my worst nightmare will come true

on sunday.

i've been in probably ten different wards since i was in high school.  a different ward each year at byu, singles ward in atlanta during the summers, and then married wards in utah, pennsylvania, colorado, and california... a lot of wards.  somehow i always get callings that fit me and honey always gets callings that fit him.

honey gets called as priesthood teacher, gospel principles teacher, mission prep teacher, ward missionary, gospel doctrine teacher... noticing a pattern?  he's just really good at standing in front of people and teaching them a 45 minute lesson.  he never spends more than ten minutes preparing a lesson.  he pretty much just skims the material sometime during sacrament meeting.  and it's always an incredible lesson.  he loves public speaking and he's amazing at it.  it just comes naturally to him.

i end up in the nursery, primary, activity days (girls 8-11), activities committee (that has way too many double letters in it), friendship committee (byu ward, go figure), visiting teaching coordinator, family history consultant... are you noticing a pattern?  i'm never asked to do anything out of my comfort zone.  i'm either in a group of a bunch of other people or if i'm teaching, it's to kids still in the single digits.

a few months ago i marveled that how this could be that for years and years and wards and wards, church leader after church leader always knew just the right callings for honey and me.  somehow they always knew to ask honey to be a teacher and me to be on a committee or with kids.  seriously... how did they know not to call me to be a teacher!?!?  and then it was so obvious to me... well of course!  it's because they're called of GOD!

so let me tell you about this one time a month ago where i hyperventilated and my face went numb and my shoes filled with the blood that used to be in my face.  relief society had just ended and i was thinking about how it was a good lesson and how i never seem to comment in relief society in this ward because everyone is so smart.  it's just something about this area that there are just a lot of very intellectual people and it's extremely intimidating.  even at church.  i say stuff like "i think there was this one talk a few conferences ago and i can't remember who was speaking but they told some story about scriptures or something..."  and then someone else pipes up with something like "oh, yes, i think you're referring to elder _____'s talk titled "________" from the saturday morning session of the october 2007 general conference where he said, "blah blah blah direct quote blah blah blah."  these people are all really nice... but they just can't help themselves i guess and they just say smart things that make you feel like you have all sorts of memory loss.

but back to when i almost died.  relief society had just ended... i was talking to the person next to me, probably about my baby because that's all anyone talks to me about these days, and angie, who i THOUGHT was my friend, comes up to me and asks if i'd be willing to teach a relief society lesson next month and be a substitute relief society teacher.

in my head i give her a dumbfounded look and scream "NO" and to her face i look like a ghost and ask her if she's sure.  she said yes.  repeat times four.  she senses my fear and tells me i can take some time to think about it but i know i really can't because i only have two options.  i don't turn down callings or anything that anyone at church asks me to do so really it was 1. say yes   or 2. go apostate ... and as tempting as it was to take the apostate route, i was really hoping to raise baby girl in the church and seeing as how my dear friend carolyn had made her the most beautiful baby blessing dress in the world, i just couldn't let it go to waste!  so i told her yes.  and i made a mental note to avoid her at all costs for the duration of my time in california.  angie, i think you're great but you're now on my scary list.

so that was over a month ago and any time i think about this lesson i have a panic attack.  well, the time is getting nearer and the panic attacks are getting worse.  can anyone offer any words of comfort?  and how bout you throw in some fervent prayers... maybe on the hour/every hour?  and give my name to the temple?  am i getting carried away?  ehh, maybe with the temple, but not with the other stuff.  i need lots and lots of prayers...

do i have any company?  is anyone else going to realize a dream worst nightmare ever on sunday at 1:15 pm PST?