if you give a mom two kids

we're pretty crappy about having an actually family home evening on monday nights.  we definitely spend time together as a family... but it normally doesn't include a formal spiritual lesson.  well, we actually had one a few weeks ago.  honey shared with us two mormon messages videos.  one on being a mom and one on being a dad.  it turned out to be pretty prophetic... at least for me.  especially because when i thought things were really going to pick up with brady, he sprouted a tooth and his nighttime sleep regressed, daytime sleep regressed, and fussiness increased.  if he was an only child, this really wouldn't be a problem.  and as it is, it's still not a huge deal because my life is still so blessedly easy.  but the thing is... it's frustrating to me.  it's frustrating that i used to be able to do more and that i want to do more... but there is literally not enough time in the day to do everything i would like to do and save my mental sanity.  blogging is my therapy and right now... that's what i'm doing.  between popping a binky in brady's mouth every four seconds.  dude, we both know you're gonna throw a fit the second that thing leaves your lips... so keep it in your mouth!

y'know those laura numeroff books?  if you give a mouse a cookie, if you give a moose a muffin, if you give a pig a party, if you give a dog a donut... those.  that's been my day.  around noon, brady was sleeping and it was gorgeous weather so i thought it would be fun for baby girl to play outside.  well... it took a while.  took a while to go potty, get on appropriate play clothes and shoes, get an easter treat to take outside with her, and gather up the trains she wanted to bring, and probably at least five other things i can't even remember.  it's a process.  during this time, my honey texted me with the location of the pants he needed me to fix ("hanging in the closet" still took a lot of looking) and baby girl insisted on helping me find those before going outside.  so finally she got outside and i had pants.  i set myself at the kitchen table to i could watch her play in the backyard and then i realized i didn't have the right thread.  so i came back with the right thread, got it cut to size, hadn't even gotten my needle out yet and... i hear brady waking up on the monitor.  makes sense because he naps for about 2.5 hours and it had been 2h and 23 minutes.  i just hadn't expected it to take so long to get pants and baby girl outside.

so i told abigail that i would just run upstairs to get brady and be right back.  i sat back at the kitchen table and told her again, "it'll just take a few minutes for brady to eat and then we can all go to the front yard and you can ride bikes on the driveway!"  she was very pleased.  well, when brady was mostly done eating, he started pooping.  and it went on and on and on and on.  "don't worry baby girl!  i'm just going to run to my room real quick and change brady's diaper... want to come?"  so she came.  but as soon as i unzipped his sleep sack, i knew this was a job that needed to be taken upstairs to the changing table.  it was maybe his worst blowout yet.  it was of epic proportions.  so then i had to fill up the bathtub and bathe the kid.  i got him in a fresh diaper and new clothes and he spitup and of course it got on his bath towel and new clothes and even his freshly washed hair.  got him cleaned up again and took a load of laundry downstairs while brady cried upstairs.  then i got him and went downstairs again before realizing... he's already been awake for an hour... he's going to get fussy and need to nap soon and now it's 1:30 and abigail will need to eat lunch so that she can nap too.  after explaining to baby girl that there was no time for bikes on the driveway, i got her bike from the garage and put it on the patio.  i went back inside to get brady and somehow she was riding her bike on the grass.  noooo idea how she got it down there by herself.  especially so quickly and without getting hurt.  so confused.  so we all hung out outside for five minutes and then i got her set up with her bike on the patio again and i worked on stain treating brady's clothes and getting everything in the washer.  while i was doing that, abigail decided she wanted to hang out with us instead and helped grab brady a binky because he was crying again and my hands were covered with poop and stain chemicals.  she's a great helper.  then i grabbed her a banana and a sippy and sat her at the table to eat while i took brady upstairs to nap.  that took a number of attempts and when i came back down, baby girl was already running to the stairs saying she was ready to nap.  i asked her if she finished her banana and whatever and she threw her arms up at me and said "take me to sleep!"  man, i guess she was tired because we did her whole nap routine (while periodically giving brady his binky and thankfully he eventually went to sleep) and she went right to sleep... didn't even play for a minute... or get naked.  so i came downstairs, heated up a taquito from last night, ate that, brought my sewing stuff to my bed and was pulling up the scriptures online to listen to while i was sewing when... i heard brady crying.  he frequently wakes up at the 45 minute mark but goes back to sleep right away with a binky.  not today.  after several attempts i just grabbed him out of his crib.  i couldn't help think of how my day seemed like that mormon messages video.

so i brought him downstairs to my bed and i nursed him while i watched the mormon messages video... and cried.  i guess really i just listened to the video while i looked at brady.  he was so intently looking into my eyes and he was holding my finger with his hand on my chest and was just precious and calm.  i love when nursing him is like that... not him arching his back and screaming and kicking... because we still get plenty of that too.  it was a precious moment.  elder holland's words are so encouraging.  also they made me think of what my christopher said to me on monday after i was almost in tears telling him that aside from keeping the kids alive, the only thing i'd accomplished in the entire day was a trip to walmart... which was so depressing because it took my whole morning to get ready, a ton of time while we were there, and then all afternoon to recover from the trip, kids getting late naps, and groceries not even getting completely put away.  he told me that he was impressed with what i had done that day.  that a trip to walmart was a great thing.  he said that keeping the kids alive every day is the only thing i need to accomplish every day and "everything else is just gravy."  i go back and forth on my feelings on this but i know it's at least part true.  there's too much i consider "absolutely necessary" when really, there are actually very few things (like keeping the kids alive) that fall into that category.  i constantly feel like i'm not doing enough when i know it's not for lack of trying (i helped set up, clean up, and speak at our new beginnings program when i freaking had the flu with a fever of 101 and the worst full body aches of my life).  i feel like been learning and relearning this lesson about every five or six days for the past few months, ever since brady was born.  which speaking of... he's finally asleep again... and now i can go fold that laundry in the dryer.  after that maybe throw together something edible for dinner, pick up the house a little bit, finish icing the cake i made for our neighbors (let's all pray they'll be home this time!) and maybe shower or at least get clothes, hair, and makeup done before my friend's baby shower tonight.

seriously, how am i supposed to have five kids when i already feel like such a failure with two?  i need another pep talk with my dear weed.  although i did talk to her a bit last night... it may have been about nasty cherry vanilla coke concoctions, bad math and losing two cents on a deal, quick trip, racism, and a husband carrying his amputee wife into a QT... among other things.  maybe i'm only hanging in here because of that phone call and talking to my sister emmy and skyping with my wonderful carolyn.  yes, sara snow, it's the little things.

and one last thing because i can't figure it out for the life of me.... how do moms with toddlers get bored?!  like all those mom's that pin ideas of things to do with their toddlers because i guess they've got just so much time on their hands?!  i was totally bored when abigail was a little baby... but not now.  i've gotta be missing something because i can't even seem to get my kids outside for a few minutes... much less make super cool forts and creatures out of cotton balls and pipe cleaners and homemade playdough.  ohhhh, someday.