How far along: 37 weeks (5.14.15) ...compared to abigail at 37 weeks and brady at 37 weeks
Theme: the week of having a cold and laying in bed 24/7
What's different this time around/extra: well, i just read through my 37 week posts with brady and abigail and things are sounding pretty similar! minor differences are that with abigail, i was still getting tons of stretch marks and, so far as i'm aware, haven't gotten any more with brady's pregnancy or this pregnancy. also, with abigail, i remember that i had itching so bad, i would scratch to the point of drawing blood and having scabs on my belly. sorry, gross but true. i used to have to take bags of peas and corn from the freezer and ice my belly to make it numb so i couldn't feel the itching anymore. most everything else seems to be pretty similar. all i wanted to do was lay down, my baby was moving like crazy, i was getting nostalgic for pregnancy to end, i was stressing about not being ready or having everything done that needed to be done, i wasn't crazy about eating, and... i was depressed. it actually made me feel so much better just now to reread my 37 week post with brady and see just how depressed i was because it makes me feel not so alone (even if i am reading about myself) and because it reminds me that this is just pregnancy... this is just how i am when i'm pregnant and it's not something that'll last forever or something that means i'm a horrible person or a horrible mother. i feel so blessed that my body handles pregnancy so well, but this pregnancy i've had to hesitate when someone asks me how i feel about being pregnant. i'm all "oh i love it! but it does make me really depressed and i lay in bed a lot and spend a lot of time crying" as if that even makes sense. but it's true. i love being pregnant, but being pregnant makes me hate everything else. certain things (that a lot of people wouldn't even give a second thought to) completely drive me crazy and give me horrible rage. but as i said, it gives me comfort to recognize that i'm experiencing pregnancy depression (strangely, i never got the third trimester depression survey this time around) and that i'm not just this horrible lazy person. i mean, i am, but it's with reason. saturday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday of this week all looked pretty similar and it made it easier for me to realize how the depression manifests itself in my behavior. i did not bother getting dressed. if i put clothes on, it was late in the day, and only because i was cold, and normally was a hoodie or a shirt with holes and either my giant gray girls camp sweats or yoga pants if i was being a little more fancy. i didn't bother to put on makeup or wash off my previous makeup. i regularly go lots of days in a row without showering. i sometimes don't even bother to put in my contacts because even that seems overwhelming and like too much work. i don't cook. i don't clean. my kitchen hasn't been swept in at least a week and it has enough food on the floor to feed a small african country. for the last week and a half, my honey has cleaned the kitchen every night that he's been in town. i yell at my children and actually prefer not to be around them. even when i wake up at 7:30, i don't get out of bed til after 11 or whenever brady eventually yells at me to get him out of his crib. i make my kids oatmeal for breakfast if i'm ambitious and then i lay in bed while they eat. if i'm extra unable to handle life, i have abigail get bananas for the both of them to eat. i pour one cup of water and have them share, instead of actually getting two cups of water. i can't look at anything without immediately tracing back in my mind how it's screwed up by abigail (messed up curtains, toys or shoes left out, something broken, etc.) and yesterday, i literally cried when brady finished my box of chocolates that he stole from my nightstand. gone are the days of me bursting with love and pride at my precious little children. i mostly just wander around my house and wonder "why on earth can they not just listen or do a SINGLE thing that i've asked or that they know they're supposed to do?!" and then of course i spend too much time online trying to research new parenting techniques to fix my children because obviously i'm their mother and i'm the reason they're so screwed up because i've failed them. and then i give up and cry myself to sleep again and then wake up and cry some more. i'm not looking for any sympathy, i just want to get this all down so that when i'm experiencing this yet again with my next pregnancy... i'll have this to comfort me. and just so you don't get too worried... i will say that not every day is horrible. i mean, today i showered (and got dressed and did my hair and makeup), fed myself, kept up with the dishes, have enjoyed my children more and been annoyed less, went to the library for story time (it's the first time i've left the house since sunday night), and have kept my patience about things that would normally be annoying to me and even cause me to yell, scream, and cry. i won't lie... it's been a pretty good day. but as far as things go generally, just forgive me for not returning your calls/texts/etc. it's not because i don't love you. it's just because i'm depressed and i want to be alone.
Total weight gain/loss: 28.5 lbs
Maternity clothes: yes... same as before. i finally got out my maternity g tops. don't ask why it took so long but eventually i got sick of trying to pull down my usual tops so the hem wouldn't show through my shirt and leave a line across my lower belly. annoying that they don't taper in at the bottom though because then it's a problem of them bunching up at the waist of my pants. how do i get a spot on the committee that designs g's???
Sleep: not bad. my dreams have been really lowkey and even normal almost. one night i had a dream that i went into labor when i was already at the doctor's office (getting my cold checked out) and my labor progressed pretty pain free and really fast (maybe 15 minutes or so until my body was pushing my baby out) and then i was all "crap! i need to text chris and tell himi to hurry over here!" so i willed my body to wait... and by the time he arrived, i was no longer in labor and my baby was all safe and nestled in my uterus again. but also, there was one night that i woke up and couldn't even remember re dreamt about.
Best moment this week: mother's day! my honey rocked it and i felt totally taken care of and spoiled.
Movement: even more intense than before if that's even possible. also, baby got hiccups for the first time (that i've noticed) during second or third hour at church on sunday.
