Sunday Memorial Monday

Sunday was a pretty good day where Abigail woke me up at 7am but it was because she was so excited to pick out a prize for going potty during the night. We did her new puzzle in my bed a few times and hung out. I have the kids a bath before church and fed them a nutritious oatmeal breakfast. They were dressed cute and I even showered and got fully ready myself. We were only two minutes late to church (at least honey was there to save us seats) and I was feeling pretty good about life. I got something out of all three hours of church and Brady did great at nursery. Coming home, I fed us all eggs and took Abigail to choir practice with me while honey out Brady down for a nap. I got home around 4 and read books to Abigail in my bed before quiet time. Then our home teacher came over at 4:30 and we visited for 30 minutes before getting Brady up and heading to the Hillier's for Kelsey's birthday dinner. Abigail fell sleep in the car on the way there. Go figure.

We had a fun night with the Hilliers. "Who want to talk to uncle John?!" and "who wants a treat?!"  The cousins do. 

We got the kids home and to bed and all in all, it was a busy and accomplished day. 

Which of course meant that it would be followed by a super crappy day for me. Because heaven forbid should I go more than a day without crying. ; ) 

The kids and I slept in again. I woke up close to ten and the kids were maybe around 10:30 or so? I can't remember when I finally got Brady out but he was crying because he'd gotten hurt while jumping in his crib (which happens alllll the time) and said he'd hurt his elbow. I asked him where his elbow was and he pointed to his upper lip. And of course it was so cute that he kept insisting his upper lip was called his elbow. 

Abigail drove me crazy all day (she normally the main reason for my tears) and I was crying by 11:52am. Can I not make it past noon without crying?  Whatever. Honey was set to go golfing with his dad and brother and last minute we both thought he should bring Brady (who is obsessed with all sports, but most recently, with golf) and I was grateful to have the time to myself to do some laundry and cleaning while Abigail played dollhouse and colored. She took this picture to Lucy's and left it on her doorstep since she wasn't home. 

Meanwhile, Brady was in heaven golfing with the guys. Honey said he was saying hilarious stuff the whole time (no surprise there... The kid is always making us laugh out loud) and would grip the steering wheel and call out "READY?!  ARE YOU READY, DAD?"  

Standing next to grandpa. 

Luckily I remembered to have honey take one of Brady's little putting clubs with him. 

I'm so glad Brady got to go. I would have loved for him to take Abigail (because she couldn't listen for the life of her and I had zero patience to forgive her mistakes), but she probably wouldn't have enjoyed it at all... And Brady absolutely loved it. 

We met at the Hilliers again for a last minute BBQ (I cried on the way over and didn't even want to go... Does that tell you how out of sorts I've been lately with my emotions?) and had seafood dip with wheat thins that so wonderfully hit the spot, and shrimp and veggie kabobs and hamburgers and hot dogs. Everyone except myself (what can I say? I'm lazy) played lawn darts (honey gave it to his dad for his birthday a few weeks ago) and the kids had fun playing outside. The weather was great. Not hot at all and the rain held off til after six. 

Honey got silly with his corn on the cob. Brady thinks this picture is awesome.  

Riding outside. 

Brady. 

Brady had to help push Abigail up the hill when she couldn't make it and asked for assistance. If only I'd had my camera out a little sooner... It was precious. 

Honey helped Nate with his algebra homework. 

While Klaudette read books to Abigail and Brady looked at golf pictures (and other pictures from the day) on my phone. 

And then we came home and I put kids to bed and felt like a somewhat accomplished mom again. 

Afternoon in tears

Friday morning was great. I slept in til 10 and I didn't hear from the kids until Brady called out his "mommy... Where are you?" at 11:20 and I went up to get the kids at 11:30. I'm spoiled by my kids' sleeping habits. 

But, sadly, I was almost in tears within 15 minutes and 11:45 had me anxious for bedtime. Within another two hours, I was solidly in the "I just can't mom today" camp and texted this picture to honey with some caption about how I didn't have the energy for life or something. As a side note... Why do kids feel like they need to run everywhere?  Abigail had tripped while running for the second time in two hours and was hurt and crying and this time also whining about could I please get her more watermelon. I was most sad about the bowl. We haven't broken one in a long time but they're part of the set I got from granny and papa at one of our wedding showers and now we're down to four bowls I think. Oh well, that's life, right? It was well loved while it lasted. 

Here's Brady looking crazy cute practicing riding a two wheel scooter. Three minutes later he was driving me crazy with all the crying and whining about kit making it to the mailbox in time and wanting the handlebars lower. My emotions are anything bust steady. 

But seriously. So cute. I'm thankful for pictures to freeze the good moments in time. 

Then I put the kid down for nap and spent the next few hours crying in bed... luckily with the loving company of my caring husband. He may have laughed at me at first for crying about seemingly nothing but turned more compassionate when he realized it wasn't going to disappear. I guess I can pay myself on the back for keeping my tears and complaints mostly hidden from him. ; ) 

Just not when he comes home early to help me. 

