Thursday, November 29, 2012

36 weeks


How far along:   36 weeks  (11.29.12) -  compared to 36 weeks with abigail
Total weight gain/loss: + 23 lbs  
Maternity clothes:  totally just depends on the day...
Sleep:  it's going alright.  i haven't been waking up during the night anymore to go to the bathroom but i have been waking up at 7 am every day or whenever my christopher leaves for work.  not that great because my baby sleeps in and i don't have any motivation to be productive that early in the morning so it's just wasted time.  and when i don't wake up naturally, it's almost always with a headache.  i hate that part.  this morning i actually fell back asleep after my honey left for work and although it was nice to sleep for an extra hour, my dream was me in the bathroom of a university library or something, pleading and crying with a girl that was wanting an abortion.  maybe i would just rather stay awake after all...
Best moment this week:  that's probably gotta be monday night ice skating at the pepsi center with my christopher and abigail.
Movement:  movement has been absolutely crazy this week.  like what you do when you walk through a spider web and turn into a ninja kung fu fighter.  also, he's giving me some elbow rolls that are ummm, i don't know the word to describe it but they make me gasp out loud when it happens.  he's getting stuck under my ribs more and more often (still favoring my left side), and some nights it's hard to go to sleep because it's not gentle and soothing like it was with abigail, it's disturbing and i have to focus and brace myself for it!
Food cravings:  i still gotta say that eating is really enjoyable when i don't have to prepare or cleanup any part of it!  i'm still lacking motivation to cook.  the only thing that makes me really really want to eat is that i get insanely hungry.  but when i'm that hungry, i don't have the patience to wait an hour or two while i thaw meat or make a meal.  i need to force myself to cook when i'm not hungry so i'll have leftovers when i need something to go to.  i eat my usual eggs on toasted french bread for breakfast... sometime between 9 and 11.  and then maybe i'll eat something small to average around 4 and then when i'm hungry again before bed i usually just blow it off and go to sleep instead.  because it's easier to go to sleep than to eat.  not the healthiest and i'm really going to try to step up my game and be better this last month.  on a happier note... egg nog tastes awesome and requires no prep or cleanup.  
Gender:  BOY!  i should let christopher know that i think i might have the name picked out... but it won't be for sure and settled until we're in the hospital and we see him.  so for that reason, we've got some backups.  it's still beyond me how i'm going to love a new kid as much as abigail, so i'm trying to bring back my memories from being freshly pregnant in april when i kept thinking about a little baby boy.  it's not working that well.
What I miss:  being emotionally stable.  this week, and the past few days especially, have been rough.  when it's good then it's really good and i'm super happy and life is grand.  when it's not good then it's constantly on the verge of tears and my whole life is terrible and doomed and i experience ummm... very unpleasant anxiety.  i keep telling myself... only one more month... and then i can be happy again!  that's assuming i get post partum manic euphoria like i did last time... and not the post partum depression that's usually the case with new moms...
Milestones:   i'm less than a month away!
Theme: the week of too many tears because my life is perfect and my life sucks.
Extra:  i still feel good.  my body is nice to me if i am nice to it.  i went bowling on friday and by the end my back was getting stiff and would "catch" sometimes... i don't know how to describe it.  tuesday i spent the first half of the day cleaning and organizing.  vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen floor and some bending and lifting and... same thing as friday... my back was stiff and catching and would just get stuck and it made me feel like i was eighty years old.  now i just have to keep reminding myself of that before i get to that point.
also, i could whine for a really long time about pregnancy anxiety and depression and the sorts but i'll pass, at least for the moment, while i enjoy a moment of peace.

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