a week ago i wrote a post on the anxiety i feel from having such an incredible life. normally writing stuff out helps me clear it from my head... which is why i tend to blog late at night before i go to sleep. when i wrote this post though, it didn't make me feel any better. it made my fears and concerns just that much more real. i was worried but i was also prepared to pray a lot to help me find peace and understanding.
well, back in november my good friend kirstyn gave an excellent talk in sacrament meeting about the book of mormon and reading scriptures. it spoke to me so strongly that i started the book of mormon again and i have been reading my scriptures every day since then... which i know for many is a basic sort of thing, but for me this is pretty incredible. also incredible is the positive effect it has had on my life already. anyways, i read my scriptures after writing that post and it was 2 nephi chapter 4. let's review, my concern was that i was overwhelmed with the goodness of my life. preface summary italics writing leading into chapter 4? "nephi glories in the goodness of god to him - nephi puts his trust in the lord forever." wow.
i mean, the whole chapter is great but especially verse 15 on. parts that especially struck me were when nephi says repeatedly of how he rejoices in the goodness of the lord and that his soul delighteth in the things of the lord but also in verse 17 when he grieves because of his iniquities... because i have that guilt wondering why my life is so good while others have such hardships. but he says "i know in whom i have trusted. my god hath been my support..." and when i read verse 21, "he hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh." i thouht, nephi, you have certainly hit the nail on the head for this one. so i read on and took some very sound advice from this nephi of old (he's always been a favorite of mine) when he said "rejoice, o my heart, and cry unto the lord, and say o lord, i will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my god, and the rock of my salvation." and "o lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness!" and especially, "o lord, i have trusted in thee, and i will trust in thee forever." and "yea, i know that god will give liberally to him that asketh. yea, my god will give me, if i ask not amiss; therefore i will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, i will cry unto thee, my god, the rock of my righteousness. behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting god."
so, it's been a great week. i've been enjoying it in the moment and not anxious about not being able to preserve every moment of it. i've barely taken any pictures and the few that i have taken haven't even left my camera. i haven't uploaded or edited any pictures this week. i haven't taken any video. and get this, even though i had this incredible spiritual experience that could have been so wonderfully preserved, i didn't sweat it. i didn't get out my computer to instantly record my every thought and feeling. i just accepted it, took it into my heart, and went with it. and it's been really great.
everything is scary if you don't have faith. even really good things that you should be excited about. so, i give you my thanks and appreciation for the uplifting words and comments i've received concerning that post and my post about my new calling. thanks helping me get back on track. i feel really good about how things are going.
ps- but really, who'd noticed that it's been a whole five days and multiple posts since i posted a picture of my baby?! i don't know if that's ever happened before.
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