I do a lot of complaining, but I'm blessed to have that guy. 

Friday night Rockies game and fireworks

Friday night we headed to the Rockies game. It was forecasted as 100% chance of rain, but honey was so excited to go because it was a fireworks game. That's really the only thing that gets him excited about going to a baseball game. Oh, and sunflower seeds. Have I ever mentioned on here when we were first dating at byu and my mother in law called Christopher and asked what he was up to. "I'm at a byu baseball game with Carrie."  She was so shocked that he would go to a baseball game that she said that was the moment she first knew that he must really really like me. ; ) 

Within two minutes of us sitting down, it started sprinkling. Knowing what was to come, we moved up a number of rows til we were just barely under the awning and we stayed there the rest of the night. It was perfect. 

We were a little more bundled up than what you would anticipate was necessary for a baseball game in late May, but happily, no one was at all cold and we had a great time. Even though the Rockies got whooped by the Giants. 

Family picture! 

I love when Abigail gazes at Brady. They seriously love each other so so much it astounds me. 

With only three outs to go, they called a rain delay. So we waited forever and ever and ever it seemed until they finally said that they'd go ahead and do the fireworks during the rain delay instead of after the game as previously planned. Sweet!  Luckily I'd had Brady take a late nap from 3:15-6:30 and the kids were both doing just fine. 

I honestly didn't think the game or fireworks would happen but I let honey make the call since the whole outing was his thing. I'm glad I did because it ended up being a really good fireworks show. Choreographed to patriotic music and probably around 15 minutes long. It was really good. 

Brady didn't enjoy the fireworks though. Eventually he asked for me to hold him and had his head buried into my neck while I held my hands over his ears. It was so precious that I feel guilty for enjoying it so much. And now he loves telling us how much he doesn't like fireworks. ; ) He also never stopped telling us how much he doesn't like rocky (the nuggets mascot that he's obsessed with at a distance) and that he got a haircut (several weeks ago). I'm doing a horrible job at recording it, but he's the funniest kid ever. Like I bust out laughing several times a day from things he says and does. 

It was a fun night. We didn't get home til around 11:30, so it was super late for us but so worth it. Especially since the previous part of my day was so horrible (crying off and on for 6 hours and laying in bed because I couldn't handle anything else). I love being pregnant but I hate the way it affects my thoughts and emotions. I literally crawled in bed crying and thought to myself "yeah, I could be done being pregnant" because honestly, I don't know how much more of the depression I can handle. 

Also, it's been raining for the past three weeks I think. I'm only unsure of the length of time because it's felt like forever and I've lost track of time. But this is by far the most consecutive cloudy weather I have ever ever ever seen in Colorado. Hence this stuff all over my facebook feed... 

It's true. 

So. Much. Rain. 

38 weeks

How far along:  38 weeks  (5.21.15)

Total weight gain/loss: 28.5 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes... i prefer to wear the same few tops since they're the longest and they fit me the best.  i also wear my maternity skinnies almost every time i get dressed.  at home i normally wear a hoodie with yoga pants or sweats.  i would wear dresses or maxi skirts every day but sunny parker decided to turn eternally cloudy... like for the past three weeks and not really an end in sight.  i don't ever recall this much cloudy weather in a row... it's gotta be some sort of record.  

Sleep:  not bad.  my dreams are still more low key than the beginning of pregnancy although tuesday night i had a super weird one about sharing a house with our neighbors across the street, something about this textile store that also had bed frames and fabric backboards, and honey being devastated because john disowned the entire family.  it was strange.  i normally go to the bathroom every time i wake up, which this past week has been more than usual because i'm trying to help abigail learn to sleep without diapers... but that's a whole different story.  

Best moment this week:  sunday.  it was a good day. 

Movement:  it finally seems less aggressive this week.  it's not as constant either... much less than before, depending on the time of day.  

Food cravings:  i think the salad and fruit and lemon layer dessert that i ate for sunday dinner at the hilliers was the best meal i've tasted in a looooong time.  i have no idea if it was because i was especially hungry, but it hit the spot like i didn't even know it was possible.  i had thirds on the salad and the fruit and i helped honey and abigail eat their desserts.  even having leftover salad three times in the following 48 hours and dessert leftovers the next day, it was still delectable.  i've also been enjoying reese's pieces and chocolate chips. 

Symptoms: all the usual, but thankfully less depression than before.  i was crazy emotional during stake conference on sunday, but honestly, it was a really really good meeting and the spirit was soooo strong. also, still getting sciatic pain on my left side.  my doctor commented at my appointment tuesday that baby looked like she'd dropped some since my previous visit two weeks before and i confirmed that something must have changed because it's been within the last week and a half or so that i've been getting the increasing sciatic pain.  happily though, it's just like a strong cramp, and not the shooting pain i remember with abigail.