Food cravings: i eat just because it's necessary. i have zero motivation to prepare anything that requires more time or energy than egg salad sandwiches. the teriyaki salmon that klaudette made on sunday was really tasty though. i sure do love salmon.
Symptoms: same as before but with a whole lotta pregnancy depression. also, i've been having some sciatic pain... nothing super sharp or horrendous like with my pregnancy with abigail (there were times when i would literally fall on the floor or be unable to walk because the pain was so severe), but it's like a painful cramp on my left side depending on how i'm standing or sitting or sneezing (i've had a cold this week). luckily it's not very noticeable and it's just something weird to make note of. the pregnancy depression is pretty debilitating though.
Gender: girl ; )
What I miss: being happy and motivated. i'm either laying in bed, or wishing that i was laying in bed. sad but true.
Milestones: reaching full term!Theme: the week of having a cold and laying in bed 24/7
What's different this time around/extra: well, i just read through my 37 week posts with brady and abigail and things are sounding pretty similar! minor differences are that with abigail, i was still getting tons of stretch marks and, so far as i'm aware, haven't gotten any more with brady's pregnancy or this pregnancy. also, with abigail, i remember that i had itching so bad, i would scratch to the point of drawing blood and having scabs on my belly. sorry, gross but true. i used to have to take bags of peas and corn from the freezer and ice my belly to make it numb so i couldn't feel the itching anymore. most everything else seems to be pretty similar. all i wanted to do was lay down, my baby was moving like crazy, i was getting nostalgic for pregnancy to end, i was stressing about not being ready or having everything done that needed to be done, i wasn't crazy about eating, and... i was depressed. it actually made me feel so much better just now to reread my 37 week post with brady and see just how depressed i was because it makes me feel not so alone (even if i am reading about myself) and because it reminds me that this is just pregnancy... this is just how i am when i'm pregnant and it's not something that'll last forever or something that means i'm a horrible person or a horrible mother. i feel so blessed that my body handles pregnancy so well, but this pregnancy i've had to hesitate when someone asks me how i feel about being pregnant. i'm all "oh i love it! but it does make me really depressed and i lay in bed a lot and spend a lot of time crying" as if that even makes sense. but it's true. i love being pregnant, but being pregnant makes me hate everything else. certain things (that a lot of people wouldn't even give a second thought to) completely drive me crazy and give me horrible rage. but as i said, it gives me comfort to recognize that i'm experiencing pregnancy depression (strangely, i never got the third trimester depression survey this time around) and that i'm not just this horrible lazy person. i mean, i am, but it's with reason. saturday, monday, tuesday, and wednesday of this week all looked pretty similar and it made it easier for me to realize how the depression manifests itself in my behavior. i did not bother getting dressed. if i put clothes on, it was late in the day, and only because i was cold, and normally was a hoodie or a shirt with holes and either my giant gray girls camp sweats or yoga pants if i was being a little more fancy. i didn't bother to put on makeup or wash off my previous makeup. i regularly go lots of days in a row without showering. i sometimes don't even bother to put in my contacts because even that seems overwhelming and like too much work. i don't cook. i don't clean. my kitchen hasn't been swept in at least a week and it has enough food on the floor to feed a small african country. for the last week and a half, my honey has cleaned the kitchen every night that he's been in town. i yell at my children and actually prefer not to be around them. even when i wake up at 7:30, i don't get out of bed til after 11 or whenever brady eventually yells at me to get him out of his crib. i make my kids oatmeal for breakfast if i'm ambitious and then i lay in bed while they eat. if i'm extra unable to handle life, i have abigail get bananas for the both of them to eat. i pour one cup of water and have them share, instead of actually getting two cups of water. i can't look at anything without immediately tracing back in my mind how it's screwed up by abigail (messed up curtains, toys or shoes left out, something broken, etc.) and yesterday, i literally cried when brady finished my box of chocolates that he stole from my nightstand. gone are the days of me bursting with love and pride at my precious little children. i mostly just wander around my house and wonder "why on earth can they not just listen or do a SINGLE thing that i've asked or that they know they're supposed to do?!" and then of course i spend too much time online trying to research new parenting techniques to fix my children because obviously i'm their mother and i'm the reason they're so screwed up because i've failed them. and then i give up and cry myself to sleep again and then wake up and cry some more. i'm not looking for any sympathy, i just want to get this all down so that when i'm experiencing this yet again with my next pregnancy... i'll have this to comfort me. and just so you don't get too worried... i will say that not every day is horrible. i mean, today i showered (and got dressed and did my hair and makeup), fed myself, kept up with the dishes, have enjoyed my children more and been annoyed less, went to the library for story time (it's the first time i've left the house since sunday night), and have kept my patience about things that would normally be annoying to me and even cause me to yell, scream, and cry. i won't lie... it's been a pretty good day. but as far as things go generally, just forgive me for not returning your calls/texts/etc. it's not because i don't love you. it's just because i'm depressed and i want to be alone.
ps- i went back to the library website and put the hypnobirthing book on hold again (well, the 3rd edition... i'd already requested the 4th edition) and that turned out to be a good move because i'm still on hold for the 4th edition (and have been since april 30th or something) but got my hands on the 3rd edition today! so now i need to study up and review. yikes!
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| 5.14.15 at 37 weeks |
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| 5.14.15 at 37 weeks |
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