months have felt like ffffffffoooorrrreeeevvvvvveeeeeerrrrrr."  don't get me wrong, i love my kid, but holy cow, it's been a really, really long 8.5 months."  my friend has a difficult baby like brady so we can relate.  but tonight i just keep thinking about that.  so i finally did the math.  turns out, today exactly, brady is as old as the number of days i was pregnant (well, kinda... the first two weeks of pregnancy are a freebie because the moment you conceive, you're already considered two weeks along... but whatever).  let's be honest here that being pregnant was way easier than actually taking care of a baby.  and i really loved being pregnant so we can also be honest that being pregnant was also frequently more enjoyable than taking care of a baby.  but, still in complete honesty, i anticipate the next 8.5 months to be way more awesome than the previous 17 months... so there.

brady has not been an easy baby at all.  in fact, according to this article about the 12 features of a high needs baby*, brady is as "high needs" as they come.  apparently "high needs" is the politically correct term for that kind of baby.  i read this article and it was as if someone wrote that article specifically about brady.

like this...

Along with their unpredictability, these children show extremes of mood swings. When happy, they are a joy to be around; they are master charmers and people pleasers. When angry, they let everyone around them feel the heat.  

"When he is happy, he is the happiest baby around, but when he is angry he is the worst baby around. He is still that way, sunshine and smiles, anger and daggers. He has no middle emotion." 

The child's unpredictability makes your day unpredictable. Do you take him shopping and risk a mega tantrum when his first grocery grabs are thwarted, or will this be a day when he is the model shopping cart baby, charming everyone at the checkout counter?

i mean seriously!  how many times have i called him bipolar?!  that's why!  he only knows the two extremes of emotion.  i've always said "he's never just quiet, he's only laughing or crying.  thankfully, this is not the case anymore.  well... not as much.  he's still very much bipolar (although thankfully the percentages have shifted and he's now happy and laughing far more than he's fussy and crying) but he's really evened out into a pretty well adjusted kid!