Gender:  my girl.

What I miss:  maybe drugs?  i've had a cold/cough for the last week and a half or so and i'm kinda over it.  on the plus side, i actually really like sleeping sitting up now.  ; )

Milestones:  i feel pretty confident that i'm going to have a baby within the next week or two.  so crazy.
Theme: the week of trying to soak up my kids and enjoy them and spend more time with them.
What's different this time around:  with all three, i've been pretty last minute getting stuff together.  hopefully i can finish stuff up within the next few days... maybe i'll even pack my hospital bag before i'm in heavy labor!

Extra:  i'm so lazy.  earlier this week i wrote out two long to do lists of things i needed to get done asap.  one list is baby related (get out moses basket, bottles and nursing stuff, pack hospital bag, etc) and one is just stuff i'd like to have done before i have a baby on my hands (paint my toenails, get everything visiting teaching related all updated, clean and organize a few hotspots around the house like the laundry room and that cabinet under my microwave)... but then i left my list on my nightstand and refused to look at it until right now.  i feel like if i'm not ready for my baby to come then my baby won't come.  and i'm just not ready to give my baby permission to come yet.  but in the meantime, maybe i'd be enjoying these last few weeks a little more if i wasn't constantly worried that all this stuff would bite me if i happened to go into labor now.  i did make pioneer woman's sour cream noodle bake (doubled the recipe and then split it between three smallish pans) for the freezer.  i'd like to make some lasagna to freeze too, but once again... lazy.  i am trying to stay relatively on top of stuff like laundry and grocery shopping (i normally try to stretch each of those to as close to ten days as i can) so that i'm not caught with an empty fridge or no clean clothes.

i've had a few productive days (yesterday i unloaded the dishwasher, did laundry, practiced piano, played with brady, went to a baby shower) and a few not so productive days, but i will say that i'm happy to report that i've been way better this past week about spending time with my kids.  even if i'm just sitting in the room while we play house (i'm the grandma that's napping in the chair or something boring like that) or snuggling while we watch pocahontas, it has felt great to blow off the things that i need to do and just sit and watch my kids instead.  it's still really recent, but i'm feeling my relationship with abigail mend and heal and improve from the broken relationship with was weeks ago.  i'm soaking up brady's adorable two year old ness and can't get over all of the funny things he says and does each day.  so i may not have a hospital bag packed, but i've been doing so much better mentally (although still crappy about calling and texting... sorry!) and i'm feeling more confident in my abilities as a mother to bring one more child into this world and that i'll have enough love and appreciation to go around.  so right now, that's my biggest focus.  thankfully, i'm feeling so grateful for my kids.  

Report card: "great"

I used to think I was a good mom. Actually, I still think that I used to be a good mom. But I don't feel that I'm currently a good mom. So I've been trying to check in with Abigail some nights to see how I'm doing.

Tonight was my best grade yet. I asked her if I was an okay mom today and she said I was fine. Wanting to know what I did right and wrong, I asked her what I was great at today... "Everything". Ha, really?  What was I not great at today? "Nothing!" Seriously?!  I asked her and she confirmed. It was a happy moment for both of us. 

Maybe there is hope for me after all. 

Ps- elder holland spoke at our special stake conference today. The whole conference was amazing and had me in tears. He blessed the entire congregation. The meeting focused a lot on adversity and trials and that everything will be made perfect in the end. We had lunch with him at the Hilliers after. It was a good day. But the very very very best part was that Abigail said I did great. ; ) I'm so happy. 

honey and brady

honey has been traveling more than usual lately to try to get stuff out of the way so that he'll be in town when i go into labor.  i'm happy to report that today i hit 37 weeks, and as of five minutes ago, honey made it home and won't be traveling anymore until june.

while it's hard on me to have my honey gone, it's also hard on the kids because they normally only get to see him for an hour or two on a normal workday... so not seeing him at all is just depressing.  this week, honey was gone to wyoming from 4am monday morning until 7pm tuesday night.  i kept the kids up so they'd get to see him for a bit before bed.  wednesday morning, he was gone again before 5am to go to salt lake and now it's thursday night and he just got back at 9:45.  it's not terribly hard on me in terms of single parenting because honestly, he's barely around to help out in the evening... just 30 minutes or so after dinner.  but i really really miss just having him around while we get ready for bed and i miss seeing him during the night when i wake up and roll over.  it's hard on honey when he gets home late from a trip because he knows he won't get to see the kids until the following night.  he frequently goes into abigail's room to see her because she sleeps like a rock, but it's not like they ever get to talk and she doesn't remember anything in the morning.  but he never gets to see brady.  which is super sad because brady's always asking where daddy is and running to the garage door every time our washing machine enters a new cycle phase that mimics the sound of the garage door.

well tonight was a huge success.  i took the kids to a graduation party for a bunch of kids at church, and even though it was just at our neighborhood clubhouse and we got there really near the beginning... we stayed late and didn't get home til after 8:30.  i put the kids to bed and while abigail fell asleep instantly... brady stayed awake singing in his crib.  when honey got home and found out brady was still awake, he ran up to see him (even though i told him he was being selfish because it would likely make brady cry... ha).  i couldn't hear anything because they were just speaking softly to one another, but i can't get over the preciousness of my honey sharing that time with brady and then rubbing his back and singing to him again before leaving the room (for the record... brady never cried).  for all the times today that brady said "where's daddy? daddy's in salt lake" it just warmed my heart that brady got to see my honey and that he knows he made it home safely.

my precious little boys.

