she's a real person now

i'm going to come clean a little.

maybe you remember, maybe you don't.  i tried not to write about it more than necessary because i didn't want it to come off the wrong way but, baby girl was the easiest, most angelic baby ever born.  she cried twice in her first four weeks alive.  once at the hospital getting her newborn bath and when she was three weeks old and i took her on a walk on a windy california beach.  both times were less than a minute and a half.  the only way i'd know if she was asleep or awake was if i walked in her room to check.  i would swaddle her, lay her down and leave.  "set it and forget it" always came to mind.  i'd peek in every hour or so to check on her.  around that three hour mark, if she was still sleeping, i'd wake her up to eat and play.  often though, i'd go in to find her just hanging out, wide eyed and waiting.  she could be hungry, tired, poopy, bored, overstimulated, you name it, and she wouldn't cry or fuss.  at 9 weeks old she was sleeping 12-13 hours a night without waking up.  and then she'd take three 3 hour naps during the day.  she was only awake for about an hour at a time in which i could hold her and play with her or i could just lay her down so she could watch me clean or do the dishes.  it was a very charmed life.

fast forward to now.  none of that applies anymore.  travel happened.  teething happened.  growth spurts happened.  travel happened again.  teething happened again.  packing and moving happened.  even more travel happened.  weaning happened.  molars happened.

and individuality happened.

my days are so very different now.  i know that's to be expected.  a newborn isn't like a toddler.  but everyone will lead you to believe that toddlers are easier.  i knew this wouldn't be the case for us because it was physically impossible for my newborn to get any easier, but it has still been a little difficult at times.

now, my baby fusses.  she cries.  she wakes up during the night.  her naps can be inconsistent.  she's a picky eater.  she's mobile.  she yells.  she gets into everything.  she gets hurt.  she requires constant attention.  she tests my patience.  she has opinions.

she's a real person now.

before, she was my little baby doll.  i dressed her up and posed her for picture after picture.  i fed her whatever i wanted her to eat, whenever i wanted her to eat it.  i took her wherever i wanted to go.  she slept whenever i wanted her to and for how long i wanted her to and where i wanted her to.  she stayed where i put her and played with what i gave her.  my self centered life was able to go on exactly as it always had.

these days, more is required of me.  sometimes i have to give up sleep.  sometimes i give up activities.  sometimes i give up my OCD.  sometimes i give up my physical energy.  sometimes i give up my sanity.  sometimes i have to swallow my pride and admit defeat.  sometimes i have to strategize.  just kidding.  always i have to strategize.  strategy is key.

but it's sooooo worth it.  it's fun.  and exciting.  and rewarding.  when i hear my baby wake up, i rush into her room to get her.  i jump up and down and talk in a creepy high-pitched sing song voice because i am so giddy in love with her and so excited to play.  i love my little girl like crazy.  i'm so thankful for her and that i get to be her mother.

these days, it's not so incredibly easy like it used to be.

it's soooo much better than that.