but that article describes his newborn days so perfectly.
1. "intense" - like how he screamed for the first three hours after he was born and every nurse that came in commented on how loud and angry he was.  and they sent us home with five or six of those green pacifiers.  with abigail, we were sent home with zero pacifiers.  brady, they just kept throwing those our way.
2. "hyperactive" - basically, his body didn't have the ability to relax.  his whole body was always flexed and tense, back arched, squirming and wiggling.  i know now that it was from the pain of reflux but holy cow was it exhausting to try to hold him.  and my whole body would ache after trying to feed him because i was trying to contort myself to keep him latched.  i remember sprawling out after nursing him, my whole body completely spent.
3. "draining" - i think of this more like everyday he would completely suck the life out of me.  he took everything i had to offer, and still wanted more.  sucked me dry until i literally had nothing left to give.
4. "feeds frequently" - with abigail, she refused to nurse more frequently than every four hours and it was hard for me to imagine when other people told me their newborn liked to eat every two hours.  with brady, it was like he hated nursing but wanted to do it all the time.  at the height of his difficulty (thankfully for me, while my mom was in town) brady was two weeks old and would nurse so frequently than in a single hour, i couldn't tell you how many times he'd eaten.  even now, i nurse him about every 2.5 hours (when he wakes and before he goes to sleep), plus give him solids.  and he puts down a TON of food.  lunch today was almost an entire avocado, almost an entire pear (abigail got a few bites of each), and oatmeal cereal with a hard boiled egg yolk mixed in.  for a kid barely on the charts.  i'm realizing now that he just requires more food, and more frequently.  thankfully, feeding him tons during the day has directly correlated to longer stretches of sleep at night.  i think the kid was just hungry.  really really hungry.
5. "demanding" - like the article says, it was never a request to be held or be fed, it was positively demanded.  if i had a dollar for every time i said "i feel like a slave to my child."  he was truly a slave driver.  constantly cracking a bull whip.  and he sometimes (wait for the "unpredictable" bullet point) still is.  when he wakes during the night with a dirty diaper and i try to change his diaper before i nurse him, you better believe he is going to scream bloody murder during that entire diaper change... right into that baby monitor.... which i'm sure christopher appreciates.  so now i nurse him on one side, change his diaper, and then nurse on the other side before putting him back in his crib.
6. "awakens frequently" - i actually don't have that many memories of this because i could never get him to sleep in the first place.  but i do know that even the very slightest thing would wake him up and that he wouldn't transfer from my arms to a crib or anywhere else and that his naps were super short and his night time sleep stretches were frequently only an hour.  so umm, i guess i do remember this part after all.  but really, before i started him on zantac... he never slept.  awake for hours and hours and hours on end during the day.  and i remember so many sleep deprived nights where brady "slept" in the moses basket next to our bed and i could go three hours straight just putting a binky back in his mouth after he'd spit it out and cry.  i was doing that about every 15-30 seconds... FOR HOURS.  all. night. long.  then maybe we would sleep for 30 minutes.  but then it was the binky game for a few more hours.  and then back to day time when i was just up and bouncing his crying self all day.  i remember finally looking at the clock one afternoon and thinking, "how could it be?!  it can't be this late in the day!  he most recently woke up before noon!  that was four or five hours ago!"  if he does poorly in school, i am going to attribute it to his severe lack of sleep during those formative newborn days.  i couldn't figure out how to follow an eat play sleep routine when he would constantly eat, never play, and absolutely downright refuse to sleep.
7. "unsatisfied" - how many times did i cry (with brady) in frustration that nothing i did was working?!  i could try every trick in the book and it was just not enough.  no matter how swaddled, bounced, binkied, nursed, etc. that baby was... it just wasn't enough.
8. "unpredictable" - go back and read blog posts from the early days if you want examples but basically, the only thing constant... was change.  the same thing never worked twice and my mom frequently referred to this challenge as brady's "secret combinations."  trying to figure out which combination of things and in which order... next to impossible.  next to "bipolar," "unpredictable" is actually the word i used most to describe him.  brady's like a box of chocolates; you just never know what you're gonna get.
9. "super sensitive" - brady always noticed even the slightest change in lighting or temperature or sound or the way i was holding him.  he was definitely easily bothered and being around him was like walking on eggshells.  i remember my mother in law coming over and, seeing me holding him, saying "well, he doesn't look too fussy right now!" as she smiled at him.  just that she made eye contact with him and smiled at him sent him in full hysterics.  unpredictable and very sensitive.  the times that i took brady to therapy for his arm, the therapist always noticed how perceptive he was to sounds.  she would comment on it that he obviously noticed a sound from the hallway... normally something i didn't ever hear or notice but the therapist caught a ton of those at every appointment.  also, if i was holding him, i couldn't speak in anything above a whisper or he would start screaming.  you wouldn't really think so, but this was hiiiiiiiighly inconvenient.
10. "can't put baby down" - it wasn't just that he needed to be held.  but he needed to be held by a human, that was standing up, and in motion, that would offer a variety of bouncing, rocking, etc changing on a dime, depending on what brady was in the mood for.  a swing wasn't enough, and neither was a bouncer.  and a sling wasn't either.  none of those things can change every ten seconds.  so even though i had one of the most gorgeous newborns to ever grace this planet, i have so few pictures of it because i could never put the kid down.  although the few times it happened, i took a million pictures.  my mom really got in on it too.  "quick!  he's not crying!  take a picture!"  if he could be put down for 15 to 30 SECONDS without crying, my mom and i celebrated.  that meant that he wasn't crying in my arms, and that the crying didn't start even when he was out of my arms.  though neither of those things really happened more than three times a week.  but ohhh, he was so gorgeous.  he still is, but it's pretty rare for a new baby to be as beautiful as he was.
11. "not a self-soother" - i remember the doctor asking me how brady was sleeping and i said something like "i can sometimes get him to sleep if i double swaddle him (in this very particular way with certain blankets and certain pj's) and have it be really dark and hold a binky in his mouth while cradling him in my arms and bouncing in this very particular way while it's absolutely silent except for me making really loud shhhh-ing noises but then i can't put him down or stop doing any of those things or he'll instantly be awake and screaming again.  and i remember being so proud of that until my doctor made a comment about him being picky about his sleep environment.  ha.  this goes back to him not wanting a swing or a bouncer or anything else (although he did do very well with a carseat when it was in motion)... he needed a human... and about fifty other things, all part of the secret combination, to be happy not miserable.
12. "separation sensitive" - if by some miracle, i could get brady to be content in my arms, he would immediately go into full blown panic mode with even the slightest change (walking on eggshells much?) occurring that might indicate that i was about to leave him in any way.  if my body tensed in a different way, he would sense that i was about to place him in his crib/carseat/swing/bouncer/someone else's arms and he also learned to recognize his bedroom and dark rooms in general to the point that if i had him quiet and content in my arms and i walked upstairs, he would start crying as i stepped over the threshold into his dark bedroom because he sensed that i was about to place him in his crib.  even now, he's really great playing independently, but does best when i'm either always in sight or never in sight.  if i have him playing in the great room and i'm putting laundry away or cleaning around the house or doing anything that requires me to go from room to room, frequently coming and going from his sight, he's going to freak out and fuss the whole time.  it's like every time i leave he thinks i'm never coming back.  DUDE!  I ALWAYS COME BACK!