Just call me Lady Tremaine

It is what it is. I can not deny it. 

37 weeks

How far along:  37 weeks  (5.14.15) ...compared to abigail at 37 weeks and brady at 37 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 28.5 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes...  same as before.  i finally got out my maternity g tops.  don't ask why it took so long but eventually i got sick of trying to pull down my usual tops so the hem wouldn't show through my shirt and leave a line across my lower belly.  annoying that they don't taper in at the bottom though because then it's a problem of them bunching up at the waist of my pants.  how do i get a spot on the committee that designs g's??? 

Sleep:  not bad.  my dreams have been really lowkey and even normal almost.  one night i had a dream that i went into labor when i was already at the doctor's office (getting my cold checked out) and my labor progressed pretty pain free and really fast (maybe 15 minutes or so until my body was pushing my baby out) and then i was all "crap! i need to text chris and tell himi to hurry over here!" so i willed my body to wait... and by the time he arrived, i was no longer in labor and my baby was all safe and nestled in my uterus again.  but also, there was one night that i woke up and couldn't even remember re dreamt about.  

Best moment this week:  mother's day!  my honey rocked it and i felt totally taken care of and spoiled.

Movement:  even more intense than before if that's even possible.  also, baby got hiccups for the first time (that i've noticed) during second or third hour at church on sunday.

Food cravings:  i eat just because it's necessary.  i have zero motivation to prepare anything that requires more time or energy than egg salad sandwiches.  the teriyaki salmon that klaudette made on sunday was really tasty though.  i sure do love salmon. 

Symptoms: same as before but with a whole lotta pregnancy depression.  also, i've been having some sciatic pain... nothing super sharp or horrendous like with my pregnancy with abigail (there were times when i would literally fall on the floor or be unable to walk because the pain was so severe), but it's like a painful cramp on my left side depending on how i'm standing or sitting or sneezing (i've had a cold this week).   luckily it's not very noticeable and it's just something weird to make note of.  the pregnancy depression is pretty debilitating though.

Gender:  girl  ; )

What I miss:  being happy and motivated.  i'm either laying in bed, or wishing that i was laying in bed.  sad but true.

