baby going downhill

i mentioned in this post that baby girl hasn't been acting herself lately.  well, that was friday night that i was writing that.  and hours after posting it, baby girl woke up during the night for the first time in.... ummm i don't know... at least six or seven months maybe?  she has woken up during the night during that time when we were traveling or maybe once at home with a poopy diaper but never like this.  she cried for five minutes.  then stopped for five.  then started crying again.  and at that point, christopher got out of bed and went up to check on her.  he was back in bed within ten mins.  when i asked him about it he said he just held her and rocked in the glider and she fell asleep and he placed her back in her crib.  she didn't ask for a binky or a sippy or say that she was all done sleeping so that's nice but it was still so unusual for her to wake up during the night crying like that.

the next night, she slept all the way through.

the night after that, she woke up again.  this time i went to go get her and i had the same experience as christopher.  rocked her in her glider, she fell asleep, i put her in her crib (but jostled her enough to semi wake her up... i don't like to put her in her crib when she's totally knocked out), and told her goodnight.  i think she told me she wanted me to hold her again or that she wanted to play... i can't remember... but i told her it was dark and time to sleep and i'd see her in the morning and she was fine with that.  she woke up happy in the morning as usual.

since then, she hasn't woken up at night anymore.  and since that initial post, she hasn't cried when we've put her in bed, it's just the stalling before bed and the super anxious whining.

today i put her in her crib to nap and an hour and a half later she was still awake and crying off and on.  she'd pooped.  since it was basically 4:00, i decided to get her up and so i'll just put her down early tonight since she didn't get a nap.  we'll see how that goes.

also, her preference for me over christopher has only heightened.  if he takes her up for bed, she'll cry the whole way up the stairs, all through brushing teeth and diaper and pj's and finally she'll just stand at the top of the stairs crying for mommy until i come get her and take over.  it makes my heart break for christopher on nights like last night where she refused to tell him goodnight or give him a hug or kiss, even while i was holding her.

and because all of that isn't enough, her eating is affected and she's much crankier during the day... which i can't attribute to lack of sleep because she's still sleeping the same amount as before.  yesterday morning she was constantly asking me to hold her, she refused to sit in her high chair for breakfast, and when she finally ate (sitting on my lap with me spoon feeding her oatmeal) it wasn't more than six or seven bites of it.  at one point i was holding her and put her down telling her we could walk to the kitchen to get something yummy to eat.  as i walked, she stood there crying.  i thought she'd eventually follow but she never took a single step, just stayed there crying until i came back and got her a few minutes later.  WHAT?!?!

even when we went to the park with jodi and elle yesterday, she wasn't acting like herself and jodi even commented that it seemed like she wasn't feeling well... either coming down with something or bad teething happening.  today she was cranky again when we were at michaela's house after joy school.  my friend kirstyn even commented on how she was literally putting everything in her mouth.  every single thing she picked up.  and she cried when we left.  she's always sad to have to leave a friend's house but normally she just says "i want friend's house" and is completely fine when i say something like "yeah, that was fun playing with our friends but now it's time to nap.  we'll come back and play with them another day."  nope... today it was full out crying.  not for long but still so unusual.

and all of this being said, i've written this entire post while she's wandered around entertaining herself with books, my boots, a cell phone charger, a matchbox car, and jumping/running in circles on my bed.  so it's not like every single second is terrible.  just a lot of them.  ; )

and i will go ahead and say, i know this doesn't make my life super difficult, but like any mom knows, it's hard to see your kid not acting like their usual happy self.  something in you just can't stop until you get it figured out.  and even though a lot of what she's doing is normal for other kids, it's definitely not her norm so i know something is seriously wrong.  like when she was a baby and i called the doctor because she was super fussy.  i was on the phone with the nurse telling her i thought my baby was sick because she was so fussy and upset.  she said "well, where's your baby now?  is she napping?"  i was like "no, she's awake, i'm holding her."  and she was like "well, she's not crying or fussying right now... so it doesn't seem like she can be that upset."  so then i had to explain to her that just the fact that she needed to be held meant that something was really wrong because even as a newborn she never fussed to be held.  she was skeptical but i guess she wasn't allowed to deny me an appointment if i wanted one so she went ahead and scheduled it.  well... my baby had a fever well over 100 degrees.

so just like was the case then... i am very sure something has got to be wrong with my child.