so as difficult as a brady was as a baby, i am grateful it has made me so appreciative for the kid he is today.  he's got his fair share of fussiness but he smiles so so much and it is so easy to get tons of those real deep belly laughs out of him.  people always comment on what a happy baby he is and i typically just smile and say "he's come a long way."  i know people don't think twice about it when i say that, but for me, it's special.  he really has come such a long way.  as a mother of just abigail, i would have looked at my current self with pity like "your child nurses how often?!  and still doesn't sleep 12 hours at night?!  and needs a binky 24/7?!"  but my experience with brady makes me grateful that even though he still nurses frequently, it is enjoyable for both of us.  and even though he doesn't sleep 12 hours straight at night, he's only waking up once and often has an 8 or 9 hour stretch in there... getting over 12 hours total.  and even though he has a binky in his mouth more often than not... he is happy!  forget the secret combinations... binky = independent, happy baby.  it's straight forward and we love it.

i really love this kid.  he has taught me so much and really, he is the most gorgeous, laughy kid everrrrrr.  raising him is like continually unwrapping a present and he's only getting better with age.  i'm so excited for all the days we have ahead of us.

*i found this article through this blog post... which really could have been written by me, it soooo perfectly described my own experience.  like word for word. almost... there are some minor exceptions.

butternut squash soup and random thoughts

i'm too tired to post pictures or stories or anything else that requires a brain.  but i'm also too ummm i don't know the word, to go to sleep because my christopher is out of town again and i always procrastinate going to sleep when he's out of town.  getting in bed?  i do that the first chance i get.  actually closing my computer and falling asleep?  i procrastinate as much as humanly possible.

anyways, i got this butternut squash that costco has and it's awesome because it's already prepped for you (click this link to read someone else's rave about it) and realized i should have used it ummm, a few days ago.  i'm not a stickler for things like that (i inherited that from my dad... my mother would have probably tossed this out) so i took it as a challenge to make a dinner out of it using only what i had on hand (we got snow last night and i pretty much never go out that first day of snow... because parking lots are still being cleared and really it's just kind of a pain) and it turned out to be much easier than anticipated!

i googled "allrecipes butternut squash" and checked out a few options before picking the most appealing (that means easiest) recipe.  it was so simple and foolproof and so delicious and only dirtied one pot (that's huge in my book) that i'm posting about it here for when i am looking for dinner ideas.  anyways, it is this butternut squash soup recipe and you should make it.  especially if your "i just can't get full off of soup" husband is out of town.

here's how i did it:

i melted a square of butter (i'm not big on measuring but it was probably the correct amount) and used it to cook the onions (i chopped up a whole onion... but i love onion and it was on the small side) while i turned on winnie the pooh on dvr for my precious two year old because the tv remote decided to act up on the day i was parenting alone, leaving no access to our awesome thomas the train dvd collection. should you be in this situation, periodically run back to the kitchen to make sure your onions don't burn.  (hint: they won't... because they're swimming in such a glorious amount of butter)  after you get the show set up, dump in your squash (don't forget to recycle the container!), water (i only used two cups instead of three), four chicken boullion cubes, pepper, marjoram (this was my first time ever cooking with it... i know that for sure because i had to open the seal on it), and let it all hang out and boil for a while... at least 20 minutes... stirring periodically while you scavenge your kitchen for stuff to snack on.  instead of dirtying a bunch of dishes and a food processor/blender, i got out my hand mixer and those beaters did just fine and left some nice small chunks of squash while making a perfectly desirable consistency for the soup.  the recipe calls for two full packages of cream cheese but i thought that was excessive because that stuff is expensive.  so i just put in what was left of the one we had opened (maybe 3 ounces?) and it was wonderful.  although that didn't stop me from adding straight up cream to my bowl. the costco HALF GALLON of cream is now a regular staple purchase for me.  it's so cheap and so sinfully delicious i just can't help myself.  seriously... i catch myself daydreaming about ways i can use it... like this soup.  also, i'm not a huge fan of oatmeal these days (although i've gone through stages where i ate it three times a day because i was that in love with it) and i've found that pouring a bit of cream on top makes it taste like dessert.  like i found a packet of some sort of flavored instant oatmeal and when i poured that cream on top it was like i was eating a cobbler with ice cream.  i used to think i wanted to lose this baby weight so i could fit into my clothes again but now i've decided that my clothes really aren't that cute and i would prefer to have curves and buy new clothes instead.  i hate shopping for clothes but when i'm eating creme brulee or anything with heavy whipping cream actually, that seems like the least of my worries.  right now food is my therapy.*  and i'm okay with that.

welcome to the brain of the add... that paragraph started as instructions for making soup and ended with my shopping habits and my physically and emotionally unhealthy addiction to cream.

anyways, my head is still a jumble so wish me luck that i can sleep tonight.  and make this soup.