Milestones:  reaching full term!
Theme: the week of having a cold and laying in bed 24/7
What's different this time around/extra:  well, i just read through my 37 week posts with brady and abigail and things are sounding pretty similar!  minor differences are that with abigail, i was still getting tons of stretch marks and, so far as i'm aware, haven't gotten any more with brady's pregnancy or this pregnancy.  also, with abigail, i remember that i had itching so bad, i would scratch to the point of drawing blood and having scabs on my belly.  sorry, gross but true.  i used to have to take bags of peas and corn from the freezer and ice my belly to make it numb so i couldn't feel the itching anymore.  most everything else seems to be pretty similar.  all i wanted to do was lay down, my baby was moving like crazy, i was getting nostalgic for pregnancy to end, i was stressing about not being ready or having everything done that needed to be done, i wasn't crazy about eating, and... i was depressed.  it actually made me feel so much better just now to reread my 37 week post with brady and see just how depressed i was because it makes me feel not so alone (even if i am reading about myself) and because it reminds me that this is just pregnancy... this is just how i am when i'm pregnant and it's not something that'll last forever or something that means i'm a horrible person or a horrible mother.  i feel so blessed that my body handles pregnancy so well, but this pregnancy i've had to hesitate when someone asks me how i feel about being pregnant.  i'm all "oh i love it!  but it does make me really depressed and i lay in bed a lot and spend a lot of time crying" as if that even makes sense.  but it's true.  i love being pregnant, but being pregnant makes me hate everything else.  certain things (that a lot of people wouldn't even give a second thought to) completely drive me crazy and give me horrible rage.  but as i said, it gives me comfort to recognize that i'm experiencing pregnancy depression (strangely, i never got the third trimester depression survey this time around) and that i'm not just this horrible lazy person.  i mean, i am, but it's with reason.  saturday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday of this week all looked pretty similar and it made it easier for me to realize how the depression manifests itself in my behavior.  i did not bother getting dressed.  if i put clothes on, it was late in the day, and only because i was cold, and normally was a hoodie or a shirt with holes and either my giant gray girls camp sweats or yoga pants if i was being a little more fancy.  i didn't bother to put on makeup or wash off my previous makeup.  i regularly go lots of days in a row without showering.  i sometimes don't even bother to put in my contacts because even that seems overwhelming and like too much work.  i don't cook.  i don't clean.  my kitchen hasn't been swept in at least a week and it has enough food on the floor to feed a small african country.  for the last week and a half, my honey has cleaned the kitchen every night that he's been in town.  i yell at my children and actually prefer not to be around them.  even when i wake up at 7:30, i don't get out of bed til after 11 or whenever brady eventually yells at me to get him out of his crib.  i make my kids oatmeal for breakfast if i'm ambitious and then i lay in bed while they eat.  if i'm extra unable to handle life, i have abigail get bananas for the both of them to eat.  i pour one cup of water and have them share, instead of actually getting two cups of water.  i can't look at anything without immediately tracing back in my mind how it's screwed up by abigail (messed up curtains, toys or shoes left out, something broken, etc.) and yesterday, i literally cried when brady finished my box of chocolates that he stole from my nightstand.  gone are the days of me bursting with love and pride at my precious little children.  i mostly just wander around my house and wonder "why on earth can they not just listen or do a SINGLE thing that i've asked or that they know they're supposed to do?!"  and then of course i spend too much time online trying to research new parenting techniques to fix my children because obviously i'm their mother and i'm the reason they're so screwed up because i've failed them.  and then i give up and cry myself to sleep again and then wake up and cry some more.  i'm not looking for any sympathy, i just want to get this all down so that when i'm experiencing this yet again with my next pregnancy... i'll have this to comfort me.  and just so you don't get too worried... i will say that not every day is horrible.  i mean, today i showered (and got dressed and did my hair and makeup), fed myself, kept up with the dishes, have enjoyed my children more and been annoyed less, went to the library for story time (it's the first time i've left the house since sunday night), and have kept my patience about things that would normally be annoying to me and even cause me to yell, scream, and cry.  i won't lie... it's been a pretty good day.  but as far as things go generally, just forgive me for not returning your calls/texts/etc.  it's not because i don't love you.  it's just because i'm depressed and i want to be alone.  

ps- i went back to the library website and put the hypnobirthing book on hold again (well, the 3rd edition... i'd already requested the 4th edition) and that turned out to be a good move because i'm still on hold for the 4th edition (and have been since april 30th or something) but got my hands on the 3rd edition today!  so now i need to study up and review.  yikes!

5.14.15 at 37 weeks

5.14.15 at 37 weeks

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was pretty great. I woke up to delicious breakfast in bed from my honey. Two plates of my favorite French toast with cream cheese, syrup, and berries. And then honey cleaned our entire kitchen. That may have been the best part. ; )  I sure do love a clean kitchen. It did make me feel like a horribly lazy wife though because he's cleaned our kitchen every day since he got home from his trip last Monday. And has fed himself/our kids/our whole family, at least half those nights. I'm big and pregnant and struggle to find the motivation to do anything other than lay in bed. Anyway, it was appreciated. Honey also got both kids ready for church while I showered. And he subbed Abigail's class during church. I had a great three hours of church, a wonderful time skyping with my family, a relaxing naptime reading Harry Potter, and a fun evening eating dinner and opening presents at my in laws. 

So the day was great and honey totally rocked it. But I will say, my kids didn't really do much of anything other than wish me happy Mother's Day and try to take my candy. 

Today though, they did their part. I woke up at 7:30 and, even though I was still so tired, I was too sick and congested to go back to sleep. So I read for a while and then at 9, put my head down to go back to sleep. And sleep I did. I heard abigail come downstairs at 10:15 with books in hand but when she saw I was asleep, she took them to the great room and read by herself on the sofa. I guess she was hungry though because I got a little tap tap tap on my shoulder with a "could you get me a bowl of cereal?" just 15 minutes later. 

So I started my day at 10:30, ate a bowl of cereal in bed, and then read a few books with abigail until I heard brady calling for me at11. Mother's Day part two?  I'll take it. Also, being sick while pregnant is so annoying. All I want is drugs but I never want to take anything. I guess I'll just keep lazing it in bed and blowing my nose every five seconds. 

Happy Monday! 

36 weeks

How far along:  36 weeks  (5.7.15)

Total weight gain/loss: 28 lbs

Maternity clothes:  yes... same as before.  i went to the temple tuesday.  if i go again before this baby is born then i will for sure need to rent a temple dress. i was thinking of renting one this time around, but i forgot until i was already in the dressing room and i didn't have any cash anyways and i wasn't sure if the temple took visa.  ; )  anyways, i looked absolutely ridiculous and my friends had a good laugh.  

