Sunday, August 6, 2017

knocked over by the spirit

I had a pretty amazing experience at church today.  I've been struggling hardcore with one of my kids... who will remain nameless but obvious.  

in the mother's lounge today, I was talking with my friend liz.  just about motherhood.  she asked how I was doing with four kids (well, everyone has been asking about how I've been doing with four kids) and then we somehow got on the subject of how one of her kids is a huge struggle for her like one of my kids is for me.  they're even similar ages and going into the same grade and fall in the same place in sibling order and have a number of the same issues.  she would say something and I was all "YES! exactly that!" and it was such a relief to me to hear from someone else that was/is experiencing so many of my same struggles.  then she used a certain word to describe her feelings about this child (a word that has raced through my mind a countless number of times lately) and in that moment, I KNEW Heavenly Father was giving me that conversation with liz as a direct answer to an unspoken prayer.  I even shouted out and was all "LIZ! stop it! you are going to make me cry! this is exactly what I have been feeling and thinking! I can't tell you how it makes me feel to hear you say that word to describe how you feel!" we talked more and eventually I left.  I would have loved to stay but I really didn't want to miss third hour and knew already that I would be late.  

once I got to the RS room and saw all the men in there, I was bummed because I'd forgotten it was a combined special lesson and I was even more upset that I hadn't been on time, but I recovered quickly when I saw it was our bishop teaching the lesson.  I love his lessons.  

I can't even tell you how many super strong and direct and crystal clear promptings came to me during that lesson.  the spirit in the room was so incredibly strong.  Christopher was actually teaching the third hour special lesson to the youth so he wasn't there for bishop's lesson and was asking me after church how it went.  I said something like, I couldn't really tell you much about the actual delivery of the lesson or anything on a literal level, but the spirit was so strong, and it was one of those lessons that just opened up the floodgates for inspiration that I needed to hear.  

seriously, I took a few notes on my phone but even felt stupid doing that because everything I was writing down felt so insanely obvious.  but it was all the stuff that I didn't know I needed to hear.  it was just for me.  and my notes weren't what bishop was saying... it was just these loud and clear phrases that were coming to my head as if they were spoken by someone sitting right next to me.  except that there's wasn't anyone right there because I was in the aisle seat.  but it was RIGHT THERE. things I needed to hear for me and for my current trials in motherhood.  

my simple notes (just enough to prompt my memory) from the lesson are these...

christ descended below all things so he could know EXACTLY what I'm going through and how I feel.  he can relate to me.  I was so comforted in the mother's lounge that liz knew (somewhat) what I was going through with my child but had failed to remember the one who knows my situation with complete exactness.

my advice is perfect.  I give such great advice as a mother and I need to take my own advice.  while I'm a mother to my struggle of a child, I'm also a struggling child of God.  to my child, I always (too frequently with an exasperated voice) say, "I am your mother! I am here to help you! MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU!"  bishop told the story of Shrek the sheep (his picture went viral on Facebook sometime within the last couple of years) who escaped shearing for years on end and had something like 60+ lbs of wool on him.  he was likely hot (lived in New Zealand) and experiencing discomfort from that.  also, it was so heavy.  and it was covering his eyes and likely impairing his vision.  maybe the shearing process wasn't fun, but he would have been far better off with it.  I don't know why he wasn't sheared, but he shouldn't have run from it... he should have been coming to his shepherd to accept shearing help.  also, where were his sheep friends to help include him in the flock? are we all taking care of each other?

"my yolk is easy and my burden is light"

"by their fruits ye shall know them" - because I was listening to this lesson and the spirit in the room was nearly suffocating. especially at the end when our dear bishop was preaching kindness.  kindness to everyone, because we don't know their story.  and I thought to myself, how many people choose to leave the church because of some weird story they've heard about something relating to church history? I have no clue about the answer but I thought "how is this even possible? can we not look at the fruits and know that this is good? can't we see our bishop here preaching kindness and forgiveness and repentance and perfecting ourselves by drawing nearer to christ and KNOW that what he's saying is good? and even if we were somehow blind and deaf to that, can we deny the overwhelming hit-by-a-train feeling of the spirit testifying of goodness?!  even a two year old could figure this out.  maybe especially a two year old could figure this out. I don't need to know every nook and cranny of something to make an assessment of something.  I know what's here and I know it is good.

despite all the vagueness and incompleteness of these notes, I hope it will be enough to serve my memory well.  I just was laying in bed about to fall asleep when I thought to myself how ungrateful I would be to not record my experiences and tender mercies of today.  I have a feeling this one hour block of time I had at church is a simple experience I will remember for many years to come.

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