*milk is always my therapy and my drug... like when i drink it, my whole body relaxes and it makes me think that must be what smokers feel like when they finally get their nicotine... so maybe it just makes sense that i've expanded my milk horizon to include straight up cream.

okay, apparently i can't sleep without getting my thoughts out so here we go...

in other news:  baby girl took a nap again today which is fabulous... she actually finished her lunch and declared that she was all done eating and was ready to take a nap (it was way before her nap time but i just went with it).  what is not fabulous is that she's woke up at 6:15 this morning.  two times in the past two weeks, she's woken up during the night (once at 11pm and once at 1am) and frequently she's been waking up early (that means anything before 9am) although never at 6:15 before!)  luckily i gave her a binky and she was okay to hang out and read books for an hour before i got up with brady and came back to get her out of her crib.  anyone have any ideas what this could be?  is it just a new phase?  or is it because she's not quite done with her molars coming in yet?  kids are mysterious.  also, having both kids awake for the day at 7:15 made this feel like the longest day ever.  it wasn't bad, it just felt like it should always be four hours ahead of what it actually was.  maybe more.  this morning actually kind of feels like it was yesterday morning... it seems just that long ago.  that's a long day.

my electric blanket on my bed is awesome all the time but when my christopher is gone it is especially amazing because it tricks my body into thinking that someone else is in bed with me.  like when i get back in bed after feeding brady in a few hours it will be warm, even though i will be lacking a bed-mate (when was the last time you used that term?  i try to use it as frequently as possible).

nursing makes me super thirsty.  especially at night.  maybe because i'm overheating from my electric blanket but we'll just never know.  since i don't drink water, i keep milk on my nightstand.  it's not unusual for me to drink 30 - 35 ounces between midnight and 7am.  i am well hydrated.  although we already knew that because i'm drinking at least a gallon every 24 hours.  can i say again how wonderful it would be if i could tolerate water?!  i've done the math... we spend over a thousand dollars on milk each year.  ONE THOUSAND!  like a one with THREE zeros.  it is painful to me.  although i can't think of any other way i could spend $1000 that could possibly bring me more happiness than a few hundred gallons of milk.

brady really is doing so well, i have to keep reminding myself of how bad things were just last month.  gotta keep myself humble.  but seriously, even though i complain that he's a pretty terrible sleeper at night, he's great during the day and fantastic in his carseat.  i don't let him stay awake longer than 55 or 60 minutes at a time and it is perfect for him.  then he naps for a few hours and we repeat.  having a newborn for an hour at a time is completely manageable.  and the fact that he's happy during that time is just icing on the cake.

everything baby girl says is hilarious (do i say this every day?) and although it includes a lot of funny things, most of it is just her sweet baby voice and strange voice intonations (like the "goes in noses?" phrase).  just today i figured out something that i hadn't been able to put my finger on before.  she has somehow developed a southern accent in certain things that she says.  where does this come from?!  also, i'm loving it.  today she also experimented (in the way that she has the confidence of someone who has totally mastered the concept) with phrases using the word remember.  i told her "remember thomas is broken so if you want to watch something you have to watch pooh bear?" and i never heard the end of "remember abigail was crying in the crib because i was all done napping and i wanted to read skippyjonjones?" she was pointing upstairs with her tiny little pointer finger and telling me this elaborate story about what happened when she woke up from nap today.  and everything started with "remember."

okay, i really need to go to sleep... especially if brady's night is anything like last night...

nightly news

the thoughts swarming in my head

my honey has been traveling a lot lately.  way too much for my liking.  like every week... sometimes days at a time.  it has given me more appreciation for how much i need him.  i don't feel like i "needed" him as a parent until brady came along.  now i need him.  i need him to be home so i don't have to take two kids to young women with me.  i need him to listen to my day.  i need him to do the dishes that have piled up and pour a bowl of cereal for baby girl.  and i need him to just physically be there next to me.  having brady has brought us closer.

my next door neighbors that i've always been more than mildly obsessed with?  know who i'm talking about?  the ones in our ward where the husband saved my life that one time and the wife has gladly given/loaned me sugar, ketchup, cream of tartar, a bundt pan, and even $5 (yes, i showed up on their doorstep on a friday night to borrow cash so i could attend a local middle school play... why doesn't everywhere take credit card?!  like garage sales too), and the daughter that was my beehive president and is more mature than i will ever be.  and their dog, duke, that passed away last summer... i almost cried when that happened.  well, they moved.  to utah.  it just happened last week and i'm not even kidding that i've been working my way through the five stages of grief.  i'm currently in the "depression" stage and i'll let you know when i get to "acceptance" if that day ever comes.  unfortunately i'm somewhat confident it never will.  i haven't met our new neighbors yet although i have full intentions of taking over a plate of rice krispie treats (who doesn't love those?!) once it stops snowing.  and i'll give them the copy of their house key that i have.  i hope that's not awkward.

i'm compiling a list of quotes from abigail.  her speaking skills are awesome and so so cute.  and so are her mannerisms and everything else about her.  for years and years i have said that two is my favorite age.  baby girl just confirms that.  two is magical.  i'm nervous for three though... i've never been a fan of the threes.  but for the next few months, you better believe i'm going to soak up baby girl being two.  i thought i enjoyed her as a baby but honestly that was nothing.  she just keeps getting better with age.