Sleep:  not bad at all.  my dreams are really low key.  last night, i had a dream that i was at walmart and was trying to find all the stuff on my shopping list and was buying weird things like store bought beef jerky because ibotta was having $4 back rebates on stuff that only cost half that much.  

Best moment this week:  definitely monday night.  honey got back from his trip and we went out to dinner at carrabbas for our anniversary.  happy 8 years to us!  we talked about baby names and when we guessed the baby would come and he told me all about his trip and it was perfection.  i ordered the lobster ravioli, which was divine, and the waitress gave us a scoop of ice cream with caramel sauce and candied nuts with a candle on top.

Movement:  just holy cow, she never stops moving!  and it is intense!  lots of feet in the ribs and knees and elbows all over.  i won't lie... it's frequently uncomfortable and painful.  my doctor asked about her movement and i told her it never stopped and it was just constant jabbing and rolling and everything and she said that was great and a good sign of a healthy baby.  

Food cravings:  i'm not a huge fan of eating, but it isn't terrible.  i'm normally just not in the mood for anything and i get full really easily.  i still like chocolate chips though.  and scrambled eggs and egg salad sandwiches.  i've noticed that i have less of a tolerance for junk food and i feel gross when i eat it.  so if i have a morning with not a lot of nutritional value, by 3 o clock, i'm craving some squash or zucchini.  so basically, i'm kind of a picky eater again.  i picked going out to carrabbas solely because i wanted the lobster ravioli (and because i remember that christopher and i went there two years ago for our anniversary and it's the perfect environment for quiet conversation)... but i checked out the rest of the menu when i got there anyways and wouldn't you know, i had no interest in any other thing on the menu.  the plus side about getting full so easily was that after the initial bread (with olive oil and herbs and balsamic vinegar) and house salad, i really only needed to eat a small part of my entree (which is always a small serving anyway because it's lobster ravioli) before i was completely full.  so i got to bring home leftovers... which always makes me happy.  ; )

Symptoms: nausea and headache and backache and fatigue and lack of motivation and highs and lows of emotions and all of those sorts of things.  nothing that's getting in my way of life (except for all the bad days brought on by the pregnancy emotions... but i'm able to handle it better, knowing that it's just because i'm pregnant) so i'm still very much enjoying pregnancy.  several times this week, i've gotten lightheaded and sick like i'm about to pass out, but if i sit down and cool down (if i'm hot) then it goes away within a minute.  i feel really good so i'm still doing everything i normally would, but occasionally my body will really let me know that i need to slow down... and i'm not too proud to listen.

Gender:  i am happy to report that baby is still a girl!  and that we're getting super close to deciding on a name/nicknames/spelling... but as before, no official announcement til it's all set in stone on the birth papers.  i'm not a super decisive person so it's really not safe to go ahead monogramming anything right now.  ; )

What I miss:  fitting into my temple clothes... ; )  and having more control over my emotions and happiness.

Milestones:  i've got less than a month to go!
Theme: the week of ups and downs
What's different this time around:  with abigail, movement was slowing down... this time, not so much.  also, with abigail, i was getting comments about being pregnant with my third (because i was a nanny to two boys at the time) so this time it's actually cool that i AM super pregnant with my third.  dreams do come true! with brady, i was enjoying eating more than what i currently am.  but that makes sense because morning sickness during that pregnancy was a breeze... whereas i'm still getting it regularly in the evenings this time around.  

Extra:  i had an appointment on monday and met with my actual doctor, dr. walker.  i really like her.  she wasn't my doctor last time around, but she was the doctor on call that delivered brady.  she's always so nice and friendly and upbeat.  she brought in an ultrasound machine (i totally wasn't expecting this) and i told her i'd never had an ultrasound after the 20 week ultrasound with either of my previous pregnancies and she was blown away.  "how did they know if your baby was head down?!?!"  ha, i just shrugged.  anyways, she was happy to see that baby was nicely head down.  and i asked if she could confirm that baby was still a girl... which she did... and she is.  ; )  i asked her if i should take another hospital tour (they've been doing construction on the hospital so i wasn't sure how much is different now) and she said definitely yes because she's concerned about me getting to the hospital in time.  i told her i didn't waste time last time after i KNEW i was in labor and she said that i should come to the hospital this time around even if i just think i might be in labor.  i told her i would have a list of friends to call to watch my kids and she said it was fine if i needed to just bring my kids to the hospital with me.  i mean, hopefully my labor won't be any faster than it was with brady, but we're just trying to be prepared as best we can. she'd previously mentioned/asked about induction, but i told her i've only heard horror stories about it and wanted nothing to do with it.  luckily, she was really relieved and happy about that and fully supported my decision to wait for things to happen naturally.  everything at the appointment looked and measured and seemed to be just right so that's great.  i think i must be pretty straightforward as far as pregnant women go because she ended the appointment with an enthusiastic "i love pregnant women like you!"  ha.  