i need to write a two month post for brady.  this will be difficult because i am still trying to figure out who the heck he is.  there has got to be a rhyme and reason to him, right?!  also, let's have a group fast that he will start sleeping longer stretches at night.  because FOR THE LOVE. BRADY!  the idea is that your nighttime sleep improves with age!  you are two months old... abigail was sleeping 12-13 hours a night at this point.  every. single. night.  i know you've got reflux but work with me here... i'm begging you.

how did i ever live with out my iphone?  seriously seriously seriously.  it is worth every single penny.

so glad the hockey lockout is over.  i really do love that sport.  i love watching games with my honey.  and it's only been a few weeks but my fantasy hockey team is currently undefeated.  and there are 14 people in the league.  call us a power couple but honey is actually the only other undefeated team in the league.  it's pretty cool.  and yes, i realize how ridiculous i sound right now.

i spend my mornings and my days being so exhausted and then when night time comes, i have such a hard time clearing my head so i can fall asleep.  that does not serve me well in my already sleep deprived state.

i haven't been cooking much at all lately.  i have still been eating cheese eggs on toast once a day (sometimes breakfast but sometimes lunch or dinner) and other than that, my diet is mostly chocolates, creme brulee (i ran out yesterday but mark my words i'll make another batch!), and chocolate cookies from one of honey's clients.  i have never been a healthy eater but i can honestly not recall the last time i've eaten so much sugar on a daily basis.  i'm trying not to think about it.  anyone want to come cook for me?  i would gladly trade all of the chocolate in the world for a pan of lasagna.  right now, it's all about convenience.

i used to be concerned about huge world problems... like people living in third world countries, problems close to home... homeless people in atlanta, and keeping up with family and friends (i used to actually be social).  moving to parker, i started living in a bubble and while i thought about homeless people, my life was enough removed that it didn't stress me out on a daily basis (it's terrible to say but i hate that i care so much).  so my concerns turned to my calling, being a good mom, keeping in touch with close family and friends, being healthy, keeping a clean home, recycling and not using too much gas/electricity/water, and other random stuff like that.  well brady has narrowed things down even more and now i pretty much just focus on what happens within the walls of my own home.  every day i wake up and i try to be a good mom, be a good wife, and keep my house clean (it's actually impossible for me to be happy or a good wife/mother if my house is cluttered or dirty so really these are interlocked).  i have had to let go (at least for the time being) when it comes to keeping in touch with people (i have GOT to start doing better at this... especially calling my grandparents), being healthy (christopher doesn't even bother asking what's for dinner anymore.  he just comes home and pours himself a bowl of cereal and makes himself a quesadilla.), trying to do a good job at my calling (i just try to keep up with what is required), and a million other things.  i'm still stressing on a daily basis about homeless people but i try to channel that energy to being a good mom.  i'm taking a lesson from president hinckley... my mantra as of late has been, "the greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."  and i'm taking it day by day.

Today

today baby girl had "school" while i took brady to his two month well check.  how has it been two months already?!  and when am i ever going to get over missing being pregnant?!  seriously i am dying with how bad i miss my belly and the jealousy i feel for every pregnant person i see is just overwhelming.  tangent.  anyways, i have a two month old and he's great.  and i have a two year old and she's great too.

i think she likes to go without pants to she can see her undies.  i don't mind because i think her little bum is adorable.  it actually gives me more patience than i otherwise would have.  that's powerful underwear for you.

my honey went nuts at the dollar store last time he was out of town (apparently they have awesome dollar stores in wisconsin) and one of the things he got (besides fifty million more puzzles) was this winnie the pooh matching game.  baby girl was so excited to show me that she got out the game and found a match.  all by herself.

not gonna lie, i was pretty impressed.  the cards are double sided so they have two kinds of matching.  she doesn't actually know that kanga and roo go together.  she's looking at her match on the other side.

and since it was 30* and almost snowing, brady was bundled up as usual.  so cozy.

people can't stop commenting on his amazing blue eyes and super long lashes.  like the nurses and his doctor kept gushing about how gorgeous his eyelashes are and how boys always get the good luck with that.  yes, except baby girl got them too.  from honey.  he's got the best eyelashes ever.

but really, babies have it good.  it's freezing cold but brady gets soft clothes, two blankets, a fleece-lined carseat cover, and a carseat canopy to shield him from the sun and wind.  what i would give for the my-size version of this.

hallelujah that baby girl napped again.  that's three days in a row which is AWESOME because if i forgot to mention it, the past two or so weeks, she's been reading books and jumping in her crib for two hours more often than she's actually been falling asleep for a nap.  i refused to believe my child is outgrowing nap time and instead went the "it must be teething" route.  my wish would be that she naps until she goes to kindergarten.  it can happen, right?