y'know who i wasn't as crazy about though? the nurse that was checking my blood pressure and everything.  she started out nice enough and was all "how're you feeling? great? that's good, you look good." and i was all "thanks, it's really fun to have a belly."  and she couldn't resist making a comment that was something like "well, it won't be fun for long" or something like that.  that has got to be by far my biggest pregnancy pet peeve... why do people insist on treating pregnancy like a horrible thing? or constantly feeling like they need to inform you of impending doom and gloom?  it drives me crazy.  pregnancy is such a crazy amazing miracle and there are a million and one women who have felt the intense sorrow of not being able to experience it.  so why would you say something as ungrateful and superficial as "it won't be fun for long" when you don't even know the whole story?!  either the lady is having a hard time and is already ungrateful for the aches and pains pregnancy brings and doesn't need you to add to it... or, she's glad for the experience and your comment will never apply to her.  i'll hop off my soapbox now, but come on, does anyone else feel the same way?

also, abigail is still dead set on naming our baby "vaseline" and we've been trying to be even more direct than before about how that will NOT be the name of her new baby sister.  she hasn't been very receptive to that though.  case in point... playing with her friends on wednesday afternoon, abigail suggested "vaseline!" as a name for whatever her friends were trying to name.  the 8 year old present was all "but isn't that a girl name? isn't that your baby sister's name?"  i about died.  apparently people are naming their kids such strange names these days that this 8 year old has no problem recognizing vaseline as an acceptable girl's name.

and, oh my goodness! i scheduled my last two appointments and my hospital tour (which i'm going on tonight) and i preregistered with the hospital and it's so crazy to me that this pregnancy is almost over!  yikes!  no!  i'm not ready to have three kids yet!  and ohheavensanewborn!  anyways, that's a little surreal to me.

and if i haven't mentioned it before, this is definitely the most nervous i've ever been about birthing a baby.  with abigail, i had a feeling i'd be late and that it would be a long and peaceful (epidural!) labor lasting roughly 24 hours.  i was late and, even though my labor was only 7 hours and my epidural didn't kick in til i was at a 10 and ready to push, it was pretty peaceful and all happened in good timing.  with brady, i was a little nervous (second labors are frequently half the length of time as the first) thinking i might have a 3.5 hour labor and i might go a few days early.  but hey, i'd practiced my hypnobirthing and surely everything would go pretty similarly to last time, right?  well, he was more than a week early, i was in denial about being in labor, and my contractions came on so fast each time that i would forget about my correct breathing until i was already hyperventilating.  my body was pushing while i was in the car on the way to the hospital, and it all happened so super fast.  after it was over, i was all "that couldn't have been more perfect!" but that's because i was already holding my healthy baby and everything was fine.  this time i'm all "oh my goodness what if this baby comes even sooner?" and "what if this baby comes even faster?" and "what if this labor doesn't go smoothly like my previous labors did?" and all of that sort of stuff.  i'm worried about knowing if i'm truly in labor, but i'm also worried that i'll show up to the hospital too early and there will be some complication or something and then there will be interventions and crap.  i'm not sure.  i just never was nervous for labor before but this time i totally am.  deeeep breaths.  and i'm still on hold at the library for that hypnobirthing book.  hopefully i can get a hold of it soon.

5.7.15 at 36 weeks

5.7.15 at 36 weeks

ps- sorry, i know the outfit sucks for really seeing the belly, but you get what you get.  i just snapped these as i ran out the door for my hospital tour.

pps- after two additional trips... walmart had baby hangers.  woohoo!

Crib climbing

Have I mentioned before how brady could totally climb out of his crib if he wanted to? This happened on April 28th and although he's done it since, he's never actually climbed out. I'm hoping he'll end up being like Abigail who was capable of climbing out (and even did on two or three occasions) but still was happy to be contained and sleep in her crib til she was three and a half. 

We shall see...

it's been 8 years

monday, we celebrated our 8th anniversary.  i can't believe it's already been 8 years!  that seems like so long and i feel like we just got married last spring.  honey even wrote in his card to me "I can't believe it's been 8 years already! (that is the right number, right?)" which i had to laugh at because a few years ago, he was off on his math on our anniversary card and thought we'd been married one less year than we had.  

it's true, our marriage just feels so fresh.

i gave honey a card (one that i'd saved and reused from our own wedding!) and a pack of chocolate twizzlers wrapped in heart ribbon.

honey gave me a card and a dozen roses.  it was perfection.

my favorite part of the day was that my honey was back from his trip... i was sooo excited just to see him and have him around.  we dropped the kids off with my mil and went to carrabbas.  it was so wonderful.  we sat in a quiet little booth and honey told me all about his trip (he took a weekend cruise with a bunch of guys) and it was amazing.  my honey isn't a super talkative guy, but he had plenty to tell me about this time and i was more than happy to listen.  when he says anything, i drop what i'm doing to listen... i love listening to him.  it was such a fun night.  i still feel like we're a young married couple so it's crazy to me that we're about to have our third kid.  that's nuts!