Not awesome

Make no mistake, yesterday morning was not awesome. But thankfully there were some pretty sweet moments in the day anyways.

frustrating much?  when you walk into a perfectly clean room to get your freshly woken babe and then twenty minutes later after you finish nursing him, the room looks like this.  kills me.

and this.  i'm blessed that my child actually cleans up.  but sometimes i just want that mess not to happen in the first place.  back in the day when we left for outings every morning my house just stayed clean.  and it was magical.  actually living in your house makes it messy dangit.

she woke up at 7:15... on a morning when brady slept in til 8:45.  it made me angry at life.  not as angry as baby girl though.  so many screaming fits that morning.  girl needs her beauty sleep.

then i took this picture just to make sure this kid hadn't fallen asleep on my shoulder.  nope... just in the process of oozing spitup on my sleep.  awesome.

and then we had more of this.  she had another major screaming fit around one and i just didn't know what to do.  she was too out of control to eat and too loud to take upstairs (brady was sleeping), and i didn't think it would be fair to just dump her in her crib so i gave her a binky and just held her while she calmed down and got her breath.  and then she told me she wanted to nap.  a full hour before her nap time and without any lunch.  

she made the right choice though, because a few hours later she woke up and was such a precious little girl.  naps yield amazing transformations.

i may have over stressed the importance of being gentle with brady.  baby girl's kisses are so gentle and quiet that i sometimes wonder if her lips are actually making contact with his head.  or eye brow as was the case the other day when she decided that's where she would like to kiss him goodnight.

and lastly, i love my mother in law.  i haven't even had time to respond to this text but just getting it gave me hope for my life.  and then i thought to myself... errands?  no, please just take my kids so i can clean my house.  seriously, my house makes me feel like i'm sinking in organizational quicksand.  

thankfully the second half of the day was much better than the first.  baby girl got a good solid nap, brady happily hung out on the floor while i cleaned my bathroom, i actually mopped my kitchen floor (i am in love with my shark mop.  in. love.), and i was so appreciative that my christopher wasn't out of town so i could go to young womens without dragging my two kids along.  and making journals with the girls was tons of fun.  i love my laurels.  

Sunday stud and bubbles

Today I enjoyed two cute kids and a honey that spoiled me all day long. It was a good day. Having ward council cancelled this morning was just icing on the already delectable cake.

disobedient

like most two and a half year olds, my child frequently has trouble listening and following through with my requests.  like this afternoon when i said "i'm going to put this laundry away.  go find a book to take upstairs and we can read it before nap."  less than a minute later i heard the music from the thomas cd we just got from the library this morning and came out to find this...

i'm not gonna lie... much of my difficulty in parenting comes from trying not to smile when i know i need to put forth my most "i'm disappointed in your actions and i disapprove of this choice you're making right now" face.

i couldn't resist.  i let her keep dancing.  and i have no idea why that second video is so weird.

a morning too good to be true

i woke up this morning at 8 15 to the sound of my stirring newborn.  i popped a binky in his mouth and he drifted off again.  and then i turned on baby girl's video monitor.  already awake a playing loudly in her crib.  who even knows when she woke up.  i texted my honey a bit and then told him i was going to hurry and jump in the shower and hope i didn't have two screaming kids by the time i got out.  brady started crying part way through but i put that binky back in his mouth and brought his carseat next to the shower so if it happened again i wouldn't have to get water all over the floor again.  and i had baby's monitor set up so i could see it through the glass.  basically i felt like i was showering with the company of a crowd of people.  and by the end, brady was awake (but content!) and baby girl was crying in her crib.  i shouted up to her that i'd get her in a minute and then hurried and got semi dressed and took brady up with me.  i gave both of them a bath and got them dressed (check it out... i'm super mom!) and came downstairs.  got brady his medicine and swaddled and brought him (buckled in his carseat) to the kitchen.  i literally had my arm extended to give him a binky when his eyelids closed and he fell asleep before my very eyes!

she picked out her entire outfit.  head to toe.

i made breakfast while baby girl 100% on her own, got out her new thomas puzzle and put it together completely on her own.  like i didn't even know she was working on it til she was most of the way through and since i had eggs cooking, i didn't get to go over and look at it until she proudly exclaimed that she was done.  how cute is that "i did it!" you get from a toddler?!  i love it.  so i texted her picture and the story to my christopher.  even more than doing the puzzle, i'm impressed that she got the box from under the sofa and started putting it together on her own.  i think it's adorable when she plays independently like that.

when i first saw she was doing the puzzle

i told her "look at the phone and say DADDY!!!"  that always gets a good picture.