i love our comfortable our marriage is and how i feel like we're just on the same page.  i'm grateful that we get to go on trips together and that we're okay if one of us travels without the other.  i'm happy to stay home with the kids for several days while he goes off to do something fun and i know he's more than willing (and has in the past) to do the same for me.  i'm glad that when i have friends invite me to go to the temple with them with only a few hours notice, that i know i can text my honey and he'll make it happen and get home at whatever time he needs to so i can go with them.  and i love that even when i leave tons of toys and dishes all over that i'll come home to a clean house and an empty sink.  my honey is so good to me.  he was way out of my league when i met him, and he still is all these years later.  i'm so thankful i got someone so great.

My kids are trying to kill me

Oh my goodness, words can't express how much today sucked. Rest assured, there were some happy moments of today, but I'm practically positive that none of them included my kids. I used to like my kids. But lately? No. They are horrible. I mean, worse than horrible. I'm wondering if it's too late to back out of this whole parenthood thing. 

I spent 90% of church today trying to wipe my tears as discretely as possible. Have I told you lately how I haven't been enjoying my children? I was thiiiiis close to leaving church today (which I have never ever done) during sacrament meeting except that ishes bed my kids and run out without my purse. And I'd already been in and out at least six times and there was still at least twenty minutes late and I didn't want everyone to see my tear soaked eyes while I ran in to grab my purse and not return to church til next week. That is the only reason I stayed. Even though I told myself it was because I wanted to enjoy two hours to myself by staying at church and sending my kids to nursery and primary. Well jokes on me because brady threw too many fits and I literally was only away from him for the last twenty minutes of church. And that was because I took him to the nursery room and say "Bronwyn, I'm sorry if he screams, but I have to leave him here or I'm going to lose my marbles."  And what do us know, he didn't even cry. And he didn't even want to come home with me when I picked him up at the end. What the heck brady?!

But my real problem of the day (and most days, let's just be honest here) was Abigail. Which I won't even go into because my fingers would fall off from typing. I used to be obsessed with her when she was younger. If we were in a marriage relationship instead of a mother daughter relationship, I would be seeking out a divorce lawyer. Is there such thing as boarding school kindergarten? That offers a summer school option? That has immediate availability? I just keep talking to myself (because I'm going insane) and saying "I sure hope my mother hated me for the majority of my childhood" because that at least would give me hope for my future with Abigail. 

The plus side is that I've handled this all pretty well and haven't been a horrendous parent. Even if I do wish that someone would offer to adopt my children. 

Hallelujah that my honey gets back in town tomorrow. Hopefully I'm still alive then. 

When I got everything done

Today was extremely productive and holy cow am I beat! 

I started my day reading three conference talks on parenting/children. 

I got dressed and did my hair and makeup. 

I made chocolate chip waffles for the kids (pecan waffles for myself) with everything on top (whipped cream, powdered sugar, syrup, and fresh strawberries) and we all ate breakfast together so happily. It was delicious.

The kids played so well together listening to Aladdin music and then Magyar music while I unloaded the dishwasher, organized our cup cabinet, did the dishes, and cleaned up the kitchen a bit. 

I did three loads of laundry start to finish and there is nothing dirty in the house right now. Woohoo! 

I mowed the lawn, edged it, did some yard work, filled the giant blue trash can, swept out the garage, and even weeded some. 

Brady took a great nap while Abigail had quiet time. 

I showered! 

I cleaned the shower! Scrubbed the glass clean and super scrubbed the floor. I hate cleaning our shower floor. 

I put on sleeping beauty for Abigail and brady and baby girl's friend, Alice. Abigail loved that she got to have a friend over for a princess movie party. She wore her Ariel dress the whole day. 

I made Rice Krispie treats with the kids tonight while waiting for their oatmeal to cool down. And then, since I put some chocolate chips in there, they ate it super fast and got to have some Rice Krispie treat before bed. 

I vaccumed the upstairs. 

My kitchen is clean. Counters, dishes, floors...

Actually, the great room is clean and so are both kids bedrooms. 

I practiced the piano multiple times today. 

I didn't binge eat mass amounts of sugar in relation to parenting my children. I didn't horribly yell at them either. 

Holy cow I am exhausted. Also, my shooting back pain is getting worse. I'm wondering if it's tied to my physical activity like mowing the lawn and doing other yard work. 

According to the fatigue hitting my body, there's got to be other things I did today that I'm forgetting right now. But holy cow it feels good to have that stuff done. I love when the kids have closets full of clean clothes and that I have fresh sheets on my bed that is made soooo perfectly right now. 

Saturday is a special day... It's the day we get ready for suuuunday. 

Someone give me a pat on the back for this... And then just keep patting... With both hands... and massage my muscles a bit while you're at it. 

k, thanks.