since she was still playing puzzles (sesame street now), i went ahead to eat my breakfast and it only took a minute before baby girl climbed in her highchair to join me.  and then she ate her whole breakfast without stalling or making a mess or really doing anything that i wouldn't do while eating breakfast.  she was so perfectly behaved.  and my favorite part was that she kept saying stuff about how excited she was to go to story time at the library.  maybe it really clicked this time when i told her the list of things we needed to do before we could go to the library and she was intent on getting them done!  she finished eating while i got dressed and did hair and makeup.  then she got out and went potty while i got her two sets of clothes (one to wear since she'd picked out her initial outfit, and one as backup since she was going out in underwear for the first time) and then i threw on my boots, took my bag of dvds and books to return and my purse to the car, got baby girl dressed and buckled in her seat, and then just carried brady's carseat to the car.  it's incredible the amount of work that goes into just getting out the door.  and then we got a great parking spot and only got to story time five minutes late!  it was fabulous.

watching baby girl listen to stories and do the songs/dances is one of my very very favorite activities right now.  i melts my heart.  times a million.  story time today was about transportation and she got train stamps on her hands.  to match her thomas shirt and undies... how perfect!  we played puzzles (and i got to be the proud parent when a mom asked the little girl sitting next to abigail about a puzzle piece and after a minute of the girl not responding, abigail points to it and says "it's red!  it goes right there!" and then showed the girl where it went.  i'm sure that's obnoxious when you're trying to question/teach/test your child but she doesn't know social norms and she was helping to answer the question.  we went to pick up a bunch of thomas stuff i put on hold online and baby girl was sooo excited.  i love being able to do stuff like that for her.  we played a magnet game (they have them set up in the window seats) and baby girl impressed me yet again by knowing all of her shapes.  i won't lie, i was shocked.  especially when she picked one up and said "this is a diamond!  this is a diamond too!  they're the same!"  ummm who taught you to be able to identify a diamond?!  because i know i didn't.

shapes matching game with dinosaurs

twice while we were at the library, i took her to the bathroom.  not because i thought she needed to go (she went right before we left and she's fine to hold it for two hours so i knew we would be back home in time), but because i wanted to give her exposure to public restrooms.  so i took her to the bathroom and let her sit on the potty while i read her one of her new books.  and then i gave her part of a kitkat for trying.  and then we did the same thing again before we left.  i totally thought she would be scared and try to fight me on it but she was awesome.

so then i called bed bath and beyond and talked to someone and then headed into the store.  i found  a little thomas potty seat online but apparently it's not sold in stores and luckily (because it's not at walmart or target) they said i could come in and order it at the store using a coupon and they would waive the shipping fee and mail it directly to my home.  sweet!  so we did that and once again, baby girl was great.  who's kid is this?!  where did you come from?!

i used to not care about this stuff until i had kids that needed to get in and out of the car. brady rides on the this side . i decided ahead of time that i wouldn't even feel guilty if i nicked their car with my door while trying to fit his carseat in.  which barely cleared.  not sure what i would have done if it didn't fit.  maybe try the door on the other side?!  quickly becoming a pet peeve.

so then we were home by 1:05 and baby girl was still dry!  two hours and twenty minutes!  woohoo!  she went potty while i got brady from the car and i thought to myself, "this may be our best day yet!  i can totally do this two kid thing!  and yeay for brady not stirring or fussing that entire nap in the carseat!  life is perfect!"

but then things slowly unraveled and by 2:30, i was just grateful i hadn't given abigail away to goodwill.  so the purpose of this post is to preserve my morning forever and hopefully forget whatever happened between 1:30 and 2:30!  hopefully our night is filled with dance parties and playing trains and maybe making rice krispie treats together!  it's hard to stay upset for long when she's just so dang cute and lovable.  thank goodness for that.

go ahead and ask her why she's sad.  she'll tell you it's because "abigail's not listening." now if only that had clicked to her while it was happening...

two points for the ipad.  thank you for teaching baby girl her shapes.

i also wrote "it's hard not to get frustrated when she makes bad choices and chooses not to listen.  i bet that's what heavenly father feels like 24/7."  that's been my goal since my bad parenting morning last tuesday... to try to parent more like heavenly father.  and my new mantra is "if it takes yelling at my child to get us ______ (out of the house, to this playdate on time, etc.) then it's not worth it.  so my challenge for the past week and a half has been to not lose my temper or at least not let it affect my actions towards baby girl.  i've got a long way to go but i'm doing much better than i have been.

so that's been the day so far.  brady has been awesome and the fussing has been minimal... although i can't blame him for the crying that happened when i was neglecting him to deal with baby girl.  and nap time has been healing for the soul... as usual.  so now i'm just back to loving my life with two kids.

and on a mostly unrelated note, would someone please please please help me figure out the easiest way to get my iphone videos compatible with picasa?!  after way too much time and effort, i finally got them onto my computer but now i can't edit them... so they're all flipped to the side and i can't edit the length.  and my extensive google search hasn't helped yet. 

No relation

yesterday i left my phone in baby girls room when i put her down for nap.  when i realized it 30 minutes later i went in there to grab it.  and on my way out, couldn't resist snapping a few pictures.  i love that she sleeps with that dog on her head.

from when she was nine months.  she's grown up a bit huh?

she picked out her whole outfit.

this picture shows it better.  she chose her thomas shirt (of course) and purple leggings (she'll now tell you purple is her favorite color), jeans to go on top, and a skirt to go on top of that.  and a bow.

sibling love

we took the yw to the temple tonight to talk about this year's theme, stand in holy places. it was lightly snowing and the temple looked GORGEOUS.

like way more breathtaking than usual.

A million pictures

somehow blogger on my phone erased all of the writing i'd done on my computer.  sooo, let's try to recreate it.

i've been taking way more pictures lately than what i can keep up with.  here are a few to remember and some shortcut captions that will hopefully be sufficient to jog my memory when i come back to look at these.

i told baby girl she needed to finish her last few bites of banana.  two seconds later when i turned around she exclaimed that she was "all done!"  

a quick investigation revealed that she was, in fact, not all done, but had conveniently slid her banana off of her tray and into her nifty bib catcher.  nice move baby girl.

while i was waiting for her to finish the banana, i'd told her i was going to change brady's diaper and come right back. to which she replied, "i want to come change brady's diaper too!"  so i waited for her to finish eating and when she got out of her chair she RAN to my bedroom.  by the time i got there she'd pulled out a wipe (and even closed the lid again!), a diaper, and a burp cloth (i normally use a blanket of some kind) to lay him on.  what a great helper!  i was impressed.

baby girl is our official photographer of brady's diaper changes.  this is one of the few non blurry, non x rated pictures she took.

what a precious sneaking hand.  when i'm too lazy to do a quality swaddle (i HAVE to straightjacket his arms down) then he always manages to pull this little hand up.

the ipad, the potty, the thomas undies, the pink silky pj's, the elmo potty book, those fingers ready and perched to play any game possible... there are too many things i'm loving about this picture.

i got this picture text the other day.  it was taken at one of the birthday parties baby girl went to last weekend.

back in the day, i used to worry that baby girl would need to be swaddled til she went to college. so when she told me she wanted to be wrapped up like brady, i couldn't resist.  if i thought she looked like a big kid before, that was nothing compared to how she looked swaddled.  she's HUGE!  seriously, biggest swaddle ever.

i wonder the oldest age any kid has needed to be swaddled.  she was almost too big for the blanket!

and then she insisted that i hold her.  standing up.  while she remained wrapped in her swaddle. she does this with her bunny bath towel after baths too.  "i want mommy hold you!"  "i want mommy stand up!"  ha. whatever you say, baby girl.

sometimes she'll just put a hand flat down on her plate of food or place her fist in her cup of milk. and then keep it there. like eat the whole rest of her meal like that.

1.27.13, after church

puzzles were on sale at big lots so honey got a million.  sesame street, thomas, and minnie mouse all came in four packs. most of them are put away in the closet upstairs but we surprised baby girl with four of the new puzzles.  she is in love with them.  and i expected it to take her a while to learn them but that thomas one she could do on her own that same night.  

hugs

while i was nursing brady today, baby girl decided to wear this carseat cover thing.  ps- my room is no longer a disaster like you see here.  it is spotless now.  and there is no "low hanging fruit" anymore for baby girl to make a mess of.

looks like some sort of project runway bubble dress something or other.

how do sandwiches never ever ever occur to me when i'm thinking of lunch for baby girl? i smeared some peanut butter on a slice of wheat bread and she devoured it.

while we listened to sweet baby james seven times in a row.

her shirt got messy with peanut butter so she went shirtless for a bit. luckily she had enough layers on her bottom half to keep her covered.  also, baby girl's newest phrase is "a bit" as in "i want to watch thomas a bit."  the voice intonation is the best.

honey was the last one to play play dough with baby girl.  so when i opened this green container tonight i enjoyed this pleasant surprise.  i won't lie, it freaked me out a little bit.

oh hello there!  brady is sporting the onesie honey and i picked up when we found out i was pregnant with baby girl. now someone actually gets to wear it.

this headband fell down when i grabbed something from the top shelf of baby's closet. and she insisted o n wearing it for the rest of the night.  when we had a thomas music dance party in the kitchen while making dinner, her whole outfit together made her look like she was straight out of an 80's workout video.  reminded me of jesse from saved by the bell.  y'know that "i'm so excited" caffeine overdose episode?

"it's stapped!"  or something like that.  i can't remember... but i'm pretty sure she wasn't saying "stacked" correctly. and it was cute.  also, i love that she is so precise when she cleans up her play dough.  correct colors in correct containers with the correct lids.  and i don't even have to ask her to clean up... she thinks it's part of the fun!  AND IT IS!

i made this A and she got soooo excited.  

although maybe she's had too much exposure to sesame street because she kept pointing to it and calling it "the letter A" as in "it's the letter A!  that's the letter A right there!"

and there you have it.